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Talking Back Member » emmie » Blog » Its all over , Ive had a misca...

07
May

Its all over , Ive had a miscarriage!!!

Comment Published at 14:5514:5571 comments71 comments181 Visits181 VisitsReport

Ok so ive been told i am better off to do this to help me come to terms with what has happened because i am not dealing wsith this at all.

So i went to A&E i told them i was 7 and a half weeks pregnant i have had pains for over 24 hours and i am bleeding more than a heavy period . I then had a thousand questions how do u know you are 7 and a half weekss pregnant bla bla bla . She told me to take a seat and she will call someone right away to see to me. While sat there i noticed my gynecoligist walked in . His son had a sore wrist i noticed he sat his son down and walked through A&E then a dr come and got his son . So of course that wound me up i went to the toilet by this point things were progressing fast i knew i was having a miscarriage it was obvious it had soiled my trousers and going all over the floor. I went back to the desk and asked how much longer i have to wait as thjngs are getting serious its everywhere!! She said go straight through and grab a nurse and tell them what is happening .

By this time i was a wreck i couldent talk to a nurse if i tried i just stood at the nurses station drippping with blood . Barry grabbed the most lovely nurse she was wonderful so kind and caring. She took us into this room she didnt want me by the nurses station to give me privacy . She went and got her bits to examine me as she explained she needs to examine me so she can see wheather i am miscarrying or not just like a smear . Barry helped me get undressed she was back real quick in the time it took her to examine me i had lost at least 2 pints of blood she was rather shocked . She said she hasnt seen anytrhing like this before. She explained to me holding my hand that people do bleed in pregnancy and go on to have healthy pregnancys but to this volume it usually means something is wrong. She said going only by her gut instinct and experience i am having a miscarriage she could not tell me for sure because there is just too much bloodto see anything. She then took my bloods and got a drip in.

She then said she is going to take me through to resuss so that thery could keep a proper eye on me i was loosing blood fast and needed monitoring constantly as i was getting weaker and weaker and they didnt know how serious it was going to get.

I got in resuss i was suddenly surrounding by nurses getting the dripos going paracetamol going through a drip , They had the blood pressure machine attached to em checking my blood preasure everyu 60 seconds they needed me under 100 and i went over 137 thats the highest i recall i was shaking so much cos i was freezen cold Barry thought iwas having a fit but it was just because i hadlost so much blood. Also they put a drip in my handaswell to get fluids into me as i was loosing blood fast . After that the kind nurse clocked out i had a nice nurse and a horrible nurse monitoring me.

After the first lot of paracetomol and fluidi asked if i could go to the toilet as i was dying for a wee. She said i couldent walk imat high risk of collapsing she said they need to get me stable but she could bring me a portable toilet in . I  jumped at the chance Barry was about to leave to get me some knickers and stuff i would need. But i wanted him to help me onto the toilet . While i was going toilet the nurse sorted out the bed i was there about 5 mins in which time i lost loads of clots big ones i was squeezing barrys hand i knew full well what was happening. I got back into bed and barry went to get my stuff and my dad the nurse got the painkiller and drips going and the blood preasure thing.

Suddenly the horrible nurse was back. With a specimen bottle which she put in front of me on the table. She said we think you have now had a full miscarriage. This is the urine from what you did on the portable toilet. It also contains pieces and she gave it to me. She said take a look for yourself. I was so horrified what do you know inmy hand i hold the foetus which would have been our baby how sick and cruel. I put it back on the table looked at her i nearly slapped the cow and just told her to get out !!!! She didnt get it though and come back with tissue she was shoving it in my face iwent to hit her and just knocked the tissue flying i shouted i dont wamt no Fing tissue i want my baby back .

I could hear Barry and my dad outsaide and grabbed the tissue and bottle off the side and wrapped it sobarry didnt see i hid it in my hands in the blanket i didnt want Barry to see. Barry walked in and i just told him its over its gone and broke down . I dropped the specimen and the stupid nurse shown him . I took it off him and put it back on the table and told her to leave me alone!!!

