Thought I’d do a blog to just let everyone know im still here 

Well since I last blogged, I did feel disappointed and as ‘Elocin’ last commented on it, money and the debts seems to be stressful on us. One thing is but I can handle not having much money, unlike Sander who is learning to not stress so much on it. That’s why we still go to marriage councilling and it does help, not to fix our finances but to hear each other out and not let our emotions get in the way. I do get ‘Elocin’s point where she mentions that it will be more stress to have another baby and its not really a good idea because we are still healing from what has happened. Well the cost of raising a child is all exaggerated. Every family is different as each family has there own lifestyle, whether they are rich or they are poor. I know we can afford another baby. I know it sounds like we are in so much debt from what I have mentioned in my situation but we can still manage. I know it sounds so soon that we want to have another baby after what has happened but everyone’s situation is different and this is what we chose to do as we are committed to making our relationship work and i know in the end when i do find peace which i must say it is pretty close to it, that our relationship will be stronger than ever.

We had a nice peaceful kid free weekend. The kids stayed with my folks while I went to Sander’s. It was good to sleep in at last...   The reason the kids didn’t come up for the weekend was because on Sat we had our marriage councilling session, which went well as i was able to lay out more issues and sort that out, especially expressing to Sander who didn’t realize that, he offended my parents for what he did, til it was actually explained to him how he did it, I think it was a shock to him. And he does feel regret and said he will apologise to them. I’ll just have to wait and see if he keeps his word on that. Then we just spent the rest of the afternoon on a walk along a walking trail i never been before and enjoyed the sun and beach Sunday we just hanged out at home and challenged each other with games of monopoly, chess, checkers and badgammon... haha... Today before i went back home we viewed a couple of houses to rent and we think we found one that is perfect for us, so we're gonna put our application in on Wednesday when i have all the paper work sorted and hopefully we get it. If we do get it, I guess the bond is an issue we have to sort out as they expect it up front but I know we’ll get through it. I always find a way

The kids and I will be around till Wednesday and then we will head back to Sander’s for the rest of the school holidays. Ah, gonna be computer less again so I hope I don’t miss out on much…

Hugs to everyone and have a good holiday if your on holidays 

*sigh* yes in a way i just feel disappointed. I just dont feel happy at the moment and i just want to get this out of my system instead of bottling it up. I know i say things are going good with me and Sander, well they are but at times i still feel angry on what he has done

Tonight i just decided to cancel the hotel reservations i made for a little getaway break to Sydney. It was to go down and see the International Sydney Motor Show and was going to be like our first family break in ages. I was really excited and looking forward to it actually and i was willing to pay for the whole trip myself with what i could save up. But financially i guess things are not too bright and me being more practical will give up this trip and put the debt first. A debt that is not mine really but his that he incurred with his mistress. To me the debt we use to have has already been paid up by his mother so i feel i have no obligation at all for his new expenses on his credit card. The only debt i feel i have an obligation too would be the joint personal loan we share that i took up and continually paid when we separated which he didnt pay a cent to.

As you know we are trying to sell the car. But the car also was due for its service and has to have 3 coils replaced. We got a quote on that and it was going to cost $1500 all up. A total rip off actually. Yes Sander is stressing about it and i tell him to stop it and convince him that my dad can help. Since my dad is a retired mechanic, we got him to help at least with the first bit of fixing the car, a saving of at least $500 !!! Sander and my dad manage to change the 6 spark plugs, oil filter and oil for only $145 (discounted price thankfully as my dad always gets a 10-20% discount from Repco, how good it is having conncetions )

Now at the moment we need to replace 3 ignition coils at a cost of $245 each we were told plus labour, well no way we want to spend that much when we can do it ourselves. Though the hard bit is at the moment is trying to find the part. They cant get it in Australia but another of my dad's friend who owns a garage has found that he could get it from the USA for only about $US50-$60 which would be around prob less than $AU100 each, so thats a major saving. But first we want to get a second opinion if it is the coils that need replacing as it is quite ridiculous to have 3 coils to be replaced at once for a not very old car. My dad is going to see another mechanic friend about a place he knows where they can test the car on some machine thing he told us about before. Hopefully this car will be in top shape before someone decides to buy it. Hopefully that will be soon in the next few months. I say months as i doubt it would be sold in a few weeks. Its quite dissappointing to get the viewing statistics of the car ad each week. We've had over 1000 people view the ad but not one has enquired yet... hmmm.... Honestly i just want to get rid of that car. Like there is nothing wrong with it. It is a good car but the thought of my husband and that skank drivng to Canberra a few times in that car really disgusts me. I can picture my husband in my head putting his hand on her lap or between her legs... aaaarrrrgggghhh.... I know he has done it cause he does it with me I guess if he never took her in his car at all i would have no problem with that car and i would be happy to just keep it. For now i just have to put up with it.

