It's almost six o'clock and the last family has gathered up reluctant children and headed out into the rain to their cars to go home. I didn't stop to count the children but our living room seemed to be crawling with them - aged just under 3 to almost 13. The noise was amazing but thoroughly enjoyable - it's been a long time since we had such delightful chatter in the house.

I miss children. I love the fact that mine are all grown up - two still live at home and we enjoy their company immensely. We're not the type of parents that can't wait for the kids to move out!

Last week Joanne called - a homeschooler recently moved into a neighbouring town - asking if there was a local homeschooling group. I often get calls asking this and feel like I'm letting the caller down when I say no... I arranged for Joanne to come and visit, even though we don't have children her youngsters could play with it's always nice to meet and talk to other homeschoolers. After she'd rung off, I had a sudden inspiration and sent out an email on a group list asking if others would like to join us and talk about getting a local support and social group going.

The afternoon was a great success and we're all meeting again in a fortnight. The 'Tuesday Group' is birthed!

cheers
Beverley
http://about.beverleypaine.com
http://homeschoolaustralia.com

I'm writing to ask what you think about homeschoolers getting involved with the review of the education and training legislation. I've been asked by someone if I, or my homeschooling group, would like to provide a submission to the review. I gathered from discussions on homeschool lists that not only is it a waste of time to get involved with govt reviews but that it could also work to our disadvantage.

I've always had my say whenever the govt invites me to have a say, and sometimes when they haven't. If I feel passionately about a topic I like to have input. That's the democratic way. Apathy is a dreadful thing. Too many homeschoolers bury their head in the everyday bustle of homeschooling life... and I've a lot of sympathy for them - it's the ones that don't do anything or bother to voice their views, then whinge about the outcome afterwards that I have no sympathy for.

Having said that, however, I've seen too many really great homeschoolers become so passionate about getting involved in reviews and legislative change that they end up literally losing their families - divorces, separations, not 'being there' for family members because they are campaigning on behalf of strangers! We're lucky that there are a few die-hards in homeschooling land willing to sacrifice just about anything to bring the discrimation homeschooler face every day to light. I personally don't have what it takes to do battle at that level, nor do I want to cop the cost, which seems to be the norm rather than the exception. I am passionate about home education. I would like to see it established in legislation as the third option - private school, public school, and home education provision. To this end I've participated in letter writing campaigns, submitted personal proposals (to emphasise the point the homeschooling community is made up of many individuals as well as representative groups), attended information evenings, become involved in legislative review panels, spoken at a conference for Aus & NZ lawyers. I've participated to the degree that satisfies my need to be involved in the democratic process at this stage. I firmly believe it is my duty as a citizen of Australia to do this, and my duty as a parent to model this behaviour to my children.

I am aware that for the most part consultation is, in any arena, a cosmetic process, and that minority stakeholders are often ignored or given scant or serious attention. Minority stakeholders often present the more radical views and governments and businesses are usually seeking to satisfy the majority - that's a feature of the kind of democracy we hold dear in Australia. It ostracises and alienates minorities, although it does let them have a token say. As a person with a minority position I must do my level best to push my case, which to me means educating as many people as possible that, in the case of home education, it is a successful and viable alternative to school education. But I can't insist that Australia adopts my view, or even listens! All I can do is state my case, whenever I can. If someome says, "hey, we're ready to listen" I jump on the opportunity to have an audience. I don't care if that audience isn't sympathetic or is perhaps 'using me' - I firmly believe that the more people I tell my happy story to the better! Ultimately education will, with the resultant growth of the homeschooling movement at the grass roots level, pay dividends. Good luck with your involvement. Remember to stay objective and detatched, to not let your passion for changing the world take over every day family life, find a sympathetic buddy that will support you in your endeavors, steer clear of fellow homeschoolers who will want to harrass you for your stand and poisonous rhetoric. Work out in your heart and mind what it is you wish to say - what will most benefit your family right now - and state your case with confidence as a citizen of a democracy.

Beverley Paine
www.alwayslearningbooks.com.au

Hi ya Josie wrote: DS has caught the reading bug, and is now picking it us quite easily, and his confidence has grownn so much, to the point that he thinks he can read books thay are way over ambitous for him, only he still wants to give them a go, until he realises on the first page that maybe he has bitten off more than he can chew.
If I tell him that maybe I should read it, he refuses, prefering to give it a go himself. Will this end up destroying the confidence that he has gained in reading, or should I just continue to let him go, and tell him that we should read it together, so I can help with words that he does not know?

Let him do what he wants as his pace. Roger spent an hour one day looking a page I definitely knew he couldn't read when he was six. It didn't do him any harm. Just make sure Branden has access to all types of reading matter at all levels. Never underestimate what's going on a person's head. We can't begin to know what your son is doing when he's looking at a page. Even he won't know all the processes going on. If he feels compelled to have a go, let him, but let him know that often you tackle things that you're not quite ready for and sometimes you feel disappointed you can't do what you want to right now but know that simply trying is part of the journey to eventual accomplishment. Think of some examples - for me it is climbing onto the roof using a ladder and then trying to get down by myself without help - this took me years to do! My kids found it interesting as it was something that had no trouble with. Seeing other people try and 'fail' is encouraging for all of us.

John Dewey, educator and researcher wrote: "Give the pupils something to do, not something to learn; and the doing is of such a nature as to demand thinking; learning naturally results." Your son has chosen this task or reading above his ability level as something to do - trust in Dewey's words. Learning will naturally result. I love the way children naturally test their emerging abilities. If left alone to experiment and test without pressure to perform to another's expectation or arbitrary schedule all will be right.
You might find my Practical Homeschooling Series booklet Learning to Love Reading ($2.50 plus postage) a useful and reassuring guide.

Robin and I are heading off to the annual Milang Homeschoolers Camp on Friday. We thoroughly enjoyed the inaugral camp last year, organised by Stephanie and her enthusiastic family. The camp was well attended, with a host of homeschoolers heading down from Adelaide for Saturday.

Few people realise the power of a homeschooling camp. We attended our first one way back in 1990, at a place called Bridgewater in Victoria. The camp was organised by the Alternative Education Resource Centre, now HEN (VIC) and I found out about it through their newsletter Otherways. Dozens of families enjoyed the week long camp. For the first time I felt that I had finally found my 'community', such was the strength of the camaradie shared at the camp.

If you've never been to a camp you've missed out! It's hard, at first, to ease into camp life, especially when some of the campers are already familiar with one another, or if the camp is held in the same place each year and draws the same families who know the place inside out. I remember feeling like an outsider, but went with the flow, accepting that, yes, I was a newbie and like newbies everywhere I needed to take a deep breath and sit and watch, feeling a little uncomfortable, listen to the conversations, venture a few words here and there and slowly, but surely, I warmed to camp life and the 'old timers' gradually drew me into all of the activities.

