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Oh hun,

I am on baby 4 and only just getting the breastfeeding right.  Our older girls are fine, though I did try to feed them.  I felt bad about not being able to feed them, I just told myself that breastfeeding wasn't the be all and end all of being a mother.  You can still snuggle them when they have a bottle.  And hubby can do the midnight feeds!  there are pros and cons of breastfeeding and ultimately, we have to do what is right for our circumstances.  If you are planning to breastfeed your second child then get the help now.  Go to groups and ask to see how they do it.  Most mothers will be thrilled to show you (I hope!).  It is something I always wanted to do and if I could, I would get you here and show you how we manage!  I don't care who cops an eyefull, she's hungry, she gets!

I don't think you would be treating them differently.  Just a different method.

Please don't feel like you've neglected your other child. As parents, we try to do the best we can at the moment... whether it's really the right choice or not, we will never know. And we can't second guess ourselves...

I say go for it, as far as breastfeeding your 2nd child....without any guilt.

I only breastfed for 6 months with my first before I got tired of it (selfish me ), but now, with my second, I've been breastfeeding for going on 21 months. I also felt bad because I didn't have a very natural birth with my first, but a wonderful natural birth with my second. I moved my first out of our bedroom at 4 months but I'm still co-sleeping with our second. In short, we did everything differently!

I regularly have to fight the feelings that I did a second rate job with my first and he is at a disadvantage to his sister.

But, realistically, this isn't the case. We all make mistakes and do things we regret later as parents. But that is not what makes you a good or bad parent, and that isn't what your children are going to focus on when they are older. What makes a great parent is one that loves their children unconditionally, and seeks to be a better and better parent everyday. We aren't going to get everything right, but in the grand scheme of things, our love and dedication will be what produces loving humans beings who contribute positively to society.

You haven't let your first son down. He isn't at a disadvantage. And he won't resent you in the future. His mummy loves him and did everything in her power to care for him, and keep him happy and healthy. And that makes you a fabulous mother, and he couldn't do better!

hun this is a joke in my fam. my mum breastfed my sis for 11 months and me for a month or 2 i pick on her about it all the time hehe. but seriously i know she loves me and one child is not the same as another circumstances change. if u want to b feed bubba go for it without guilt if u dont then dont kids dont normally care that much. good luck

I agree with the others.  My mum had 2 kids and then a lot later in life had her 3rd.  She did things far different with him then she did with us as she knew more.  I've done things with mine and thought I'll do the same thing again if I have another, but some things I think if I had another I would do that differently.  So just go with what you feel is best with this one.  It may not be what you felt was right with the first, but that's what happens when we gain experience as a mum, and of course each one is different too.

I don't think so - much as we would love to treat them the same you learn so much with your first that there are bound to be things you do differently with your second.  There are things I did with number one - eg controlled crying, comp feeding - that I vowed I would never do with number 2.  They had a different start in life - I couldn't help that - they are completely different children - I can't help that.  So, much as we would love to be fair - it doesn't work out that way and you shouldn't feel guilty because of it.  Go with what you feel is right!

U guess this is a really confusing time for you right now.
My DP was the only child in his family not BF. The topic didn't come up until I was discussing BF with his mum. She explained to him why he wasn't BF and he accepted that. Hopefully the topic won't come up until your son is old enough to understand and that probably won't be until he is having kids himself.
I know there is support groups for BF in the UK,perhaps you could contact someone there and discuss your feelings.
I hope all goes well for you.

I don't think so. If you really want to breast feed do so. You obviously had a reason not to start straight away with your first & really your child probably wouldn't know that you didn't breast feed him anyway - unless you choose to tell him. Go with your instincts on this one - you love both your children and neither is neglected! Good luck!