I went shopping todday to get some stuff to amke some cakes for Kylies classs party at school which i thought was friday so i was going to make them tomorrow night . Dinner time kylie  said to me why havent you made our cakes for the party? I told her its only wednesday they would be funny by friday she saud its the party tomorrow . OMG .

So here i have been all night between minti baking cakes and i still have 2 lots to do . Looks like its going to be a late night tonight ll . Good job i had a nap earlier lol.

Barry's best friewnd ken is staying here tonight and most proberly until friday as thats when his mrs goes to bracknal they have split up. She is playing games with his head not very nice  seems she is 12 weeks pregnant . She wants to hope she dpont come round here though because i will give her a piece of my mind. She has really hurt him and he is a really good friend of ours he is more of a borther . He calls me sis and has beeen there for both me and barry the last 3 months no matter how we have been feeling . Thats a real friend :)

I should get my appointment for exeter gynae tomorrow i just hope it is rather soon as if i havent stopped clotting by tomorrow i am going to be speaking to trhe doctor as i have been clotting now for 3 days but i am so fed up of goingh doctors about it

My sun burn isstill youchy . I wish it would hurry up and go brown lol. I got some shreddies today because the dr said i needfibre but it qwas disgusting and couldent eat it . I was going to have my 1st coke free day today but i saw it in the shop and  thought well 1 more bottle wont hurt maybe tomorrow i will have more success.

Luv Emz xxxx

What is it with my kifd being sick? When Kylie wemt to bed she was to and from the toilet then all of a sudden i hear Kylie scream and crying mummy mummy quick im sorry. I ran to her and OMG shehas diahorea it was all over her bed and on the floor all down her dreessing gown . poor thing so i told her to get the dressing gown off it was all down her legs and everything so i ran her another bath just toget rid of the poe . dried her off she got her PJ's on while i changed her bed .

She was really upset that she had made a mess of her bed and floor i told her it was ok i would clean it up it was only an accident and these things happen sometimes. I toldher she would be staying home with mummy tomorrow and she is happy with that. i have a couple of things to do but she can stay with daddy and chloe and we will have a dvd morning i have chose winnnie and friends for chloe first thing and matilda for kylie afterwards . Barry downloaded them for them..

Lookas like kylie is going to be having her summer holidays a few days early

Luv Emz xxxx

Its been a beautiful day here today i needed to run into town and i left Chloe with daddy as it was too hot to push her around town in the buggy as hereit is full of hills . Torquay was built on 7 hills LOL. I was only a couple of hours but i am as red as a beetroot now. That will teach me for going out in a skirt and vest top . LOL. . Its so sore and barry keepsslapping it meanie isnt he?

When i got back Barry gave me a letter that had come for my from my advocate that is being sent to the hospital it  is very good and i am very pleased with it

Mr ..................................,

Re Emily Fairchild.

Thank you for sending me correspondance relating to ms fairchild. I have discussed the letter from Ms ................................... Dated 15th july with Ms Fairchild who feels that a number of important issues are still not addressed. I am writting to ask that another resoulution meeting is sert up , with myself present , in order that further attemptsd are made to resolve the complaint. Questions which Ms Fairchild would like discussed are as follows.

* Why was ms fairchild kept waiting in A&E before being sent to the nurses station.?

* Why was ms fairchild not made warm and comfprtable?

* Why did the docotor say "Its only a miscarriage"?

* How can it be possible for a gynaecological doctor to not know about the procedure tp follow when a miscarriage haqppens in A&E?

(It gets better )

* What evidence do the trust have  for suggesting that the contents of the jar were the afterbirth? ms fairchild did NOT loose any clots previous to using the comode and distinctly felt the passing of a large clot as described in her letter and suggests this was the foetus. Why were the 'products' not identified when/before they were sent to the laboratory?

* Why was Ms Fairchild told she couldent make a complaint?

* What has been done by the trust to ensure that women who are experiencing a miscarriage are not treated in A&E? What has been done to ensure women loosing their babies through miscarriage are taken to an appropiate place for treatment / delivery?

