well wth one thing i was dredding has happened. Phina and Stewart's had the most awfull fall out last wenesday. and he toild her that if she was wanting to be down in london so badly that she was willing to get us all into searious trouble by not paying the bil so she had the monel, that as far as he was concerned she may as well pack her bags and go. and she did. i was too stunned to do anything at the time. i realy thought it was a called bluff and she would stay at my moms. but she's down there now with no money or place to stay, staying in some strangers ( femail ) home who she met while wandering around. None of here so called internet friends have come through for her, it's a hard lesson to learn but she wouldn't listen to us when we said, they are only internett friends which is different frome friends in the flesh.

Ant's sent her some money yesterday and i'm trying to get her to come back to mom's so she can 'get her act togther' so to speek. decide what she wants to do now. i already know she'll never come back here.

i'm sick at heart, i'm looking out of the window and everyones going about their busness as normal, it seams un real. i can't phon mom as our phone's in the frount room and rabbits have huge ears, so it would not be private. there are no bus's till tuesday but i don't have the money to catch one any how.

yes she left without leaving the house keeping money. the way it was sorted. and the only way we got this flat was because she was under 18 when we applied to the housing agancy, unfortunatly it had to go into stewarts name as she was under 18, otherwise it's realy her flat. they made a couple clame in her name as she was the most likly to get it with no hassell so all the money goes into her account. of which we have no idea what state it's in but by looking st some of here reacent letters she's not been paying some of the house hold bills, so we're expecting to hear form the gas, electric and water people soon, not to mention the phone, sky, tv linceing corp and internett as the money was set up as direct debits from her account which we have found out has been running over the overdraft since feb, so she owes them grand amounts in charges. the cataolgue is thretting court actions as well as her bank credit card.  i can see why she'd want to just go and leave all this mess behind . But if she'd let us in on it then we may have been able to sort someting out. i've also got to explain to the proventent loans that the last bounced cheque for her payment will not be covered and some how out of my money this week i've got to find mine and stewart's payments plus the second payment to the phone bill, she'd only payed half. and still try to cover the bills i'd agreed on to pay. if i can put everyone off till after the 28th when ant gets paid it could be ok.

i'm trying to stay strong, up intill early this morning stewart's been ok, last night he'd started to tidy up in her room, it's not ben tided since november... and the kittens had used somewear other than the litter box and it needed finding. unfortunatly he's read some of here writings and has not liked what he found she's been thinking of him, mostly the hurt was he'd turned into a 'money grabbing corporat suporting bastared' which is laughtable as we've not had the money to be buying anything latley. the only stuff hes brough reacently is for his app to uni this sept. for the project he's got to hand in. but that's out of the window as i don't think hes going to have the umph, as this going to uni in hearfordshire was to be able to move Phina nearer to london in the first place and to help her to find her own space, well she's already gone so he won't be wanting to follow that up now.

poor ant's stuck here for longer as we'll need his contrubution to be able to stay here. when stewart and i worked it out in november, when she said she wanted to move down to london in the first place. we worked out that with my money and him on joseekers till he found work, that we could cover the bills but not eat or eat and not cover all the bills, which is why we asked her to stay and he'd apply to uni down south and we would have more money available to help her move.we sugested that if she was inagreement, which i thought she was, that we'd budget in the money so she could go down london at least once a month,  now it looks like ant's going to have to chip in more of his wages ( he was saving to get his own place ) so in the short term his stuck here.

I think she'd been planning to just go for a while now as looking back the trips were getting closer together, three times between feb and this last one and as i said she'd distanced her self from us since november. spending all her time in her room not even joining us to watch tv or meals.

i'm just holding it together, stewart has bi-polar depression and it was getting better the ups were becomming a lot longer and the downs much shorter, so i'm having to put my feeling to one side to deal with later as, if i go under i'm not sure what the outcome would be, also i keep ontop of it as ant dosn't need me to go to peaces.

sorry to drop this in your lap but i needed an out let and i thought you'd be the most understanding....