Well I think I am hooked what a great site this is.

So much useful info and I am finding I do have things to add.

Read the one on abusive relationships this morning and recovering from a mentally abusive marriage my self my heart goes out to all that have. My dad second marriage was a physically abuse marriage for me and my brother and I always told my self I would never let any thing happen like that - at 36 I meet what I thought was a wonderful warm loving man we decide to have a baby - my wonderful 10 year old - the instincts kicked in but I couldnt let myself believe them the niggly little things - something wasnt quite right - we married when she was 3 months old and by the end of the year I was pregnant again with my son - the depression I had suffered with all my life (thou I was still in denial) the highs disappeared and the low was constant - my son was born with lung problems my husband would not go near him we where miles from family and still the depression got more thou constantly trying to pretend everything was ok - he was never sober on his days off - the sories started geating greater and more unbelievable - i retreated into my self more - my memory was failing I couldnt remember things any more, life was a haze - going to bed hoping not to wake in the morning - waking to find myself alive and disappointed. Panic attacks got worse the idea of going any where doing anything was a trial - so finally I went and saw the doc and told how i was feeling - on to meds the highs and lows I had lived with where not normal - there is a balance out there boy was he mad when he found out I had got meds how dear I do something like that while he was away at work.

It took another 4 years to the haze lifted and I could see clearly again - I could think for myself  I could act for myself and the kids. I started listening to my husband again and realised that all reality had left his world - everything he had told me when we met was a lie - the man i married did not exist he was only a person he wanted me to think he was - boy was I taken in big time - when i asked why he lied he said what did it matter what hed done prior to our marriage - i replied he made it matter by telling lies about it - trust was something that was important he imformed me trust had nothing to do with a marriage.

He spend hours on the computer looking up porn sites the sicker the better but looked me straight in the eye and told me he had never been physically and mentally unfaithful to me - a size 8 red nighty in the glove box was said to be from a stripper he spent hours in a spar with - nude with nothing happening - how many he slept with when he was at work I have no idea and dont care just know on several occassions sleepy female voices answered his phone never asked about it couldnt be bothered.

Once the haze had gone I realised he spoke to the kids and I like we where nothing he spoke to his dog better - but he always denied it - for years I had thought I just imagined slowly all my friends told they hated the way he treated us and thats why they stayed away when he was home.

After 12 months I realised I still wasnt going any where his control games where still happening more with the kids than me I need to do something - I found some great sites when looking for self help sites on th web - Narcissitics arent just in TV show I had married one - He displayes all of the symptoms of narcissitic disorder and I have shown it to friends and asked their opinions so its not just me that thinks it.

Well the kids went Xmas shopping 4 me today I am sure my 9 year old got the things I am always telling him he cant get but thats ok he will learn one day. still i cant wait ti see his face xmas when he gets the one thing hes always wanted a motorbike. My partner not the kids father but one who is a better father than theirs ever is - hes a blog in it self - not really ready even after 2 years of seperation ready to admit it was a fatal mistake - except for my kids - but they dont deserve the treatment he gives them - mental abuse is a powerful tool when one isnt aware -any how i have gone away from the orginal track - are hoping it will increase his confidence. He struggles with reading and speach always has - I repeated him in grade 1 thank goodness thou hes always reminding me - hes just started reading and writing at a grade 3 level - its grade 4 next year so hopefully he wont struggle too much. He finds it hard as his sister has hings easy compared to him she is 10 and picks things up easily some times I think 2 easily so she never really has to apply herself so she isnt getting challenged enough and working to her best thou her teacher next year has promised to challenge her and I think he will.

The house is a mess as usual but havent felt like housework today will have to get it done tomorrow before Laurie arrives later this week - i think  have 1st day of holdidays syndrome since the past few weeks have been franatic and suddenly its all over its hard to get motivated - oh well "Tomorrow is another day"