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THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY 

Good                :  Your wife is pregnant. 
Bad                   :  It's triplets. 
Ugly                  :  You had a vasectomy five years ago.

Good                :  Your wife's not talking to you 
Bad                   :  She wants a divorce. 
Ugly                  :  She's a lawyer.

Good                :  Your son is finally maturing. 
Bad                   :  He's involved with the women next door. 
Ugly                  :  So are you. 

Good                 : Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad                    : You find several porn movies hidden there. 
Ugly                   : You're in them.

Good                :  Your hubby and you agree, no more kids. 
Bad                   :  You can't find your birth control pills.
Ugly                  :  Your daughter borrowed them.  
 
Good                 :  Your husband understands fashion.
Bad                    :  He's a cross-dresser.
Ugly                   :  He looks better than you. 
 
Good                 :  You just gave "the birds and the bees" talk to your daughter.
Bad                    :  She keeps interrupting.
Ugly                   :  With corrections.
 
Good                 :  Your son is dating someone new.
Bad                    :  It's another man. 
Ugly                   :  He's your best friend.
 
Good                  : Your daughter got a new job. 
Bad                    :  As a hooker. 
Ugly                   :  Your co-workers are her best clients.
Way ugly            :  She makes more money than you do.