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27

Mar

2007

THE CASE OF THE EX!

Comment Published at 02:28

02:28

11 comments

118 Visits

118 Visits

I left to go to Launceston on Friday arvo so the kids could spend some time with their dad. Its a 3 hour trip there by the bus. Long and boring and stressfull (you try getting 2 toddlers to sit in a seat for 3 hours lol) but we got there ok.

I was really hoping it was going to be a great weekend as my ex has seperated from his ex whom i never got along with (shes a nasty jealous piece of work who was so insecure she took it out on me and the kids) and will never attempt to get along with again.

SO off I went looking forward to him seeing his kids and me catching up with some friends up there... The second I got off the bus till the time I left Sunday night it was shit.

He spent the whole time crying. I mean full on crying. Not sobbing but obvious! I dont mean occasionally he got a little upset I mean he did it all weekend. He wouldnt play or look at the kids. They were a little confused. On the bus home Jaidan said "daddy hurts". He thinks thats why he was crying cos he has eczema and it hurts him so when he sees someone else crying he thinks its for the same reason lol hes so cute

I pulled the ex aside a few times and said can you pull yourself together, i get that your sad but can you not sit there ignoring the boys and crying. but it made no difference. I know i should be more worried about him and i am but at the same time i was so annoyed that he spent 1 hour max with them over 2 1/2 days! I just wish I hadn't have gone! He should have told me not to if he was that upset. Not that I get it anyways cos his family all hate her and his friends dont like her either...

GRRR and here i was thinking about moving closer to him... highly doubt that will happen now cos he doesn't care about them.

Im worried about him cos hes depressed and he was really upset but because it was over her I just couldnt bring myself to care about it like I would if it was about anything else... Am I a total bitch???

I have just decided I will leave him be and to get over it before he sees the kids again. He barely sees them as it is so I highly doubt they will know any different and he wont care...

WHY COULDNT I PICK A GOOD ONE TO HAVE KIDS WITH!??!?!?!


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Comments

	5.00 (Excellent) \| March 2007 \| blackwidowkate

Good One

i
For the same reason none of the rest of us pick good ones either...they are good in the beginning and then they turn bad

Tell him if he wants to see the kids he can come up to your place rather than you going down there again for him to do the same thing

Tell him sorry you made your bed lie in it
If he has depression then it is not yours or the boys problem no more
That is why you are ex.
He made his own choice he has free will
I'm sorry but i would have spent the weekend laughing at him rather than consoling him...hes a grown man after all not a baby and why should you feel sorry that his life is going down hill
Just how i would be
Luv Deb

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| March 2007 \| nell18-3

Still With You Mel

Having an Ex who can turn his tears on and off to suit
I am not saying your Ex had no reason to be upset but I am saying he had no reason to destroy the confidence of his children by crying for self self self!!!!
I get really angry about this
Its children first everytime, he could have cancelled but he didn't
Sounds like he wanted you to see how upset he was and it wasn't about the boys at all
i know what you mean about
WHY COULDNT I PICK A GOOD ONE TO HAVE KIDS WITH!??!?!?!
You arent saying it for yourself
You are saying it because your boys ( mine too!!!!) deserve a better father
I think you're great

xxx

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| March 2007 \| MadMel

Still With You Mel

Thanks Nell. I really think it was an act for me too. Look how sad i am poor me blah blah
I do feel a little sorry for him but hey its his life and he picked that bitch to be with lol
Anyways we might be going back up today. Hes appoligised and really wants to spend "quality time with the boys"
So we will see...

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| March 2007 \| emmysmum

Hmmmm

hey mel, i agree totally with monaro here, if you picked a good one he wouldn't be an ex!
The ex probably does care about the boys but just in his own twisted little way....and men with depression well, it's a totally different thing altogether.... they tend to handle things completely differently to us women!
I understand where you are coming from but perhaps at a time like this you could have been a little more sympathetic and made it look like you care even if you didn't lol.
I hope the issue resolves itself soon!

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| March 2007 \| monarogirl

Pick a good one

Mel, If you picked a "good one" to have kids with he probably wouldn't be an EX!!!!!

