So this is the second time I'll be seeing this woman, and honestly, I don't know if I like her. I miss my old therapist, but she went back to her private practice and there is no way I can get in as her patient. I'm hopeing that she'll put me back on the meds that I was on before I fell pregnant... I'm just so close to an anxiety attack, I can barely drive or go out, all I do is picture all the horrible things that could happen, i.e. if I'm driving, and going around a curve, I imagine hitting a patch of ice and the car flipping, I walk down the street and I feel like a car is gonna lose it and run me over on the side walk. I try to ignore it, and I do get out a bit, but it's really stressful.
The thing I don't like about this doctor is that when I told her how detached I feel from my daughter, she tried to convince me it was normal. I just can't believe that a feeling that feels so negative to me is normal. I mean, I love my daughter with all my heart, but I feel like she is a niece or one of my cousins kids or something and that her "real" mom is going to come and get her one of these days.
Anyway, I don't know why I'm writing all this. I'm just stressed out with my dad waiting for surgery, and then having to see this new doctor tomorrow, and everything. Thankfully I still have a few sleeping pills left over and I can take one so I can get to sleep tonight. I wish I could sleep with out them, but I just can't.
I feel like such a mess, like I'm just waiting to implode, or explode, or fall into a hole and dissappear or something.