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Why do we love children?

 

1) NUDITY

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked!  As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

 

2) OPINIONS

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'

 

3) KETCHUP

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar.  During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now.  She's hitting the bottle.'

 

4) MORE NUDITY

 

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room.  When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a littleboy before?'


5) POLICE # 1

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop?  Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police.  Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,'she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'

 

6) POLICE # 2

It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station.   As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there? 'he asked.

'It sure is,' I replied.

Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'


7) ELDERLY

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass.  As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, shemerely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'

8) DRESS-UP

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.'

'And why not, darling?'

'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'

 


9) DEATH

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.  Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.  Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.

The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorousdignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glorybe unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.'

10) SCHOOL

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'

11) BIBLE

A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible.  He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.

'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.

'What have you got there, dear?'

With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's  underwear!'

 

NOW IF THIS DIDN'T BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY, GO BACK TO BED AND FORGET IT.

 

 
 

 


 

 

A 7 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.

"You know what?," says the 7 year old, "I think it's about time we started swearing."

The 4 year old nods his head in approval.

"When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'll swear first, then you swear after me, ok?"
The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what he wants for breakfast.

"Oh, sh*t mum, I guess I'll have some Coco Pops".

WHACK!!

He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out.

She looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do you want for breakfast, young man?"

"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your f***ing life it won't be Coco Pops"

A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets
Full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you
Guessed it) blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at
Him and his bulging pockets. 

Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, 
'It's golf balls'. 

Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him for a
Very long time, deeply thinking about what he had said.
After several minutes, not being able to contain her
Curiosity any longer, she asked: 
 
'Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?'*

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.

The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.

The mother sent the 8 year old in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon. The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, 'Do you know where God is, son?'

The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.

So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, 'Where is God?! Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, 'WHERE is GOD?!'

The boy screamed & bolted from the room, ran directly home & dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked,'What happened?'

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, 'We are in BIG trouble this time!'

'GOD is missing, and they think WE did it!'

Two Irish bank robbers had no trouble getting into their local bank. Hoping to find some safe deposit boxes full of goodies there were amazed to see 30 small deposit boxes in the bank foyer. They managed to work out the combination of one after the other but only "cream pudding" in each one. After eating lots of cream pudding they finally left poor but full and feeling a bit queezy.

The headline in the local newspaper next day screamed out:

LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBERY IN IRISH HISTORY!

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A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. 'What does it look like?' she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has your picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.
'Here it is,' she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, 'Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."

A teenage girl is in her first year on an overseas holiday and is working as a barmaid to make some extra cash. One night a young bloke comes in and orders a beer and asks her if she would sleep with him for $200. She thinks "Okay I need the cash so what's the harm". This happens for another five nights and she decides to ask him who he is (recognising his Australian accent). She says my Name is Nicky and I live in Kogarah (Sydney). He says that's a coincidence because I too live in Kogarah. She says I live at 22 Victoria Street with my parents. He says that's a coincidence I live at 24 Victoria Street, but it's not so much a coincidence as your father gave me $1000 to give to you!

Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone really special to be a Daddy.