Hi all,

I'm new to this group but am so happy to see Christians getting involved in the everpresent world of Cyberspace and supporting each other to boot!

I have been a christian since my mid teens (now in early 40's) and have had many positive uplifting relationships/friends along the way. One comes to mind as it has just recently come to a crossroad, let me explain - i have a christian pal who i have been friends with for over a decade, and although she has lots a great qualities,she has a argumentative,controling, childish side that has raised it's ugly head yet again and i'm at my wits end. I won't go into detail about the conflict but it was a reasonably small disagreement in my view and i openly apologised for my part in the conflict but she refuses to apologise to this day(conflict started 2 months ago). She refuses to apologise for being deceptive and then accused me of calling her a 'big fat liar' (which i never would, i did call her irresponsible though).

For 2 months she has refused to speak to me or acknowledge my existence, she will happily speak at length to my husband and children, but not me. I'm sorry but i find this kind of behaviour very childish considering she was the one to start the conflict in the first place.

I have recently left her a sms saying that her friendship means a lot to me and i will be waiting when she's ready to talk, but as time goes on i'm feeling less and less inclined to want to rekindle the friendship, i'm so tired of her games and abuse!

What should i do?

traceywestaway

 

if you see my latest blog, im not in a very good way, im angry, and bitter, and i really am about to burst. I want nothing more to tell my whole family what these people are really like but it wilol be me that looses my family,i need prayer for peace, forgiveness for being so nasty and thinking i hate her, i dont i just dont like her. I need prayer i can be civil, and more than anything, i need prayer that we can move island ASAP we find the funds, and the job. Thanks, i rteally appreciate it.

www.onlinechristianparents.com

Could someone please try to explain to me, why as Christians, are we so afraid to stand up for and say what we believe in?  I have just tried to answer a question in the general forum about batisms and Christianity and it strikes me that the rest of the world thinks that being a christian is to accept every one and everything, regardless.  Batisms are simply social events that require a lot of planning and social etiquette.  The point has long been lost.  Is it because we have no backbone and dilute our faith down to suite the rest of the world because we are too scared to be seen as different?  Muslims stick to what they believe in and have no problem telling others what they believe in.  Maybe there is a lesson in there for us.  God bless.

Please pray for me at the moment and I will request my prayer needs!!!!!!!!
Had coffee today with a friend who is loyal to me, her parents go to the same church as "The Ex"
Anyway turns out that HE has got the whole church praying for me to be healed from my breakdown and reconciled to him!
Why I am so sick of it, is not one person from the church has come to me and asked what my side is or what my prayer needs are!!!!!
Recently I bumped into a woman from the church and told her a few things, turns out she went back to the church and asked them to continue their prayers for my healing and our reconciliation!!!!!!!
I AM SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW!!!!
I COULD SHOUT, RANT AAARRRGGGHHHHH!!!!
What is wrong with these people?????
How dare they presume they know what is best for me when they haven't even been in touch with me ??
My boys are very hurt about the whole thing, this is the church that they call
"The Church that Hates My Mum "

My prayer needs are simple actually
Gods continued blessing on my sons and my daughter
Gods continued hand in me regaining my strength and my health
Gods continued blessing in his daily provision for us

And that God will help me to not let my heart go cold on all churches and christians alike
I have my faith but please Lord protect me from all these hypocrites

I'm sorry if this comes over as inoffensive or hard, I'm just really hurting about this whole thing
Thankyou
xxx

hey there!

just joined this group and wanted to say hi.   feel free to drop by my page if you want to know more about me and my family  

Its no secret that I have been badly hurt and let down by the church and lots of people I used to go to church with and call my closest friends.
Easy Solution for me recently...........
I GAVE UP ON CHURCH!!!!!
Now before you panic and pray for me,
Instead of looking to the church for support, I decided that ok the church isn't there for me but I know someone who is, so instead of going to the church every week and getting nothing out of it except uneasy looks or conversations, I have a one to one relationship with God and I have put my Faith in Him
Its been great for me, I really am seeing miracles.
The boys counsellor told me that I would get a small house/flat only 2 bedrooms so the boys would have to share, no garden and the possibility of having to get rid of lots of our things as we would have no room for it all.
I took this to God in prayer, I told him to find a home that we could love no matter how small, a home we could find peace, a home we could feel safe......and to make me thankful for whatever I received.
My HOME has 3 bedrooms, a garden and all the things I needed to have with me, fit perfectly. Yes it is half the size of my old house, but rather like a TARDIS, everything we need fits perfectly.

