Showing Love

Today is my eldest son's 25th birthday

As you all know I have no contact with him, he refuses each olive branch I send him, but I have great hopes that one day ................

I had in my mind wanted to send a long message for his birthday reminding him of my love for him as his Mum, I've been planning it for weeks, knowing that he wouldn't respond yet dreading my reaction to not getting that response.

I was talking to my friend about it yesterday, (this same friend I am asking you all to vote for currently) he asked me to not write to Chris because he doesn't want me to get hurt

I have compromised, I couldnt let my son's birthday pass without acknowledging it but I kept the message simple. All I have emailed to him is this :

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Love always

xxx

But I'm going to write here what I really would have loved to say to him, who knows one day, maybe we can log on together and read it through together too........

"My darling Chris

Its your 25th birthday, you are on my mind constantly, how could I not write to you today?

25 years ago today, afer a pregnancy of almost 10 months, yes you made me wait!!!! You arrived in my life

At 7.53 in the evening, you took your first breath. All 9lb 10 oz of you !!!! The midwife had already asked me is I wanted you placed on my chest immediately after delivery, I had thought of this a few times over the past few weeks and had always thought my answer would be..........Um can you clean baby up a bit first!!...........but no at the time of delivery, I could wait no longer, I wanted my child!!!! So as you entered life, the midwife placed you straight onto me. I looked into your eyes and fell deeply in love, you had the bluest eyes and they were looking right back at me. Immediate connection.

Your name hadn't been completely decided, yet I heard your dad say "Hello Christopher" which was one of our favourites so I smiled and you and called you Christopher. I felt complete and ecstatic.

You were such a good baby, I joked with everyone it was like having a toy doll that I put batteries in when I wanted them awake, you slept all night from about 6 weeks, you only cried if there was something up, you fed well, you were the most content child I had ever witnessed.   And those cuddles, you were so affectionate, always ready for a kiss and a cuddle, from the very beginning you found your thumb, I don't know if you still are attached to your thumb but I do know the last time I saw you when we were happy, at aged 21, your thumb even then was never far from your mouth.

Do you remember even up to those last few weeks, it was a common event for you and I to hire a DVD, my 21 year old son would sit as close as, people used to joke they couldn't even slide a piece of paper between us, you would sit that tight up against me, the film would start, your thumb would be in your mouth, your head on my shoulder as I teased you about the thumb sucking and the circles you used to stroke around your nose at the same time.

I have so many memories, of you growing up, my wonderful boy. How you were so proud to leave your cot and sleep in a big bed, how you used to wake in the mornings and shout "Mummmmmmmy can I get out?" Yes you were that amazing as a toddler, you would't even climb out of bed without me saying it was ok.

I remember the time when you were ill, you had severe gastro enteritis, bless you, I can still picture you lying there with no strength and looking forlornly at me as if to say "Make it stop" You were in hospital for a couple of days, I never left your side, you wouldn't let me anyway...

Your first day at pre school, so brave as I left you, only to be brought home half an hour later by the teacher,( it was only a small village and we lived near the school) the teacher said, "Try again tomorrow, but this little boy just wants his mummy"

When you started primary school, the teacher told me you were so desperate to please everyone that your confidence was taking a knock, she had noticed that even a simple thing like cutting out a circle, made you worry and every snip you cut you would check you were still doing it right. Everyone loved you.

The years passed, you were an amazing big brother as Amy, Thomas and Daniel joined our family, I still have video footage of you and Amy arguing over who was going to change Thomas' nappy, so funny!!

You were so sweet, so kind and so gentle. Then those teen years came.............

We had a few clashes didn't we.............

But we overcame them all, you would slam a few doors, punch a few walls, but eventually always come back with a bug hug and an apology.

Why did it all go so wrong..............

I love you dearly, I always will................but I am so angry with you right now. How could you ignore us all

Why can't you remember the things I remember, the times when you would be in trouble, I have seen you grabbed by the throat with your feet unable to touch the floor as you were shouted at, I have seen you sitting in your bedroom window, feet out of the window, crying and saying you were going to run away, I know I should have stood up for you, I was just too scared myself, but why can't you remember these things??????????

Why have you never asked for my account of what went wrong????????? Why have you believed all the lies about me????? You saw the state I was in, how desperate I was and how terrified, How could you think I invited those emotions or even asked for it?????????

Is it guilt that has blocked your memories. Is it too hard for you to deal with the fact that as a young man you could have stepped in and stopped certain things? If its guilt then please know this:

I FORGIVE YOU!!!!!!!!! IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. I LOVE YOU.

Even if you are mad with me, why have you cut your grandparents and your siblings out of your life?????? I know you are back talking to the boys, but its all on your terms, you are still messing with them and they are getting hurt and confused, why would you do that to them??????

