Well, I'm still short tempered and moody, I don't know how much of it is anti depressant or tom. I'm leaning towards the medication as I'm not usually this moody. My right inner ear feels like it's vibrating at a low frequency and It feels like that side of my head has been kicked in. Small things irritate me more than usual and I'm having trouble with noise. I'm tired and exhausted and feel no motavition to do anything. Tomorrow I will have to get up early as hubby's off to work and school holidays are finally over.

My intimo party last night was a disappointing to say the least and I will not be hosting anymore of these parties. I'm sick to death of everyone say yes will come and then not show up.  I only had 2 show up and I'm so over it. No more favours, if I want something I pay full price or ask if people want anything but no more cleanimg my house and running around like headless chicken for no support. I thought at the very least they'd come to see me outside of church or family things but clearly I was wrong. I feel like I'm always supporting everyone elses parties and not getting it in return. I'm pretty certain I'm not imagining it as my last party I didn't have to many friends attend either although it was tupperware and I did get couple of outside orders, but mostly nobody comes specially when it's clothes party. It's about people buying the stuff, it's about them comming to see me as most of them never bother outside of commitments (ie church and associated meetings) It's all very disillusioning to me. I'm not the most trusting person but you kinda think you can trust them.

It bugs me when they say "I'll come round for coffee" and they NEVER do. I swear the next time someone says it, I'm gonna call them on it. I'm sick to death of defending my grief and having them jump all over it because they're buddies with the other person who was pregnant at the same time.

I have to say my church people aren't all like that just a couple who have no idea and have never walked a day in my shoes. I'm gonna call them on my grief too. I'm gonna ask them where they were when I was grieving, if they asked how I was coping with my grief, did they ask me how I was coping with the other womans pregnancy see what they have to say. It's something I've been thinking about doing for awhile now.

Anyway, I'm gonna put some more thought into it before I attempt to call them on things.

It feels good to just to get it out, I've been feeling teary the last couple of hrs. ( I had my SIL here today, she was getting her car fixed, and her to youngest really made my day better, she did too.......So thanks Sandy!!!!!!!!!)

I guess I'll just chalk it up to being overly sensitive and move on!!!! LOL

Cheers Raven

PS  I will get around to answering minti mails as soon as i can concentrate for more than 10mins!!!!!