Raising High Need Kids

My spirited child is now 4 years old and 3 months old. There are still a lot of power struggles, especially if he hasn't had enough sleep. (How is it that a child can refuse to sleep and yet need a lot of it in order to be functioning at 100%?) He has been a lot of changes lately, with us having to move to my MIL's when hubby lost his job. Then either my hubby or I are gone for a couple of days once a week. And then he had to leave his preschool of 2 years to go to a new one, and then after a couple of months go to another preschool. He is handling everything so well, minus the sleeping part of course.  He fit in his new school perfectly well without any trouble. He is immediately chatty with his teachers telling them anything and everything that is happening at home. And it seems he has become the responsible child in the class - reminding everyone of the rules and reminding everyone of safety. They had a walk around the perimeter of the school once and he took it upon himself to remind everyone to stay at the side and to stop walking and get off the road when he hears a car and to look both ways before crossing.

Who would have thought he would be such a trooper in the face of all these changes.  And it just so happened that in the last week it seems we've hit an equilibrium with his sleep. He still needs a nap (of course he refuses) but we've moved his nap 1 to 1 1/2 hr later and his bed time later. He hasn't given us any trouble and he seems to be happy!

My HN son is now actually 3 years and 8 months old. Since before he turned 3, I noticed that he's great at directions. He's been going to the same preschool since he was 2, so understandably, he'll know how to go to school and how to go home. But he's been doing this since about slightly after 2 1/2 years old. He would tell me where to turn and if I turn the opposite direction (to go somewhere else for errands, gas, etc), he gets upset.

Then in November of last year, we went to a mall we don't normally go to. We had a Christmas portrait done as a family. When we got there, we saw Santa. Two days later, when I took him with me to pick up the pictures he grabbed my hand and said, "I want to go there to see Santa!". Here I am thinking, wow! I've been to this mall several times and I still get turned around!

A few weeks ago, we went to Target. Again, this is not a place we usually go to...and the silly woman that I am, I couldn't find the front of the store in order to check out! I asked my son if he could help me,  and he did. When he saw the cashiers, he said, "Mommy, you found it all by yourself. Great job, mom!"  lol

Perhaps this doesn't speak to my son's spatial ability, but instead of my lack of it. lol

High-need babies grow up to be intense little people.  I constantly find myself butting heads with my HN son who is now 3 1/2 years old.

I found a great book that is changing my way of thinking,  and it has been great so far (and I'm not even done reading it!). So I want to recommend it to everyone

Easy to Love, Diffucult to Discipline, The 7 Basic Skills for Turning Conflick into Cooperation by Becky A. Bailey, Ph.D.

The first 10 pages made such an impact on me, I blogged about it here

has anyone had trouble toilet training their high needs toddlers??  We attempted it this week and it started out great, we had a party every time he did a little wee or poo in the potty but it has deterioated day by day.  He used to do a wee in the bath every single night with out fail and he thought this was hilarious but since weeing in the potty he freaks out if he wees in the bath.  Last night he pitched a fit like nothing else and had to get out of the bath.  This morning he wouldnt go anywhere near the potty.  Its like he understands what wee and poo is now and he;s disgusted by it.  He also freaked out at the last poo he did in there.  Almost as if it scared him that something was falling out of his body.???

Anyone had similar experiences?

We all know how much work it is to deal with a HN child. I'm wondering, how do your husband's do?

My husband is very involved in raising our kids, we take turns with baths, feeding, etc, especially now that we have 3. Whoever isn't busy deals with whatever comes up. We discuss what works for our son and what doesn't. But sometimes, he forgets. For instance, he forgets that if he is to say 'no' to our son, that it is vitally important to go into a 5 minute monologue about why - in order to avoid a tantrum.