The boys who were getting very angry with God because of the way some of his people have treated their Mum are now beginning to see that if we rely on people, we will be let down, but if we rely on God, there is a whole new world for everyone.

hey my partner nd i were saved for about 7-8 monthsish, we went to the potters house church the pastor nd every 1 were really nice but then dat pastor went to perth nd we got another 1, he was horrible to us nd all other new saved ppl, well the pastor told me nd my partner that we sholdnt see each other for 6 months cos it will prove how much we love god etc, then get married, but that wold mean we cold basicly go out wif some 1 of the streets???, now i have been put off going too any chuches 4 like a year!! is all christians churches like this??

Hi. I have been a christian for nearly four years now. they way i came to christ was amazing. Miracles happened that most christains would die to see or have in there life. to start my story off i need to tell you a few things. i had a son to my partner who at left me when my son was 16 weeks old for anotther girl. i hit rock bottom pretty fast, the weekend he left me i pulled some guy off the street had a few drinks and slept wirth him. and basically that was my life for i think a year. i slept with whoever and whenever i didnt care. i was fat and ugly any attention i could get i was going to take it. i was a compulsive liar, drunk, druggy and S L U T. sorry if that word offends but there is no other way i know how to describe it. In the end it resulted in my trying to kill myself. I took a heck of a lot of pills and drank alot of alcohol. Then god spoke to me and told me i needed to ring an ambulance. My son was asleep in my room at just over a year old and ultimately it was him i was hurting. So i called an ambulance and got the required treatment. i settled down for a few weeks, and then my dad asked me to go to church as his birthday present. i hummed and harred for quite some time and eventually agreed. my brother was goiung to look after my son while i went to church. he hopped in the car with my son and realized he had a flat tyre. it got changed and off he went again only for us to get a phone call that one of his tyre popped and needed help. I tried to change my mind about going because obviously these were signs that i didnt belong! we eventually got there and there was this fantastic preacher called christine cain. when it came to the end of the sermon they asked anyone to go up to commit there lives to god and i felt god leading me up to the front. even to this day i insist i didnt know what i was doing it was like i had no control over my body i mean i hated christains. the next day my dad took my brothers tyres to get them fixed and there was nothing wrong with them YES you read right no holes no nothing. they were perfect and didnt even need pumping up. I moved house and tried to leave my old lifestyle behind, and a couplke of times old people found me and id slip. 

then i met my husband. he was sweet, caring, a godly man, who i knew was the one for me. He loved me despite my weight he loved my little boy.8 months after we met we married. he had some savings for our honeymoon and spent it all before our wedding day. He borrowed some mnoney off his friend (which he never told me about) about two grand. I though life was great. i fell pregnant on our honey moon and life was perfect.

Because money was so tight we shared a cellphone and i came across a message from his friend asking my husband for some repayment money. i questioned him and he swore that he didnt owe any money to him other than warrant money (this friend was borrowing hubbys car) so i accepted and left it. At four months pregnancy and marriage my mother shows up at home in a rage and is shoving her jewerly in our faces. i noticed hubbys face went white as a sheet and was so confused. Turned out Hubby stole my moms jewerlly and gave it to his friend to seel on the net to pay back the money. i forgave him and he spent a week in the spare room then we left it. he never had charges laid upon him.

6 months ago i come home to find private investigators going through my house. i asked my husband what they were doing hereand he said it was a mix up and all would be ok.i believd him. then a PI came up to me and asked what hubby had said. i told him. he said no hubby has been caught on camera stealing money from work. He stole a little over a grand. he spent a week living at my nans and two weeks in the spare room. he had five councilling sessions and gave up despite my pleas for him to keep going. only a month ago did he finished his court hearings etc. he got 40 hours community service.

Last week i was looking round the computer and found out he has had a porn addiction since we got the computer.  i kicked him out and he spent a week at a family friends. he has sinced moved into the sleepout of my home as he still wants access to the kids.

Today i found out that he used the stolen money for pornorgraphy amoung other things. we have had  miserable marrige really. but love was never the problem it is his lies and deciet. his adultary of the mind. this is a man i make love to, but yet has he been thinking about these girls? im so disgusted, and humiliated. i feel sick to my stomach. my self esteem is now non exsistant. i struggle to leave the safety of my home. im mad at my children for wanting my attention although i know  they need it. everyrime my heart starts so soften something comes up. i tried to delete these files with the picture on them so they wouldnt be on the computer anymore. but ended up accdently opening the pictures and all the same feelings resurface. everytime i close my eyes i picture him sitting at the computer getting himself off to those pictures.

