It has been a looooong summer. I have a fifteen year old boy, and he is killing me. And it has been a slow and painful death. Arrrgh! Seriously though, I've talked to a few people who reassure me that fifteen year olds they know aren't much different from mine, but I wish I could find out a better way to deal with this!! We've fallen into a really bad cycle of bad behavior on his part that result in repercussions he resents which then lead to more bad behavior and attitude and I find it very difficult to play the role of the mature adult at times! It's awful! Has anyone had to break a bad cycle like this before? It's so hard to explain, although I'm sure other parents of teens have some idea of what I'm talking about. Okay, here's an example:

If I tell him he needs to do some household chore (pick up his room, mow the lawn, take out garbage etc) he doesn't do it. I don't want to nag, but if I don't mention it again, it will NOT get done! I will ask him to do something at noon and it's still not done at 9 o'clock at night, but of course his response if I tell him to do it NOW, is "I was going to do it! Geez!" as if I HAVE been nagging him all day. Do I just ignore the attitude and tell him to do these things anyway? What's the solution to dealing with attitude? I tried ignoring a lot of it, but then I end up exploding at some later point because he finally pushes me over the edge. I'm having real trouble finding a way of dealing with him that sees him being something more than a big slug around the house all the time, but that doesn't have me mad at myself all the time for acting immature.

Sigh.

I am so glad school starts in a little over a week! I think he might be too.

I feel a little better just getting it out, and will resolve to try and be the adult in all situations no matter how much he tries to get me to do otherwise.

Hello all ,I have a son who is 16 next month and has asked to go to a birthday party for one of his mates.He has told me there will be alcohal there,something in which I dont agree with as the boy is 16 also.I have never met his friend and have told my son on many occasions that he can have friends over.My mother suggested we send our boy with a cpl of lite beers as this is what my husband drinks and could probably have 3 before it effects his as he is quite a big boy,would rather he drank lite beer then spirits.well actually would rather he drank no alcohal but he is probably going to anyway.I really dont want him going to the party either,but I am told by my mother I dont let him do enough.What should we do. Boy i wish he was 2 again would rather the terrible 2's then the horrible 16's Thanks

                                                          Cham

I admit my 14 year old is honestly at the moment delightful in general

But I can see it there chipping away under the surface

ATTITUDE !!!!!

Every so often you find yourself walking away from him after pointing something out and you hear him mumbling uncomplimentary things about you under your breath !!!!

Or when you ask a question, the answer is something like "Duh, because I want to !!!!" In that sarcastic, grumpy voice they love to use.

When you accuse them of having an attitiude, its like lighting a touch paper, its not them with the attitude at all, its you picking on them LOL

My son and I use the time out method, he goes off on his own and sooner or later I get an apology, he is that lovely he can't stand ill feeling.

Every morning whilst he is having breakfast we have the same conversation

"Thomas, guess what ????"

"You love me"

"How did you know I was going to say that?"

"Because you are always saying it !!!....................Mum, guess what?????"

"You love me too"

"How did you know I was going to say that?"

"Because you are always saying it !!!"

He also never leaves for school without giving me a kiss on the cheek and a hug

Can  you think of a better way of starting the day with your teen ??????????

Hi, I'd love to hear from anyone who has teenage kids. Our son is 13 now, and it's different parenting him now, compared to when he was two or three years younger.  It seems like three years ago he was a kid in year 5...now he's a teen in year 8!  It's great though; they're so more maturer, i.e. the way the think and the things they can now understand.  Anyone know what I mean?

The story of the police man and his son is sad. Unfortunatly, my family learnt 2 years ago, that for families of teens, no where is safe.

I used to believe that if i had my children were safe under my roof i could sleep soundlessly. That if they were in their rooms, all was well - and i had no need to worry. Until my sister awoke one morning to find her 15 yr old daughter hanging from a beam. Apart from the obvious - it has shattered all my preconceived notions of safety. Even 'safe' in their rooms at night, we need to be vigilant - for every nuance, slip of the tongue, 'joking' suggestion.

I have reverted to looking in on my children as they sleep, its as if once again, i am fearful of the sids...