Is your husband as in tuned to your HN child as you are?

hello all - i'm new to minti and to the group.  i have a four year old son who has just been evaluated.  we're looking at ADHD, Oppositional Difiance Disorder (?) and possibly borderline OCD as well.  I've been learning everything i can (nightstand full of books, constant online research, etc) and i have a question for those of you with alot more experience with high needs children.  I get all the structure - the rewards & consequences, the importance of routine & consistency, etc.  My question is, with all these guidelines, how do you manage to work in the fun?  i can live with the fact that raising Sam will not be exactly the experience i had anticipated, but i can't live with the idea that HIS childhood will be devoid of magic, sponteneity, etc....any advice?

My HN son just turned 3 last month and for the past few weeks he has been refusing to nap (though he naps at school). I was told that by other moms of HN children their kids stopped napping earlier than 3 years old. Has your HN child stopped napping? Don't they get cranky?

My son usually naps from 1-3pm. So by 12, he's already sleepy but just refuses to nap. We've made him have a quiet time, but it didn't work. So by 4pm  he is absolutely cranky. He cries at the littlest things. It makes it a living hell here in the afternoon. I can see that when I talk to him, he just doesn't process the information.

On Sunday, we were successful in making him nap, even if he did just nap for an hour. And boy, the difference was amazing! He was a little angel! We had disagreements that day, but it didn't result in a tantrum at all.

Is your HN kid like this?

I guess with all children their needs are different and you need to learn how to handle things in a way that will help them.  With my son it is even more so.  You can see from my response to Izzy below that sometimes the simplest thing becomes a drama.  For R we still have issues with bed and we have to be very sensitive to his needs and find ways constantly of making things helpful for him - sometimes it drives us nuts!  Fortunately he is at an age where he can identify what is worrying him and we can work on it. 

On that note, I just thought I'd share our experience this morning.  I have learnt that R does not deal with change or transition.  Everything has to be worked through before it happens - sometimes that is with lots of talking, sometimes he accepts quickly and sometimes we have to talk about something for days.  Every day when we go somewhere I have to warn him when he gets up what we are doing and give him time to adjust.  If something out of the ordinary happens he gets quite disturbed and refuses to participate - eg school photos. 

Today he went back to preschool - he has been for a year now and loves it.  He has talked about his friends all holidays.  So I warned him they have gone to school and he will have to make new friends.  OK - not happy but accepting.  We get to school this morning - ready to just drop and go - and discover that they have changed his locker.  Melt down!  It took me ten minutes to convince him to go out and play - once there he was fine and made new friends.  But it just shows how something you don't even think will matter can be huge for him!  So I am always learning and trying to be patient.

His teachers were good - I pointed it out to them and they responded that they had noticed that in him before and that it is good in a secure and gentle environment to learn ways of dealing with these things before he starts school next year.  I thought that was good as they were tied up with teary children having their first day.  So, we move on and tag that experience up to learning about his needs and how  to help him....

HN kids are notoriously bad sleepers and for one reason or another wakes up several times a day. Here's my question.. for you with older ones, are they now sleeping any better, as in sleeping through the night?

My almost 3 year old still wakes up about 2-3x a night and being that he is now in his own room, I have to go to him and I end up sleeping on the floor in his room. When he was co-sleeping with us, he just goes back to sleep.

Any of your kids this age still wake up a few times a night? What do you do?

Hi, thank you for inviting me to this club. I feel that I am not alone to my child. Ever since my daughter's birth, she always seeks attention. When I was breastfeeding her, she clinged on me like a monkey. After weaning, she is just a Daddy girl. I have noticed that she always quite dramatic, she often has her highs - laughing, playing with us and then all of a sudden, whinning, refuse to compromise. I know that can be 'normal'.

In the past week or two, she suddenly turns into this evil spirit that crys all the time and whine for every little things. We figured she was tired but she wouldn't lay down to sleep. We talked to her daycare teacher, they didn't notice any difference. I was out of my wit what to do with her. We tried time-out, gave her choices, and even bribery. Of course, none of them mattered. She has to have certain order to do things, if we skip a few step like we need to hurry out to the door, she just balls into tears and wouldn't comply at all. Or something is out of place, she wouldn't do anything else until things are in her particular order. Both my husband and I are so frustrated since it has been that way for the last ten days in a row. My hubby actually has a nickname for her now, Binladin, when she is misbahaving.