First of all I must you all a belated Merry Xmas, & all the best for 2008 & a happy new year. I'm sorry I dissapeared for awhile it is just that i was not to well mentally & physically. Any I thought it would be nice for my M. to experience a real family Xmas, but that was a big mistake. M's. Mum came down to stay with us for the Xmas & New Year period, as it turned out I should have just put a gun to head & pulled the trigger. It would have been less painful than what happened.

You know the one thing I regret is losing contact with my freinds here at Minti. Well I'm back now & hope you will all forgive me for neglecting freinds that got me through a tough time. As I said earlier mine & Xmas, no prizes for guessing who  caused that.

It was my fault that she was here as I invited her dwn to stay at Mine & M's home, she was down before for about a fortnight & every thing went well we cleared the air between us twards the end she soon realised that I was deadly serious about anything to do with my M. Yes I will bwe very honest that my comes before anything or anyone. This she did not like at all. I'm getting more depressed talking about what happened 2 days before Xmas.

Hello freinds, sorry I dissappeared for a while but i'm back now the past few months have been really up & down for me & M. M's. mum had her for the half  term & she brought her back to me without argument. But there has been more happened since October, M's. mum even come down to us meant tobe from Sat untl Mon. but stayed for nearly a fortnight. which did go well. At least they did until it dawned on her that I still have very strong feelings of love for her, she was willing to accept the affection until she realised I was deadly serious about anything where M. is concerned no one is going to cause my little one any upset. (that also includes her mother & stupid partners who decide to tell My M. that she is going to be her new step mum. 

 I'm going apologise for any bad lagauge that I may use durin tis blog as I' am absolutely furious with Millie's mum she has the cheek to get her partner to phone to ask me to keep M. up until 9:00pm so's that she can talk to her & say goodnight to her, well to quite honest she was told to get stuffed to put it politely & that they where to phone at a reasonable time as M.'s bed time is 7:00pm. to &:30pm. no later & now the argument on phone has just woke M. up & now she wants a video & because I've said no so she is upset now. Anyway I have this feeling that this M.'s mum getting her partner to phone asking this so she can try saying that i'm not letting her have any contact with her daughter I've done my best to help this women keep in contact with her daughter & it has been thrown back in my face using her usual self pity act, which I personally had put up with for years I even turned my back on freinds of 30 yrs standing because she did'nt want me visiting them as she did not get on with them because they seen what I did not  & told me so as a freind but because i was so deeply in  love with this woman I would  not have anythying bad said against her but tonight is last straw. The contact she has as defined in the residence order is every 3rd week-end Millie has been with me since the beginning of August & not once has she even tried to come & see M. Even with the offer of her fares being paid & also accommadation. The accommadation would have been at a freinds who can't stand the site of her never mind speak  to her & that says something. My mind is in turmoil as to what to do. What do I do?

Just had a chat with Millie about me phoning her mum all the time where it is costing me money on the phone asher mum only has a mobile & it is costing me a fortune I just cannot afford it The out come of the chat with Millie is that I will let her phone her mum once a week at weekends at that will be it. Millie has agreed with this wether she understands this or not but she seems to be o.k. with it she is playing away happily at the moment with her baby (doll) we went for a walk earlier today & picked up her babies buggy from where I used to stay & picked some blackberries on the way home she wants to make a berry pie with them so that will probably be next week-end Anyway me myself I'm feeling fine & am a bit the better for my early night. I would be grateful for all of your comments as to wether I have come to right decision on the phone calls to Millies mum I know I've not written any advice on anything yet but that will come soon enough. Still sorting out paper work so's i can write more about myself then you can all get to know me better. Will write more later.