Believe it or not she was back man that woman is lucky to still be breathing she wanted to examine me to see if she can see any more bits hanging around the cervix and explained that there might still be bits inside and i may need to go to theatre for a D&C or if its in reach she can just remove them also she had to check if my cervix was opened or closed because of the amount i was still bleeding . We went ahead shje was mean there too i swear she hated me and i will be complaining when i am up to it. She was really hurting me and the other nurse was tellling me what was happening andall she was doing is removing clots. The cervix was closing up and the bleeding was calming down.

I was told if i wanted i could go up to a ward for 2 hours to be monitored or you can stay on the ward over night and to be honest i could not wait to get home to my baby girl i just wanted to be at home so i agreed to 2 hours on a ward. I cant remeber much about what happened up there all i remember is my dad taking me for a stroll in a wheelchair i was desperate to get outside. I had an arguement with mr drip i couldent get my top on cos the drip was pulling my arm . After we came back i dont remember anything up until the nurse came to check everything was under control and that i could go home once i had been examined and my drips were taken out . She examined me and said everything is calming down i need to rest lots and the bleeding should stop in a few days. I need to have at least 2 periods before we start again but i dont think i will be having sex for a while anyweay. and i was discharged .

I haveto do a test in a week and if it still shows positive i have to ring them straight away . Since i have been home i have just been doing nothing thinking . ive spent most of the time in bed crying  or just sat here. The hospital rang this morning they wanted me to go for a scan today but i said i really wasnt up to it i just wanted to be at home today. So she asked what the scan was going to find so i told her i have had a miscarriage yesterday so she said in that case it was best left until tomorrow so i haveto go the early pregnancy unit for 9.40 i think she said cant quite remember it might be 9.50 . just to check the whgole foetus has came away.

After the scan i will be going to see my doctor i want him to check me over to make sure everything is ok . Also i need councelling bad i cant get the foetus out of my head its driving me crazy. I cant help think where it is now . I have told Kylie and she didnt take it well at all she cried her heart out . I left it until after school i didnt want to tell her and then give her a kiss goodbye just couldent do it. So my dad picked her up she came in with flowers for me and acard her teacher let her make for me at school. Bless her. She asked if iwas going to tell her why i had to go hospital now so i took her into my room . I just told her that mummy had a bit of bleeding because the baby in mummys belly was sick and needed to go to heaven . I thought she would take that the best unfortunatly i was wrong . She burst into tears fell in my arms and told me she wanted it back I told heri did too but we have to let it go . Since i told her she started playing up . I mhoping she will forget about it soon enough.

Sorry but i had to do this for myself.

Luv Emz xxx

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Comments

kseers
May 9th | kseers
Re: Its all over , Ive had a miscarriage!!!

Em, I'm so sorry!  How traumatic and terrifying for you.  And now, living with the loss - how devastating.  I had 2 miscarriages before I had children and the 2nd one particularly took me a long time to recover from emotionally  - so be gentle on yourself and allow yourself to grieve.  It is a loss - no matter how early - as your connection to that baby already exists.  I wish I could do more to help, so I'm sending you online hugs and feel free to blog about it - it's good for you!



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BrightonBelle
May 9th | BrightonBelle
Re: Its all over , Ive had a miscarriage!!!

Em, I really don't know what  to say. I am sorry for your loss and as the rest of the posts show we are all here for you. That nurse you had obvouisly needs to think about her bedside manner and if you weren't in so much emotional pain I would suggest placing a complaint, did you get offered any counciling? if not go to your GP and ask for a referral.

((((((Hugs)))))))

I wish I could make things better for you.

Clare xxx

 



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      emmie
May 9th | emmie
Re: Its all over , Ive had a miscarriage!!!

Hi Clare ,

There isnt really much to say i did not expect i at all. I am so glad i have you guys right now cos to be honest i think i would be going totally crazy by now . I am complaining as i dont think she should be dealing with womwen suffering miscarriage and my doc said the sooner i get it done the sooner i can heal as thats where most of my anger lies. My dr is going to look up some councelling he thinks there is somewhere in paignton he will tell me more monday so hopefully that wont take long.

Luv Emz xxx



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llmunchkin
May 9th | llmunchkin
Re: Its all over , Ive had a miscarriage!!!

Oh Emmie my Fairy Princess... Why are you so far away?!?!