Another thing that is getting me down that is disappointing me is i really do want to have another baby. I wanted another one for a long time now. But having a miscarriage last year and my husband becoming a dissappointment by how he started treating me and the kids, i lost all hope that it will ever happen again. Since we got back together we have talked and want to try again for another baby. Actually we have been trying for the last 4 months now and still no luck. Everytime i get my period i feel upset. I think of the baby i lost and I think why is it taking so long for me to fall pregnant cause i was able to fall pregnant with our other children within 1-2 months after stopping the pill. I also get angry knowing that his mistress got pregnant within the first month they were back together but it wasnt till she was over 2 months pregnant that she told him she was after they broke up again. Honestly i still worry that maybe she didnt get the abortion at all as she has not given any proof of a receipt and that she will come knocking on our door with his child.

Sorry i just need to cry and get this out... i just dont feel happy at the moment...

Im happy. Thats all i can say... LOL...

My computer finally arrived on Wednesday like they said and its heaps cool. So so so much faster than my old one which was about 7 years old before it decided to crash on me. Hopefully i can save up some money so i can get someone to retrieve the hard drive on it as they charge between $60-$100 per hour!!!. I have so many photos on there that i do not want to lose   Advice to everyone, make sure you do a back up on your hard drive at least once a month, especially if you store your digital photos on the computer! Thats what i plan to do now with this new computer.

Besides customising my computer to how i want it I havent really been doing much.

Things are good between Sander and me. Our last few councelling sessions have been so intense. We finally learnt to actually "listen" to each other as alot of times things are not getting through as we get all defensive. I really wish we learnt this technique ages ago even though i must say its pretty commonsense. I really made him listen to what i actually was saying especially when i told him on how i felt about our anniversary and that he could of did more. It actually took me about 10 times to get it through his head in our session what i was saying as he wasnt really listening and got defensive. All he seems to think of is stress over money... gggrrrr.... Even though he had no money to spend on me i would rather have something sentimental that doesnt cost a thing to remind me of it such as a piece of paper with i love you and the date. I dont need some fancy expensive present, i just wanted to actually feel that our marriage did mean alot. Well he eventually got it through his head on how i actually felt and i could really see that he is trying.

I still see that Sander is stressing about money which i have pointed out to him to stop it as I dont like it but we will get through it. I remind him that i dont want him to fall back into deep depression again and that to trust me everything will be alright which seems to help.

Anyway, I must go and do some chores. I wish it would stop raining as my laundry is piling up again... oh well...

Take care everyone

My little baby has turned 3 !!!   She is growing up too fast... lol

We are only going to have a small family dinner tonight for her at my parents Well this is only a quick stop over as usual, i should be getting my new computer today... YAY!!! Cant wait to be back on MINTI more often again... hehe

Anyway i better go as we going to the shops to buy ingredients to make her a birthday cake. She loves cooking

Take care everyone, hope everyone is well...

Ok... I thought i would check up on my profile by not logging in as im on a time limit and i noticed that my 'blog dates' were wrong like they were all a day back eg, my blog dated 14th August "OMG, its my 7th anniversary" was dated 13th of August which isnt right. So i log into my account and the dates are right. But then i log back out and the dates are wrong. Just wondering if you guys are seeing the dates how i saw it when i was not logged into my account? Is it happening to you guys or is this like a technical problem or a time difference kind of problem..

Anyway since im here i want to wish every a great weekend

Well i havent been on much lately cause i am still computer less and only log in and log out of minti for a quick peek...lol... but next week i should finally have my new computer i purchased from Ebay which i cant wait to finally have my own again and also my bro cant wait as he is getting sick of me butting in and using his laptop So once i have my computer i will be doing alot of reading and catching up on the goss... hopefully i havent really missed much... hehehe

Oh by the way if anyone is interested in owning a larger family car, we have ours for sale. Its a white 2004 Mazda MPV. Its quite ideal for the larger family who wants space and good for long travel with the in built roof mounted dvd player for the kids to be entertained. You can check out the details here on carsales.com.au. Hope the link works. Ok sorry the link isnt working i just tried it, but if you want to find it the vehicle, the id# 5989351 or rego is AK47KP. Just type that in the advance search engine. Hope that works for you to find.

Anyway i must go as i only have a short time limit here... lol... yeah yeah brother im going off

Hope everyone is fine and doing well. I'll catch up with you all soon.

Well the last few days i have been doing alot of researching and running around to sort out Sander's (new debts he incurred during his depressive streak) and our joint personal loan we still have. From the info i've gather and calculated i find it that we are better off trying to combined all the debts into one payment which will work out that we will be between $250-$350 better off depending on fixed interest rates between 13.30%-16.95% over a 7 year term. The amount we needed to borrow was a total of $40000 to consolidate the debts. Yes i know its alot, those debts are his car, our personal loan and his two credit cards he has maxed out

Before i went and saw the banks i was even well prepared and wrote out a table including our income and all expenses if we were living together and you can clearly see how much better off we would be. In fact we wouldnt be even changing our lifestyle on what we live on and just using the total payments we are paying at the moment to pay the debt and will have money to spare if you get what i mean. Currently we are paying $1288 all up per month on the debt. If we use the highest interest rate of 16.95% over 7 years on a $40000 loan it works out at approx. just over $800 per month including the banks monthly fees whatever that would be. So you can see it is a huge saving.

