I've heard a lot about the benefits of the gym ball/ birthing balls, so started to form a plan of getting one and seeing if I could get the same results.  Said plan forming, I shared it with Les, who, the next time he was out, bought one for me.

It sat there for about 3 days before I finally got so uncomfortable last night, I decided to pump it up.  Les had better luck though, took me 30 mins and still got nowhere.  I guess men are just more full of hot air than we ever thought.

Ball pumped up and ready for experimentation.  Ok, now to try not look as though I am drunk.  Oops!  More unwanted wobbling.

Cut a long story short, I spent about 2 hours (on and off, had other things to do) bouncing and rocking away on the ball.  OMG!  I had not had relief like that for quite some time.  While I still have to use my own body weight to keep my from ending up on the floor, I could feel the pressure being eased off my back and pelvic region!  It was heaven!

Once I got comfy with just sitting and gently moving, I decided to experiment a bit further.  Poor knees, I now have to get a soft mat so that I don't end up with carpet burn.  This very simple, very plastic round thing is going to be great for when I'm in labour!  I tried many different ways of stretching and getting relief, and I think that as long as I don't feel any added pain, anything with this ball goes.

I even dragged it to the couch, had my lower back on the ball and upper back on the couch and oh!  What a way to get rid of back tension!  It was heaven! (seems to be the theme here! lol).

I can see why it is supposed to be great for burning fat though.  After just a few minutes of what seemed to me to be just sitting there trying not to act like a drunk pirate, I was sweating like the proverbial pig!  Oh wow, might work for darling Les, who's tummy seems to be outgrowing mine! (but there's more of him to keep me warm at night!).

Yep, I decided I finally needed to have a shower and les thought he would have a play with my new toy.  Notice I said My new toy?  Yeah, as much as I like sharing, I still had that 'mine' mentality going and had to stop myself from pushing him off it.   I told him so too, and he just laughed!  Bet he wouldn't have if I had pushed him off!

Les' verdict is that it will help to ease his backache too!  Great news for me!  No more spending hours knotting my muscles up! lol.  No, i love rubbing his back, but it isn't always enough.

So, I see I managed to give the long story after all.  Oops!

any preggy lady who is in pain, get one of these balls!  You don't have to be the most coordinated person in the world to use it and it really does work!  Take away your computer chair and use the ball instead!  It will mean you can spend longer here before needing a break! lol.

 

This afternoon there was a knock at the door.  Flower delivery for yours truely!  Wow!  They are gorgeous!!!!  A beautiful selection of lilies some in flower and many more flower heads yet to open, all mixed in with a nice arrangement of decorative branches.

On the card, it says 'Because We Care'.  That's it.  No mention of who they are from, but I have my suspicions.......

Top of the List and decreasing in order of likeliness:

1. A certain Minti Member who may or may not have paired up with another (or more) members.  The reason is because it is the sort of thing they would do, right down to not signing the card.  I'm talking about someone who gives a lot to their local community and is taking on more all the time.  Someone with a great sense of humour, and who is hounding Les and I to come for a visit.
2. Another Minti Member who lives a bit closer, but not entirely sure.  They are sweet and generous of heart etc, but like many of us, finding this inflation rather taxing and if it is them, they should know better.
3. Our housing group.  They have already made it very clear that we are one of their best tennants, and are pushing us in line for this other 4 bedroom house closer to Ayla's school.
4. Telstra.  Sounds weird, but plausible.  They have ready access to my address etc and I did launch a complaint with them about a service the other day, which was responded to very quickly, given that I threatened to take the matter to the ACCC.

Now, you might notice I didn't mention any of my family.  Well, that's because they don't do this sort of thing unless it is a special occassion.  Besides, they are too busy living their lives to be concerned with sending me on a goosechase! 

So, to the wonderful person/s who sent these gorgeous flowers to me, I thank you deeply from the bottom of my heart.  I just wish I knew for sure who the culprit is so that I can say to them that they really didn't need to do this as I already know they care.

I do hope they put their hands up and confess though!!!!!  Like before I go into labour! lol.  Though, that might be too late, as things are starting to progress even further.

I just want to say to everyone that I care and understand and will always do my best to offer whatever support and advice I can, no matter how silly it may seem.

Some of you may recall my blog post from a while ago about how frustrated I was that I couldn't get into my writing groove.  The frustration was immense, almost to the point I wanted to cry and delete my already hard typed and written works.  Thankfully, I didn't and just as well.

