First of all I must you all a belated Merry Xmas, & all the best for 2008 & a happy new year. I'm sorry I dissapeared for awhile it is just that i was not to well mentally & physically. Any I thought it would be nice for my M. to experience a real family Xmas, but that was a big mistake. M's. Mum came down to stay with us for the Xmas & New Year period, as it turned out I should have just put a gun to head & pulled the trigger. It would have been less painful than what happened.

You know the one thing I regret is losing contact with my freinds here at Minti. Well I'm back now & hope you will all forgive me for neglecting freinds that got me through a tough time. As I said earlier mine & Xmas, no prizes for guessing who  caused that.

It was my fault that she was here as I invited her dwn to stay at Mine & M's home, she was down before for about a fortnight & every thing went well we cleared the air between us twards the end she soon realised that I was deadly serious about anything to do with my M. Yes I will bwe very honest that my comes before anything or anyone. This she did not like at all. I'm getting more depressed talking about what happened 2 days before Xmas.

Hello freinds, sorry I dissappeared for a while but i'm back now the past few months have been really up & down for me & M. M's. mum had her for the half  term & she brought her back to me without argument. But there has been more happened since October, M's. mum even come down to us meant tobe from Sat untl Mon. but stayed for nearly a fortnight. which did go well. At least they did until it dawned on her that I still have very strong feelings of love for her, she was willing to accept the affection until she realised I was deadly serious about anything where M. is concerned no one is going to cause my little one any upset. (that also includes her mother & stupid partners who decide to tell My M. that she is going to be her new step mum. 

 I'm going apologise for any bad lagauge that I may use durin tis blog as I' am absolutely furious with Millie's mum she has the cheek to get her partner to phone to ask me to keep M. up until 9:00pm so's that she can talk to her & say goodnight to her, well to quite honest she was told to get stuffed to put it politely & that they where to phone at a reasonable time as M.'s bed time is 7:00pm. to &:30pm. no later & now the argument on phone has just woke M. up & now she wants a video & because I've said no so she is upset now. Anyway I have this feeling that this M.'s mum getting her partner to phone asking this so she can try saying that i'm not letting her have any contact with her daughter I've done my best to help this women keep in contact with her daughter & it has been thrown back in my face using her usual self pity act, which I personally had put up with for years I even turned my back on freinds of 30 yrs standing because she did'nt want me visiting them as she did not get on with them because they seen what I did not  & told me so as a freind but because i was so deeply in  love with this woman I would  not have anythying bad said against her but tonight is last straw. The contact she has as defined in the residence order is every 3rd week-end Millie has been with me since the beginning of August & not once has she even tried to come & see M. Even with the offer of her fares being paid & also accommadation. The accommadation would have been at a freinds who can't stand the site of her never mind speak  to her & that says something. My mind is in turmoil as to what to do. What do I do?

Just had a chat with Millie about me phoning her mum all the time where it is costing me money on the phone asher mum only has a mobile & it is costing me a fortune I just cannot afford it The out come of the chat with Millie is that I will let her phone her mum once a week at weekends at that will be it. Millie has agreed with this wether she understands this or not but she seems to be o.k. with it she is playing away happily at the moment with her baby (doll) we went for a walk earlier today & picked up her babies buggy from where I used to stay & picked some blackberries on the way home she wants to make a berry pie with them so that will probably be next week-end Anyway me myself I'm feeling fine & am a bit the better for my early night. I would be grateful for all of your comments as to wether I have come to right decision on the phone calls to Millies mum I know I've not written any advice on anything yet but that will come soon enough. Still sorting out paper work so's i can write more about myself then you can all get to know me better. Will write more later.    

hi every one just a quick one to say thai'm going to have an early night as i was up late last night sorting out paper work & bills So will see you all tomorrow.

hugs to u all Den & Millie

P.S quick notefor emz Millie said i could stay up late because i was a good daddy. Ha Ha

 

