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 Member » Arna » Blog » Just For Something Different
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Recent events, both in my own life (talking the last 2 years) and the recent spate of highly publicised tragic cases of child abuse and neglect in Australia, have finally prompted me to see that I do ok as a mum, better than ok, I do a great job compared to some.
Having children was something I always wanted, but never thought would happen, especially after 4 miscarriages, and so when Ayla came along, my world was turned upside down, but in a good way.
Willow followed 12 months and 14 days later, and while I was stressed having 2 little ones to look after, I was content. It helped that Les and I both worked for a tourist park in Gympie as the after hours managers so I still had adult contact and was really enjoying having a nice balance between parenting and a part time job.
The real problems began when we left the park and moved right into the bush, the kind of place where your neighbours were 5 mins away. Les was working fulltime, and I was left with 2 little kids, alone, I had noone to talk to or to help.
During our time here, we had to deal with the landlady from hell, though she only ever attacked me and threatened me, never Les. That's what we get for taking the first house we were offered, and for me not putting my lead foot down!!!!!
My depression really sank in, and i began to lose it with my then 2 and 1 year olds. I was drowning and really believing that I was a terrible mother and that I deserved to lose my babies.
We eventually left that place, and had rougher times ahead, including a temporary seperation, but not because of our relationship (still can't find how to write about this experience without making Les out to be a monster, which he isn't). I was hearing and seeing how other people viewed me as a parent, at least that's how it felt.
Things went downhill to the point that out of desperation, I called children's services because I couldn't do it alone any more, and was in a caravan park, no car and the shops were like an hours walk away. by this time, Laurel had joined the family, and Acacia was on the way.
Children's Services referred me to a local group, who came out and saw what was going on, and they really were the turning point for me. They said I was doing a fantastic job, my kids were such happy little things and that given the circumstances, they had no concerns about their welfare. They said it was ok to lose it, most parents do at some point and that as far as they were concerned, their sending back a report of children at risk was going to be a waste of time. They did keep trying to help the girls and I move back to Gympie (were in Tin Can Bay with no help services!) and between them and the local youth services, it was achieved.
Back to Gympie, and after a few more weeks, Les was back too, though not able to live with us (Youth service house rules). The local community housing group found us our current house, and things really started to look up. I started to feel a little better, and then Acacia was born.
I plummeted again into believing I was a bad mother, and things were becoming strained once again. Thankfully, Les sent me the link to Minti, and I was able to start picking myself up again. I really don't know where I would be without all the support I've gained from here.
Now, expecting my 5th child in August, I don't feel so afraid that I will fall from sanity (what little any parent can truely have!) as I know that none of you will let me.
After joining minti, and seeing that my children are just the same as everyone elses, I realised that I am a good mother, I do provide for their every need and I go without if need be. I've learnt that it is ok to lose it with my girls, even if it happens daily, and that what really matters is that they are happy and smiling and LOVED, which they are.
yep, tragic events around Australia recently have reinforced to me that I am a good mother. My girls have had a great start to life, even if the first 4 years have been spent bumping from place to place. They took to the adventures with enthusiasm and love new places and experiences.
If anyone were to report me to the authorities, I'd let Welfare come in, because I know that I already have a file with them that states my children are not considered to be at risk, no even low risk, of abuse, neglect or mistreatment. I'd welcome a formal investigation because at the end, I know that my girls are going nowhere.
Yes, I am a good mother, and I will keep thinking like that because if I don't, then I am letting my girls down.
Oh gosh, I'm in absolute tears writing this, but it feels good to say that while I'm not the best mother in the world, I am the best mother for my girls and they are safe, happy, loved and love me!
Oh, and Les, you put up with so much from me, and I did feel as though I let you down, but we are stronger for everything we have been through, even when there were those trying to keep us apart. You are my world and I am so grateful that we both took the risk of having our hearts trampled 7+years ago, because I have never once felt like I was unsafe with you around. I love you so much, and feel as though I don't always look after you properly, but you are a grown man and I'm sure you will always let me know when there is something I can do to help you, not that you can hide anything from me now, I'm watching you like a hawk!!!! |
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Re: Just For Something Different
Dear Arna, you are truly one awesome lady & friend to so many here on minti, no matter what is happening in your own life...you have always had time for everyone. With sincere guidance, advice, offering a hand in friendship, offering a shoulder to anyone in need....these are qualities that are worth their weight in gold. I see all these qualities that you give so freely, also been given to everyone of your children....no child could ever want for more.
What a kaleidoscope of emotions, lows & highs, bad times & good times, you have experienced for one so young, i'm also certain that all you have experienced, has made you the warm loving, caring mother and friend (to all) that you are.
I also have found minti, a god's sent and a stepping stone to the road of healing and it warm's this old heart of mine to see you slowly opening up some little corners of yourself.
Love Janice
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Re: Just For Something Different
Awww Arna that was so deep and meaningful...
You really had me hanging on to my seat.. well, bed... I'm under my blanket. lol
But no, seriously, Arna, you are a wonderful mother..
You're right, it's ok to "lose it sometimes", I do, as well..
No parent is perfect...
But it's those "crazy moments" that put everything into perspective and make you a better parent :)
You sound like you've gone through so much..
And for you to come back unscathed, shows your determination and dedication to your girls :)
Don't ever let anyone tell you that you're a bad mother, because you're not.. FAR FROM IT..
You try your best to look after your kids, give them all the emotional and financial support that they need..
And you put them before yourself..
If that isn't a great mother, I don't know what is :)
Remember when I first met you ?
I told you that you were the reason that I joined Minti.. and it was and IS still so true..
You wrote that article called "Being Positive Towards Other Parents" and it highlighted the support that Minti gives all of us...
And if it weren't for that article, I wouldn't even be talking to you right now !
You're right in saying that Minti helped you, but I think that you've helped Minti a great deal as well !!
Anywho, I must stop, before I shed my own tears. LOL
Love yaaaaa !!!!
Thuy xox
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Re: Just For Something Different
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03:27
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