All day yesterday, I was itching to get my laptop out and take a look at what I already had.  Having little monkeys around makes it hard to get into my 'work' during the day as, while I love having little helpers, this is my work and I'm going to be selfish about it.  Got that girls MINE!!!!!!!!!

By 9:30pm, all the youngest members of our troop were safely tucked up in bed and I could finally get my poor laptop out, not an easy thing to do.  There was a pile of my craft stuff on top not to mention 10 inches of dust!!!!  Ok, so a healthy coating of dust, which I believe is actually good for a long disused computer.  Don't ask me how, but apparently a thin layer of dust helps to protect against other damage like scratching and sun damage.

To the couch my laptop and I headed, along with my toolbag of writing.  Open lid, push on switch and yeah......um......had it really been that long since I last used this poor device?  That battery was completely flat!!!!!!!!  Just as well I have the charger, so Les plugged it in from his study and then I held my breath to see if the poor machine would explode.  Nope, booted first time with no worries, and continued to behave for the remainder of the night.

I found the files I wanted and got stuck in.  My novel is coming along nicely, and the section I worked on last night went from 3 pages to 7 pages!!!!!!  Wow!  OMG!!  I more than doubled what was already there!!!!!

Working on my book again felt so good, almost too good.  I didn't make it to bed until 3am!!!!!!!!  I was just having way too much fun 'working'!  And yes, my writing is my work.  Les wants that BMW, so I have to earn it for him, though he does more constructive writing than I do, go figure!

Now at 11:30 am, I am itching to get back to it!!!!!  Oh how mesmerized I was by my own words!  Hey, the writer has to get lost in their own work before they can expect a reader to.  Am I right?  I'm sure other writers will back me up on that one.

Any ways, the whole point is now I can't seem to stop!  I know I blog alot here, but this is different, it isn't a novel but a sharing of my life.  My book is another baby of mine, one that I have to watch grow and change under my direction, and the help of the Editor in Chief (Les), just as I have to watch my own girls grow too.

I think my writing groove is finally back, and while I will still keep touching base with you all, what I really want to be doing is relaxing on the couch pounding away on my laptop.  Yeah, I know, Minti will go in shock and ban me for life!

Over the last couple of days, Puggle has been doing some groovy moving.  She is now in perfect position to just fall out if nothing was there to hold her in.  I can feel her head when I wipe myself after the using the toilet, which she doesn't like very much!!!!!! lol.

My plug is starting to come away, and I am very sore around the cervix.  Doesn't help when there are hands and a head trying to break through either Puggle!!!!  You hear me?  I can feel everything you are doing!!!!!

We still supposedly have 6 weeks to go, but I think my gp was right after all.  His original due date calculation was 4th July, 5 weeks off what it is now.  I then told him there had been a stuff up in my dates, but I don't think I got the period part wrong!  That was still in September last year and I didn't have a positive test until November.  Reflecting, I was starting to feel pregnant around the end of October, so who know now.  Arrgggghhh! lol. 

I'm tired, moody and oh so not nice to be around at the moment.  Les and the girls are putting up with me, but only because they know who the real boss is!!!! lol.

I guess we will just have to wait and see what happens.

For a while now, we have been trying to get Willow out of nappies.  For the last few months, she has been in big girl knickers during the day, with only a few small dramas (like the way she sits on the toilet and direction control!!!!  You think boys are bad!) that we knew we would have and just reminded ourselves that it is going to happen and we can't do much about it.

Well, the last week or so, Willow has been completely out of nappies!  Yay!  Knickers over night and during the day!!!!!!  Ok, we had one accident, but her bed was dry so we are thinking she didn't go to the toilet soon enough after getting out of bed.

I can't believe that after 2 years of getting our stubborn mule to understand potty training and getting her to cooperate, we have finally one the battle! 

Relief!  Now we only have 2 in nappies, though I think Laurel will be out of them during the day soon too.  Then when Puggle comes along......Ok, so one out, one in!

The battle has been hard as Willow is well, Willow.  She doesn't have any issues, like Austism etc, but geez, this girl will look at you with a blank stare when you talk to her.  This gets Mummy's back up, I can tell you!

Hopefully, things will keep going well, and I will win the vacant stare battle too  before much longer!

It is 2am in the usually easy going town of Gympie, but it seems to be all go outside our place right now.

At 1am, I went for my shower, as Les had gone to bed and I really needed to reduce the aching in my back.  Here I am, scrubbing away (and trying to keep the shampoo out of my eyes! lol.) when all of a sudden, I can hear a helicopter!  OMG!  It sounded like it was going to land on our roof it was that loud!