Hi I have a soon to be 16 yr old son and a 13 yr old daughter whos is 14 this yr.It is a scary world we live in now so different to when I was a teenager.Thought I would put this in here too.I received it in an e-mail from a friend.  
   
Take Care
PLEASE read this Australian Police Officer's story carefully. You can also verify the story at http://www.snopes.com/toxins/dustoff.asp Dust Off (or a variant of the product) is available everywhere there's a computer . First I'm going to tell you a little about me and my family. My name is Jeff.  I am a Police Officer for a city which is known nationwide for its crime rate (Brisbane). We have a lot of gangs and drugs. At one point we were # 2 in the nation in homicides per capita. I also have a police K-9 named Thor.  He was certified in drugs and general duty. He retired at 3 years old because he was shot in the line of duty. He lives with us now and I still train with him because he likes it. I always liked the fact that there was no way to bring drugs into my house. Thor wouldn't allow it. He would tell on you. The reason I say this is so you understand that I know about drugs. I have taught in schools about drugs. My wife asks all our kids at least once a week if they used any drugs. Makes them promise they wont. I like building computers occasionally and started building a new one in February 2005. I also was working on some of my older computers. They were full of dust so on one of my trips to the computer store I bought a 3 pack of DUST OFF. Dust Off is a can of compressed air to blow dust off a computer. A few weeks later when I went to use one of them they were all used. I talked to my kids and my two sons both said they had used them on their computer and messing around with them. I yelled at them for wasting the 10 dollars I paid for them. On February 28 I went back to the computer store. They didn't have the 3 pack which I had bought on sale so I bought a single jumbo can of Dust Off. I went home and set it down beside my computer. On March 1st, I left for work at 10 PM. Just before midnight my wife went down and kissed Kyle goodnight. At 5:30 am the next morning Kathy went downstairs to wake Kyle up for school, before she left for work. He waspropped up in bed with his legs crossed and his head leaning over. She called to him a few times to get up. He didn't move. He would sometimes tease her like this and pretend he fell back asleep. He was never easy togged up. She went in and shook his arm. He fell over. He was pale white and  had the straw from the Dust Off can coming out of his mouth. He had the new can of Dust Off in his hands. Kyle was dead. I am a police officer and I had never heard of this. My wife is a nurse and she had never heard of this. We later found out from the coroner, after the autopsy, that only the propellant from the can of Dust off was in his system. No other drugs. Kyle had died between midnight and 1 AM I found out that using Dust Off is being done mostly by kids ages 9 through >15. They even have a name for it. It's called dusting. A take off  from the Dust Off name It gives them a slight high for about 10 seconds.  It makes them dizzy. A boy who lives down the street from us showed Kyle how to do thisabout a month before. Kyle showed his best friend. Told him  it was cool and it couldn't hurt you. Its just compressed air. His best friend said no. Kyle was wrong. It's not just compressed air. It also contains a propellant called R2. Its a refrigerant like what is used in your refrigerator. It is a heavy gas. Heavier than air. When you  inhale it, it fills your lungs and keeps the good air, with oxygen, out. That's why you feel dizzy, buzzed. It decreases the oxygen to your brain, to your heart. Kyle was right. It can't hurt you. IT KILLS YOU. The horrible part about this is there is no warning. There is no level that kills you. It's not cumulative or an overdose; it can just go randomly, terribly wrong. Roll the dice and if your number comes up you die. IT'S NOT  AN OVERDOSE. It's Russian Roulette. You don't die later. Or not feel good and say I've had too much. You usually die as you're breathing it in. If  not, you die within 2 seconds of finishing 'the hit.' That's why the straw  was still in Kyle's mouth when he died. Why his eyes were still open. The experts want to call this huffing. The kids don't believe it's huffing. As adults we tend to lump many things together. But it doesn't fit here. And that's why it's more accepted. There is no chemical reaction, no strong odour.  It doesn't follow the huffing signals. Kyle complained a few days  before he died of his tongue hurting. It probably did. The propellant  causes frostbite. If I had only known. It's easy to say hey, it's my life and I'll do what I want. But it isn't. Others are always effected. This has forever changed our family's life. I  have a hole in my heart and soul that can never be fixed. The pain is so immense I can't describe it. There's nowhere to run from it. I cry all the time and I don't ever cry. I do what I'm supposed to do but I don't really care. My kids are messed up. One won't talk about it. The other will only sleep in our room at night. And my wife, I can't even describe how bad she is taking this. I thought we were safe because of Thor. I thought we were safe because we knew about drugs and talked to our kids about them. After Kyle died another story came out. A Probation Officer went to the school system next to ours to speak with a student. While there he found a student using Dust Off in the bathroom. This student told him about another student who also had some in his locker. This is a rather affluent school  system. They will tell you they don't have a drug problem there.So rather than tell everyone about this 'new' way of getting high they found, they hid it. The  probation officer told the media after Kyle's death and they, the school, then admitted to it. I know that if they would have told the media and I had heard, it wouldn't have been in my house. We need to get this out of our homes and school computer labs. Using Dust Off isn't new and some 'professionals' do know about. It just isn't talked about much, except by the kids. They all seem to know bout it. April 2nd was 1 month since Kyle died. April 5th would have been his 15th birthday. And every weekday I catch myself sitting on the living room couch at 2:30 in the afternoon and waiting to see him get off the bus. I know Kyle is in heaven but I can't help but wonder If I have died and gone to Hell. The Officer is asking for everyone who receives this email to forward it to everyone in their address book, even Law Enforcement Officers. Geoff ROBINS Constable Crime Prevention Unit Queensland Police Service Level 2, BP House 193 North Quay, Brisbane GPO Box 1440, Brisbane, QLD 4000 Ph: 07 3234 2111 Fax: 07 3234 2100 mailto:robins.geoffreyk@police.qld.gov.au    