The children, of course, took a lot less time to integrate, make friends, and generally have a good time!

Most of the camps I've been on have been unstructured: the structure evolves as each day dawns. We've camped in tents, slept in dorms and cabins and a mixture of both. Daily activities usually include going for walks, visiting local places of interest, art and craft, singing, cooperative games, concerts, shared meals, workshops, and chatting. Lots of chatting!

Nothing beats living closely with others over a few days to get to know each other and make firm friendships. I remember my children not seeing kids from camp from one year to the next, but when they got together again it was as though only a few days had passed. For parents worried about the social outcomes of home education - get thee to a camp! You'll be reassured.

Belinda Moore writes about a camp she attended on the Homeschool Australia website:

"The company was wonderful – old friends we love to catch up with, and new friends to meet. For us, the company of like-minded homeschoolers at an annual camp is a huge boost in our confidence in the decision to home educate. And being with the older home educated children and teens is always inspiring and encouraging. They are a beaut bunch of kids!"

I'd love to hear about your homeschooling camping experiences.

cheers
Beverley
www.alwayslearningbooks.com.au

Home education is legal in Australia. However, laws and regulations differ from state to state. You will need to obtain a copy of the relevant Act for your state, and find out about local conditions and regulations or policies that may apply. Homeschooling networks can help you with legal information, but check for yourself - information may not be accurate or up-to-date. The information given on this page is written by someone without legal qualifications and is a general guide only to what is usually required of home educators and may not be applicable in your situation. Always seek qualified legal advice if in any doubt as to your legal position.

The Acts may be found at the General Index for all Australian legislation http://www.austlii.edu.au/databases.html

On http://sahome-ed.beverleypaine.com/approval.html you'll find detailed information that I've prepared for homeschoolers here in South Australia, which together with http://homeschoolaustralia.beverleypaine.com/legal.html form the basis of my reply to questions of this type. Here is the information I have in my Homeschool Today! Getting Started with Homeschooling free newsletter which I send out to families:
Homeschooling is legal; however, the law and regulations differ from state to state. You need to obtain copies of the relevant sections of the Education Act in your State and to inquire about conditions and regulations from the appropriate authorities. Don't rely solely on information from well meaning others - find out for yourself the "letter of the law". Always seek legal advice if in any doubt as to your legal position.

Many homeschoolers question the interpretation, validity and legal status of policies and regulations regarding homeschooling given by authorities. Even within states regional requirements may vary in their their application and interpretation of the law or regulations. Local help and advice, reflecting recent experience, can be an invaluable aid. The Home Education Resource and Legal Information Network has been set up to help homeschoolers find information.

Where regulation of homeschooling exists the process generally involves requiring the parents to prepare a program of learning for the children, which is then assessed by an officer of the authority, a process usually including at least one interview, plus regular review. The review process varies and can be annual, every two years, or negotiated.

When considering contacting the educational authorities and applying to homeschool it is important to think seriously about what your intentions and responsibilities are - both to yourself, your children and to society.

Although many home educators feel the regulations or policies relating to home education to be fair and adequate, others argue they have no basis in law, infringe on basic human and parenting rights, are discriminatory and inequitable.

Thinking carefully and becoming clear in your own mind about your role and the role of the authority will offer you the most confidence in whatever path you follow.

At all times read all paper work very carefully, and never sign anything you are not entirely happy with. Put things in your own writing, using your own words, rather than simply signing forms presented to you. Be careful not to sign away any rights to resources, assistance or help for your children as homeschooling students. Although they may not require these things now keep options open for the future.

Keep records of any communication with authority officials, including tape recordings or transcripts of telephone conversations. This is simply professional and responsible behaviour and offers you confidence in further dealings.

Insist of written clarification of telephone calls and ask for letters outlining what will be discussed and dealt with during interviews, and what is required of you. Be assertive. It is your right, especially if you are inviting strangers into your home.

Arrange for interviews on neutral territory if you wish. Keep records until the child is past compulsory schooling age.

Information sought by educational authorities in the process of 'approving' homeschools varies considerably. The emphasis should be on the quality of the proposed learning program, and this includes the learning environment. A comprehensive guide to establishing learning programs and environments can be found in the Australian homeschooling manual "Getting Started with Homeschooling - Practical Considerations".

In general, most authorities require a broad outline of a proposed program of work for each child, which should includes areas of study, essential skills and understandings, resources to be used and description of the teaching methods. This is a summary only, not a detailed curriculum guide, and should be brief and concise.

Offering a more detailed outline of a sample day often reassures officers assessing the learning program, as do exhibiting samples of recent learning activities. Children do not have to be subjected to interviews by the officer if you don't wish - be firm and assertive, and clear about the assessment of the learning program, rather than the children's current educational abilities and understandings. As the educator it is your responsibility to monitor the progress of your child - not their’s.

You will also be required to demonstrate that educational progress is being monitored, evaluated and assessed. This generally requires some degree of record keeping. Never give away original documents or children's work: use photocopies if necessary.

In most cases a simple annual report prepared by you should suffice. When working through the review simply write brief summaries of what the children have done during the year, and then a brief outline of the next year's program. If you are feeling less than confident get help - many experienced homeschoolers are happy to help, or be present at your interview as objective observers.

Socialisation and adequate provision for contact with peers and other adults, and involvement in cultural and sporting activities is considered important. Usually familes retain friends from school and other activities, plus gain homeschooling friends, through support groups, excursions and camps. Be sure to inform the authorities you are in contact with a local or state based homeschooling group for support and social opportunities.

In Australia the recommended areas of study are English; Languages other than English; Mathematics; Society and Environment Studies; Health, Physical and Personal Development; Science; The Arts; and Technology and Enterprise. You can offer a range of other subjects or categories as you see fit. The aim is to offer a broad and balanced curriculum over time.

Devising your own programs to suit your individual children is recognised and celebrated as accepted homeschooling practice throughout Australia. ™

love, light and peace
Beverley
www.alwayslearningbooks.com.au

As a woman, I see parenting as a career choice. It's the career I chose before I turned 20. I think that had I been well enough I may have worked part time, and shared the parenting workload with Robin, but we tried that out when Roger (now 22) was a toddler and my health deteriorated - I don't survive sustained social settings very well!

We opted for a low income lifestyle that enabled shared parenting duties, rather than dividing them into traditional male/female roles. For the most part we were successful, but gender was definitely against us! And we're both pretty traditional, conservative folk so I ended up helping him build the house while he helped me cook the dinners...

The low income lifestyle was great when the children were young. Living in a shed was an adventure... The kids didn't eat much... Excursions into the garden were educationally satisfying... We didn't need a car that actually worked all the time... Living cheaply was an adventure and I'd recommend it - but only for what it teaches us in how to live simply to simply live. The stress and hassles and worry come time to pay the big bills - council rates, etc - that I could have done without!