He should have told you to make it for another weekend. Why go all that way to have a miserable time? Ring first next time to see what frame of mind he is in.

At least you got to catch up with some friends.

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| March 2007 \| MadMel

Pick a good one

Thats the thing... I DID RING! The Friday he called me and said come up and he was like that the whole time. I dont get it

I was sympathetic. I listened to him blabber about him. i was just annoyed thats all

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	2.00 (Poor) \| March 2007 \| parttimedadofone

Pick a good one

Being a good listener even to an ex partner can be benafishall to you and the relationship your ex has with your children, maybe he might need to see a doctor to help with the depression, and for what ever reasons that he has become an EX you might find with help "doctor/medication", your relationship may grow and he then could take the role as a full time father. maybe he feels safe in tell you these things, I do agree he should have put his issues aside for time with his children. As for picking the right guy, IT TAKES TWO TO MAKE A RELATIONSHIP WORK AND GROW NOT ONE. not all men are bad.

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| March 2007 \| MadMel

Pick a good one

IT TAKES TWO TO MAKE A RELATIONSHIP WORK AND GROW NOT ONE. not all men are bad.

This i am not understanding. Simply because you dont know me and you dont know what went on in the relationship...
I dont call physical abuse, mental abuse and things of the sort something you can work out. I went through a hell of a lot with him. I put up with his drug abuse, calling me fat and ugly when i was pregnant, kneeing me in the stomach when i was 6 months pregnant and then not remembering cos he was so off his face...
Ya i might have done bad things but i never asked for it to happen and i certainly didnt deserve it.

And I know not all men are bad. 99% of my friends are male and i love them all dearly. They are all great and I have been in a couple of relationships since then with fantastic and caring guys... Besides if all men were bad in my eyes I would be lesbian already...

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	1.00 (Very Poor) \| April 2007 \| parttimedadofone

Pick a good one

You needed to point out why you said what you said, i dont know what went on in your life and probley most of the people on here dont know what went on in your life either and are reading it one sided as well.
I certernly don't condone what he has done as i grew up in that enviroment myself and made a point not to bring any of that into my relationship of which i didn't, my house is still a dry zone even though i live alone, if things were that bad you should have got out early and got help and told him to get help, I was just pointing out there is help out there, becauseat not all us men are bad, " the statement Pick the right one" was a bad statement

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| April 2007 \| OzBinky

Pick a good one

Wellllllll, hello B, how opened the doors and let you in? Do tell, I need to see about getting the fired~!!!~

LMAO

Thing is with Ask Mony, we kinda know most of everyone in here and those we don't, we approach with the attitutde of, 'they're venting so let it be just that and no questions asked or expected'. Its not expected for anyone to elaberate about the why's and if's of their relationship, past or present.

Domestic Violence, as you should know, is not as clear cut as 'get out, get help and NOW'. There is a lot more to consider than just doing that. Its hard enough to split up from a relationship in any circumstances and couples try and keep together for all the wrong reasons every day of their lives, DV relationships face those 'normal breakup isses' as well as the added strain of the Domestic Violence....

As much as you may say that there is help out there, you have to know how to access it, be brave enough to do it and then be able to. That isn't always an oppertunity that can be taken by DV victims....or anyone for that matter.

How long did it take you to 1. admit to issues you have, 2. access the help you have and 3. take the advice from those who tried to explain this to you?

Take care

OB

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| April 2007 \| madmelsBACK

Pick a good one

Thanks Oz. I have to say yes yes yes yes yes!

I dont feel the need to explain myself and my issues in here because the majority of the people that MATTER know what I went through. I did leave a big long blog which i have since removed as my ex cant help but stick his nose WHERE ITS NOT WANTED and read my personal stuff...

I understand that you coming in and not knowing anyone might think that i think all males are bad. I don't think this at all. As I stated in my blog for every male asshole that i meet I know 4 others that are fantastic! Im deffinately not a male hater... I LOVE GUYS! HEHE

So yes thanks for your comments and I kow you were trying to be helpful but yes the Ask Mony group is a place to vent so if your dont have supporting words then your in the wrong group so dont comment at all.

Cheers :)
Mel

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