As you know, I am so sorry for your loss, it is heart wrenching and once again, the health service has managed to show it's truly callous side.  Massive hugs to you, Frog Princess and the junior princesses, and our little heaven baby. xoxox



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      emmie
May 9th | emmie
Re: Its all over , Ive had a miscarriage!!!

Hey my very own KIWI ,

Oh i do wish i was close to you right now you could make me feel better

Thanks so muc hfor your text i was actually still awake and t wso nice to get a message from you . i am truly gutted matey. I am complaining abouyt the hosputal its sickening really it is . I keep thinking baby was sick and heaven ixs the best place but really its not its not fair mastey im heartbroken i will never forget my precious heaven baby. Miss u & Love Ya xxxx



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Arna
May 8th | Arna
Re: Its all over , Ive had a miscarriage!!!

Oh Sweetie, I am so sorry.  I don't know what I can do or say to you right now, other than I am here for you and I do know what you are going through.

Keep writing your thoughts out, it really can help, and don't be afraid to ask for help.  We are all here for you. 

Recovering from all of this is going to be hard, but you need to rest, take your time and keep talking about it, especially with Barry.  He needs you too sweetie.

Wish it had been better news I am devastated for you.  Thinking of you.



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      emmie
May 8th | emmie
Re: Its all over , Ive had a miscarriage!!!

Hey Arna ,

There really isnt anything anyone can really say its just not fair everything was fine thursday i dont get it . I know its only 7 weeks and 6 days but if i told you honestly sweeti you wouldent believe how formed it was just so cruel.

I am, going to be blogging i find it easier to type than totalk and if i cant write about it here how am i supposed to speak to the dr nd a councillor

Yes i think its going to be really to get over this its not something that is going to go away . Barry is keeping everything bottled up and i try to talk to him but he is so moody at the moment . He is trying to stay strong for me but all he is actually doing is taking it out on me . But  it can only get better .

Its devastating i sat there in A&E knowing i was miscarrying and they just left me there ages i saw the dr at the start and i knew in my gut it was the eends juist nothing they could do juust doesent make sense.

Luv Emz xxx



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           Arna
May 9th | Arna
Re: Its all over , Ive had a miscarriage!!!

You know where I am if you need me sweetie.  You are strong and will get through it, but take your time with it all and keep blogging it.

Wish I could get on a plane and be there to help you, even if it were to just watch the girls for you.

Barry will come around.  He needs to have some private grieving time too.

biggest hugs to you all



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                emmie
May 9th | emmie
Re: Its all over , Ive had a miscarriage!!!

Hey Arna ,

Yes itys just going to take a bit of time you know it is really hard . I need to keep blogging becauise dr sauys i need to loose my anger.  im very bitter at the moment and he says the more bitter i am the longer it will take for me to heal.

It would be lovely to just come over here and say hello.

Yeah he will get there i guess its just his way of dealing with thibngs hopefully once he is back at work it will distract it or soomething .

Luv Emz xxx



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mcm
May 8th | mcm
Re: Its all over , Ive had a miscarriage!!!

Hugs Emmie.

Let it out. Its good to know people are not alone and I am sure your story will help others. I really appreciate your opennesss and honesty in your writing. I have had a similar story but have trouble letting it out.

Its true there are the good and bad in medical care. Its not fair when you are going through such an experience.



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      emmie
May 8th | emmie
Re: Its all over , Ive had a miscarriage!!!

Hi Mcm,

I guess some have problems talking about it and others need to deal with it in my case i need to face it head on if i cant do that by writting here there is no way im going to be able to speak to a councillor about it i find it easier to write than talk so its 1 step closer to whati need to achieve .

I guess it depends who is dealing with you i was in a bad situation and my first nurse was lovely its just a shamei passed off to such a witch but believe it or not she is a maternity nurse she does not deserve that position.

Luv Emz xxx



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janicepovey
May 8th | janicepovey
Re: Its all over , Ive had a miscarriage!!!

Dearest Emz, just wanted to drop in to say i was watching you from afar and my heart broke reading what has happened to you, sweetheart, my heart goes out to you and i stretch my arms across the seas and wrap them around you, in such a warm loving hug.