Pulling together and sharing the parenting and educating workload was the best we could offer our children. This also meant getting involved in alternative school education, preschool and playgroup. Robin is a much better father for his experiences and I'm an enlightened mother (that is, I learned that dads can be exceptionally capapble mums in all but a few areas!)

When I was a teenager I thought long and hard about how to change the world, because I was deeply disturbed by all the garbage going on. I figured, at the age of 13, that education was the answer, and back then I knew that schools had failed, but didn't know why. I thought that perhaps we needed schools to teach the parents how to parent, because it seemed to me that parents weren't parenting properly. I had a lot to learn about parenting! But who would teach the parents - only a parent knows how to parent and most of them were making a mess of things...

So I figured that the only way to change the world was to educate the children, and the only way to do that was on the job training. We learn as we do, and the more we do, the more WE'RE ALLOWED TO FAIL, the better we get at what we're doing. No one likes falling on their faces over and over again. If they are picked up continuously by well meaning others they don't learn to support themselves. If they aren't allowed to trek the path unaided in the first place they haven't got a chance. I figured that the best way to change the world was to WALK BESIDE people as they seek to learn the lessons they need to...

I'm still learning how to walk beside people, without giving in to the urge to assist them before they've asked, with clarity, for help. And that's the job of parenting.

I truly believe there is only one job - career - for humans on this planet. And that is parenting. It's high time we all started parenting - our kids, your kids, each other.

love, light and peace
Beverley
www.alwayslearningbooks.com.au

Every so often I'm part of a group talking about how to cater to the information needs of our growing homeschooling community, and it seems that a central web repository of information is the first essential step. Some Australian states have home education organisations that maintain excellent websites. Some individually owned sites maintain information and links. Keeping all this up-to-date and relevant is quite a task.

Ann's article talks about what homeschoolers want to see from a local information service. The question I'd like to ask is:

"Do homeschoolers prefer LOCAL information provided locally; or information relevant to their STATE only; or would they prefer to use a NATIONAL information service?"

The article below, written by Ann Zeise can be found at http://homeschooling.gomilpitas.com/articles/062899.htm and I thought it is a good introduction to get a discussion going on the topic of support groups.

Local Site Wish List

"Who should read this?

• Local & Regional Support Group Webmasters;
• Library site developers making homeschool resource pages;
• Local, Community or City site developers making homeschool support pages;
• Local parenting resources e-zine publishers.

After the usual homeschooling information, what homeschoolers would really like to see are pages with links to your unique regional resources for families. If you don't know much about homeschooling, link to this site, your state page, and then provide local resources. May I suggest these links could include but not necessarily be limited to:

• Art resources (from supplies to lessons)
• Banks with free children's accounts
• Bookstores (including used books)
• Businesses and industries that give tours (Contact information)
• Children's theater and musical groups
• Drivers ed resources & teen driving regulations
• Educator Discount retailers who include homeschool teachers
• Genealogy collections available locally
• Historic sites, reenactments, societies
• Kid-friendly gyms, athletic clubs, and community athletic teams
• Libraries (and how to access online)
• Music schools, piano teachers
• Museums (especially kid-friendly, hands-on places. Info about classes.)
• Natural areas, especially those that have nature guides
• Publications that list family activities
• Science supply outlets (low priced) and classes
• Trails (within the city or out; bike paths)
• Tutoring and mentoring services (especially math and reading)
• TV stations with community college classes or similar programming
• Volunteer opportunities for young people
• Youth organizations (scouts, 4-H, Campfire, etc.)

I cannot hope to be an "expert" on such a wealth of materials that are already in your grasp. Please! Let us partner in what we each can do best. Link to the pages on my site that give your audience what they need. Email me and let me know you have begun a regional resource section on your site, and I'll most likely link it in my "Regional and Worldwide" resources page most relevant to your area."

I welcome your comments... I'm forever 'tweaking' my websites with the aim of offering homeschoolers what they need in order to make homeschooling a breeze. It's good to get feedback. Home education is coming of age in Australia - what do you think we need to do to make it more accessible for interested families?

cheers
Beverley
www.alwayslearningbooks.com.au
http://homeschoolaustralia.beverleypaine.com

by Beverley Paine and Vanessa Whittaker

If anyone is ever in any doubt about the legal status of home education in their state and can't be sure from the information provided by homeschooling organisations or friends, then the best thing to do - the most reassuring - is to get a legal opinion - a letter from a lawyer clarifying your legal rights and responsibilities. Don't think of it as a hassle - think of it as an educational process!

Over the years I've seen many families in the unfortunate situation of being continuously harrassed and bullied by schools and over-zealous education authorities, and those that have finally sought legal advice and representation find that the presence of a lawyer or letter is often enough to make the bullies back down.

In South Australia in the past it seemed customary for the authorities, when they weren't 'happy' with an application for exemption, to refer the case to Family and Youth Services, and they'd look for neglect or abuse... usually absent of course! FAYS would hand the case back to the education department and often a compromise would be hatched. All too often the harrassment was enough to convince the family that they couldn't homeschool and send the kids back to school, or the family starts thinking about moving interstate (and every where you go is the same old story, regardless of what the law actually says, which is why I definitely DON'T recommend this as an option)

There are thousands of homeschoolers in all states who aren't 'registered' or 'exempted' or 'approved' and the authorities know it. The best way to handle the situation is to KNOW your legal rights and responsibilities - read the relevent Acts and regulations - and then weather their bluffs or get legal help straight off.

Check my website http://homeschoolaustralia.beverleypaine.com/approval.html for more info.

The best way to prepare for home education - with or without approval - is to write your own curriculum or learning plan, start recording your children's educational progress, and keep a social 'diary' or scrapbook. To be on the absolute safe side, if your documentation is ever needed to prove you are educating your children adequately in a court of law (really rare and usually only in custody cases) remember to DATE your entries and samples of your children's work. Don't give original documents away - always use photocopies in your correspondence. And keep records of your conversations and letters with the education authorities. This may sound a little heavy handed or worrisome, but it's the only really effective way of building your confidence as a home educator when dealing with people who think they have more authority over your children than you do. Act like a professional educator (because you are!) and they will feel less inclined to treat you as just another parent in the classroom.

fromVanessa…

I have read Beverley's response about this and I agree with everything that she said.
I am in SA and when we began homeschooling some one from the Education Department used the mandatory reporting legislation to make allegations of abuse against myself in regards to our son (but not our daughter, who we also began homeschooling at the same time).

We sought legal advice from our lawyer and also from the lawyer at Light Education Ministries, who put us in touch with a civil liberties lawyer. This person gave us excellent advice and support and was prepared to come to court for us if necessary.

