I am really uptight today, angry even....not with my hubby, nor my kids, but my well-meaning in-laws. Now I love them, I really do, but sometimes they just dont understand what their actions are doing to our family.
My hubby comes from a family of 4, having one younger brother. My hubby is Hearing Impaired, has been all his life, and as such his parents have, to some degree, molly-coddled him growing up. They have always been there to make sure he makes the right decisions, or makes them for him, checks up on him by picking him up from a friends place one Saturday night because he didn't come home early, never mind he was 17 years old by this time, and did it in front of all his friends. They didnt let him have a car til he was 18 years old, then having to borrow his Mum's car, until he got his own. The first time they let him drive with his P Plates without his parents, was to the local park with his brother for a few hours, in his mother's car.
Now so what you might think?
When my hubby was learning to drive, his Dad would take him and his brother to the local car park. When the "lesson" was over, the Dad would let his younger brother (14 years old) have a little drive too. My hubby would get ticked off, as he felt it wasn't fair as he had to wait til he was 16 to get his licence, or to even drive for that matter,so his brother should wait too.
My hubby worked part time to get a car, saving like mad, and when he was finally allowed to have one at 18 years old, his Dad said to buy some old Ford he had found through a friend. My hubby said he wasn't interested in it, and wanted an older Commodore he had found in better condition. So then his brother pipes up and says he is interested in it, so rather than make the younger brother wait til he was allowed to have a car at 18, he gives him the money to let him have it, giving the same money to my hubby to go towards his car. His brother was 15 YEARS OLD! This really angered my hubby, as the Dad had 2 different sets of rules for each brother. These days his Dad said the only reason he let his brother have the car then, was because that car was good, and wasn't around when my hubby was 15 years old. BUT HE WASN'T LOOKING FOR A CAR WHEN HE WAS 15 YEARS OLD, NOR WAS HE ALLOWED ONE UNTIL HE WAS 18! The day his brother got his 'L's", he could already drive, so soon went for his P's. Rather than only being allowed to drive in Mummys car to the park the first time he drove on his own, he went into town with his mates up and down the main city drag in Adelaide. This was all ok with the parents. Getting the picture here??
Now my hubby's little brother is getting married in May, and he is one of the groomsmen. When we got married we paid for virtually all of the expenses, his parents and my parents kicking $1000 each toward it. That was nice as we weren't expecting it, nor planning on it.
When I was preggy with the latest baby, we had a little hatchback, which would have been too small for 2 older kids and a baby seat. We were saving to get another car. Just as we were going so well, my hubby lost his job, so we were in a bit of a pickle. We needed another car, and fast. His parents were in the process of upgrading their vehicle, so offered the one they had to us, to pay off interest free. We gave them the pay out from the job as a down payment, agreeing to nake regular monthly instalments. All good. We still have about $5000 or so to pay, no problem.
Now little bro has planned their wedding. Big plans. Thinking they would be getting money from the parents of the bride, they over budget for it. Now they have been caught out, and are short $4000. So Daddy to the rescue says they will give them the money, and as a "fair gesture" will take off the same on the car we are paying off.
Well, that did it.... my hubby was so hurt. We scrimped and saved for our wedding, my parents were not even well enough to attend it, but still managed to give us some money. We couldn't go overseas for our honeymoon, and we had to leave the kids behind. We made our own candelabra and table decos, hired everything and set up the reception ourselves with help from my sister and her friend. We had a spit roast dinner and dessert, and only invited enough that we could afford, leaving out a lot of my family and friends. We had a lovely day, really enjoyed planning it, and it was great, but we went without the stuff we could have had. His brother is going to Phuket, having all the family he wants there, laid on at a grand reception centre, and his folks are bailing him out with $5000 and even staying the night at the same motel as a number of family are doing that, despite the fact they only live half an hour from the reception. So we said ok, give him the money, that's fine. But we would rather have the money for something we really need, maybe in the future, when we really need it, like for renovations so we can sell this house and get a bigger one for our growing family.
They basically said that it was up to them, we had no choice, and if we didn't agree to take the money off of the car, which was an interest free neccessity, not a luxury, then they would only pay the brother $1000, and he would have to get a loan to pay for the rest. Well this set up the burden of guilt too, but my hubby stood his ground and said no. We dont know what they have decided to do yet, but my hubby was adamant the parents should give the money to his brother, and we would have it another time. The point is we didn't get a choice. The decision was made for us. If we were offered $5000 for our wedding, we could have gone to a better resort, and taken the kids, or gone overseas. But they said $1000 was it. We are not jealous, but just angry over the inconsistency of his parent's decisions. One set of rules for the hearing brother, one for the poor little deaf boy. It's patronising and hurtful. And he is sick to the back teeth with it. And so am I. The car is a depreciating neccessity, not a memory filled luxury.
Thankyou to whoever had the patience to read this, I just had to get it off my chest. 
I will let you know what happens next......
Stay tuned for part 2 of the Saga of the In-Laws!!
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