No such luck!  Damn!  Going to have to wait until the next 4 bedroom house comes up instead of forcing the issue with a high flying machine! lol.

I finished up, got dressed, and went tearing outside to see what all the fuss was.  We live across the road from Gympie State High School oval.  Over by the entry gate was an ambulance and a medic support vehicle.  Ok, obviously the heli-pad by the hospital can't be used, as it is rather foggy out there tonight!

Well, this helicopter has been flying around in circles non stop for the past hour, shining it's spotlight right into our windows, so now I don't know what to think.  It is like they are looking for someone, but there are no police cars anywhere, only the ambulance and support vehicle.

The noise has been deafening to say the least, and my girls are all stirring, so I don't think it will be long and I will be dragging the futon cushion onto the floor, grabbing all the spare blankets and bunking down with my girls for the night, only I won't be sleeping! lol.

Yeah, I'm a sticky beak, especially when it comes to something that affects my family, and this is!!!!!!!!

Oh well, it's gone quiet again, but for how long.  Best keep moving.  Maybe it will be on the news tomorrow night, who knows, I just want to know why they are waking us up in the middle of the night with the constant back and forth of the over grown mosquito!!!!!!!!!!

As I may or may not have mentioned before, there is some debate as to my due dates.  By ultrasound I'm due 13 August this year, by clinical size, I'm due around 20 July.  Big discrepancy and it has had me somewhat worried.  Ultrasound dates then put me currently at about 33 weeks, GP's put me at about 37 weeks!

I have had 2 ultrasounds done now, one here in Gympie, and the other in Brisbane due to a lack of being able to see whether there was a potential complication with my little Puggle's chest cavity and lungs.  Both give the same dates, and I have trusted them more than the clinical measurings of a General Practioner (gp).

I've never been very good at keeping track of my menstrual cycles, having better things to dwell on as we all do, so accuracy on that score is a no go.  The 2 pregnancy tests I did were in November last year.  The first, was negative, and the second 2 weeks later was positive.  Well, I am now thinking back that far as hard as I can, and I seem to remember that Acacia (who was still breastfeeding at the time) became fussier on the breast earlier than me doing any of the tests.  This by the way, can be an indication of re-habitation of the uterus, ie pregnancy.

What is starting to convince me that I am closer to my GP's truth is the things my body is currently experiencing.  I've had regular periods of braxton hicks contractions for some time now.  These have changed over the last 2 weeks and are forming a very notable pattern.

During the day, they are weaker, less often and not as intense.  Night time however is a different matter.  From about 8:30pm, they are constant, more intense and regular, like every few minutes lasting for upto a minute each.  They don't really hurt, more annoying than anything else.  That is provided I don't stand up!  Wow!  Ouch!  Hello gravity! 

Standing up, they are worse, can stop me in my tracks and take my breath away!  Oh Les is having so much fun laughing at me too, though he's smart enough to keep the amusement only in his eyes!  I can still see it!!!!

The other thing is that these night actions are causing my blood pressure to drop even more.  BH hits, and suddenly I'm having to steady myself and I can feel the blood draining from my face!  I so don't like that feeling.

I also feel bigger and I'm pretty sure Puggle is trying to scratch her own way out too.  Yikes, I can feel her hands playing around with my cervix!  No joke, baby #5, it is just one thing I've learned along the way!  I didn't realise just how big I really am until I wore a dress the other day that I hadn't worn in about a month, and oh boy, not going to be able to wear it again for a while!  Rapid expansion happened and I didn't even notice!  Les did though, could have told me!!!!!

So, now I have to just wait and see what is happening.  A trip to my GP might be a good idea, as would getting to the OB at the hospital (apparently a 2 week wait for an appointment!!!!!!  And that's just to be seen by the midwives!).

Oh boy, there's another one!  I'm sitting down and my blood pressure is still dropping!  Arrrggggghhhhh!

 

Recent events, both in my own life (talking the last 2 years) and the recent spate of highly publicised tragic cases of child abuse and neglect in Australia, have finally prompted me to see that I do ok as a mum, better than ok, I do a great job compared to some.

Having children was something I always wanted, but never thought would happen, especially after 4 miscarriages, and so when Ayla came along, my world was turned upside down, but in a good way.

Willow followed 12 months and 14 days later, and while I was stressed having 2 little ones to look after, I was content.  It helped that Les and I both worked for a tourist park in Gympie as the after hours managers so I still had adult contact and was really enjoying having a nice balance between parenting and a part time job.