* What has been done to address the training  needs have been identified for the doctor concerned and has the training been provided?

* What training needs have been identified to the doctor concerned and has the training been provided?

* What has hasppened to the notes made at hte meeting on 16th June by admin

assistant andwhy were the notes not produced from the meeting?

I look forward to hearing from you.

ICAS  advocate.

See what i mean its brilliant.

Went to see the doctor she has sent my referral to exeter hospital YAY. So  should get an appointment next few days . As for my tummy being so huge i am in fact very bloated but she put her very cold thing on my belly and she got me to lie down so she can feel itand she is thinking it is coming from nmy bowels. Why? cos of my rubbish diet i need fibre so she wants me to TRY and eat some banannas not force myself just try. Also she wants me to drink fluids constantly no cafene . If it doesnt get any better in a few days and i have to go back. I told her that i am already taking the prescription thatdocgave me yesterday to stop the bleeding before my gynaecology appointment and she said its ok as she knows it is really getting medown with all this bleeding going on . Oh and she isagoing to get kylie fully assesssed .

Luv Emz xxx

When i got home from thedoctors i rang Karen about hewr letter whch was an appointment for 16th june 2008. Funny enough i got answer machine . I left her a message which proberly made no sense what so ever but still i left her a message to call me asap. She called about an hour later ranting at her about her accussing me of being mad when she is sending me appointmewnts i had likeover a month ago like HELLO .

Apparantly it was a mistake she was about to leavethe hospital to go to the emergency doctors/GUM clinic. So she would send it herself tomorrow i told her to leave it in the office and i would come and collect it TODAY .She agreed that she would print another copy before she left and itwas there  ready for me to pick up .

Just before i was going to leave my advocate called me back. I asked if she has any paperwork from the hospital she has now recieved it all including the letter i pickedup. She reead oit out to me over the phone hereis a copy of the letter .

Dear Emily,

I am writting to you following the meeting on 16th june 2008 with Dr Ranjit (consultant) and Karen (Matron) .. I have tried to cover briefly the main issues in the order that they were discussed.

Firstly you wereunhappy that you had not recieved an apology from the doctor in person for showing you the  specimen jar. MrRanjit explained that we were apologising for the trust on the doctor's behalf. That as discussed in our letter we recognise A&E isnt the ideal place for you to be seen. and the actio0ns that are being taken.

There was a discussion regarding who showed the jar to your partner and there  were discrepancies between your account and the doctors account and we agreed to disagree on this point .

It was explained to you how upset and sorry the docotor was for the anxiety and stress she had causedboth you and your partner.

At this point you started to shout and got very upset and left the room. Karen followed and tried to then discuss with you what it is that would help you to xcope with what has happened.to you? What we could doto try to resolvethis for you ? You stated you had been to ur GP but had not recieved any help. We discussed referring you to a councillor and you agreed you would attend if a referral was made.

Karen made the referral on the 16th june and you should by now have recieved a letter from department of clinical health and psychology offering you an appointment . I do hope that you will take up thisoffer.

If you have any queries please do contact Karen. - Matron.

Well this just like my first letterdoesnent answer any of the questions on my  complaint and my advocate is contacting complaints again to arrange another meeting where they will be questioned on these things. Where is the evidence that i never lost my baby in the hospital /what was inthe specimen ? Wheres the proof it was my afterbirth. Why was i left in the waiting room for an hour while having a moscarriage, ? What punnishment did the doctor recieve toensure thiswould not happen again? What training? Why did the doctor tell me 'its ok its only a miscarriage tocalm me down. ? Why did she give me the specimen? Why didnt she know the correct procedure ? Why didnt she ask for help ?

My advocate believesi deserve the answers to these questions this was mychild that was growing inside me not a bit of trash . I need to know why what happened happened ? Anyway she has wrote me a letter which i should get tomorrow or the next day.