Words are empty at a time  such as this....just know i am with you in spirit.

Mum xxxxx



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      emmie
May 8th | emmie
Re: Its all over , Ive had a miscarriage!!!

Hi Mum.

So good to knowo you are here in spirit . I really cant explain how much it means . I am just so empty its horrible i just want it all back bnut i know i cant its not fair i want to all just be a bad dream . Have a lovely timewith Marg i am still thikning of you u know all the way in canada .

Love you heaps

Emz xxxx



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alishas-mummy
May 8th | alishas-mummy
Re: Its all over , Ive had a miscarriage!!!

emz, i just wanted to cry...
i am so sorry for your loss :( :( :(

i wish you were here so i could hug you :(

hey, don't be sorry kk..
we're all here for you and will be here for you always :)

please know that you're in all of our thoughts...
love Thuy xox



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      emmie
May 8th | emmie
Re: Its all over , Ive had a miscarriage!!!

Hi Thuy ,

Thanks so much seriosly theammountof support you guys are giving me is amazing and i appreciate it. TAhings are pretty hard at the moment i just cant face the activity list but i will soon i am sure really didntexpect this.

Luv Emz xx



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mariamum
May 8th | mariamum
Re: Its all over , Ive had a miscarriage!!!

I'm so sorry Em I know how much you wanted that baby I wish I could say something to make you feel better,  but having had a miscarriage myself I know there are no words that can take away the pain.  I remember just wanting to get home and cuddle Alex who was 6 at the time because he was my only baby and it made me realise how precious he was. Give yourself time to heal and give that nurse a slap from me too.  I was shown a scan of my baby and at 10 weeks I couldn't believe how fully formed it was and it was a shock and I'll never get that picture out of my head.  I really want to be there with you to give you a hug and help you get through this horrible experience.  Be strong babe I'm always thinking of you, love you loads Maria xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx



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      emmie
May 8th | emmie
Re: Its all over , Ive had a miscarriage!!!

Hey Maria,

Yes i wanted it so bad its not fair we were trying for nearly 2 years and i fall and now its gone it really dont make sense juist thursday everything was finei am truely gutted and heartbroken at the scan they said we couldtry again after my first period. After i had seen it i just wanted to be with Chloe when she woke up in the morning i wrapped my arms right round her that one isnt getting away. If Barry had let me i would have i saw her today while i was waiting for my scan Barry had to restrain me i wanted to put her teeth down her throat. What she did was sick and wrong i was 7 weeks and 6 days when baby died believe it or not it was forming well it looked like a baby i swear down but so tiny .it fitted just right in the container ii wanted to take it home and bury it sick i know but i hate to think where that container is now . I just want it all back its not fair i was upset enough with the fact i knew in my heart my baby was dead and therewas nothing i can do to stop it i didnt need to see it just tobetold it was all true . I will never forgive that nurse .

Luv Emz xxxx



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dannii17
May 8th | dannii17
Re: Its all over , Ive had a miscarriage!!!
aww emz, im so sorry to hear of your loss, i really dont know what to say :( That nurse sounds like a cow and she deserved to be slapped, i cant believe what they did. My thoughts are with you, and i hope you can feel better soon. Just cuddle up with those beautiful girls you have and get some rest. Love Dannii xxo


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      emmie
May 8th | emmie
Re: Its all over , Ive had a miscarriage!!!

Hey Dannii,

I guess there isnt really much to say . Its gutting literally i feel like ive bee ngutted theres empty space its horrible i just want it all back but unfortunatly no matter whati say or do its not coming back. That nurse came so close to getting killed but now i know she is a maternity nurse she is in for it. I am going to need councelling after what i saw i couldent believe it still cant really.

Luv Emz xxx



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ellamia
May 8th | ellamia
Re: Its all over , Ive had a miscarriage!!!

Awww that is terrible. I am so sorry you had to go through this ordeal it must be hard. That nurse wasnt very nice at all.

Thinking of you

Kelly xoxox



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      emmie
May 8th | emmie
Re: Its all over , Ive had a miscarriage!!!

Hey Kell,

It is terrible i was and still am disgusted and i am going to be complaining as she has made things much worse.

