WHY WE LOVE CHILDREN
1) NUDITY : I was driving with my three young children one warm
summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up
and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I
heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't
wearing a seat belt!"
2) OPINIONS : On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his
teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions
expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."
3) KETCHUP: A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the
jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old
daughter to answer the phone. "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk
to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."
4) MORE NUDITY: A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself
in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into
shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The
little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter,
haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
5) POLICE # 1: While taking a routine vandalism report at an
elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years
old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a
cop?" "Yes," I answered and continued writing the report. "My mother
said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that
right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well, then," she said as
she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"
6) POLICE # 2: It was the end of the day when I parked my police van
in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner,
Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me "Is that a
dog you got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled,
the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he
said, "What'd he do?"
7) ELDERLY: While working for an organization that delivers lunches
to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my
afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various
appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and
wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth
soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of
questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will
never believe this!"
8) DRESS-UP: A little girl was watching her parents dress for a
party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy,
you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that
it always gives you a headache the next morning. "
9) DEATH: While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church,
our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his
collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had
found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed,
they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and
made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was
chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity
intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory
be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he
goooes."
10) SCHOOL: A little girl had just finished her first week of
school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't
read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"
11) BIBLE: A little boy opened the big family bible. He was
fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something
fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What
he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the
pages. "Mama, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you
got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he
answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear."
Global
04:21
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