I asked her what i could do because i have cysts on and around my right ovary which is possibly endo i have got an appointment in august with dr ranjit ? She said im to go to my doctor tomorrow and tell her she has told me she is to refer me to exeter as imin disagreement with dr ranjit and one of his gynaecologists and i dont want them touching me after the last time. It is a new law that you can choose where i get treated asslng as its in my county. Exeter is 25 milesaway but its better than seeing him . If i get any problems then i have to ring her and she will sort it out for me .

Luv Emz xxx

Oh my it has been such a long day today i feel so drained.

Lucky for me i got the post before my appointment and in the post i got 2 letters both from the hospital. 1 confirming my appointment in gynae clinic never guess who my appointment is with ? Dr Ranjit. I think NOT he is coming nowhere near me . The other was from Karen . You wouldent believe what i got from her an appointment for a meeting on 16th june 2008 i was fuming . She says im mad thats why she wants me assessed yet she is sendingme appointments for over a month ago. Which by the way this afternoon meand my advocate found very ammusing,

So letters in hand off to my appointment this new doctor well to be honest he couldent be bothered to listen to me. First off i told him i could not go to this appointment as i refuse to see this gy as i am in disagreement with him . He said if i took a seat in the waitingroom he will send a receptionist to explain what i have to do. I said that also on the lettter it states when my appointment comes if i am on my period i will need to rebook myappointment. Seems ive been bleeding the last 11 weeks and no tablets are stopping it the chances are i will still be bleeding then. He said thats fine i wiill prescribe u something for you to take before your appointment. and i said i also need one before the 20th august he said i wont get one as simple as that . He said its a 2 week wait for cancer .

I asked for my tablerts fpor my PTSD and my sleeping tablets as i just wouldent get through tonight without them and i wouldent be able to sleep . He said have you had them before ? Yes . When ? It was a thousand questions lol i told him i have them every 10 days. In the end he prescribed me them. Hesimply wasnt listening to me so i ended it there it seemedf i was wasting my breathe . He told me to wait in the waiting room and he would send a receptionit to see me.

I was only waiting a minute she had a copy of the letter pointed out the number and said i need to call them and rebook it witha differant consultant. I explained to heri  lost my baby and i was treated badly while suffering a miscarriage and it was funny enough a gynaecologist and i dont know her name . I told her the doctor wasnt listening to me i was really upset and was crying she took the form and said she would see whatshecan do . When shereturnedi askedi f dr parkin was in today and shehas called in sick but sheis going to gether to call me forst thing inthemorning and i can comein and have a big talk with herabout it . Which i agreedto .

Well that was my doctors apppointment anyway.

Luv Emz xxx

Well the kids are feeling better today:) they have been so miserable imso glad they are feel;ing better now . Chloe still has some of her anti biotics to finnish and she has to have this cream up her nose to stop it from coming back as this as her second chest infection in just a few weeks poor thing. But she is feeling better and thats the main thing.

I got myself an appointment for the doctors i have to go in at 10.40 i have never ebven heard of this doctor before let alone seen him so hopefully he will look at this further its been 11 weeks now ive had enough . I waited over a month for the scan im not waiting the same to see someone about this its just too long . Barry is going back to work the beginning of august i need to pick myself up by then.

So my letter was apparantly ready to leave karen on thursday apparantly to be sent friday i never recieved it saturday and she guaranteed me it would be in my hand by today thelatest so thar will be very interesting once i recieve it i will call my advocate and see if she has recieved it allso and find out if she has recieved all my information from the hospital yet .

Anyway i better go do some washing and housework and get chloe down for a nap once she has eaten her snack before i go

Luv Emz xxx

Somebody has had a disagreement with their daddy she tried stealing daddys bone  when she went to visit him and he bit her at the side of the face barry has just been to help Jerry fix her up . Poor puppy :( xxx

What the hell is going on with my stupid body now  ?? Today omg my stomach is absolute agony and my stomach is well the size of a beach ball. How can i get so big overnight . I only went to sleep. It wouldent be so bad if i was actually eating to be able to put all this weight on but thats exactly it . Afew ok about 4 tomato and cucumber sandwich minus the crust isnt going to make me gain this muych weight and over night ? Sigh .