My day was'nt bad but has been one the best days i've had for ages.Started as normal up at 6:30am  ready to wake Millie at 7 to get ready for school got m. of to school &into school for 8:45 then it was me time come home only to find elec was on 76p. credit & the metre would not give me emergency credit which maent i would be out of elec by tomorrow night so tome it looked like my day was turning out to be s**t Phoned the elec company They told me it could be anytime the engineer would turn up so i had the problem of Millie being picked up from Managed to get someone so that was fine phonedthe school told them. Then about an hour & a half later the social services phoned & I thought here we go.(You'll understand in later blogs Millie is on the child at risk register I'll explain soon when I feel a bit stronger I promise or contactl me on minti mail) Anyway where was I oh yeah , social services called any way I thought the worst But as it tirned out it was to tell me about a meeting transfer Millie's case from westminstwer in  London & also THAT AS FAR AS THEY ARE CONCERNED THEY NO CONCERNS ABOUT THE WAY i'M CARING FOR MILLIE & THAT THERE IS NO NEED FOR HER TO BE ON THE CHILD AT RISK REGISTER. THEY ARE GOING TO TAKE HER OF IT. Now that really made my day anything that had happened earlier just faded away. it was fantastic Millie even play up & that could 'nt upset me. Anyway after that about 3:00pm. the child tax credits phoned me & told me that would be sorted by next week so it seems that everything is falling into place. I've also decided that if Millie's mum can't make the effort & stop her self pity act Why should I bother I can only offer to help I can't make her.

I really am finding it difficult to control my feelings of disgust for my M.'s mum. The reasons for this feeling towards her is the fact that everything that i've done to keep a reasonable contact between M. & her Mum I always get made out to be the bad person the reason for this is that it is always me that makes the phone contact so's that M. can at least talk to her Mum on a regular basis, but Mum just has to have a go saying that I'm making her ill because she is still trying to get over Millie not living with her all the time & I just say to her she never had made the viscious accusations & coached My daughter into what to say to the social services & the police. Thankfully the goerment departments involved realised what she was doing & everything went against her. So to save face in front of her freinds she agreed for me to have residence. The main court hearing was due on the 10th of this month  ( 1 month short of being together 10 yrs) so at least she was saved the embarassment of being proved to be an unsuitable Mother. Which I do beleive her to be, but me being the sort of person I am I will allow her to have contact as I would not want it on my conceince of Millie growing up with out her mum being around. We do not live in the same town. Myself & Millie live in Gloucestershire & mum lives in London. Even when I arrange for her to get her fares paid for her & she still refused. So what more can I do ? It really does my head in. It really is difficult being Mr. nice guy. Would really love to hear your comments.   

Grrrrrr!!!!!!!!  Why do kids always decide they want u're attention when u''re on the phone trying to sort something important out. Millie was in the bath & i got a problem with my electric supply which i was trying to sort out  if i did'nt iwould be left wiyhout electric which would'nt be good with having Millie would'nt do. Anyway I managed to get it sorted Mind you I must apoligise to her & explain why I was a bit short with I love her to bits & hate upsetting her.

Anyway got the elec sorted & everything is fine & we're freinds again. Mind I was on a bit of a short fuse because of her mother as she has not seen her since the beginning of Aug 07 & even with the offer of her expenses being paid she still declined saying that she has to get her head round the fact that Millie does not live with her anymore. Millie's mum is not planning to see her until her birthday which is Oct 10 nearly a month away & not only that it left to me to make all the phone calls so's Millie can talk to her. I just had to get that of my chest so now it's time to get M out of the bath story supper & bed. Will right more later

Well it seemms that Millie is falling into aroutine of early nights She was in bed at seven tonight & even asked to go to bed her self which i tought was wonderful Gold star for that I think I only hope she keeps it up her behavior today was excellent & was up out of bed before this morning, I did praise a lot for that It was school photo day today & she wanted to have one done with me I was'nt ready for that one ha.ha. But we had the photo done together any way I'll post it as soon as get them I'm also having some done with Millie on her own can't have ugly dad ruining her school cred Ha Ha Ha. Well anyway she is in bed sound asleep & i;m ready for mine I've got my bath run & just going to get in it.

Guess what she has just made me very angry, I had checked her a couple of times & she seemed to be asleep But guess what she has just come out waving her hands in front of her & she has only gone & put nail varnish on it is at times like this thatn i just want to give up & throw in the towel But how can i , I love her to bits i've told her of & she is back in bed crying & i know that i'll have to go & give her cuddle & tell herb i love her. This is the sort of situation that i do not know what to do to me it is like a double standard I've just told her of & explained it is a school night & upset her because of telling her of. But at the same time I feel that it's  not right that we go to sleep on an argument. I would really love & appreciate some advice on this  

I don't know if i'm getting it right in the way i'm putting my photos on the site but would be grateful if some one would let me know one way or another, anby way my little one is a bit of a poser so she is the one who decides what photos go on to the site. Millie is at school at the moment & it is usually the only time i have during the day it wiill soon be time to get Millie from school.