I long for the day when you will meet with me and listen to me. I can prove through letters that all I have been accused of is false, you are being played. Wake up and see the truth. I beg you.

But today, I just wish you a Happy Birthday, I will be thinking of you all day long

One day I know we will be re united. Until then I pray that God keeps you in his care and watches over you for me

God Bless You

Lots of Love Mum

xxx

 

 

 

My Mum had a gentle nature, so loving, softly spoken and a heart as big as The Grand Canyon.

She not only  nurtured me....Cared for me....And loved me unconditionally, every word or action was a classroom  to life......I could not have wished for a better role model.

She guided me to know right from wrong.....Instilled confidence that I could achieve anything in life.

Taught me manners and always make time & care for those less fortunate.

She shared her limited life experiences,so that I would not make the same mistakes ( that one didn't work too well, he-he!)

Trust in my instincts, they will never lead me astray.

When life throws you some curved balls, you just pick yourself up and keep going.

Most of allshe taught me to always be myself.

Everyday I miss her warm kisses,  loving hugs & those three little words "I Love You"

 

As a lot of Minti members are aware, I am having a fairly rough time of things and have found Minto be a powerhouse of support, love and information. I wasn't sure whether I should post this in my own blog or here in this new group that Janice so kindly invited me to. Anyway, here is my 'showing love' day that I had.

Woke up this morning with my usual 'here we go again' attitude. Here are the things that turned it around for me and made it one of the best days I've had in a VERY long time.

1.  Janice - You were my first 'show of love' today. Your response to my response to one of your articles and your invitation to join this group. Wow - you must surely be an angel on earth. It may not seem much to an outsider but you had me in tears with your response (not hurting tears, tears of thankfulness) and your kindness. Even the invite to join this group makes me think that you are not only kind, but that you have a beautiful caring soul who takes the time to think about things and make suggestions that can only be helpful.

2.  Jasmine - I spent (most of) the day concentrating on my little ray of sunshine, Jasmine, doing things with her that she wanted to do. We went for a walk, we went to the library, we played 'kick the ball' with some foam balls that I picked up from our local knitting shop while out for that walk, we laughed and giggled, we played 'spinnies' (where I pick her up and spin her around until we are both dizzy), we chatted (as much as one can have a conversation with a two year old), we played games, we watched a little television together - in fact, we were so busy being together that I did not put her down for an afternoon sleep as I was enjoying this time with her so much.

3.  Jesse - My son rang me this afternoon and chatted for nearly twenty minutes. How many sixteen year olds have the 'time' to make a phone call to their 'insane' mother and talk about anything and everything rather than ring for a short whinge/request?

4.  Mum - I had been baking over the weekend and Mum came over last night so I went halves with her in the muffins and cake before sending her on her way. Well, this evening she rang me to say thank you and how much everyone at her workplace, and her husband, had enjoyed all the sweet treats. It may be old-fashioned, but it certainly makes it all worthwhile when someone takes the time, even if it was only a couple of minutes, to say those two precious words.

I'm not sure what I did to deserve today, but it was the best day I've had for longer than I care to try to remember. If every day was even a quarter as wonderful as today I would never again feel the need to wipe the smile from my face.

 

                                                                                        

                                                       "Portrait of a Friend"

I can't give solutions to all of life's problems, doubts, 
or fears. But I can listen to you, and together we will 
search for answers.

I can't change your past with all it's heartache and pain,
nor the future with its untold stories.
But I can be there now when you need me to care.

I can't keep your feet from stumbling.
I can only offer my hand that you may grasp it and not fall.

Your joys, triumphs, successes, and happiness are not mine;
Yet I can share in your laughter.

Your decisions in life are not mine to make, nor to judge;
I can only support you, encourage you,
and help you when you ask.

I can't prevent you from falling away from friendship,
                from your values, from me.
I can only pray for you, talk to you and wait for you.

I can't give you boundaries which I have determined for you,
But I can give you the room to change, room to grow,
room to be yourself.

I can't keep your heart from breaking and hurting,
But I can cry with you and help you pick up the pieces
and put them back in place.

I can't tell you who you are.
I can only love you and be your friend

                                                                                   

I leave this poem to each & everyone of my friends.

With Love Janice

 

 i was sitting here enjoying the sunshine we have been having in melbourne for the last 2 days. 

we are finally getting the taste of summer we should be having.

im so basking in it that john denvers  song of sunshine (on my shoulder) came to my mind.

its so beautiful that i would like to share some lyrics with you

sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy

sunshine in my eyes makes me cry

sunshine on the water looks so lovely

sunshine almost always makes me high

if i had a name? i could give you

i would give to you a day just like today

if i had a song i could sing for you id sing a song to make you feel this way

now you know why i love the heat so much

so wherever you are whether its summer or not just close your eyes and ' feel that sun on your shoulders' im sure you will feel better

now you know why i love the heat so much

annie xxxooo

I am here to ask Minti to show some Minti Love to our emmie. As many of you know Emmie has been through a tough time over the last year or so.