                                                     Cham

 

There must be parents of teens out there - even if you are looking to simply vent. I find this time is harder than having bubs. There is very little support out there, the focus is all on younger children.

Sound familiar anyone????

 

We are all trying to survive the teenage years at my house.

I am not giving up on this group as I hope to start it up again so please reply!

Lets try to help each other! ok?

I wanted to join this group because I am a mother of 2 teens and we all are entering this new era in our lives in our family. but I see there has been nothing added here in over 2 or more months.

IS ANYONE THERE?

Sex Positive Parenting

Thought I'd let you all know that things have improved with my daughter, though we do have our moments! I spoke to her school counsellor who in turn spoke to her. I thought it would help both of us to have a chat to her. A friend also recommended books by Michael Carr Gregg, a psychologist who has done a lot to help kids. Have a look at his website - www.michaelcarr-gregg.com.au . I borrowed one of his books from the library and a friend bought one for me - The Princess Bitchface Syndrome (gotta love the name, lol). The books are very interesting and have given me some great ways of dealing with a teenager - I highly recommend them!

 

I just need to vent. I'm stressed, I'm feeling down, I've just had it. My eldest, Jess, is turning 13 this weekend. I've been copping the teen-type crap for the last couple of years as she developed early. Last Thrusday evening we got into an arguement (not the first & I'm sure not the last). I told her I had had enough of her attitude, her disrespect, her nastiness to her siblings, & not doing what she's asked. I said I couldn't take it anymore and just didn't know what to do.

The following day I talked to her and copped more attitude. But she did behave a bit better over the weekend. The day before yesterday I discovered cut marks on the inside of her forearm. After trying a bullshit story with me, I finally got the truth out of her. She did it with a safety-pin after our argument because she thought I didn't love or want her! I've told her time and time again that I always love her! I told her that we are very likely to have plenty more arguements over the coming years but I will never, ever stop loving her and will always want her.

She seems fine now. I'm not so great. I didn't sleep much over the last couple of nights. I'm worried about her, I'm worried about what is to come, and I just feel so alone right now. I have my kids (3 of them) on my own, my mum passed away years ago, my dad lives far away, most of my friends live far away .... all I want to do is cry. Cry for me, cry for Jess, cry for whatever. I feel lost.