The real problems began when we left the park and moved right into the bush, the kind of place where your neighbours were 5 mins away.  Les was working fulltime, and I was left with 2 little kids, alone, I had noone to talk to or to help.

During our time here, we had to deal with the landlady from hell, though she only ever attacked me and threatened me, never Les.  That's what we get for taking the first house we were offered, and for me not putting my lead foot down!!!!!

My depression really sank in, and i began to lose it with my then 2 and 1 year olds.  I was drowning and really believing that I was a terrible mother and that I deserved to lose my babies.

We eventually left that place, and had rougher times ahead, including a temporary seperation, but not because of our relationship (still can't find how to write about this experience without making Les out to be a monster, which he isn't).  I was hearing and seeing how other people viewed me as a parent, at least that's how it felt.

Things went downhill to the point that out of desperation, I called children's services because I couldn't do it alone any more, and was in a caravan park, no car and the shops were like an hours walk away.  by this time, Laurel had joined the family, and Acacia was on the way.

Children's Services referred me to a local group, who came out and saw what was going on, and they really were the turning point for me.  They said I was doing a fantastic job, my kids were such happy little things and that given the circumstances, they had no concerns about their welfare.  They said it was ok to lose it, most parents do at some point and that as far as they were concerned, their sending back a report of children at risk was going to be a waste of time.  They did keep trying to help the girls and I move back to Gympie (were in Tin Can Bay with no help services!) and between them and the local youth services, it was achieved.

Back to Gympie, and after a few more weeks, Les was back too, though not able to live with us (Youth service house rules).  The local community housing group found us our current house, and things really started to look up.  I started to feel a little better, and then Acacia was born.

I plummeted again into believing I was a bad mother, and things were becoming strained once again.  Thankfully, Les sent me the link to Minti, and I was able to start picking myself up again.  I really don't know where  I would be without all the support I've gained from here.

Now, expecting my 5th child in August, I don't feel so afraid that I will fall from sanity (what little any parent can truely have!) as I know that none of you will let me.

After joining minti, and seeing that my children are just the same as everyone elses, I realised that I am a good mother, I do provide for their every need and I go without if need be.  I've learnt that it is ok to lose it with my girls, even if it happens daily, and that what really matters is that they are happy and smiling and LOVED, which they are.

yep, tragic events around Australia recently have reinforced to me that I am a good mother.  My girls have had a great start to life, even if the first 4 years have been spent bumping from place to place.  They took to the adventures with enthusiasm and love new places and experiences.

If anyone were to report me to the authorities, I'd let Welfare come in, because I know that I already have a file with them that states my children are not considered to be at risk, no even low risk, of abuse, neglect or mistreatment.  I'd welcome a formal investigation because at the end, I know that my girls are going nowhere.

Yes, I am a good mother, and I will keep thinking like that because if I don't, then I am letting my girls down.

Oh gosh, I'm in absolute tears writing this, but it feels good to say that while I'm not the best mother in the world, I am the best mother for my girls and they are safe, happy, loved and love me!

Oh, and Les, you put up with so much from me, and I did feel as though I let you down, but we are stronger for everything we have been through, even when there were those trying to keep us apart.  You are my world and I am so grateful that we both took the risk of having our hearts trampled 7+years ago, because I have never once felt like I was unsafe with you around.  I love you so much, and feel as though I don't always look after you properly, but you are a grown man and I'm sure you will always let me know when there is something I can do to help you, not that you can hide anything from me now, I'm watching you like a hawk!!!!

Ok, Thursday I stuck to the plan and went and had my Glucose Tolerance Test done.  Yep, was a good girl on that score!  I took my book with me, and prepared for the 2+ hours it was going to take (they take a base line reading sample and then one every hour for 2 hours after you drink a special glucose drink).

Here the craziness begins! lol.  They took the base reading, ran it, and then shoved the drink at me.  Oh it was heaven!  So cold, sweet and full of flavour and fizzy!!!!!!  Yum!  After not having had anything but water from 10pm the night before, it was pure heaven, and I drank it all within the 5 mins they allowed, actually, it took me about 30 seconds! lol.

My first hour, I sat in the waiting room reading my book.  Oh peace and quiet!  Wow!  I read like 6 chapters in 1 hour!!!!!!!  Yippeee!!!!!  Then I had the next lot of blood taken, all the while the collection nurse was fussing over how I was feeling.  I was fine, a little 'low', but fine.  Ok, I was starving!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My next hour I spent outside in the smoking area (hey, I'd already gone 1+ hours without!), reading my book and then talking with the pathology nurses.  They were really nice people and were very concerned I was there alone! lol.

