SHOPPING WITH A GRANDCHILD

AN OLD MAN WAS GROCERY SHOPPING WITH
HIS  GRANDSON. THE TODDLER WAS
CRYING,  AND AT TIMES, SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF  HIS LUNGS.

AS THE OLD GENTLEMAN WALKED UP AND DOWN THE AISLES, PEOPLE  COULD
HEAR HIM  SPEAKING IN A SOFT VOICE...

"WE ARE ALMOST DONE,  ALBERT...TRY NOT TO CRY, ALBERT...LIFE WILL
GET BETTER,  ALBERT..."

AS HE  APPROACHED THE CHECKOUT STAND, HE CAREFULLY BRUSHED THE
TODDLER'S  TEARS FROM HIS  EYES AND SAID AGAIN,

"TRY NOT TO CRY, ALBERT...  WE WILL BE HOME  SOON, ALBERT..."

AS HE WAS PAYING THE CASHIER, THE TODDLER CONTINUED TO  CRY AS A
YOUNG WOMAN  IN LINE BEHIND HIM SAID,  "SIR,I THINK IT IS
WONDERFUL HOW SWEET YOU ARE BEING TO YOUR LITTLE ALBERT."

THE OLD  GENTLEMAN BLINKED HIS EYES A COUPLE OF TIMES BEFORE SAYING

MY  GRANDSON'S NAME IS JOHN........ I'M  ALBERT..........

A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, and then insured them against, among other things, fire.

Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment  on the policy the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.
In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires."
The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

The lawyer sued... and WON!
(Stay with me.) 

Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous.
The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable “fire” and was obligated to pay the claim! 

Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars lost in the "fires".

NOW, FOR THE BEST PART...

After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!
With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

This is a true story and was the First Place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest!
 
ONLY IN AMERICA.

I GOT STOPPED FOR SPEEDING
YESTERDAY.
I THOUGHT
I COULD TALK
MY WAY OUT OF IT
UNTIL THE COP LOOKED AT
MY DOG IN THE BACK SEAT