Has anyone any ideas for motivating a depressed, out of work, negative 18 year old? He has run out of money and is back home but is amazed that the world is not beating a path to his door. He doesn't want to be told 'what to do' to get a job and every suggestion you make is met with a list of reasons as to why he can't or won't take your advice. His favourite is, "If you pressure me its even less likely that I'll do it".
 So do I just leave him alone to hit rock bottom???????
He is making everyone around him miserable too!
I have thought of paying him to do things around the house but actually can't afford it at the moment.

PLEASE PARENTS can you fill in this survey?

Hi, My name is Beeni and I am currently doing my HSC. As required in the Community and Family Studies course, I am required to complete the Independent Research Project (IRP). It would help me greatly if ANY PARENTS WITH TEENAGERS AGED 13 - 18 to FILL IN MY SURVEY. My topic is "How well do parents really know their adolescents?". I had trouble and time constraints due to other subjects and it is difficult to go out and find participants. Please just copy and paste the following questions with your added answers. Thank you.

GENERAL

Your gender:   □ Male     □ Female

Age of your adolescent: 

13         14         15         16         17           18

PERSONALITY/SELF

Which of the following are closest in describing your teen:

Extrovert or Introvert?

Aggressive, Assertive or Submissive?

Predictable or Unpredictable?

Mature or Immature?

Independent or Dependent?

More Angelic or Devious?

What do you consider is your teen’s greatest strengths and weaknesses? 

What is your teen’s attitude towards his/her body? (please choose one)

□ Loves his/her body

□ Happy with his/her body

□ Wants changes to his/her body

□ Hates his/her body

LIFE

What is your teen currently putting most of his/her energy into?

What personal issues is your teen trying to resolve?

Who has the most daily influence on your teen’s thoughts and behaviours?

Who would your teen confide in if there was a serious issue?

SOCIAL LIFE

What are the names of your teen’s 3 closest friends?

Who does your teen consider to be his/her biggest enemy?

Is or has your teen been involved in a relationship?

□ Yes     □ No

ENTERTAINMENT

What is your teen’s favourite hobby or pastime?

What is your teen’s favourite television shows?

ALCOHOL/DRUGS/SEX

How often does your teen consume alcoholic beverages?

□ Never

□ Social Drinker

□ Often drinks

Has your teen ever smoked a cigarette?   

□ Yes     □ No

Has your teen ever tried any illicit drugs like marijuana?

□ Yes     □ No

Has your teen been involved in sexual activity?

□ Yes     □ No

Has your teen ever watch an X-rated video/film?

□ Yes     □ No

Purchased contraceptives?

□ Yes     □ No

EXPENDITURE

What does your teen spend most of his/her money on?

□ Food and snacks   

□ Clothes

□ Entertainment/Movies   

□ Other: _________________________________

EDUCATION

Does your teen still attend school?

□ Yes     □ No

How does or did your teen perform at school?

□ Very well

□ Average

□ Poor 

What does/did your teen want to do once he/she completes/completed school?

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR CONTRIBUTION!

I have been 'coping' for 12 months now and I am in meltdown mode. My two stepsons (18/20) have been either kicked out or have left and the house is like an empty shell. Father wants to pretend nothing has happened and has gone away for 6 weeks on work stuff and I am left alone with my  daughter and myself and a huge empty house. I am            relieved, guilty and angry all at once. I am starting to hyperventllate at unrelated issues...............help.

Hi, l am a 31 year old mother of 4 boys aged 13, 11, 8 and 3 years old. Justin is my teen and he will be 14 years old on thursday - already, time sure does fly! l am now going through the mood swings with him and the so called back chat espically when he does not get his own way. But l have my ways around him, they work too! l am studying to become a couseller for teenagers. l live in Melbourne.

Hi I am a mother of six their age's are 14-13-11-9-3-2. The three eldest are girl's and my youngest. I can handle the little one's but the two eldest are driving me nut's they bitch and they bitch and it never stop's. I have to hide my cigarette's as I know they are stealing them from me. I caught them sneaking out after midnight the other night. I don't know what to do anymore, I am a single mum so that  makes it harder.