I am tired. So damn tired it's not funny anymore. My older children are testing me to the limits. More so my eldest son. I dont wanna go thru what goes on again, as I have in the groups and other places,  noone really reads it anyways, must be busy time of the year with study, kids schooling etc. Pretty soon I will be back at work, and less time to be on this site. My littlelest boy (6 mths) is asleep on his bouncer on the lounge room floor, my older kids have only just managed to stay in their rooms, and hubby is out at basketball training.

So I have myself and Minti for company for a little bit, and I am feeling reflective, and a little down I guess. We are slowly trying to get out of this place, doing little things to get it ready to sell. Contemplating on where to live, or whether we should move interstate or what.  I am more than a little concerned for hubby's state of mind, with his work slowly chipping away at his resolve, typical DEWR job with too much to do and never enough money to go around.  I too work for the Government, and whilst the pay is pretty good, the stress is incredible, makes you wonder if it's worth staying there really.

Often times I question myself and my ability to be a good parent. I try really hard, I do, it's just that sometimes I look at all the hard work, and feel like it gets thrown back in my face.

I guess I just feel alone at times. I thought about going to a Mother's and Babies group, but I recall the last time I went to one with my first son, I was the example to all the other Mum's how NOT to have a good night's sleep. All I remember is hearing Mum's say how good their babies were, and how well they slept etc. I went 6 times, and had enough. So you can understand why I am a little retiscent to return to one of these again.

I worry my young baby is not wanting to progress, he hates solids, he wont sleep a decent night's sleep, he doesn't even want to roll over. But I must say he is a happy baby generally, full of smiles that make his whole face light up...and mine. I need to chill and he will get there when he gets there.

Enough for one night's babble... someone out there say hello? Please? I feel needy, and I am tugging on mummy's skirt, saying "pick me up"....