Some things we were told to do were so that if we were made to appear in court we would have covered all our legal requirements extremely well, and the judge would usually say that his time was being wasted and toss it out.

1. Keep a separate home school diary for all planned home school social outings. Judges want to know you are not isolating your children. If you have to present a family diary you are giving them more information than they can legally access and they could then use any of that information against you.

2. Keep a record of all the days you do school work. I have an A3 sized planner in my folder. I use a highlighter pen to record every day we do school work even if we go on an outing even if it is on a Saturday or Sunday. If I may use it later as a reference, it is school related and countable. I write "school day" over the highlighter colour. This was something the civil liberties lawyer said was of the highest value.

3. I do keep a record of work we actually do, in retrospect. It is more accurate.

4. I keep a record of my planning for each topic or area on a pro-forma I made up that suits me.

5. Date everything.... the work the children do, my planning, letters sent and received..... we use a date stamp.

6. No communication by phone. Everything in writing and when you send them something let them know you have kept a hard copy yourself and if you are seeking assistance of a politician or anyone else indicate on the bottom where you are sending other copies. The power base shifts when they know you have other people supporting you! They will not put in a letter anything that is not enforceable by law. So if the intimidation is by phone, stop talking and politely ask them to put it in writing so that you can get your own private legal opinion. And do get that opinion and follow the lawyer's advice! It lets them know you have backup as often they will try to intimidate women and it helps you feel that you have support and options.

7. Send any communication by registered post so they have to sign for it and you will be notified that the addressee has received it and on what day. Keep that slip you get back in case you need to prove you sent something. This prevents them from saying that you haven't given them this or that and "accidentally on purpose" loosing something you have sent and trying to lay responsibility on you. It is empowering to be able to say “That's strange, I have this registered post slip that says you signed for it on this date".

8. We now have an advocate who attends any meetings who is an uninvolved third party that takes notes as an independent record. This prevents "he said, she said" which lacks proof.

9. I am married and the lawyer advised that my husband should be present at every meeting, and it has been amazing how much differently they speak and act when he is present. It can be a pain and costs us if he needs to refuse a job/shift to be there but it has been important. If you are not married, a friend or relative attending with you to act as support for you may help your comfort and confidence levels.

10. All meetings should be out of your home. We have them at the Education Department's meeting room. In extreme cases if they turn up on your doorstep, politely refuse entry. If a police officer is present and has a warrant, the police officer only can enter to act according to the warrant. But you are able to telephone your lawyer asking him/her to give you advice or come to ensure your rights are protected.

By following this we were able to prove the allegations were without evidence, gain the first exemption and we have just had our first review and we were told our summary and presentation was extremely professional and complete. It has made me so much more confident to have guidelines to follow that eliminates their power to cause me extra stress. I am also so much more comfortable knowing my legal rights and responsibilities. Also they are not the department’s supposed guidelines but the legal ones which would assist me in a court of law, therefore my motivation is different.

From my understanding of the law, Principals play no part in an application/exemption to home school, therefore their opinion/actions have no relevance, it is only intimidation factor. Politely refuse to participate. Ask the Principal to put his/her issues in writing and just file it. If threats of action are made, seek legal advice quickly. Don't think it will just go away. You could ask your lawyer to write a letter demanding that the Principal stop harassing you and he should list the laws that give you the right to homeschool.

Light Education Ministries, based in Canberra, have a booklet or booklets that list the appropriate laws of each state. It costs a small amount but you may find it useful to have a copy of what impacts you. It was a boost to my confidence to know what the law said and to have it in a hard copy to re-enforce that in meetings or in responding to issues with the department.

If you have evidence that proves that your children are doing work and you are able to show that with records of actual work completed, you are able to easily prove your children are not truant from school as they are being schooled at home and therefore the truancy law is nor relevant either. It is confusing for the poor things, but eventually they understand that there are laws to protect our decision to home educate our children.

cheers
Beverley
www.alwayslearningbooks.com.au
http://homeschoolaustralia.beverleypaine.com

In her Universal Preschool Blog, Diane Flynn Keith, author of CARSCHOOLING, urges us to support a new documentary on education based on John Taylor Gatto's book The Underground History of American Education.

A documentary that will hopefully help to reform education across the globe as it answers the question John first posed in his award winning book DUMBING US DOWN: do we really need school?

"Do we really need school? I don't mean education, just forced schooling: six classes a day, five days a week, nine months a year, for twelve years. Is this deadly routine really necessary? And if so, for what?

Don't hide behind reading, writing, and arithmetic as a rationale, because 2 million happy homeschoolers have surely put that banal justification to rest. Even if they hadn't, a considerable number of well-known Americans never went through the twelve-year wringer our kids currently go through, and they turned out all right.

George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln? Someone taught them, to be sure, but they were not products of a school system, and not one of them was ever "graduated" from a secondary school. Throughout most of American history, kids generally didn't go to high school, yet the unschooled rose to be admirals, like Farragut; inventors, like Edison; captains of industry like Carnegie and Rockefeller; writers, like Melville and Twain and Conrad; and even scholars, like Margaret Mead. In fact, until pretty recently people who reached the age of thirteen weren't looked upon as children at all. Ariel Durant, who co-wrote an enormous, and very good, multivolume history of the world with her husband, Will, was happily married at fifteen, and who could reasonably claim that Ariel Durant was an uneducated person? Unschooled, perhaps, but not uneducated.

We have been taught (that is, schooled) in this country to think of "success" as synonymous with, or at least dependent upon, "schooling," but historically that isn't true in either an intellectual or a financial sense. And plenty of people throughout the world today find a way to educate themselves without resorting to a system of compulsory secondary schools that all too often resemble prisons.

Why, then, do Americans confuse education with just such a system? What exactly is the purpose of our public schools?"

Diane reveals that Gatto has his entire book available to read for FREE online. A product of nine years of research and a half-million dollar investment, this book pulls back the curtain to reveal the actual purpose for which mass forced schooling was conceived and identifies the problems with modern schooling and what can be done to fix it.

Join FREE Book Discussion - to participate simply join the FREE EduTalk e-list at Yahoo groups.

According to Diane you can donate to the production of a new Documentary Film Series based on the book which will be a hard-hitting and compelling exploration of American compulsory schooling. It's important for Australian homeschoolers to pay attention to what's happening elsewhere in the world, especially the United States, as this is where the educational authorities look for guidance when reforming Australian schools and curriculum... Will we blindly follow where US schools lead and make the same mistakes, leading to devastating consequences for so many young people?

