8 to 12 Yrs

I have a 12 year old son whom I love to bits, but he is challenging me to the uppermost limits of my being. Yes, I know this is the age for expert button pushing by said sir 12 year old, but my patience is wearing thin.... Every night we have a cut off time of bed at 9.30pm. I have talked to other parents, and they have a similar time. That is fine, but the real problem is how he challenges everything we say. He appears to have little respect for discipline. He talks as if he has the "right" to watch what he wants, stay up however long he wants, then when reluctantly sent to bed, constantly calls out to me to "just tell me something". Like, "How come I have to go to bed when you and Dad can stay up to whenever you want?", or " Why does Dad tell me off for every little thing I do?" or " It's not fair, I'm not tired, I can't sleep, I will just kick the walls " or "What is about my 'attitude' that is wrong?"....You get the picture.

He tries to stretch out the conversations to buy time. He keeps calling out, "crying" in frustration. (just whimpering noises that have nothing in it) I go to him, and he is thrashing about on the bed, going on about anything and everything. I say "Please settle down, we can talk about this in the morning, as I am trying to get your little baby brother to bed". Looking at the clock, it's heading toward 10pm and so on...I listen to what he has to say, don't get me wrong, and I mean really listen, but I can't always solve what it is he wants, as it is about a previous discussion, or about something he was told to do, something that had no negotiation. Maybe we are partly to blame for allowing him certain liberties when he was younger, and yes, there are more stricter restrictions in place now than back 2 or 3 years ago.  But school is getting more pressured etc, and the last 2 years have resulted in his effort to do homework etc not being so pleasing at times to say the least. He is heading into High School next year. But we have been pushing for early bed times for quite a while now, so it's not like it's just changed.

But credit where credit's due, he is a wonderful kid on the whole, but his attitude when challenged with discipline is really affecting my stress levels. Not to mention what it does to my hubby's and my relationship at times. I am not saying we are the perfect parents, God only knows we make mistakes, but we are willing to apologise for them, take responsibility for our actions. Our son seems to think it's ok to be the king of his world, that can do and say what he pleases. And we have no right to challenge him, because he has an answer for EVERYTHING.  I feel myself just wanting to close his door, yell "ENOUGH!", or simply ignore him, and this gets his wilder, but I just dont want to discuss anything when it is heading toward 10pm, and I am so tired.

Does anyone relate to this? Am I an alien life form? Please, please, any little bit of advice, support, story, I dont care what, I feel like I am losing it.

Far out, that was a good vent eh? Can you see what I mean?

Thanks guys.

Cindy.

 

my daughter recently turned 10 and i know some of her friends may be ahead of there time but the majority of friends aren't even close to understanding the whole boy/girl relationship thing. I was curious to find out what other parents think is the right age to discuss this important issue. My daughter still finds boys "yucky" no interest but i'm sure that will change in the next few years.When and how do you feel you should approach this issue?

I have an 11 yr old girl who for some odd reason has a fear of going pee. She hates using washrooms, It is definetly worse in public. She will dance around, sit, dance, pull her pants really high, anything but go to the washroom. It seems to be getting progressively worse as she gets older. Even at home she won't go until she can't hold it off any longer. What do I do about this. I am so scared she is gonna do damage to her bladder.

I have noticed as our kids get older, we become more spectators than participants. Take these forums for example. The mums and dads are yearning for clues and advice on their little bubs, and many not only view the entries, but make comment on them in support and practical advice.

But not so much with these older kids forums. It's great that people can go in and maybe think, "yeah, that happens to me" etc, but then leave no comment, so us as parents of older kids feel like either we have thrashed this topic to death and noone is really wanting to comment anymore, or those parents, like us, maybe so caught up in life and trips to sport, school and social related stuff, that their time cannot be freely spread. This is only my view, and there may be many that have a different opinion, and that's cool.

But this site is so huge (and getting bigger by the minute), that yes, it may be a rehashed topic, but it is happening to us now, and we might not neccessarily comb the site looking for an answer to our question, or advice/support to what is happening in our house today.

Sorry to sound like I am going on, but I guess it is just an observation, in saying that, don't feel you HAVE to reply to this, I understand if you don't, but just keep in mind that we are chomping at the bit for a smidgen of insight from any of you out there, that is why we post stuff here.