My last lot of blood was taken and they made me a cuppa and gave me some biscuits, which they snuck out the back door for me!  Ssshhh!  They were naughty! lol.

Off home we went, after Les called me to say he was done at the docs (got his own tests to do!  Suffer!!!!! lol) and relaxed until the afternoon.

Ok, I enjoyed being away from the girls at the hospital!!!! Trust me! lol.  Yet, I can't stand being an in-patient!  Go figure!

We went to pick up Ayla from school, checking the mail box on the way.  No bills!  Yay!!  But a very surprising letter from Cooloola Community Housing, who are our property managers (CCH is a midway point to Public Housing, only the properties are privately owned, but we pay the Public Housing Rent) thanking us for the wonderful experience of them inspecting our property.  They love us! lol.  We don't have the neatest house, but they don't care and are really doing everything to look after us!!!!  A big change to how we have been treated in the private rental market!!!!!!

Got Ayla, and went to get a new bed, as Laurel is big enough now for a single bed.  Well, after some debate, we decided to get Ayla a new bed, and Laurel would have her old one, so we can put the rails back up (convertible bunks)  It arrived today and Les is currently doing a furniture shuffle.  I'm keeping out of that one!  Going to be much excitement tonight! lol.

Finished there, went to get some shopping done, and pick up my layby.  All cool until I needed to use the toilet.  Les took the girls down to the car to load up (takes awhile as you can imagine! lol) and i headed to the toilet. 

Here the day fell apart, and so did I!  I carefully opened the door, as it is a small room to say the least, and the cleaner was behind it, though I didn't hit her, only her bucket.  I said sorry and she said: 'Oh, I bet you are!  You might as well use the toilet as no one listens to the signs any way.'  Well, I told her that I hadn't seen the cleaning sign, and she said it was up.  I did my business, and when I came out of the cubicle, she practically 'mopped' me out of the way, and then left!  I was so upset at being treated so rudely, especially seeing as the sign saying the toilets were closed for cleaning wasn't up at all!  I checked on the way out, and I'm pretty sure it was the same sign as when I went in.

Outcome, a formal complaint is going to be made to centre management over the incident, something which Les and I are going to do together as he doesn't like when I get upset like that.  Ok, so I burst into tears when I made it back to the car!  And yeah, could have been I was tired, but it also wasn't the first time I've been treated rudely by this cleaner!!!!!!!

Well, then I spent the day yesterday in 'nesting' mode.  Wow!  Washing is almost all caught up, but I think I need a few more days break before going nuts again! lol.  At least I was in bed before midnight!!!!!!

Hope every one else is having a good weekend.  And Dannii, I'm having sympathy pains for you!  Not kidding either! lol.  Hope it won't be too long for you now sweetie!

yeah, we all have the flu again.  Les is pretty crook with it at the moment, and all the girls are suffering from coughing, sneezing etc.  Me, well, I'm pretending it hasn't hit me yet, but that isn't going to last much longer.

It is really bad timing, like there is ever a good time for the flu.  I have my obstetric appointment at the hospital tomorrow, but will have to cancel it.  Why/?  Well, I can't take Willow, Laurel and Acacia with me as I could be waiting upto 3 hours to be seen, and I can't leave them at home with Les as he is not the best and I don't want him getting a migraine right now (not that I ever want him to have one).  It is so typical.  Every time I make appointments for me, I have to cancel them for one reason or another.  i'll probably also have to cancel my Glucose Tolerance Test on Thursday morning too, just so that Les will have the energy to keep his doc appointment to get his prescription.

Oh, and the way I've been feeling the last few days, I'm starting to get worried about going into preterm labour.  Had really bad back pain that is now squeezing round the front (not like my braxton hicks which are a gentle squeeze all over) and it kept me awake much of last night, not that sleep was on the cards any way, being on nursing duty and all.  Couch is going to have to put up with me again tonight too!  And I still haven't had my shower yet!  Yikes!  I'm so going to pong by the moring!

Les went to bed at about 10pm due to a bad headache, and I have been trying to concentrate on catching up on some of my computer time, but I am still jumping up every few minutes to see to one or other of the girls.

I tell you what, I will be so glad when my girls are old enough to look after themselves when they are sick!  That will be in about 15 years!

Hope everyone else is keeping the flu away, this is round 5 of it here in the last 6 months!