The documentary, Diane, a verteran homeschooler herself, says will "examine the troubling anomalies of our current system" and "penetrate the untold history of our schools" as well as "survey the many extraordinary alternatives available to students, parents and teachers."She urges us to help us make this film a reality. Learn more about it by visiting: http://www.johntaylorgatto.com/fourthpurpose/gatto.htm.

cheers
Beverley
www.alwayslearningbooks.com.au
http://homeschoolaustralia.beverleypaine.com

It's inevitable that homeschooling is going to be a huge political issue for many families over the coming twelve months as they seek clarification and 'a fair go' over the 2005 parenting payment Budget decisions. But what about the rest of us? Should we care? Should we spend precious hours discussing complex issues, calling politicians and bureaucrats, and worrying about new threats to our homeschooling freedoms?

Most of us just want to be left in peace to get on with educating our children: to watch them grow and share with them the thrill of discovery that learning brings each day. The last thing we want to be bothered with is jumping through hoops to satisfy others that our children are being cared for appropriately.

Reform of government regulations and state laws hover continuously on the horizon. The homeschooling community has always been divided about consultation with legislation review process - division fed by suspicion and ignorance. Regulation of home education has a major impact on the daily lives of homeschooling families. Without staying vigilant it's possible that one day homeschooling children may have to take standardised tests, which will mean studying a standardised or prescribed curriculum in order to do well on the tests. Families seeking an alternative education would find this unbearable. The result would be more families homeschooling 'underground' with the consequent lack of access to excellent educational resources available to every other student in the country.

We opted for home education because schools have let us down - they are not delivering what they promise to ALL students. Most of us don't want to replicate the mistakes made in the education system - we want to carve out a bold, brave new education system that is responsive to our children's individual learning needs, and to our personal, family and cultural heritage. To preserve this ability to educate our children at home in the way that we, as parents, see fit, then homeschooling, necessarily becomes political.

From time to time, the media drums up some interest in homeschooling and this creates debate. about the merits, and about the character of those that choose to drop out school-based education. Although less than 2% of children homeschool, home education is seen as a threat to public schooling. The rivalry between public and private education has a new facet - and the reaction by ardent public school supporters is as vitrolic as it has ever been. Despite the fact that home education substantially reduces the cost of education for the government and taxpayers, compared to private school education, public school advocates use the reduction in funding as a major objection to homeschooling. And these advocates have powerful political allies with considerable historical clout in the parents organisations and teacher unions. These people see home education as a challenge to public schools.

Many of the philosophies underpinning home education challenge the prevalent ideas of education and learning in society. By doing the job better than schools, home educators challenge the underlying assumptions of education (see Challenging Assumptions in Education, by Wendy Preirsnitz). As our children graduate and move into the adult world of work it will become even more apparent that home education is not only viable, but highly successful. Homeschooling graduates are already sought by employers and university selection boards in the USA as desirable.

Homeschoolers are up against some strong, but erroneous, beliefs. A common objection, loudly voiced by the school sector, is that in the absense of the 'melting pot' socialisation process of school, children will become elitist adults, living in secluded enclaves that somehow present a threat to the whole of society. This 'cult' view of home education is unfounded, yet it flourishes. People fear the unknown. People fear minorities - and home education represents a minority movement in Australia. Homeschoolers are not seen as harmless, or a fad that will fade, or a temparory reaction to local problems. And indeed, we are not these things. Our consumeristic dollar will soon begin to bite and as the commercial world of curriculum suppliers wakes up to potential market and takes up our cause as their own (in order to exploit us) our foes will work even harder to dissuade us from our path.

As a minority we're disadvantaged in a democracy, and like other minority causes, we need a strong, and loud lobby to be heard and understood. It's easy to sit back and let others take up the fight for a fair go - for our children - but ultimately, eventually, the fight will be brought to each and every homeschooling family.We mustn't let our busy lifestyles or political apathy distract us from being vigilant.

In the US, according to Larry and Susan Kaseman, "as soon as there were enough homeschoolers to be noticed, the educational establishment devised all kinds of anti-homeschooling schemes: Outlaw it (which never happened). Require homeschoolers to take state-mandated tests or submit their curriculums for review and approval or do whatever it takes to make them like public schools. Entice them to participate in public school programs, take classes, enroll in virtual charter schools."

The Kaseman's warn that:
"The pressure to increase state regulation of homeschooling, to keep it under control and make it more like conventional schooling and less of a threat means that actions of individual homeschoolers affect the whole homeschooling community, another reason homeschooling is political. Actions of individuals are magnified. If a family decides to eat only organic food and tells the manager of their local grocery store, other families will not be told to do the same. But if a homeschooler gives a school official more information than is required by statute this precedent will increase pressure on other homeschoolers to do the same."

Despite this bleak outlook there are some things we can ALL do to make the political life of home education much easier for all of us...

1. Understand your repsonsibilities according to your state law. Comply exactly and no more - or protest appropriately. Don't rely on others - seek the information you need for yourself. That way you will be sure that the information is up-to-date and relevant. The Kaseman's remind us that "often public officials are uninformed or misinformed about the specifics of the laws. It is our responsibility to know what laws say and to question and educate officials when necessary." Vanessa Whittaker's experience in South Australia is a brilliant example of what can be achieved when accurate information is acquired and acted upon.

2. Be wary of accepting funding and 'benefits' from government or educational instititutions or commercial enterprises - check the small print carefully for compulsory obligation. You may inadvertantly give away more than you gain! We can fight for access to services and opportunities funded by taxpayers without giving up the freedom to educate our children to the best of our abilities and needs. We should never have to compromise our educational standards to gain access to that which other students enjoy.

3. We need to carefully consider any long term effects of any action we take or iniate. This may mean that we read about others' experiences, especially fellow home educators in the USA and UK, who trod this weary path many years before us. Often the best intentioned actions backfire. Read books on home education, bookmark blogs and websites and visit them often. Keep up with recent research on home education outcomes. Stay informed!

4. Don't sacrifice the all important job of educating our children to play a leading role in the battle for equitable home education provision; find a niche that suits your interests and energy levels and play 'nicely' with other home educators. Value the contributions and efforts of others, even if you disagree with the direction or action - it will take everything we have to offer to combat the push to regulate us out of existence. Our strength lies primarily in our diversity. It's something governements and bureaucracies have difficulty dealing with. We rejected the 'one-size-fits-all' model of life when we turned out backs on school and chose to champion individual and autonomous learning for our children.

5. We need to work, in our own individual ways, to gain acceptance and support from the general public. This may be all the political activity you do - encouraging your relatives and neighbours that homeschooling is a successful and viable alternative to school based education. Or it may be the start of building supportive homeschooling communities. It's up to you. The Kasemans point out that "positive public opinion grows when homeschoolers write polite, articulate letters to the editor; are featured in media stories about the strengths of homeschooling; are active in their communities, etc". This is something we can all do at some time; it can even be part of our homeschooling learning programs.