PLEASE I NEED ALL THE PRAYERS AND SUPPORT AND ADVICE I CAN GET! my chest hurts literally and i cant seem to make it stop.

Hello all. I'm here in a slightly different capacity, but just as much in need of counsel. Last week I was completely blown away by a phone call from a good friend of mine, telling me she and her husband have separated. They have been married over 15 years and have two sons. Both are strong Christians, and active in ministry. I have known them from the very start, in fact I was present when they met. They are some of my oldest friends, and until this phone call I had no idea that anything whatsoever was amiss.

I am really floundering trying to come up with how to respond. I have spoken to both of them separately now, but really haven't asked any questions... I'm not sure I really want to know the answers. Is this just cowardice? What should I be doing/saying? I'm really lost.

 Went to work at the hospital, and met one of the midwives who I know, she has been ok with me even though goes to the same church as my Ex
So she asked me how things were and I lost it
I got emotional and very upset and I launched into how I was sick of hearing how helpful people were to my Ex, I told her I will be homeless in a few weeks with no options at the moment, my Ex hasn't paid me any money for months, I am sick of him "hearing" where I am and what I am doing, told her what I thought of her church's behaviour  and her Minister!!!!  Told her I thought it was disgusting they allowed him to put an article in their church magazine too!!! Told her my boys apologise to me for going to the church where everyone HATES their Mum, told her he attacked me, threatened me and scares the life out of me!!!
She looked really shocked!!
And said its not that I think you are lying but I just find it hard to take in
I yelled (and I never yell) that I was sick of everything, told her to call me a liar, one more person calling me a liar wasnt going to make any difference. I was used to it.
I told her that all that all the matters to me is that God is on my side and caring for me
Told her that when everyone sees my Ex for what he really is I hope they will all be able to look at themselves in the mirror for how they treated me
She then got really nice, I calmed down and left. I don't actually care if I can trust her or no. I actually feel a bit better for saying what I did.
I apologise for having the rant but I am so sick of defending myself against Christians when all I want is their support and understanding

Hello everyone. I have been a christian for about 5 years now. I have been having many problems, worries, and stresses in my life right now. Instead of growing closer to Christ, I feel I am drifting away from him. I just feel so alone and far away from his healing. I'm hurting now and really need his help.

I hope that joining this group will help me to get closer to Christ again. I don't like feeling out of his sight (even though I know her never leaves us).

I was divorced then married again within one year. It happened so fast. The changes have been hard on my kids which makes me feel guilty about the choices I have made.

I know God is there for me. I know he hears me.

Thanks for listening.

We have been best mates since we were 14 and met at a Christian Youth Summer Camp, we were put in the same tent, clicked right away and have been best mates ever since, the irony is that until this summer we have never been able to spend 2 weeks together at any  one time.
Growing up we lived about 1 1/2 hours from each other, so we relied on our parents driving us to meet up, another blessing was that both sets of parents became good friends too
I married young as you all know, she married when she was about 25 and has lived in South Africa and now lives in Australia so you can see how our time together is precious
I can not think of a single moment in my life when she has not been there for me.
When I called her last January to tell her my marriage was over, she shocked me, I was expecting her to say work it through, you are a Christian and it will be ok, instead she said "Helen I have been expecting this call for over 2 years!!!!" She had come over to England and saw something was very wrong but instead of interfering she waited for me to ask her opinion.
This year sadly her father died, the only good thing to come from such a sad time was that she flew to the UK to be with him as he was dying and basically took control of me, she told my Ex to leave me alone I was still with him at the time but she said I'm here for 2 weeks and she is going to be with me. I was slowly dying at the time physically and emotionally and she saw that and stepped in. She was incredible and we spent hours talking through things and spending long periods of time in prayer over the whole matter.
During those two weeks she was around, I actually separated from my husband, it was my choice, she was with her dad I had gone back home and there was another fierce and scary argument and I knew enough was enough. She went back to Australia and calls me every week.
Then last summer her whole family had a pre arranged 3 months in the UK. I spent weeks with her, she came over 3 weeks before the rest of her family with her two youngest just to stay with me and also spent a couple of days longer after some of her family left to return to Australia
All those years ago when God ensured we were put in that same tent together at that camp, God knew this would all happen. She is in my life for a reason. To me she is Gods angel on earth to be there for me.
I have even woken up some days to bad news and she will ring me to ask what has happened as God told her to pray for me quickly!!!!
She is the best friend anyone could ever have, but sorry everyone she is mine

I thought I'd better post an intro here and share some of my story.