Luv Emz xxx



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lonely28
May 8th | lonely28
Re: Its all over , Ive had a miscarriage!!!

em, I am so sorry that you have had to go through this. My heart goes out to you and your family. As for that nurse Im FUMING!!! How dare she...... She has taken one of the most difficult things a woman endures and made it more unbearable!!! There are no words that  I can use to take the pain away, god knows I wish there were. It's going to be a long road but we'll all be here with you every step of the way. Again, I am so very sorry that you have suffered this. Take care as best as you can and blog as much as you need..... Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers,

all our love,

fi, g and jd xoxo



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      emmie
May 8th | emmie
Re: Its all over , Ive had a miscarriage!!!

Hey Fi ,

It really is horrible i wish this on nobody not even my mother and i hate her with passion as you know. That stupid cow of a nurse is so lucky i saw her today when i went for my scanshe tried talking to me as if nothing happened asking if i was ok Barry ended up having to restraign me i was going to smash her face in . You would not believe if i told you how formed it was and that i cant get out of my head . I am going to get councelling before returning to minti properly until then i will remain to myown blog just until i getsome helpwithall this going on in my head .

Luv Emz xxx



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Libby24
May 8th | Libby24
Re: Its all over , Ive had a miscarriage!!!

me hearts goes to you babe. i am here in tears after readign this. that nurse was a bitch and she definately needs to be told off.

i hope u heal soon chicki and remember we are all here for you babe.

Luv Liz



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      emmie
May 8th | emmie
Re: Its all over , Ive had a miscarriage!!!

Oh Lizz dont cry . But it is very sad i guessits hardnot to being parent s you know . That nurse is a very lucky lady but i guess she wont be so lucky once my complaint goes through . A close friend of the family said i should take it to the paper as what happened was sick and wrong and she had no  right to dfo that. I now know she is a maternity nurse so now she is in for it .

I know you guys are here for me and i cant describe how much that means to me .

Luv Emz xxx



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anniebabe
May 7th | anniebabe
Re: Its all over , Ive had a miscarriage!!!

even though im far away my thoughts are with you em i so wish that i could take the pain away. i so wish that you didint have to go through all this.

the casual approach that you were initially put through has shocked me sweetie

i just want to wrap my arms around you. my sweetie

thinking of you

hugs and kisses

annie



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      emmie
May 8th | emmie
Re: Its all over , Ive had a miscarriage!!!

Hey Annie ,

Its really gutting i am truely heartbroken and i will never forget it . I knew when i started bleeding what was happening i knew so much blood wasnt right i had the spotting but this was much more then tuesdayu things started getting heavier i begged the dr to help she said there was nothing they could do if i was going to miscarry they could not stop it its within their power .

I was in A&E for ages with people with minor injuries it was obvious to everyone i was having a miscarriage i was dripping blood everywhere by the time i was seen to there was too much blood i left home which is only 5 mins from hospital as the blood was in my urine if i was seen straight away things could have possibly been controlled but no i came out devastated i was nearly out cold by the time i was seen i freezen cold i had lost alot of blood and was getting very weak. But still i will deal with it im sure it will just take time.

Luv Emz xxx



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      emmie
May 8th | emmie
Re: Its all over , Ive had a miscarriage!!!

Hey Annie ,

Its really gutting i am truely heartbroken and i will never forget it . I knew when i started bleeding what was happening i knew so much blood wasnt right i had the spotting but this was much more then tuesdayu things started getting heavier i begged the dr to help she said there was nothing they could do if i was going to miscarry they could not stop it its within their power .

I was in A&E for ages with people with minor injuries it was obvious to everyone i was having a miscarriage i was dripping blood everywhere by the time i was seen to there was too much blood i left home which is only 5 mins from hospital as the blood was in my urine if i was seen straight away things could have possibly been controlled but no i came out devastated i was nearly out cold by the time i was seen i freezen cold i had lost alot of blood and was getting very weak. But still i will deal with it im sure it will just take time.

Luv Emz xxx



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anon
May 7th | anon
Re: Its all over , Ive had a miscarriage!!!

Oh hunny don't b e sorry. I am so sorry you had to deal with that nurse, and what she did was really unprofessionl. That should be reported and she should be sacked. It must of been so traumatising