We need to avoid public opinion swinging against us, as in when homeschooling is seen a fringe movement, or as something "too hard" forthe everyday person to do without help. As a fledgling movement we've done exceptionally well in a very short time. We need to build on our successes - learn from them - and encourage schools to learn from them as well. We have something positive to offer the world of education. Ours in an alternative that works, and deserves encouragement, not restriction.

Your feedback on this topic is most welcome.

cheers
Beverley
www.alwayslearningbooks.com.au
http://homeschoolaustralia.beverleypaine.com

Learning styles... I didn't meet this concept until my kids were in their teens so applied common sense only to my children. I learned when they were toddlers that I couldn't parent them the same way. Each child was different! What a surprise. I couldn't discipline Roger the same way as April, so all my research and knowledge on that subject went onto the top shelf and I started again. Thomas presented yet another version of child - eeek! What worked on Roger didn't work on him. I found myself using different parenting, teaching, disciplining... styles with each child. I guess you could say I learned about learning styles in a very natural fashion!

Somewhere along the way I had a sane moment and figured that if I worked out how best *I* learn I might get a handle on what to do with these three kids. I thought about all the things that make me tick - what I like, don't like, what turns me on, keeps me going, how I do things, both 'good' and 'bad', the distractions I'm addicted to, etc. I discovered that Robin -dear husband - didn't think like me... This was after a decade of marriage. Suddenly the problems in our marriage made sense. I fully expected that his brain was wired the same way as mine and couldn't understand why he couldn't analyse literature, or predict what people were going to do next, or do three things at once and still have a conversation with me! He suddenly realised why the kids stopped paying attention when he took on the role of teacher and preached his knowledge at them, expecting them to instantly learn... :-)

Without knowing that Howard Gardiner, Thomas Armstrong or Alan Thomas existed, I worked out that if I treated my children as PEOPLE, rather than children, and thought of us all as LEARNERS, then homeschooling became a lot easier. It had to do with respect, rather than doing or knowing anything in particular. By watching how my very different three learners learned, and by observing how *I* learned, it became apparent that we were all using very similar techniques, regardless of age. From there I noticed that I had definite preferences for particular methods. I like to read and think. I need to write. I have to make meaning that is personal. I don't retail details. I'm a big picture person. I test hypothesises. Learning styles - the things the above guys write about - is about preferences. Underneath the preferences we all learn in much the same way. As we grow we hone our preferences - usually at the expense of an all-round holistic education. Me, I gave up my musical ability to focus on my passion for writing stories instead of lyrics to songs. Every so often a few lines of a song will burst from me, original words and tune, and I wonder if, had I lived differently as tot, might I have become a Kylie Minogue? The 'left-brained' scientist and writer dominated and I'm happy.

Below is how I learn, and it's how I see most people, including my children learn. I accomodated my children's learning preferences/styles, once I recognised that they weren't little duplicates of me, where I could, and I probably could have done a much better job. It's about providing the most suitable resources and opportunities, but also about keeping education holistically balanced and continuously providing opportunity to exercise the whole body, mind and spirit, not just what we're naturally talented at or interested in... Howard Gardner's multiple intelligences - http://www.pz.harvard.edu/PIs/HG.htmis - are great way to get a handle on understanding the whole person. There is more great information at www.thomasarmstrong.com/multiple_intelligences.htm.

How I learn:

First I fully believe that "I live, therefore I learn!" I can't avoid learning - it's as natural as breathing (John Holt). As an asthmatic I know that, just as breathing can be laboured and hard work, so can learning...

When I look at how I learn best I can see the following processes happening:

I become immersed in whatever it is that I am interested in learning. I find out as much as I can about my task or interest - it becomes almost obsessive, until my appetite for information or quest for skills has abated. I become totally focussed and involved. It doesn't matter if I am learning to tie a shoe lace or rebuild a combustion engine, the concentration that follows my intense interest drives the learning process. This is immersion. This is natural learning.

I recognise that as an individual I would learn very little on my own and left to my own devices. Humans are social creatures - we learn by watching and by listening to others. Sometimes this is called imitation, or another, less favoured word is copying. But more importantly I observe the demonstrations that take place everyday of those skills and actions I need or want to emulate. The higher my interest or passion the closer I observe and learn. If I wanted to learn to play piano I would seek out the company of other pianists and watch, listen and learn, copy their playing techniques, ask them to demonstrate their skill for me. Observation and demonstration are key aspects to natural learning.

But learning doesn't flow from simply observing others demonstrating skills, or listening to the knowledge and wisdom of others. Learning involves engagement, actively doing whatever it is I need to do in order to learn. The best learning occurs when my interest is focussed and I am using my whole body. I am an active learner. A person that 'does' as well as 'think'. I actively construct my experiences, in a social context.

No one learns in a social vacuum. Whether the expectation to learn and succeed comes from within ourselves or from others this expectation is a necessary aspect of learning. A high level of expectation of success is a prerequisite to success. Natural learners trust in the innate ability of children and adults to learn. This trust is grounded on a firm foundation of acute observation of past experience. Most importantly, as a learner, I feel supported by this trust and faith in my ability to be a successful learner by important people in my life.

I understand the responsibility for learning rests completely with me, the learner. To engage in meaningful and successful learning I may engage the services of a teacher, but the teacher can't coerce or force me to learn if I am not interested or motivated to learn at that particular moment. I can remember many times learning 'parrot fashion' or memorising lessons in school that had no meaning for me. I scarcely remember the content of those lessons at all, and realise that much of what I learned at school was because I had to, rather than wanted to. I rarely understood why I needed to learn at all everything put before me, and most of it has either left me completely or has never been of any practical use in my adult life.

When I think back to my most successful learning experiences as a child I can see that I was fully engaged, interested and passionate. I now recognise that these were also the times that I carried the responsibility for my own learning, times I was allowed to be fully responsible for the learning occurring.

Of course, it is important to use and practice new learning or it quickly fades. This isn't the same as rote memorising or doing pages and pages of drill exercises... for the natural learner using the new skill or knowledge in a meaningful context a couple of times is all that is required to firmly cement it into the realms of experience, ready to be recalled and used at any time in the future. We tend to forget those things that are not of use, or interest or learned without full engagement of our minds and bodies.

As a learner I often make mistakes - make guesses, approximations, have a go, try things out. This is another essential aspect of the learning process. Everyone makes approximations in the learning process - there is nothing inherently wrong with it. Some people value the ability to make approximations highly, seeing it as creative or lateral thinking! Viewing 'mistakes' as positive learning experiences opens up many doors, inviting learners on journeys of discovery... The wisest piece of advice on learning that I've ever heard was to value the process of asking questions over that of discovering answers. The question is the key to discovery, and the question can never be wrong!