Emmie is facing the sadness of her due date coming up, the unresolved issues with the hospital, depression and trying to get much needed help for Kylie.

On top of this Emmie has recieved some devastating news about her beloved Nan who is in Hospital as I write this awaiting further tests.

Throughout all Emmies worries and problems she has shown a lot of care and concern for fellow Mintians, myself included who have been going through their own worries.

I really felt Emmie was very low in herself tonight and thought,who better to show her that there are people who do really care for her, but her fellow Mintans.

So please if you can send some love and positive healing vibes to young emmie, and if you can, make her laugh, some endorphines might be the thing to lift her spirits.

Emmie you are a Rockin Chick,LOL and dont let the Dumb Balls get you down.

Luv Winnie.xxxx

 

Thanksgiving is so very special here at our house.  I love getting ready for all the buzz and activity.  I love getting all the baking and cooking and the HUGS!!!  Love the Hugs and having everyone here.   I love that my dil and son made this day even more special several years ago by having a very,very special wedding day near this time of year.  They made it through such a hard time and she stood with my son through years of severe lack of health. It is a love story like no other and they are such special ones those two.  I would like to add that my Hubby is a person I am Thankful for too!  Even though he drives me nuts and I often return the favour ,I love him dearly.  We have made it through a lot.  I am Thankful that the powers that be have lent me a hand many,many times when I was losing my life.  I have tried very hard to return the gift in different ways.  I am Thankful beyond Thankful for my children and those I was to have.  They are all in my heart.  I am so VERY Thankful for my friends.  My other half, my dear Janice, I am Thankful for.  I am so Thankful for the wonderful Ladies here on Minti.  Lots and Lots to be Thankful for,the true blessings are many and you have to look inside yourself to see the biggest true blessing and that is you!!!  Your being and your true special soul that is like no other.  Rejoice in who you are.  Be Thankful for who you have about you. The best weekend to all!

 4th Year Anniversary! It was four years today that my darling husband Steve achieved his boyhood dream of setting foot on Mt. Everest, ( base camp).

Many thought he wouldn't make this mammoth trek deemed to be one of the hardest in the world.....you see at the time Steve was 65 years old.

Back when Steve was just a lad of 14 years old.....1953.....Sir Edmund Hillary set foot on Mt. Everest.......that day Steve told his mother that one day he also would set foot on Mt. Everest. That day Steve's dream began..

51 years  later his dream came true....I have total admiration and am in awe of Steve's determination and willpower to make his dream come true.

I can never describe the gamut of emotions that this achievement has had on Steve but for those who have heard his story can see  visually and feel the enchanting power this mountain had on him.

Even though he brought back a horrible disease with him tp://www.minti.com/parenting-advice/6604/Guillian-Barre-Syndrome-GBS/    he wouldn't have traded the experience for anything. 

I know life can throw us some curve balls at times, that we find hard to deal with....but over all, life is wonderful and if you want something bad enough, "DARE to DREAM" anything is possible!

 

i have never really had alot of girlfriends through my life, was always the one to hang out playing power rangers and vidio games with the guys but recently i have found some wicked cool chickies that i would just love to send this message to. (these are only the ones i have meet... a bunch o other minti mums would fit in this thing too but i have to put the kids to bed in a bit so short on time)

Karen - regardless of anything involving poultry, i luvs ya because you is totally left of sideways. you speak to me and not at me and you have such a sweet character but are not afraid to beat me up hehehe total coolness factor there!!! i guess you remind me of what i was like when i first had Logan. And i just cant wait to see you get to the spot where you figure out that you are a wonderful parent and a fantastic friend. the best i have had in a long while. Thanks much nicest chickie!!

Liz - hope you get to read this... (apart from the fact that you like cool stuff) you are the light at the end of every dark tunnel, you are the inspiration to keep at it and never ever give up on anything. you have taught me that determination is all that is needed to make it. i just wanna thank you for being you from the bottom of my heart... ps: you somehow gives off spores of relax. which is kinda cool cause i am as high strung as they come for the most part. luvs ya much the grooviest chickie!!

GenGen - (known as Gennah when i am not pissed LOL) yet to have kidlets and a few years my junior Gen is one of my other bestest buddies. she is just plain cool, she has a cool job and does cool things and i just wanna be like her (cept for the Wendell thing cause he is creepy LOL!!!)... she is the funniest person on the planet and totally the high queen of random. although only the above two mentioned people know her (she is not imaginary!!) she would fit in well with the all the wackyfun people i hang with here i is sure.

thanks for a spot to put this ::)'s from becca!