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i joined this group so i may be able to get some closure on the baby i lost due to miscarriage just over 4 years ago now and then i go on to have 2 more daughters thinking it wont happen again i just know it well wasnt i wrong we tried for so long to get pregnant with this baby and im now 11 weeks and 5 days pregnant how cool huh, but when we first found out i was pregnant we told everyone we knew and then 9 days later my nanna died i was devestated but it wasnt over yet i tried for ages to find out what my results meant from the scan i had at first they couldnt find the baby then the second scan i had confirmed there was a baby and that i had a 4.3cm cyst then finally 5/6 weeks after my firts scan i finally was able to find someone who told me the truth, it was that i was pregnant with twins and i lost the other baby when i had first gotten pregnant which was going back before my nan died and all of these dr's knew that this had happened and not one of them told me the truth about the baby i had lost they didnt even tell me i had lost one or that i was pregnant with more than one child to startwith yet they had the results there im so pissed off about this and im sad all the time they have given me a name for what happened which doesnt make it any easier to deal with

they call it vanishing twin syndrome, its where i released two eggs and they were both fertilised and as one of the eggs was changing into a baby or what ever they call the baby at that age gestation the other baby was trying and then my body decided to obsorb the baby back into myself so yeh its my fault and i dont know how to deal with it now its scary i never even heard of this before now and im expected to get over it as alot of people dont see it as a baby or a problem for me so they expect me to get over it and grow up but the thing is it was my baby and it was my body and my body took back something i had craved for for so long so why should i have to be made to move on when im not ready yet and to top things off i have quit smoking argh i lose a nanna i lose a baby and then i quit smoking talk about life being hectic huh but since losing the baby i want this bub to have the best start i can possibly give so it means give up the things i may not want to for the unborn childs sake, im will to ake that sacrifice now