All of us need feedback, some kind of response to our learning journeys. I know I do. Natural learners don't thrive on reward or punishment - stickers, certificates or detention - no one does. Natural learners thrive on meaningful and positive feedback. Critical evaluation needs to be continuous, reflective, constructive, positive and supportive.

Learning is a natural phenomenon. It is like breathing. When it stops, you're dead! It occurs in the home learning environment regardless of educational philosophy and methodologies adopted. Taking advantage of this type of learning offers a superior education seldom found in educational institutions.

love, light and peace
Beverley
www.alwayslearningbooks.com.au
http://homeschoolaustralia.beverleypaine.com

What we do in daily life determines what maths we use and learn. The more we use our mathematical abilities the more we learn! If our lives are rich in opportunities to think mathematically, logically, rationally, recognise and use the patterns that are all about us every day; if we use our brains to calculate, and work out how to calculate mostly by thinking about how to do it, testing and trying out methods we dream up...

All this adds up to learning maths naturally and it is surprising how much we can learn without the help of others. Remember, once upon a time there were no books and that humanity came a long way without them!

Most of the maths we use is every day maths... those that use 'higher' maths are naturally drawn to learning those skills - originally from mentors and those they admired and wished to emulate, or as apprentices (working on the job, figuring out stuff because of a real need, rather than a 'curriculum' requirement. A text book can be a most suitable tutor. Natural learners use the tools they need to reach the goals they themselves set.

A busy life with lots to do, with a focus on practical projects and production basically ensures the development of natural maths skills. Most children will never become mathematicians, just like some children won't become authors or orators. We all need the basics though. Ask yourself what those basics are and concentrate on helping your children achieve mathematical proficiency in those areas through every day activities and then, when they reach the teenage years let them take their own learning on from there.

But exactly how to children learn maths skills naturally without text books - what does the process of learning look like? We all know our children seem to simply 'pick up' basic maths just from every day activities, but what goes on in their heads. I think it has a lot to do with recognising, manipulating and using patterns, but I'm no expert and I'm curious. What do other people think? Is it just a matter or leading a busy productive life which is what I keep telling people, or is there more to it than that?

love and peace to you all,
Beverley
www.alwayslearningbooks.com.au
http://homeschoolaustralia.beverleypaine.com

Question:
"I am writting to you to ask you for some information about homeschooling. My dad said before we decide on anything I have to get enough information to convince him why I should do homeschooling and what the advantages of my education being better are if I to learn from home and what the best homeschooling programe is to go with."

Answer:
How and what you would like to learn is important in working out what kind of home educational program you wish to go with. It's up to you. Most home educating families write their own learning programs tailored to their children's learning styles and family preferences. For example, a musically talented child will focus on learning music, while still learning basic literacy and numeracy skills and aiming for good general knowledge and life skills. A young person interested in astronomy will design their learning program around maths and the sciences, while maintaining a relationship with the world of fiction, possibly through movies, tv and computer media instead of books... I have some excellent books written for parents and teenagers about homeschooling that encourage both to consider education in a wider context than schools tend to - to embrace education as a life long pursuit not aimed at getting a job but at fulfilling one's potential in every direction. Look at my Always Learning Books website www.alwayslearningbooks.com.au and go to the pages for Homeschooling The Teen Years, Teenage Liberation Handbook and Guerrilla Learning to read reviews, contents lists, etc. For a more schoolish approach to homeschooling, visit the websites of the homeschool suppliers on my Homeschool Australia website http://homeschoolaustralia.beverleypaine.com You'll find them on my Favourite Links pages. While you are browsing the Homeschool Australia website check out the many articles on homeschooling teenagers on my Articles Index. The other choice you have is to look into correspondence courses - you may be able to enrol in the state correspondence school - phone the education department in your state to obtain details and enrollment criteria. There are private correspondence schools that offer courses, especially post-compulsory school years such as the high school certificate or bridging courses. If you are over 15 you may consider TAFE as an option.

Does homeschooling work?

The number of research studies demonstrating the effectiveness of home learning for academic and social success increase each year. For many families the unintended outcomes far outweigh perceived academic benefits. These following homeschooling outcomes, combined from national and international research including John Peacock's major Australian study, The Why and How of Home Education in Australia, have been consistently listed:

• closer family relationships, with children playing a more positive and significant role in family life, and an emphasis on family making skills;
• parental personal fulfilment and increased learning opportunities for parents as well as children;
• greater understanding of personal responsibility;
• natural fostering of co-operative and team behaviours;
• an empowering process for both parents and children;
• greater freedom from arbitrary time limits such as terms and year levels to pursue educational activities and interests;
• increased opportunity for one to one interaction with more skilled peers or parents, which lead to cognitive challenges and gains;
• children are able to ask more questions, with more time allowed for answers to be found, leading to increased motivation for learning;
• children and parents engage in more complex language in the home learning environment compared with classroom settings, and this improves the intellectual and language development of children;
• children have been consistently shown to rate equal to or higher than average on standardised achievement tests in the USA;
• home educated children's self concept has been shown to be significantly higher than schooled children, indicating that home education does not socially deprive children but produces socially well adjusted young people;
• children are less peer oriented;
• increased involvement in community activities;
• greater attainment of independent learning skills, self-motivation and organisational abilities.

Schools promise of these outcomes but fail to guarantees achievement for all students. Schools continue to fail students, citing many excuses - family problems, individual learning difficulties, lack of adequate resourcing, under-financing by funding bodies. Homeschooling families find failure an unacceptable outcome. The drive to succeed in the homeschooling endeavour is very high, with parents continuously searching for better and more successful methods, resources and outcomes. Unlike teachers, parents are directly accountable to the homeschooled student, in an immediate way, every day. Problems with education are not left to fester indefinitely. Homeschooling allows considerable flexibility in delivering excellence in education - flexibility schools can't match.

My own children, homeschooled since 1986, and now aged 24, 22 and 18, were allowed to follow their interests and participate fully in family life and activities, which included building, landscaping, running a small business, gardening, household chores, work experience, voluntary and paid employment during their teen years. At 24, April now manages a retail/service shop; at 22 Roger is employed and a landlord of two investment properties; at 18 Thomas manages my many websites and assists me in running Always Learning Books, as well as taking care of our menagerie of almost 100 furry and feathered pets! People often commented on how mature and sensible my children were as they were growing up, and find them respectful, cooperative, and knowlegable about a huge range of topics.

An 'alternative' education based on your personal and family interests, hobbies and passions is worth exploring - matching what and how and when you learn to your intrinsic motivation to learn, rather than jumping through arbitrary hoops to pass exams or land a job or place at university. Living life, rather than learning about it, is the best education to be had and has proved effective over millenia. You can still learn from books, do courses, and learn from teachers who are passionate about what they are doing. The difference is that you get to choose the quality of experience and materials... The learning resources available to you are infinite and amazing, starting with your local library and community.