I was brought up in a Christian home, so there has never been a time when I wasn't a Christian.  I started dating my ex a couple of weeks before my 18th birthday.  He's Jewish & became a believer shortly before we got engaged.  I was engaged at 19 & married at 20.  Our 2 sons were born in January 2002 and December 2003.  I had severe post natal depression with both kids.  After DS2 I was hospitalised with depression.

In a nutshell, or marriage went from bad to worse in those years, and it seemed nothing we tried helped.

I left last year in February, a couple of weeks after our 8th wedding anniversary.  He served me with divorce papers a few weeks ago - not saying a word to me about it... an officer of the court just showed up with the papers!  It'll all come through next month.

I've been really struggling with how all this fits in with my faith - and how moving on & meeting people fits too... especially meeting other guys.  I feel guilty!

Anyway, I look forward to chatting with you all :)

Melissa

Hi everyone

I've been pretty quiet on here.  In some ways I've been very honest and open on Minti, but my faith is something I've been particularly quiet about.  And yet it is probably the very thing that underlies everything else in my life.

I'm feeling a bit shy writing this as it is my trust in other Christians and being open with myself with other Christians that has so wounded me.  But I just am having so much trouble moving on and being open and trusting people again, let alone Christians, that I thought this group might be a safe place to start.

This is my story.  I've posted it elsewhere on Minti before so forgive me if you've already read it.

"This is the background... My ex-husband and I broke up a little over 2 years ago.  The short explanation is that my ex had a violent temper and was very manipulative, and he crossed the line one too many times, and I left him. (I'm keeping that bit short cause my focus is the next bit.  I can elaborate on the break-up later if need be).  When my ex and I were together we used to attend a home group - a group of other couples from our church - every week.  One week we'd have dinner together and the next week we'd all pray or do a study together or something.  Anyway, this group had been our main friends during our relationship.  Some people we'd known before we were married, and some we'd known for the last 3 or 4 years.  But we'd been pretty close to them all.  Anyway, we split up and for a while both of us kept going.  Then the group decided to split into two smaller groups (cause it was getting really large - about 10 to 12 people most weeks-  to fit everyone in a house, this was something that had been discussed some time before my ex and I split up). As you can imagine, my ex started attending one group, and I went to the other.  Anyway, the smaller group I was in started to have more people join - couples who I'd known also for 4 years or more - and it seemed to be going quite well.  Anyway at the beginning of this year - about a year after I'd split from my ex - I'd just started seeing my BF.  Anyway, 2 of the girls in the group ask to come and see me one day and tell me that the group has discussed things one week when I wasn't there and that they didn't want me to bring my BF to the group at the this time.  I think this basically boiled down to the fact that some people still had loyalties to my ex and hadn't really dealt with the fact I was moving on.  As you can imagine, I was pretty hurt and angry about that, but recognising that they had their own issues I kept quiet about it and waited for them to talk to me.  After about 6 months of not talking about it, I finally brought the subject up.  I told them I thought it was unfair what was done and how it was done and I wanted them just to be open and talk about things, not just decide stuff without me and then never ever mention it again.  The general consensus at the time was it had probably been left long enough and if I wanted to bring my BF to meet everyone I could and I certainly should feel okay to discuss him.  So that's what I did.  Brought BF along.  He was enjoying it and asked to keep coming.  This went on for about 2 or 3 months.  Anyway, BF and I went overseas in October and when I came back I got a phone message from one of the elders at the church saying she wanted to meet with me.  Cutting what is already a long story short, the group had talked again in my absence and they've all decided that I've somehow (don't know how) hurt some of the people in the group and that I shouldn't be in it anyway cause I'm not a married couple and I don't know what else.  But they kicked me out of the group - and essentially out of the group of friends I'd had for the last 5 or so years.  That was in November.  I didn't expect to hear anything from anyone again, and I knew I was way too hurt to be friends without working stuff out.  Anyway, it reared up again because just after new year's one of the girls wrote me a little chatty email saying hi how you doing, let's catch up soon.  I finally wrote back and said thanks for the email - right now I'm still really hurt and angry and I would need to work on things before I could have a casual coffee.  Her response was " I understand why you want to break ties.  Good luck to you".  I showed it to my BF.  He interpreted it as "Great!  Bye!  Don't let the door hit you on the way out!".  I also ran into one of the other couples at a mutual friend's party on the weekend.  It was more positive but I still felt extremely uncomfortable and didn't know how to deal with it. "

I ended up emailing back to the girl who first emailed me and saying that she'd misinterpreted me.  I would be happy to meet with her but I needed to work things out, I couldn't just have casual conversation.  She emailed back that she didn't think she could do that cause she had sleep issues to deal with. And have a nice life.

