A few days ago, I posted a request for help on the Wordpress forum, because I couldn’t figure out how to have the pages with my paid posts not display the BlogHer ad code in the sidebar. I was hoping someone could point me in the right direction.

Boy, did I get some help. And, had the pleasure of making the (virtual) acquaintance of Dave Zemens of Stoney Creek Web Designs in Rochester, Michigan. After exchanging almost two dozen emails, Dave ended writing a piece of PHP code for me to insert into the Sidebar widget that contains the BlogHer ad code. You can see how it works by first looking at my sidebar on this page, and then clicking on this link for a paid post page. See how the ads aren’t at the top of the sidebar? Very, very cool.

As if that wasn’t enough, then Dave wrote a post on his site about helping me, and you know what he said? He called Table for Five “America’s Mommy Blog”!! That is the biggest compliment I have ever received from anyone about my blog. And, AND, he called my writing “interesting” and “unique”. This is me, blushing!!

In case you’re wondering, Dave is also a retired police officer. And a professional. Before I gave him access to my site I Googled his name and looked carefully at his website to determine if he was legit. As should anyone who is contacted by someone they don’t know.

I’m totally putting Table for Five-America’s Mommy Blog on my business cards for BlogHer. And on some buttons, and maybe a t-shirt. How much does it cost to hire a plane to fly over my house pulling a banner with that written on it? Hmmm……

Before I had kids, I could devour a book in an afternoon. Now, I’m lucky if I can read one chapter before my eyes snap shut and the book falls out of my hand to the floor next to the bed. That’s why it has taken me almost a MONTH to finish Babyproofing Your Marriage. It was written by three Moms who have BEEN THERE, and DONE AND SAID THAT. They used personal examples and quotes from other parents to illustrate ways we can keep from making common mistakes and keep our marriages strong once we become parents. The subtitle of this book is “How to laugh more, argue less, and communicate better as your family grows”. I don’t know ANYONE who wouldn’t benefit from that!

Even after 14 years of marriage, my husband and I still haven’t worked out exactly how to parent and keep our marriage 100% strong all the time. We can both be incredibly stubborn and strong-willed, and we can forget that we are BOTH our childrens’ parents. Case in point: about a month ago, on a Saturday morning, Chris said I could sleep in and he would feed Kaitlyn her breakfast. Instead of rolling over and thanking him, I got up to go to the bathroom and then went into the kitchen to check on how he was doing. BIG mistake. I saw that he had the baby’s highchair pulled up to the kitchen table without the tray, so I pulled the highchair away and put the tray on. That earned me my first eye-roll and heavy sigh from him. Then, I noticed he was spooning applesauce into a bowl and without even thinking I said “HONEY! Kaitlyn always has a bowl of CEREAL for breakfast!”, as if he was going to poison her or cause her psychological damage if he fed her something different. At that point, things got ugly.

This is what the authors of the book call Scorekeeping. You know, keeping a mental list of everything you do RIGHT and everything he does WRONG. Here’s a quote I like: “The overwhelming majority of men want to be active, hands-on fathers, but it’s hard for a man (as it would be for anyone) to enjoy being a parent when his wife micromanages that relationship”. OUCH. It’s true, I’ll admit it, I do micromanage, and I am…gulp…kind of controlling sometimes. My husband is a grown man who has managed to take care of not only himself but our other two children quite capably for all these years, and he can take care of Kaitlyn without my help. That can be a hard realization to come to-that your children could be just as happy with Dad as they are with you.

The other big issue in this book that I want to mention is the chapter titled ‘The “Sex Life” of New Parents’. If you only read one chapter of this book, I recommend this one. This is the most frank, specific, down-to-earth advice on how to maintain your sex life after you have children that I have EVER read. And when I say frank, I mean that there is a section devoted to how giving up five minutes of TV to give your husband a blowjob might be the best thing you could do for your sex life and your marriage in general.

I really appreciate how every chapter topic has both the women’s point of view and the men’s point of view. I already know how my husband feels about our sex life (or lack thereof, sometimes), but some wives feel they just can’t come out and ask there husband questions like “honey, how do you feel when I say no?” The men interviewed for this book told it like it is, no holds barred. Obviously they aren’t speaking for every man in the world, but you will get a rare glimpse into the inner workings of the minds of men when you read this book. I recommend leaving the book where your spouse will find it, or handing it to them directly, maybe even with post-its marking the pages you think are important to your relationship, like Radioactive Girl did. Read it with an open mind, be willing to admit that you might be keeping score, or using being tired as an excuse to avoid sex, or treating your spouse like they can’t parent as well as you.

This book was an eye-opener for me, and I’d like to thank Stacie, Cathy and Julie for writing it, and Harper Collins for sending it to me as part of the BlogHer Virtual Book Tour. I have a feeling I’ll be keeping the book close by to refer to many more times.

My head feels all muddled up today. I can’t think of anything personal to post about, because I can’t stop thinking about things that are happening to other bloggers. There is much sadness around these days, and even though I only know two of these people personally, I feel a shared “I’m a blogger, they are bloggers” connection with them. So if you will indulge me today, I’d like to use this space to let some people know that I am thinking about them, and that their stories have touched me.

The most heartbreakingly sad story I know of these days is from How About Two? Rob and his wife have suffered the agonizing loss of their 11 day old son Doss, who is survived by his twin sister, Jorja. There is no way to even fathom the depth of the grief they must be feeling, but every time I think about it or see it referred to in another blog, my heart aches. When I read that they were having Doss cremated so that if they move, they can take him with them, I had to stop reading and sob for a minute. But this isn’t about me, this is about them. If you would like to send a donation to Jorja’s college fund, you can email Rob at rob AT thewrittenrob DOT com for the address to send the check, made out to USAA College Savings. All I know to say to Rob is how very, very sorry I am for his loss.

Karen at Troll-Baby is going through something, I’m not sure what exactly, but the title of her last post was “Coming Undone”. I know she has no appetite, has dropped a lot of weight really fast, and is experiencing crashing lows. This worries me. It’s one of the most frustrating things about getting to know someone through their blog who lives in another State-not being able to get in the car and drive to their house with a chocolate milkshake and a supportive shoulder they can lean on. Oh, and the first post she wrote about this problem she’s having? Someone emailed her to tell her she is a “horrible mother”. That really PISSES ME OFF. If you haven’t visited Karen’s blog lately, why not go leave her a nice comment letting her know that she has friends out here in blogland?

Finally, my dear friend Mocha Momma, coffee-lover, mom-extraordinaire, teacher and friend, is shutting down her blog because it could cause her professional problems. She isn’t getting “Dooced”, but she is concerned that she might not be offered a new position if they found her blog. This makes me sad because I read her every day, I even found my favorite coffee through a post she wrote. She brightened my day with every post, and I am going to miss her so, so much. I hope she starts a private blog for friends so I can continue to get my Mocha fix. I’ll miss you, my friend!

Thanks for letting me acknowledge these situations that are weighing on my mind right now. I’m hoping that my kids will do something funny soon so I can get some fresh post material.

When you are looking for tips on health issues, sometimes you just want to read a quick article with basic information, instead of having to wade through pages of ads and links to other sites. Here is one site that does just that…
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