How am i supposed to keep on like this for the next month . I will be a mountain by then LOL. As for te pain well i feel likei  have a wrestler in there swinging someone side to side up and down . Im sure im gonna runout of blood soon PLEASE at least that way it will actually stop for a bit . Come tomorrow i have been bleeding for 11 weeks with a few days break here and there . Its really really getting me down .

I cant stop thinking about these cysts the doctor was pretty sure it is endo because f all of the pain and bleeding i am getting. The thing that is upsetting me the most about it all is that they cause infertility . What if i am not able to fall pregnant aain ? Will i ever start to get over what happened? That just totally breaks my heart.

I have a history of PID (Pelvic Inflammitary Disease) 6 weeks before i fell pregnant with Chloe i had an operation where the PID was found my tubes were stuk in my pelvis and the had to be pulled out and unstuck as the tube was very squashed. I was told the chances of me falling again were very slim . This really upset me and consideringi had Kylie it was very hard for me i was due to start IVF treatment at the beginnig of october well that didnt happen as in september of 2005 i fell pregnant so i bviously had to cancel the IVF .

After having Chloe we never ever used any contraception simply because wqe wanted 1 more . Greedy i know . I had another operastion last year as it was thought that my PID was back when this came back clear i promised myself i would never have any more surgery as im only 23 and already i have had 4 operations since the age of 14. But now with everything that has happened do i rethink ? I just dont know anymore i dont even want to go back to gynaecology let alone let them touch me. I just feel like i have let Barry and the girls down so much. Barry really wants top have another baby . But what if i cant give that to him :(

Sorry i just neeed to get that out. xxx

I am absolutly knackered the girls have totally wore me out today. They have had me reading them story after story. Putting on DVD after DVD . In between the housework and cleaning sick and diahorea . We have kylie throwing up everytime she has a tantrum she is sick she didnt have any dinner as i was dishing it up she threw up all over the sofa she got into her PJS as she was covered in puke and she never ate her dinner and i wasnt forcing her lol.

Chloes anti biotics have given her terrible diahorea and i mean TERRIBLE its water and its orange yukky and boy does it stink you know when she has poed if you cant see it trickling down her leg the poor thing you can smell it for sure . With a toddler who is potty training and taking off her nappies once she has poed or at least trying to isnt the easiest . Well ashe took her nappy off when she went for her nap . I will leave it to your imagination what happened there but it wasnt nice thats for sure LOL.

Thats without busters little accidents . Also i am coming down with a cold i am blaming Chloe . Today i have been haing awful tummy cramps no matter how many painkillers i take it doesent ease it. I just want to go to bed and not get up until things are back the way they were like4 months ago . It just seems that everything is non stop at the moment . My head is so full of so much messed up stuff its driving me crazy.

I got rudely awoken this morning at 3am by my mobile. I recieved a text even Barry grumbled at me that must be your friend in austraillia i told him to go back to sleep . All of a sudden all he heard was who does that woman think she is and i started getting real mad. Well it wasnt a text from Aus it was Kylies bloody bad excuse of a mother at bloody 3am in the morning. All it said was 'How is Kylie ? Can you send me a picture sorry its late ' i always get these stupid message at stupid hours of the morning when she  is pissed  and remembers she has a daughter. If your wondering she never got a answer if she wants to talk to me she should try doing it at a decent hour not 3am . After this i couldent go bk to sleep argh.

Anyway im gonna have a sandwich and try and gett some sleep.

Luv Emz xxx

I dfont beliee it . Is it not enough chloe having a chest infection? Yesterdayu Kylie came home from schol played for a bit then just lasid on her bed . She said she was tired and wanted some dinner and wanted to go straight to bed so i said i would put the washing away and i would put the dinner on. She never ate a thing and off to bed she went.

getting ready for bed she was sick . so i got it all cleaned up and got her into her pjs. She called me about midnight and had wet the bed . This morning she wont get up she says she is sick. Just great now i have 2 sick kids . happy weeekends. lol.

I am soooo tired i could so easily go back to bed .Ah well better get on xxx