i am being so strong for those i love but it's making it hard for me to be able to let go and

let it out i have had a lot of time to think when i take the 1 day off a week to my self but it still feels like it's not enough i am  going back for surgary for the 3rd time this year and i am petrified bacause my mummy used to always be there when i awoke and now she wont be i am so torn plus i have so much stressing me out i feel like falling in a heap and just giving up if only it was that easy.