Well the two banks i did go which was the CBA and NAB could clearly see the savings but it was the big bosses decisions in the city to say yes or no. Well they said no because "compared to national standards we dont have enough money to live on with 2 children".... gggggrrrr.... well i think all this 'national living standards' are complete bull... maybe they look at people who exaggerate on what they spend for there kids to scare people off.  Honestly for me, with my 2 children after paying off utility bills and rent i only spend about $500 tops a month on food and petrol with a bit of money to spare. It just annoys me that these banks dont bother looking at people's actual individual situations even when its completely laid out in front of them. They could clearly see how we would be so much better off actually.

Anyway my hubby is going to see one more bank or should i say credit union that is connected with his work. They actually told him that we could be able to get a $26000 car loan to pay off the rest of the car which we actually want to sell but cant cause the other bank has it as security and its a bit complicated. But they did tell us if we do manage to sell the car the car loan can then be converted to a personal loan to pay off the rest of the car so there wont be any complications. Hopefully you get what i mean.

Well if anyone out there wants to buy a car we have one. Its a 2004 Mazda MPV, 7 seater 'people mover', in built dvd player on roof, rear view mirror reversing camera, air con, cruise control, automatic... for approx. 23000 o.n.o. .... lol... will be advertising it later....

Anyway if the credit union doesnt work either we plan on going to one of those debt consolidation places you see advertised on tv and see if they can sort something out. Does anyone know much about them? Like what is the catch? lol...

Well got to go and do some errands... enjoy the rest of your day...

Ok... i dreamt that im gonna have an amazing 7th Wedding Anniversary, that Sander is going to make up for last year and how he treated our marriage... lol... what a dream that would of been

Lets see on the day after i logged out of Minti i went home to tidy up a little bit more as he said he will be there around lunchtime as he wanted to go to see the bank about consodating his debts... ok fair enough but couldnt that wait another day , though deep down i was thinking well maybe he is off to buy me a nice present or a card afterwards so that is ok... well i waited and he calls up i'll be leaving now, the time is now 1.15pm... ok... so no we wont go out to lunch now, like i was plannning to do...  I tell him ok... but try and be there by 3pm so we can pick up Keandre at school... calls up again, im stuck in traffic and roadworks but ensures me he will be at the school... ok... after picking our son up he finally arrives, hmm... 3.30pm about time

Well im happy to finally see him i thought he would of got me something, at least a card... well no he didnt...  He says to me, we can go out to dinner tonight but i only have $100 left.... thats my present for you.... Me being practical and know how he doesnt have money cause of his debt he got himself into again I said, "no, we'll stay home tonight and buy something from woolies as it will save us money"

Honestly how i felt... I didnt mind staying home for dinner but i would of liked a card at least, something to remember this anniversary as we are getting back together I know,he is a typical male and wouldnt think of it... I went to the trouble of sending him flowers and posting him a card, but that is me, how i always have been, which i've done every year that i would get him something with a card.. *sigh*

Well he did cook dinner, he always cooks actually as he likes to do that. We had lamb cutlets, homemade chips and garlic bread. And I made a nice Apple crumble for desert. It was very filling.

After getting the kids settled into bed we partly watched a dvd but decided to go to bed after halfway for you can guess... lol... as the movie started to get a bit "too gay for him", the movie we were watching was "I Now Pronouce You Chuck and Larry"

The rest of the weekend was fine, it was like a pretty typical ordinary weekend how we spend it with the kids.

Im pretty excited and pretty happy... I've made it to my 7th Wedding Anniversary... hehehe... Wow... 7 years married and it doesnt feel like it really. I cant believe the stuff we've been through and we made it this far

Marriage is quite alot of work for better and for worse and im not going to give up on us which i almost did. We've learned our mistakes and hopefully our relationship will grow even stronger from now on...

I dont know what we have planned for today, just waiting for Sander to drive down and be here around lunchtime. We probably just keep it simple and enjoy each other's company with the kids of course

Enjoy the rest of your week everyone and your weekend...

Yes i really cant believe it. Tomorrow at exactly 2pm will mark 7 years of marriage

Im excited about it especially since we made it this far with all our trials and tribulations.

Yesterday i found out that my hubby was going to surprise me by taking tomorrow and friday off from work. Luckily i found out cause the flowers i ordered to send on Thursday he wont be there So that is all fixed up so he will get it today instead I have made sure that he will definately be in work today.

Well I must go and tidy the house up a bit and do some errands oh and make myself pretty... lol... i need to pluck my eyebrows and shave my legs... haha... im so lazy during winter... haha

I may drop by tomorrow or if not in a few days time as I will be spending time with hubby for the rest of the week and weekend Take care everyone