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Woohoo, my hubby is coming home in 2 days I cant believe the 3 weeks had gone by really quick. It will be good to see him and hopefully that his trip away to see his family and friends did him good. Now we can continue on getting our marriage back on track. Its really hard where to start actually as there is so much to think about and sort out.

One thing i do want to do is to renew our vowels which i have told him and he agrees too. Does anyone out there know much about 'Vowel renewal ceremonies'? Like is it similar to a marriage ceremony?

Well i got to run as i have alot to do. Unfortunately i wont be online till around next week as my landline is getting fix at the moment and i have no internet access till the end of the week and i will be away with the kids spending time at my hubby's house welcoming him home

Till next time, take care and enjoy the rest of the week!

Ok, today i decided i will have to put a chain and lock on the pantry door. Lealiki just keeps opening it and trying to find something to eat, even though she isnt hungry. I would give her something, she would take a bite and that is all she wants. She wasnt happy when i told her i am going to lock it, as you would see in the pic... hehehe... too bad i cant chain and lock the fridge

Well my hubby has been gone for 2 weeks now. Only one more week till he comes back as the kids and I do miss him even though he calls us almost everyday Hopefully this time alone being with his family and friends is helping him cope with his depression which he tells me is under control now and he is thinking clearly.

For me, these 2 weeks had its ups and downs. I've had my final personal councelling session with my new councellor i started seeing back in January. She has seen alot of change in my emotional state and that things are looking good for me. I felt i didnt need to see her anymore as she has done all she could and that i am much more happier. I am however still will be seeing our marriage councellor. We still have a few issues to work at when Sander gets back.

I must honestly say, its been hard, after deciding to get back together, Sander has to go and we are apart again. Im trying my best not to let any negativity get to me but with everything that has happened it is so hard as the hurt is still fresh you can say. For example, the day after Sander left, I was unpacking my suitcase when the kids and i stayed over and in that suitcase i was disgusted to find Sander had put his Ex-Skank's underwear in there thinking it was mine!!! That got me furious thinking "OMG, he should of F********* know that they dont belong to me as i dont wear that style of underwear" gggrrrr.... and all he could say on the phone was "im sorry i didnt know" hhmmm... typical... another issue that pissed me off was when i went to check his house and pick up the mail the neighbour collected for him. In the pile of mail was a letter for the skank. Yes i opened it up as my hubby had an identical mail addressed to him. It was just a renewal reminder for them for a club they joined. In a way it just really got to me, that she had directed her mail to his address and also that he went to a place where I did want to visit one day which was Canberra. But now, no offence to anyone who lives in Canberra or the ACT, I do not want to go there anymore, knowing that her family comes from there and my hubby had been there enjoying time with her there. Yes another thing that got me pissed again was finding a restaurant survey he started to fill out with her. What angered me with this survey was, the restaurant they ate at was suppose to be "our restaurant" and in the survey they filled it out they were there as 'family', which really angered me because they were not family, how dare he said she was family.... aaaarrrggghhh... Im sorry i just needed to get this out... (Sorry Arna, I guess my 10 blogs in a row of positivity didnt quite work out yet , I guess you have to hold that bottle of champagne in the MINTI pub)

Well as i said i am trying not to get this negativity get to me. I am trying to keep positive and i do feel things will work out. My hubby has been sweet to keep in touch with me and the kids nearly every single day and i was quite surprise that he sent my parents a postcard and me a card in the mail. The card i got had a very nice poem that i can say sums up how we both feel, which i will write down here to share with yous all:

You and I

By Deanne Laura Pool

Relationships are never

easy, and you and I

have had our share

of struggling and troubled

times, but together we

made it.

Together, we cared enough

to face our problems;

we loved enough not to

let go…

What we have together is even stronger

because of all we’ve been through,

all we’ve struggled with.

I sometimes worry about the future,

but with you by my side

the future seems much brighter ~

the present more precious,

more meaningful.

We need the tears to appreciate the laughter;

we must share our problems to realize

how much we truly need each other ~

to give our love the chance to expand,

to strengthen, to endure.

We deserve nothing less than a love

that will remain through all aspects

of our lives.

Together, we will face all obstacles

with confidence

because we already know our relationship

can endure even the worst of times,

as long as we love ~ share ~

and stay together.

 

 

Today marks a year since I first miscarried at 9 weeks, I still remember the awful day and seeing my foetus and its face starting to form lying there on my pad as I hold it.. My dear baby who I named “Winter”. I chose Winter because it was the season in which it died and it can also be a girl or boy name.

 My first ever blog I made on Minti on my old account of Destiiny23 was a small tribute to my baby, which was dated on 7 August 2007. This is what I wrote:

 Last Night…

 Last night i finally have a bit of peace. You see we finally buried the ashes of my miscarry. It has been so long and we never really had a chance to bury it because of everything that has happened.

When i miscarried on June 9th, it was devasting. I know my husband was hurting too, he did have a few tears in his eyes when i got the news i lost the baby but he stayed strong and didnt show it so much. That afternoon we drove back home and my husband decided to cremate the ashes in a babymilk tin in the back yard. We didnt have the heart to throw it away, it wasnt right.

