Today was one of the saddest days I have lived through. I said my final goodbyes to my brother in law, watching the herse pull away from the sidewalk, and watching his 2 little girls' hearts breaking...

It was hard, damn hard to say goodbye to someone who was never meant to be leaving so young, leaving his 2 young girls. Suprisingly, my sister held up pretty well, I dont know if it was bec she was trying to hold it together for her daughters, or the angst she was experiencing due to the fact his parents and her wage a little battle, as they have for quite some time sadly, or because she was simply worn out from all the dealings.

I suspect it was a bit of all three. The service was lovely. His uncle is an Anglican priest. He spoke so lovingly about his nephew, at times, barely holding it together as he gently delivered the eulogy. It was simple, no frills and splashy goings on. Just the way Chris would have liked it.

I will miss him so very much, his laughter and smiles, the way he treated people with respect. The strength he found to be there to help others without want of return favour. The way he loved to take endless photographic memories of his family and friends, and I tell you, he has taken a stack of photos!!

But most of all I will miss him simply because he was my brother (in law). He loved everyone. And from what I saw today, they all loved him back.

RIP my brother. No more pain to endure. So long, and enjoy your journey into the afterlife wherever it takes you.

After nearly 50 days in ICCU, I lost my brother in law today.  He was one of the most caring and thoughtful people I have had the priviledge to know. He leaves behind his wife, and his 2 little girls.

We will miss him dearly, but he is now at peace..

RIP Chris.

 

I'm feeling rather disconnected from life at the moment, lonely and disconnected. I dont get a lot of sleep at the best of times, and so on. But that is no big deal. I am more scared from what is happening to my brother in law.

He is on life support at the moment and it doesn't look good. A routine op, and off to ICU. He is only 48 years old with 2 young girls. He did have cancer in the past, but despite being in remission, he has never really been the same, and this op was supposed to fix some of his current trauma with the fluid around his heart. He picked up a bad cold when the weather went feral recently here in SA.

So here he is, I think he's dying, mulitiple organ failure, but I wouldnt dare tell my sister that. I even try to convince myself otherwise. I hope I am so wrong.

Why is it that bad things seem to happen to good people?

I just never really got the chance to say goodbye....

Damn it! Why???? I dont know the details, but I sit reliving the horrible memory of little Leo's drowning, this time with a 10 month old girl being pushed along the SAME path on the SAME river in Adelaide...the bloody Torrens. And another 3 wheeled stroller. Grandma was the poor lady to be pushing the little one, probably looking after bubs whilst Mum had to work, or get some much needed sleep. Grandma ran to the river, tried to drag the pusher out, collapsed, and a passerby dragged her and the stroller from the river. The police came, tried to revive bubby, took to hospital, now it is believed she is GONE...another life lost.

Councils, recognise the need for embankement barriers or some damn thing, before it happens AGAIN!

 

Spent my birthday watching my hubby play basketball in Ballarat.. the day was a non event as birthdays go, but then again, my birthdays usually are. So after a 7 hour plus drive the day before, I was respectably tired, Levi was still settling in, and the older 2 kids were marvellous. Still, yet to go out to dinner, I hope to make up for it on the weekend. Next time, I reckon we'll fly....

My poor baby.. Methinks he might be teething. Grizzly, nappies a bit strong, and leaving a sore stinging rash on his bottom. Sleep patterns all wonky, Mummy all wonky too. LOL Got an appointment for the sleep Dr this Friday, hoping to shed some light on strategies to help bubba to sleep better, and me too. Cos mummy with no sleep means grumpy mummy.

I dont like to give panadol too much, have a homeopathic medicine for teething. He seems colicky too. Hope we can settle him down before I get back to work in a few months, but I wont count on it.

Oh well. Life revolves around sleep..don't now why... hmmmm

I am tired. So damn tired it's not funny anymore. My older children are testing me to the limits. More so my eldest son. I dont wanna go thru what goes on again, as I have in the groups and other places,  noone really reads it anyways, must be busy time of the year with study, kids schooling etc. Pretty soon I will be back at work, and less time to be on this site. My littlelest boy (6 mths) is asleep on his bouncer on the lounge room floor, my older kids have only just managed to stay in their rooms, and hubby is out at basketball training.

So I have myself and Minti for company for a little bit, and I am feeling reflective, and a little down I guess. We are slowly trying to get out of this place, doing little things to get it ready to sell. Contemplating on where to live, or whether we should move interstate or what.  I am more than a little concerned for hubby's state of mind, with his work slowly chipping away at his resolve, typical DEWR job with too much to do and never enough money to go around.  I too work for the Government, and whilst the pay is pretty good, the stress is incredible, makes you wonder if it's worth staying there really.

Often times I question myself and my ability to be a good parent. I try really hard, I do, it's just that sometimes I look at all the hard work, and feel like it gets thrown back in my face.

I guess I just feel alone at times. I thought about going to a Mother's and Babies group, but I recall the last time I went to one with my first son, I was the example to all the other Mum's how NOT to have a good night's sleep. All I remember is hearing Mum's say how good their babies were, and how well they slept etc. I went 6 times, and had enough. So you can understand why I am a little retiscent to return to one of these again.

I worry my young baby is not wanting to progress, he hates solids, he wont sleep a decent night's sleep, he doesn't even want to roll over. But I must say he is a happy baby generally, full of smiles that make his whole face light up...and mine. I need to chill and he will get there when he gets there.

Enough for one night's babble... someone out there say hello? Please? I feel needy, and I am tugging on mummy's skirt, saying "pick me up"....

My 2 lovely children, 12 and 10, fight and argue what seems like 80% of the time from the minute they walk in the door. They both start it, although I must say my son is the worst offender for initiating most of the fights. Most times I just tell them to sort out their own problems. But seriously, I feel sometimes like jumping in the car with my bub, and going for a drive just to get away from the constant "Mum..Jordan wont leave me alone", or "Mum...tell her to play ball with me", or whatever.  I try conflict resolution but sometimes I may as well be talking another language. They are testing me, but also pushing my buttons. And when I have PMT..well...WATCH OUT!   Arrrggghh!!!!!!!!

Jordan, 12 years old, and almost as tall as me!

 

God, time flies... I feel so old sometimes!

He will always be my little boy...sigh!

And he just loves his little brother...