I'm in a situation now where all I feel for these people is contempt.  Before I was really scared and angry and hurt.  Now I just feel - well, maybe still hurt - but also completely deceived.  I had been led to believe these people were my friends and then when I needed them most, they turn their backs on me and blame me when I had done nothing wrong. 

I'm struggling desperately not to be bitter but it's so hard.  I may never see these people again, but its very possible I will since we all live within the same city.  I can't help but feel that forgiving people is easy when the person is sorry.  If they're not apologetic and instead blame you while they trample all over you, it's extremely hard to forgive! 

I have a Christian friend who I have known for years.
She has been very supportive over my problems. My Ex did help by ringing her and confessing everything, then a couple of months later ringing her with a very different set of events???????Saying i was the bad guy.
So she has come across his lies for herself
Anyway recently I text her in a panic asking for prayer and she IMMEDIATELY text me back saying she was visiting her son the other side of the World!!! But would pray for me.
I got a call from her this weekend, she is now back in the country and wanted an update for her prayers.
She really is lovely
I guess I am just realising that in the real world, I may not have many friends left but the ones I have are great quality friends.
xx

I am quick enough to be harsh about some Christians so thought I would share a nice story with you.
Today my Mum is 70
Big celebrations and we have spoilt her rotten
Bug this morning she woke to balloons and banners all over their gates to the drive, she was sure it was me but is wasn't. then she and dad went to church and her usual church seat also had balloons on it.
Turns out some of the church members were outside her house at 6am this morning to decorate it for her
Isn't that lovely
My Mum was really touched

I think everyone has heard about my christian friend that I was close to but lost her friendship through my divorce. she is the one I felt was getting too caught in the middle trying to help us both so I cut her loose, probably in some twisted way I expected her to stick with me but she didn't
Anyway over the years we have been through an incredible amount including 15 years ago she had a baby boy that only survived for 20 hours, I was with her and sat for weeks crying with her over it. We used to always talk about it and on his anniversary I would always write her a letter to remind her that I would be quiet over the anniversary but I was there for her and praying for her and remembering him too
Well my dilemma is this, the anniversary is just a few weeks away. I know we can't be friends again she has said too many hurtful things and my boys even talk about her having an affair with my ex!!!! Long story I don't think its true but my boys hate her anyway!!!!! I know I can't trust her and I'm not looking to re start our friendship but I feel so sorry for the family at this time.
I am considering sending an anonymous card to the family saying I am praying for them.  Is this the chicken way out???
I just don't know what to do???
I feel if I don't remember them at this anniversary then I am doing no better than what she did to me
If I send a signed card she will think I am trying to be friends, which I am not
But if I just remember them in my prayers I feel the whole family will have reason to think I don't care about their son and what they are going through.
I don't like tit for tat, ok they have rejected me and called me a liar
But I know I am a better person than that
Any suggestions gratefully received.
Please don't ask me to forgive her, through Gods grace I have, but I am still hurting about her and I know I can't trust her. I told her my inner fears and secrets and some terrible things that happened to me in the marriage and she rejected me, called me a liar, then my Ex confessed to her  it was all  true, so she wanted me to forgive him when I couldn't (we are talking serious things here!!! I still live and fear of this man so I could never forgive and go and live with him as she wanted me to do) she supported him and wrote me terrible letters.
Any ideas????

 

KNOW GOD, KNOW CALM
NO GOD, NO CALM

Found out early this morning via my parents that the church that my Ex goes to (we used to go there together years ago so I know most of the members too) last night had a special prayer meeting for him
The subject was
He started new job today working in the same hospital as me!!!!
And He is also moving house to a place nearer the church

The weird thing is that the whole church was sworn to secrecy as no one wanted me to find out until Ex has time to get his solicitor to tell me?????????
I really don't get this, the church supports him, prays for him and also knows he can't communicate with me cos I am terrified  of him and know have secret prayer meetings for HIM!!!!
The only reason I know is that someone there didn't like it and made sure it got back to me as they thought it was all wrong!!

Is it me or is this just getting weird
I am actually getting really disheartened by the whole thing