My first pregnancy went well, no particular complications. I had gestational diabetes but it was manged with diet and excercise.  I also had morning sickness (all day sickness!) which saw me spend a few days in hospital being rehydrated at one stage.  But overall, it was all brilliant.  The birth itself... well it was as pleasant as birth can be.  Holding my precious daughter for the first time was the most amazing feeling.

I was not at all prepared for the trials of my second pregnancy.  As per my first I had continuous morning sickenss.  It lasted approx 17 weeks. The next few weeks were pretty good except that my husbands mother passed away so although I was physically feeling better we were dealing with our loss.  Then from about 20 weeks my hips started to hurt... the pain got continually worse... I was seeing a physio twice a week up until delivery.  I had a belt to help support me, then crutches and then finally to go anywhere I needed a wheelchair.  My daughter was born two weeks early (was to be induced on the day but went into natural labor).  4 weeks prior I was hospitalised due to the pain and given a pain killer prescribed by my obstetrician.  Of course I checked with her that it was safe etc.  Well... let me tell you... it was NOT safe!  The second night after my daughter was born she vomitted quite an amount of blood.  I was told this was normal!!  5 days after she was born we rushed her to the emergency department at the childrens hospital.  We spent some time in the neonatal unit.  The doctors and nurses were absolutely fabulous.  Our poor little girl went through a lot including drug withdrawal.  We were and still are horrified about what she was put through.  Her specialist is hopeful that no permanent brain injury was sustained although he can't be sure.  It will still be a few years before we will know this for sure.  She has a heart condition, hopefully not too serious, it is still being investigated and has also kidney issues which will need further follow up but fingers crossed everything will be ok there too.

It has been difficult to deal with, it was not just one of those things, or Gods will, it was a doctor who we put our trust into and who let us down.  I felt that people thought I was a junkie and delibrately put my daughter through this. I would not even take a normal 'safe' headache tablet.  I'd rather put an icepack on my head, or get hubby to rub my neck to relieve a headache than take something that in years to come could be decided was dangerous. I felt an enormous amount of guilt and it really did make family life quite miserable.  I have managed to type this without crying so I think that's a good sign for me!  Its taken over 2 years to be able to think back and see her lying helplessly and not cry.

One thing is for sure... we always give to the Good Friday Appeal!  The hospital was so supportive.  Through all of our follow up appointments etc they were wonderful.  They looked after our daughter and they also looked after me.  I was still in a wheelchair for the first few weeks and using crutches. 

After going through all of this we count our blessings with our two precious angels and have decided not to have anymore children.  One day I would like to be a foster carer but for now I love every day with my girls.