Well today I hit the 23 week mark (in my 24th week of pregnancy) and I'm afraid I am not the blossoming picture of motherhood that I expected, I am feeling quite low and just want to lock myself away from the world but thankfully I have my beautiful daughter that keeps me going and my wonderful Minti with its caring members who give the best advice.

I am not sure if my low mood is down to pregnancy hormones or prenatal depression, as I suffered from PND after I had Amy, I am so worried that it is going to happen again that I am working myself into a state, plus there's the worry of being able to afford another baby and lots of other irrational thoughts racing through my head. I do tend to over think things and get very anxious so after seeking advice from Minti members I have called the Dr's for an appointment to talk over how I am feeling and to see whether I can get some help.

I also feel very lonely at the moment , even though I run a Mother and Toddler group twice a week, I still feel a little isolated and don't really have too many close friends, you know the kind that will take the time to listen to you rather then offload their own problems (Minti Members are  excluded from this of course) the only person that I know I can truly rely on is my Hubby and I think he is feeling the strain a bit, I don't mean to be a burden to anyone but just to have someone I could reach for without feeling like a pain would be good.

I worry about the affect my mood swings will have on the baby and on Amy who is the sweetest thing, who brings me tissue when she catches me crying and rubs my back telling me I will be OK, she is just like her Daddy so caring and compassionate. I partly grew up with a mother who suffered from depression and wonder whether it is a genetic thing or an environment thing that I too now suffer from it. Believe me I try to be the complete opposite of what my mum was when we where growing up as I feel she failed me and in doing so feel under pressure to do well as a mother this then just adds to my anxiety so I feel I can't win.

Well no matter how I am feeling life goes on and I must get on.

Thank you for taking the time to listen

Clare xxx

If you haven't joined already there is a great group just for you called "Pregnant in 2008" don't worry if you aren't due until 2009 you are still pregnant now.

You can find members that are due around the same time as you and you can share all the ups and occassional downs of pregnancy with ladies going through the same thing.

So come along and join. Pass smetime while you are waiting for the stork to arrive.

Here is a link:  http://www.minti.com/groups/50952/Pregnant-in-2008/?msg=72BE-265E-3245-4CF7

 

I am now 22 weeks pregnant and all is going well with the pregnancy and baby is kicking frequently. I am finally feeling well and blooming apart from a pain I have below my ribs on my right hand side when I bend and stretch, after one such incident at Mother & Toddler (while lifting!) I reached to rub where the pain was and found a little lump! I wasn't alarmed just a bit surprised by how much it hurt when I touched it, when I saw the hubby later that evening I showed him and he had a feel and said there was definitely a lump there and that maybe I should go and see the midwife so I made an appointment for the following day, I was not due to go back to the midwife until 24 weeks but she was happy to examine me and make sure all was well, she felt the lump and said it was nothing to do with the pregnancy but thought it was a hernia, if it was still causing discomfort in a couple of days time to go and see my GP but there was little that could be done because I am pregnant. This lead to other discussions including a referral to a consultant because I have a high BMI (doesn't take Einstein to work that out) not sure what this consultant is suppose to do about it and to be honest I am slightly peeved about it as I was fat when I had Amy and all went well and I have had no problems relating to my weight this time round so feel that it would be a waste of time, I have also got to go for another scan, a growth scan as the midwife is unable to feel the fundal height (the top of my uterus) strange really as I can! so she won't be able to feel how well baby is growing again this is because I am fat. This however has pleased me as I will be able to see Bubba again.

Hope you are all keeping well and have a nicer midwife then me!

Take care

Clare xxx

 A friend sent me this and it made me laugh out loud so I thought I would share it:

  This letter was recently sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer in Oxford:

Dear Mrs. Murray,

While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics.
Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.

5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor gas stove.

7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.

9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were.

10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the Mission Impossible' theme.

11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the 'Madonna look'
using different size funnels.

12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled 'PICK ME!' 'PICK ME!'

13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed the foetal position and screamed 'NO! NO! It's those voices again.'

And; last, but not least:

14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, 'There is no toilet paper in here.'
 

So did you laugh out loud?

I had my 20 week scan on Wednesday but have been run off my feet so this is the first chance I have had to post them (Sorry).

I love the last one with babies foot and leg in the air. This was probably the best scan I have had as the sonographer was lovely - no hard pushing down and really took her time to explain what she was looking at and why. All is well and we got to see baby move around alot and this time Amy was fascinated and could even point out hands, feet and spine. This should be my last scan so the next time I post pics of baby he/she will be here!

Take care

Clare xxx

Yesterday was my 32nd birthday and even though I had a wonderful day at home with Steve and Amy I am glad that it is over, I always feel a little down on my birthday, its not because I dread being a year older as I quite like getting older and its not because it is a bad experience as Steve always makes an effort, I just get a little grumpy which was exaggerated by pregnancy hormones which also made me tired so I spent most of yesterday in bed!

I am feeling better this morning and am off with Amy to an old favourite toddler group but with a new friend which should be fun. Amy loves her little boy and they get on so well.

Well it is just 7am here and already we have had breakfast and will now put Amy in the bath. Steve is still in bed as he is on holiday from work for a week so I will leave him there, bless him he deserves the rest after running round after Amy all day yesterday.

I have my 20 week scan on Wednesday and am feeling excited but a little apprehensive as this is the anomaly scan and I am just praying that this time they can see all the important organs and don't leave me to go a couple of weeks (like they did with Amy ) worrying because they couldn't see all the chambers of the heart and ask me to go back when baby is bigger the worry nearly killed me!

I will post the new pictures and do an update on Wednesday,

Take care

Clare xxx