Hello...
Where to start...
I'll keep it short if i can. :)
My wonderful hubby and i got married Nov 2006. He has 2 kids that I get along well with. A 9-year-old girl & a 13-year-old boy.
We are both 34. He is in the Army National Guard and has been to Iraq. There is of course, with the way our world is, always the thought of him going back.
SO...
I have not had any of my own children and i'm not getting any younger. He is fixed. Financially getting him unfixed is about $7000 with what I have looked into. We don't have the money...but i'm not 22 anymore. We did look into IVF too...not as good of a success rate and 10,000 each time you try.
We did go back to the urologist that did his vasectomy...for a consult. He said it was possible to reverse and that he has has successes...but you never know.
consults are hard...fertility places that do IVF type procedures of course want you to do IVF. Docs that do the vas & reverse want you to do it that way. Doctors are more "business" people...it's more about them getting your money I think than what the real better option is. But, really, I guess there isn't any REAL way for them to tell you what is best...
Before we got married he did say that he would be willing to get unfixed and have a baby with me. But, after we got married, and now with the possibility of more men having to return to war...he is afraid to get unfixed because he did have off and on pain after the vasectomy and he doens't want to put himself in harms way in possible pain. I can undestand that, and I am sympathetic toward it...but, I also think about how we may possibly have limited time...
This is currently a big sore spot in our new marriage.
whenever we have the kids (50% joint custody) I think about how I want one of my own and "mothering" his becomes harder...
The discussion was basically left in the air. He didn't say he would, didn't say he wouldn't, but doesn't seem like he wants to and doens't bring it up unless I do.
I feel cheated and lied to. I feel resentful. I feel like if I would have married a man without kids he would have the same need to be a daddy and be more willing to do more. I feel like since he already has kids and gets to be a dad no matter what happens for me that it isn't as important to him. I feel like it's ok for me to have to take on responisibilites and needs and wants toward his children but then he doesn't have to put an effort forth for my needs. You know what's "funny"...We just had the discussion AGAIN 2 days ago...I can tell that he wonders why i'm not attached to his hip (these past couple days) so to speak as I usually am. Shouldn't he know???? I mean, i'm not one of those women that make my man guess, I talk, but, geez, come on!
I don't know if anyone has any advice...I don't know what to say or what to do from here. All I know is I don't feel like being anywhere near him.
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