Be a participant, not just a spectator, as this is what keeps people motivated to place entries, otherwise they may feel like there's no point.

Love and respect.

I have an 11 year old boy ( almost 12 yo) who is suffering from the never ending "I'm bored" syndrome.

He was online the other day playing an online adventure game, and these games can go on for hours, quite addictive from what he says. It is easy for the time to get away. Anyway, the rest of the family had popped down the shops, and on our return, my husband asked him to get off of the game, as he needed to use the computer. This was reasonable, as he had been on it for several hours that day. It was a case of "in a minute". My husband then took him off the game (as he always drags on) and this was met with a real "attitude". He then copped a one day ban as a result. He got worse, thrashing his legs about, thumping the couch, whining. The ban was extended to the weekend, with the option of having it lifted if he did chores etc to compensate. He didn't want to, and started answering back disrespectfully. The ban then became a week.

Now all I get is his yelling, whining, constant lectures about his boredom, and general crabby behaviour. I feel frustrated and on edge. I am so tired of it. He tries on tears, and emotional blackmail, anything to push my buttons. He stands near the doorway of where the baby sleeps, and yells and whines. I get edgy, as I worry it will wake the baby. I know I will get waves of this continuously until the ban is lifted. What makes it worse is that his sister plays the very game he is banned from. He is not banned from TV, PS2, or DVD's, but  he just wants to play this game as it is the only thing he seems interested in at the moment for entertainment. He says it's because he is bored that he doesn't have a brother.

Sometimes I feel like taking my bub, and taking off to my Mother's for a few days.

Am I being realistic with all this? Does the punishment fit the crime? Is this normal behaviour???

Help!

Cindy 

My eldest daughter is 11, she has lived with me for almost 2 years now (its been wonderful). She had major issues with her mum at the time and chose to live with me. Her mum tells me my daughter wants to move back with her, they want a chance to "work things out". My daughter is also reaching / reached the young woman stages which is another factor in her decsion (i have spoken to my daughter and it seems to be her decsion). Does this sound reasonable?? I really dont want to "give up" my daughter but i do need to respect how she feels, dont i?? I can fight this and she is in my custody, but i dont think thats what i want to do. Should i let her try this and just be ready to pick up pieces if it does not work? Im really quite scared as she has settled so well here with me, school, friends, everything. My daughter is with her mum and 2 sisters at the moment for holidays.

help..............

I have a son aged almost 12 and a daughter 10 years old. Whilst I am sure there is love in there somewhere, they fight like 2 snarling cats about to prance on a mouse. One minute it's fun and games, the next it's a competition as to who can inflict the emotional wounds on each other. It's akin to a battelfield at times. Meanwhile, I feel myself either trying to split them up and trying to get each to respect each others space etc, or I feel so tired, I just want to go outside and cry! I also have a 4 month old, and this adds to my fun, as I try to change hats to Nice Mummy with a smile, to Serious Mummy that has to discipline. And I just LOVE the school holidays!!

It's not all bad, we try to keep busy, but we have a smallish house, and at times it's claustriphobic, and adds to the "on your face" atmosphere.

I feel my patience is wearing thin, as previous to my latest son's birth, I was working full time, and the kids went into vacation care etc.  My husband works full time, and I often feel like I am burning the candle at both ends.

arrggghhhh!!! Time for a cup of tea I think.

Anyone else feeling my pain?

 

my daughter is 11 and has recently talked to me about a "boyfriend" that would like to take her to a movie. I naturally freaked out a bit (internally). I am aware of some of her friends going on little dates and feel it may be peer pressure as she has never shown any interest in boys. Is this the start of something bigger??Do kids (boys and girls) go out together at this age??Im also unsure of how much her mum has discussed with her re her physical development, how should i approach the topic of what to be aware of with boys eg. kissing etc. Any help appreciated.

thanks

Brett

What should i talk to my child about puberty?

has anyone got advice for me?

my son is 9 and loves food, he is slightly overweight and i'm worried that he will become obeses, myself and my parnter are not overweight and we lead a healthly life style, and get our son involved, my son can eat more than me in a day and he is always hungry. We try to get him to exercise, which he does most of the time, trampalining, bike rides etc, i don't want him to have to be on a diet all his life and unhappy.