I thought we were finally winning the sleep battle with Acacia.  She had gotten into a good routing of having a bottle( still my milk) at around 10.30pm and then sleeping all night long.

This has been the way for the last week or so and we have been very greatful for the extra sleep.  You could say I'm enjoying sleeping in my own bed and not on the couch with her.

Well, last night Acacia decided that she wanted to spend the night snuggled up on the couch!  Not much sleep was had by me, but as it had been a while since our last all night snuggle session, I didn't mind at all.

I hope she isn't going to revert to bad habits as I kind of like being a little more comfortable.  I don't mind the occasional night but every night is a little bit too much.

Oh well, she is only 3 months old.  I should be ( and am) greatful for the fact she doesn't use a dummy (her thumb instead!- cute) and that we don't have to wash bottles all day ( ok so she has about 2 a day,  I still provide the milk).  Les is happy too, as he is the King of the Kitchen.

Hugs to you all.
Arna.

It has been one of those days.  Especially with Acacia (12weeks).  No peace or quiet in our house today.

Ok, so I don't pull my hair out, but I sure feel like it some times.  I've not been terribly tolerant with any of the girls today.  Their noise has been sooo bad, even Les has been less patient than usual.

I hope tomorrow is a better day.  Maybe we will get back into the garden again.  Ayla (4) and Willow (3) had fun pulling weeds out with us today, though the chalk on the concrete won in the end!

I'm so tired my brain has siezed on me.  Need sleep, need sleep.....zzzz zzz.
 
Oh, I almost fell asleep.  Arna.

My partner finally got sick of my excuses for not going out and put his foot down.  Yesterday I went out for the first time in about 3weeks.  I did have some fun, but as I have shoes that make my feet sore really quickly, I had to rest lots and was out for longer than I had intended.

I replaced our fish and now have a gold fantail.  I don't know how I'm going to tell the girls that Moggy hasn't changed colour and that he is now in fishy heaven.  They haven't noticed as the fish is in my study.

Not much more to write.  Oh, yeah, I registered with eBay and I have already purchased some new cross stitch items!  Now even though I don't get out very often I can indulge in shopping!  Good thing we don't have a credit card.

The girls have been a little better behaved today.  Nice change but I know it won't last.  We plan to take them to playgroup next week which should be fun.

Ok.  Nothing else to add.

A couple of weeks ago I bought a very cut fish.  It was a blackmore and I just had to have him.  I also bought a fishbowl for him as we need to use the bath for the girls.

I bought him home and set his new home up for him and then showed the rest of the family my new friend.  Les called him Moggy and the name stuck.

Next came some white clouds, which are very small fish.  I got three of these and put them in with Moggy.  The bowl was complete and they seemed very happy.  I was too...until yesterday.

I feed them once a day around lunchtime, a ritual that they enjoy as much as I did but something was different.  Moggy didn't come to the surface for his food.  No, he just sat there amongst his plant and wouldn't budge.  Knowing that something was wrong, I gave him a gentle prod and he fell out of the plant.  I was not impressed.  The first fish I had owned in nearly two years had gone belly up!.

I hadn't fiddled with the water too much, and it wasn't filthy either so I'm not sure what the problem was.  The other fish are fine so I've come to the conclusion that he got stuck in the plant and drowned.

What's that you say?  Fish don;t drown?  If they aren't able to swim freely then fish can drown.  They need the water flowing across their gills to breathe and this only happens when they move.

Because he was the first pet we've had in ages, I was quite upset.  I did everything right and he still went belly up.  I've put some special fish medicine in the bowl to protect the others against any infections, but I don't believe Moggy was sick and it is just a precaution.

Next time I go out, I'm going to get more fish.  They will not beat me, I will win the battle in the end.

Not about kids I know, but he was my baby.

Arna

I know I have an agricultural background but this is ridiculous.  Expressing milk for Acacia reminds me of dairy cattle in the milking sheds.  I guess now I have an even greater appreciation of where our milk comes from.  Bet those cows didn't end up with sore nipples.

I tried expressing with the other 3 but I only had a manual pump and ended up with very sore hands.  This time round I got an electric one and it is great.  I just sit here with it going and type one handed.  Easy enough to do, sorry if there are grammatical errors.

It is kind of funny really to have a machine attached to me, but at least Acacia has spare feeds in the fridge for when I can't feed her.

Oh and now my partner can call me a cow, and get away with it.  I just Mooo back at him!

Seriously though, the pump has been most important in making breastfeeding successful this time round.  It means Daddy can feed his little girl and my breasts get a break!  Ok, so only sort of.

The cost of an electric pump is not all that much more than a manual pump and is sooo much easier and comfortable to use.  I even have a hand free to type.

Milking over, back to the real world.

Arna

The last few years have been really tough for my family.  We have had land lord problems, employment problems and more that I can't really write about, but certainly gave me an insight into being a single mum.
Now we are fine.  We have secure housing and are really starting to make it our home.
My partner is not working any more but after the problems his last job caused this is just as well.
Ok.  The heading says Disappointed and I am.  In March this year I enrolled in a special bridging course for Uni.  The duration was 13 weeks, but as it is targeted at women who never had the opportunity to go to Uni, including full time parents, so most take a lot longer to finish.
Well, after I started doing my study, Les, my partner, decided that he wanted to go back to Uni too.  So he's now doing a bridging course.  This is where the problem is.  As he has to get his work in on time because of strict deadlines, my studies have to be put on hold for him.  So much for it being my turn.
As both of us would be studying from home if we got into our courses, there would be arguements over who is supposed to be watching the girls.  We would be fighting for research time too.  Now I have decided not to do my courses so that he can spend the next few years doing his.
I am so disappointed.  I don't want to stop my studies but I also have to put my family first.  Their needs are the most important thing.
For the last few years I have focused on preparing for Uni, and even narrowed down exactly what I want to do.  When my opportunity to follow my dream came up I took it.  Fool me hey?  I should never have thought that I could have what I wanted.
I know Uni is not going any where but I want to be studying now, not in 15 years time.
Now I have to figure out what to say to my current lecturers and where to put my study materials.  Just another thing I have started and never finished.
I wasted so many peoples time by starting in the first place.  And I was deluded to think I could study and raise children at the same time.
Enough self pity.
Women in Australia who want to go to Uni and never quite got the marks, or who have been out of work raising kids and want to study send me an e-mail.  I can tell you more about the course and if you like it, I can help you to enroll.  It is a home study course and it is very interesting.
Arna

Our youngest always seems to be hungry.  She is 11 weeks old and quite chubby, especially for a breastfed baby.
I love feeding her, it at least means I'm on the couch and not meeting the demands of the house.  The only problem is that in the last couple of weeks she is on all the time!  She is no sooner finished a feed and demanding the next one!  That's not good for the house!
Sure it makes me frustrated, but just the thought of bottles and formula again are enough to remind me why mothers produce milk for their babies.
You would think that after 3 babies I would have it right for #4.  Not the case.  Oh sure, I am more successful this time round, but it is still not all that easy.  I have to keep changing the way I feed her just so I don't get to sore in the back.
Here she goes now with her demands!  No, I am being growled at for not being quick enough, but you should here her when she does go on!  I don't know if she's human or a tiger cub!
Bub wins!
Arna

It seems I have managed to do it again.  I'm sorry that I don't seem to have any perspective on parenting.
It just confirms that I don't have what it takes to be a mother.  I wish I could be like every good parent, but for some reason, the more I try, the bigger mess I make of things.
There are days I wish I had never had children, not because I don't love them, but because I'm not good at being a mother.
Please forgive.me.