Good luck on your life long educational journey!

Beverley
www.alwayslearningbooks.com.au
http://homeschoolaustralia.beverleypaine.com

We homeschooled for a couple of years when April and Roger were first at school age, then attended an alternative class where parents could attend and be involved as much as they like for a couple of years. We dropped out when they sprayed termiticide under the school building for six months, then returned as a part-time school and homeschooled family. We had another stint of full time homeschooling, then April chose to go to regular highschool part-time, and finally full-time for years 11 and 12. Her brothers remained completely homeschooled.

I think any time spent homeschooling is empowering, for both child and parents (and any school going siblings). It shows that there are many ways to become educated, not just one. It gives parents and children an opportunity to really get to know one another, work cooperatively through difficult situations as they happen, and to find satisfactory solutions that suit individual family members and current circumstances. It shows that the 'one size fits all' solutions often paraded about in our society as the best aren't the only ones out there.

Sometimes I think that it would be good to rewrite our past - there are things I fantasise about doing differently, but realise that we wouldn't be the wonderful family we are today if not for the experiences we went through. Would I risk changing that? Everything in our lives is a learning experience and it's up to us to find the 'lesson' in each and every moment, savour it, and move on... to the next. No regrets - only learning opportunities!

Our haphazard school/homeschooling life over the last 20 years has only made us wiser and stronger. We've tried a little of everything on the smorgasbord, rejected that which didn't seem best for us at the time and embraced that which worked well. The most empowering thing about home education is that it gives us CHOICE.

cheers
Beverley
www.alwayslearningbooks.com.au
http://homeschoolaustralia.beverleypaine.com

Much of what I learned about educating my children at home came slowly, almost painfully at times, as I learned to let go of what I thought I should do and began to listen to what my children needed, and reflected on how they were naturally learning despite my clumsy attempts at teaching them.

Nowadays I tell people to allow plenty of time to 'let go'. Change needs to be slow and considered, and achieved with mindfulness, to be lasting. Change also happens without any effort at all at this speed. All you really need to do is challenge your motivation to achieve educational goals with your children. Ask yourself 'why do I want them to learn or do this?' often - and don't restrict this to the obvious educational lessons in life. I questioned things like cleaning teeth three times and day and why children should wear shoes... I continually test my assumptions by imagining if I'd do and think the same thing if I lived in a different era, place, culture or as a different person. My beliefs and attitudes are forever being adjusted in the light of my new understandings.

Homeschooling life became a lot easier for all of us when I learned to recognise those imperatives that came from MY head and heart. Most of my earlier educational goals were based on what I thought people wanted me to do, what I thought was expected of me, as well as my fears that people would think I wasn't good enough as a mother or educator if I didn't live up to these expectations (which were guided by the parenting I had as a child, as well as the onslaught of messages from a hyperactive consumeristic media!) My homeschooling learning programs weren't centred, they weren't grounded in what each of my children needed to learn next in their lives, based on who they were, but on what society said they should be, and what I should be... and what I needed to own to get there...

Once I slowed down and stopped rushing in to satisfy those unknown others, or the nagging critic in my head, I had time to watch and listen to my children - as they played, as they talked to each other and to me, as they worked. I was surprised by how much 'work' my children did each day. I used to think that they played all day, but when I stopped trying to organise their time so much I saw that much of their play taught them the very lessons I'd spend hours preparing! Learning, play and work soon became inseparable. For children, learning is invisible. It's a pity we make it visible - that only leads to confusion.

cheers
Beverley
www.alwayslearningbooks.com.au
http://homeschoolaustralia.beverleypaine.com

I made all the usual 'mistakes' as a parent and knew nothing about attachment parenting, or non-coersive parenting and only came across TCC when my eldest was nearly 5 and I was pregnant with my third child... The kids turned out all right though and I thoroughly recommend regularly apologising to your kids and explaining your ignorance and learning process as you go along!

I ditched notions of 'good' and 'bad' altogether and adopted the more sensible approach of considering behaviour and situations as 'appropriate' and 'not appropriate'. I hate the value/moral judgement that comes from using 'good' and 'bad'. I think John Holt once wrote about the uselessness of the word 'good' - just exactly what does it mean? Try defining it... it depends heavily on context, which means that people have to more or less guess what you're getting at. Those two words seem to invoke shame more than any other words in our language! I'm not a fan of shame.

'Appropriate' tends to look at behaviour in a matter of fact way - does this behaviour achieve the desired results? Then we start looking at motivation and goals, and actions in the light of what we need and want, from ourselves, the situation and others. It dampens the emotion by applying rational thought - action instead of reaction.

I even stopped using the terms 'negative' and 'positive', which were buzz words when my childrne were young, and started using 'constructive' and 'destructive' as these words clearly conveyed exactly what I wanted. An action or behaviour is very clearly constructive - it builds - or destructive, or destroys. This could be building friendship, community, happy feelings, desired outcomes, anything that will help us reach our eventual goals; or destroying friendship, producing unhappy or hurt feelings, breaking belongings, moving us further from our goals...

It took a lot of reprogramming for me to change my inner and outer dialogue but the more I persisted in changing the language I used the quicker my behaviour and attitudes changed. I was patient with myself. I see life as a learning journey full of 'learning opportunities' - something I used to call 'mistakes'! Learning is about having a go, making approximations, slowly adjusting our actions to gradually produce the desired outcome. Somewhere along the line this process became fixated on getting it 'right' (whatever that means!) the first time. We were then made to feel ashamed for not learning in a fast and furious manner, or for not being 'perfect' (whatever that means!).

I blame school, of course! But blaming isn't an appropriate (in this case useful or constructive) action... :-)

cheers
Beverley
www.alwayslearningbooks.com.au
http://homeschoolaustralia.beverleypaine.com

A homeschooling friend recently had the problem that every lesson she prepared for her son simply became a springboard to something totally different - usually in the direction he wanted to take it which wasn't the outcome she'd planned for at all. An ex-teacher friend made the comment that he had "too much control over his environment, and that school would show him that life isn't all about what he wants".

This is something I battled with for years - knowing that my kids needed to learn the tough lessons... Eventually I realised that life itself teaches us that. We can't get what we want when we want it all the time, and sometimes not at all, for lots and lots of reasons, and when we think about it, this is a lesson that we begin learning - naturally - in the crib! We seem to worry more about our kids learning this lesson when other people point it out to us; for example, when their perception is that our kids are 'spoiled' or could be 'spoiled' by us not forcing them to accept - right now - the inevitable reality that life isn't what we'd like it to be all the time!

Thomas has come to slowly work out - in his teen years - that there are many things in life that need to be done that he doesn't want to do, but they must be done for life to flow smoothly, or for him to be able to a