Men Raising Boys » Group

Hi all.  Just got the invite the other day and joined the blog yesterday.  As a continuation of Clay's post I wanted to make a new comment.  My son Matthew is very clingy towards momma sometimes as well.  Normally, when I leave on trips and come back, he wants nothing to do with mommy for a few days, then he is back to his normal self. 

However, if he is sick or doesn't feel well, only mommy can comfort him.  Sometimes it can be tough, but little boys have such a strong connection to momma, it is perfectly normal.   Whenever, I feel a little iffy about it, I tell myself he is being a perfectly normal well-adjusted baby.

Our boy just loves his momma so much at the moment.

He is extra clingy and is paranoid that she is about to dissapear.

We think it is a combination of... me flying and being away from home for 2 weeks, in that time my wife and he moved into our new home, and also he has and still is sick.

I am guessing he is going to have the same effect with me when he reaches about age 5 and wants to be whereever daddy is ;)

There have been a number of times my wife has informed me about a mother coming up to her and making a comment about our son, who is 4, carrying one of his dolls.  Usually the comments are grateful, knowing that theirs is not "the only one" and how their husbands do not tolerate it.

Now he loves trains with a passion, physical activities and tinkering with anything mechanical (he loves figuring out gadgets). He has a bright smile and wicked tantrums and is very intelligent. He also has a bigger and younger sister. He likes cruising down our hill on anything with wheels that can go as fast as possible. 

At the same age we noticed his older sister doing role-playing with various dolls, stuffed animals and other objects all being "alive".  This is a developmental step where they can act out various roles, experiment with situation and just get lost in making their own stories.  It is also a great way to find out what is going on in their heads some if you watch them closely.

Some kids may be drawn towards particular objects (like trains) to role-play with.  Others may prefer stuffed animals and of course some prefer human-like dolls. Our son's choice may or may not have been influenced by his older sister.

I don't know if other Dads think that playing with dolls will "make them weak" or "make them feminine" but I don't feel that way.  He's exploring his world and this is one method of many. He is using his imagination. Heck, I think my parents still have the original Star Wars Figures (collected when the original movies came out in the 70s and 80s) my older brothers and I played with while growing up!  Maybe his fascination with dolls allows him to role-play fixing them up, which he may pursue when he gets older as a Doctor? You never know.

My other thinking is that I love my kids and that is unconditional.  If they are into dolls then why try to force them to not be able to enjoy playing with what they want? To do so goes counter to loving them unconditionally.

An important aspect in how the child will feel about this, and themselves, is how both parents and especially the Father reacts. While a Father may see this as taking away a doll, who's to say the child doesn't see that as the Father resenting them?

My "Man Time" this weekend with my little man, Thomas,  was getting things ready for a horse we were taking care of for the week. We had to reset the posts and mow the lawn (this horse is lame so she isn't allowed to eat too much grass).

Saturday I used the push mower to clear the grass under the fence line and Thomas took his toy lawn mower and followed behind me as I went ( a slight distance behind for safety).  He even grabbed an imaginary grass catcher and emptied it when I emptied mine! Such a trooper, he followed me the ENTRE time (and never complained either!). Too bad those toy lawn mowers don't actually WORK!

Then we had to reset the posts that have grown loose enough the horse could conceivably push  down. Together we collected rocks from the yard and some tools. I told Thomas the name of all of the tools so I could ask him to get me one and he would know what I was talking about.

Working on a fence and Thomas had to go get his sandals When Thomas came back he immediately grabbed the safety goggles and brought them over to me like "you're supposed to be wearing these!". Dutifully I put them on (and he put his on).  You've gotta do what you want them to do and I want him to be safe, not macho and foolish. He definately kept me honest this weekend.

On Sunday, when he saw I was working on some more fence posts he left the babysitter (he adores her) and came running across the field to help! The excitement and anticipation on his face was priceless! It didn't matter than he only lasted through 2 or 3 fence posts before going back.

What "Man time" stories do YOU have?!