I wanted to store the ashes in a metal case so it took about a week before i could find the perfect case. I searched on Ebay for something and surprisingly the first thing i saw as a small heart shaped metal trinket box. I thought it was perfect, kind of like a sign as this is what i should bury it in. It arrived a week later. Still i thought there was something missing and we decided to engrave it. It wasnt til another 2 weeks later when i finally engraved it. On the front read "Our Baby" and on the back around the outer edge it read "Always remembered -xxx- , 9 June 2007" plus in the centre back we inscribed our intials.... Even though i finally got it engraved it was still another 2 weeks or so til last night that we finally put the ashes into the case. We superglued it shut and burried it in the pot plant with flowers that we bought. It now sits outside on the deck out the back....

After doing this i found a bit of inner peace to my miscarry but still it is still hurtful to think about it....

 

Our baby now lies in my parents garden. When my husband and I separated I took the pot as I did not feel it was safe to be there in a lonely house. It was my child to be and I will never part with it. I’ll always want it to stay close to me. For now my lost baby will stay in my parents garden till my husband and I can buy our own home and whenever that will happen one day, I will certainly make a new special place for it to lie in peace in our garden.

 

 

“Forever in my heart you will always be, never forgotten my dear baby”

Today my son finally turns 6... Well officially at 5.10pm this evening... LOL... I cant believe how time how gone by so quick!!!

I finally had my son's birthday party on the weekend. All the kids were happy, even though there were a few tears and fights (especially from Keandre )But they all had fun which was good and what i wanted. I was even surprised at the end of the day when all the kids were gone and i sat on the lounge with Keandre, he said to me "thanks, that was a good party mummy"

It was ashame about the cake but did turn out ok with my artistic effort , I think i should of got some credit as they didnt make it properly. The bakery rang me at 8.30am this morning and said they were having trouble with the edible icing image i gave them (picture of Pirates of the carribean characters) apparently the image didnt want to peel off and it cracked so it was ruined. I ended up finishing off the icing of the cake by doing a pirate face design which turned out pretty good. I think it looks much better than the edible image i was going to have in the first place. Another thing about the cake, it was too big and i couldnt put it in the fridge, so i was worried about it melting as well it had fresh cream in it but it was ok.

All the kids started coming early actually. I said 12noon start but they started coming at 11.30am and the last child arrived at 12.30. While i greeted the parents and talked to them a bit, I got my sis and her friends(im so thankful they were there to help) to get the kids to color in there parrots which we were going to use for the 'Pin the parrot on the pirate' game. When they were all done colouring in we got them to eat first. One kid i had to keep an eye on as he had type 2 diabetes i think it was, the only thing he wasnt allowed to eat was chocolate or fizzy drinks(which i didnt have only cordial)

Anyway after they ate we played the first game which was "find the gold coins" I didnt have a choice actually, as we had to play it as the coins were melting and the kids were already looking saying "hey there is money there, oh and over there etc... haha" I had about 40 + bags of gold coins hidden in the garden.

The next game we thought we play was the "follow the treasure map hunt" which was a total disaster... hahaha... the first map was ok, they had to find it hidden in one of the balloons which will then lead them to the next map, but instead of following the map the kids can already see the maps in trees and garden and they would go "oh there is a map" run to the tree next to it "here is another one" etc... totally not follwing where to go so i gave up on that. We just ended up going to the spot after they got all the maps and dug up the tin of lollies and just threw the lollies in the air and let the kids catch whatever... haha...

We had a bit of a break where my poor octopus i made got totally disintergrated... lol... the kids thought it was a pinata and they all go and hit it and teared it up... aaaarrrrgggghhh... I didnt even take a pic which was a shame though i got a pic of it destroyed which you will see the whole yard a mess

While i was inside doing something, i come out and Keandre decided to start opening his presents. So we did that and after that we thought we would cut the cake and eat it before we do the last games. It was so funny cause Keandre wanted to cut all the cake and serve it up. You should of seen the slices he gave them, they were so big... oh well i still have heaps of cake left in the fridge. We will be so sick of cake after the next few days... haha...

After cake we thought we play the last 2 games. First one was "Pass the Parcel" where Keandre sort of participate, he'd come and go through the game and when he got his turn, i dont know what happened but he didnt want the prize and started crying. But he was ok after wards even though he didnt get his way. He was like that throughout the party if he didnt get his way he would winged.

The last game they played was "Pin the parrot on the pirate". I think most the kids pretty much cheated as i think they were able to see through. And i only had one prize and they were going, I want a prize, I want a prize, me me me... lol I quickly got them distracted from that when i said "ok everyone lets get Victoria" LMAO and they all started chasing her and hitting her with the dismembered octopus... hahaha

Keandre then wanted to go inside and show them the xbox so they all went in and played a bit. The girls however wanted to draw so they went and drew in Dre's room. Afterwards they got bored and went outside to play till the parents started coming to pick them up, thats when a few tears started as they didnt want to go... hahaha...

But overall all is good.