I am still undecided about the job offer, I spoke to them yesterday and said I would give them a decision by Tuesday. I was hoping looking at the daycare centres would help me be more comfortable with the idea of leaving JB... unfortunately not.

We looked at one daycare yesterday which is a national organisation which looks fantastic from the outside and it is just around the corner from us.. but was so disapointing. I am not sure if my expectations are out of wack or if this place was genuinely bad. The room where JB would be was so small! There were 10 kids there and two staff, there was not a great range of toys there at all, and what there was were dirty. They were doing fingerpainting when we were looking around and it was like a production line, with no real creativity for the kids, and the woman was not very enthusiastic about it or gave much praise to the kids. The diaper change had no mat on it and that looked grubby and there were no sinks at the kids level.. Am I asking too much?

Today we looked at another one which was much better. It is hard to really get a great feel for the place as it is currently being renovated. However, the main thing that stood out was that there were a lot of toys, they were clean and neatly organised. Every age group had their own outdoor space and they had good sun cover and again lots of toys. The children had little beds to sleep in as opposed to mats on the floor as in the previous centre. We have put JB on the waiting list and he is in the top 10.

I have one more centre to see on Tuesday morning, but I am really happy with the one we saw today... it is more of a case of timing now.. if the new employer can wait for me to secure a childcare place. 

I have just been offered the job I applied for ... at the crap hospital in my earlier blog lol I am so not sure whether to accept it. For one they have offered me half my previous salary, I kinda expected a drop.. but not this much. I am not sure what the protocol is with this if I negotiate or not?!?!

My main concern is JB. I love being with him so much, I always thought I wanted to spend the first year with him and then I would look for work! Now it comes to it, I am not so sure, I really hate the thought of putting him in daycare. I have heard so many horror stories. My motivation for taking the job is purely money! We have no real savings, and I hate not being able to contribute financially... my head is all over the place now.. this is a real dilema for me!

I am so annoyed, with both with the assistant who told me my appointment was Wednesday at 3 and myself for not checking that she had in fact booked it for Monday at 3 so I missed it. She was so rude to me because I was a'no show'! I have never missed an appointment in my life! I have not rescheduled as I have the OBGYN appointment on Tuesday and they offered me an appointment way after this so I do not see the point to be honest.

Just so fed up that I am getting no where!

Just when I thought all was going well with feeding, JB is up to his old tricks with gagging and throwing up. I am just trying to ignore it hoping it is just a minor setback, but it is hard watching him.

On the other hand, he is developing so much. From scaring the crap out of me by creaping up on me, dancing to music on the tv, he is signing food and more (we are working on milk) but I am not sure he really puts 2 and 2 together yet. Although I should not under estimate him, for the last two months I have noticed he understands everything I say, from go get your green ball, go park it (meaning put his walker away) to making animal sounds/actions. He has his own sounds for dogs, monkeys, opens and closes his mouth for fish and is just starting to do an elephant action.

I am at a bit of a loss at the moment when it comes to his toys, he has a wide range of toys which I have tried to ensure give him a good variety of things to do. Most are kept in his toy box and I alternate them every two weeks but he just seems bored with them. He has some plastic half-circles which stack as a tower or connect together to form a ball, he used to love these, now he has mastered taking them apart and putting them together in order he is bored. I read to him a lot, but he is at the stage where his attention lapses after 5 mins. I am going to go shopping this week and try to get some more stimulating toys.

I managed to get a Drs apt today, I have another ultrasound on Wednesday .. hopefully this will show more than the last one! I am so tired of visiting Drs at the moment it is not funny! Apart from arranging the appointment and being prescribed pain killers there is not much else he could do today. Well apart from scare the crap out of me by going through the options, if they can't control the pain then I may have to have a partial hysterectomy. An option I am so not ready for!

I also made another appointment with my OBGYN for the 4th September. Just hoping he can so something to remove the pain.

Just got back from a (so called) Emergency room visit with JB. He was walking in the hallway and fell this morning hitting his head on one of the door hinges, cutting a deep gash in his head.

This is the worst emergency room I have ever seen in my life! To be honest if I was not so pissed off it would be like a comedy sketch. When we arrived there was only one other patient waiting, so I thought we would not be there long. It took them an hour and a half to call the person in front of us in!!! When we finally go through to a bed there we waited for another 2 hours for someone to come and see us.

There was a woman next to us with internal bleeding who came last night but as there was a 6 hour wait went home again and returned this morning!!!!

This is the conversation I overheard between the Dr and a different female patient..

Dr - what's wrong?

woman - I have chest pains

Dr - where is the pain

Woman - in my chest?!?!?!? OMG ... thank god none of us were seriously ill!

Then there was a man opposite on oxygen, the nurse came and asked if he was able to breathe okay as they hadn't plugged it in!!!!

Anyway, after over 4 hours we were seen to and JB's head has been glued back together, and he is now having a well needed nap! I am just so furious that we (and everyone else)were left not knowing what is happening, there is no triage there or any real patient care!! I also missed my own much needed Drs apt and have to wait until tomorrow when I can try to make another one! So I guess my own pain is making me much less patient than normal!

Oh and the whole time we were there, two beds remained empty?!?!? Whilst a room full of people sat waiting outside.

(no offense to any medical people out there, I think you do a great job... come and work here!!) Oh and I had an interview last week for a job at this hospital, hmm makes me think did I do the right thing!

I hate it when Hubby works the evening shift (4pm to midnight!) He alternates between this and a regular day shift, working each for 13 weeks at a time and it is awful. For the last two weeks he has been working this shift and JB has been really unsettled and will not nap, won't go to bed properly, having tantrums and is (understandably) extra clingy he is only just settling into the swing of things this week, but it has worn me out. I am probably less tolerant than normal at the moment too as I am suffering with bad endrometriosis pain.. not fun!

In spite of all this, JB's personality really seems to be shining through ..  He has taken to playing hide and seek with me, we played this with him for the last couple of months, but now he realises he can do it on his own. Another thing he is into is creeping up on me, just standing there and scaring the crap out of me!! He has also taken to bringing me his bib when he is hungry (I was 20 mins late the other day with lunch and he brought it to me!) and he brings me his shoes when he wants to go outside.. how cute is that?!?!

Finally we received the results today and it looks like they are normal and JB does not have epilepsy. I say it looks like it, this is due to the useless pediatrician who is sooooo disorganised and not really with it at all! Firstly she could not find the report, then was about to give me someone elses results. Finally she found it and she showed me the part of the report where she read it was normal, but when I read that what she was looking at it actually described the procedure, i.e a sleeping and waking EEG. I am hopeful that all is okay , and I am sure it is as we have not had any 'fits' since but I will go and check his records myself to make sure! It is a relief to think it is alright and over with!

Got the shock of my life today. I was bathing JB this evening and I took him out of the water and he held onto the side of the bath whilst I turned to get his towel. I turned back and he was head first in the bath with his legs in the air. I was frantic.

This has always been my worst fear as I know how quickly things like this can happen, but I literally turned for a split second. I have always thought I was so careful with him in the bath, I  normally do not take my eyes off him for a second and everything is at hand, I have always said NO when he tries to reach into water and he has never done it before. 

JB initally cried lots, I think more because shock and the fact I was crying hysterically than him hurting himself. But he seems fine... wish I could say the same about me,

Well today I am 28!! .. for about the 8th year! I guess I will have  to be 29 next year, I am really stretching it now.. it is no longer plausible. Oh well.

I do feel really old today, but I think it is the insomnia I am having, or at least I hope it is that! For the last two weeks I only seem to be sleeping 2 hours a night.