WOW i am so exhausted it has been one hell of a day . Im upset , Angry and above all FRUSTRATED!!!! First off heres that pic i promised days of chloe in her new dress so very cute well i think so anyway but i think she looks cute no matter what she wears LOL. You will have to excuse the fluffed up hair as she had only just got up from her cat nap.

Sorry she is my hero its her that kept me on top today i love her so much!!!!!

Anyway so this morning i got a bit of a shock Kylie has sports day and it starts at 10am utoh my scan wass for 9.45 so it was one or the other and of course i didnt want to miss her first ever sports day. Also i didnt want to miss my scan as i was dying for answers to whats going on with me . Soo i ran home woke Barry up and told him he needed to get up it was 9.15 and he needed to be there at 10 and said i had to go he better get up before i leave as he was meant to look after chloe but cos he had to go up the school he wanted me to take her with me. So i packed her a bag and off we went.

By the time i left i was shaking i was so  scared i got to the hospital atthe maternity doors i stood there right up until my appointment. . I went up to reception and said i had an appointment for a scan in the EPU to my devastation it was actually in ante natal . It was horrible . There were 4 preg mummies in the waiting room it was likethey were all starring at me wondering were my bump was:( . Just to top it off in the waiting room there was a tv both in front of me aand behind me which had a dvd playing taking care of your unborn baby showing preg women doing exercising and things u casn buy for when baby comes I was playing with chloe trying my best to ignore it :( Finally 10am the lady came and got me. Finally i thought 5more mins this will be over. How wrong was i ?

She did the ultra sound she had this area looking really carefully and she measured something . I aksed what it was it was my uterus she told me she needs me to relax so  i left her to it. She did a proper job too she even had me laid on my sides . She said its not very clear so she asked me to go and empty my bladder and she would like to do an internal so dressed it was and off to the toilet.. I couldent go ssshhhh dont tell will ya? 

Again she had a thorough look she evenput her glasses on this time she double checked my ovaries , kidneys well everything . Guess what they found ??? sweet F.A . No remains of poor baby angel THANK GOD  no explanation for all this bleeding no answers what so ever :( :( :( :( :( . She said she will send a report back to my doctor . All i could say was gutting and i just walked out and burst into tears as soon as i left the room. Its just so dissapointing. 

I was mad , frustrated , upset and angry all at once i saw dr Ranjits office ahead of me and i thought well no time like the present my day cant get much worse surely? I was banging on his door but no answer there was a door oppisite with office staff so i knocked and asked wherre i could find him? She said ask hissecretary next door bonus . (This is the lady that sat in on the meeting.) She knew whati was there for she immediatly said i dont know anything yet Dr Ranjit is on leave at the moment . Do these people ever work? 

I told her she was there she heard him say it would be 1 week but that was 4 weeks ago so looks like its being brushed under the carpet again in hope that i will just go away. I toldher the hospityal make me SICK and told her to tell him im looking for him  and i want my letter. 

So back to te oother office and i knocked again and said do u know whaere i can find Karen Macmahon she buzzed her on her pager with no answer which apparantly meant she could be at the dr surgery in town. She asked if shew could have mynumber and she would get her to call me. I told her Karen isnt very good at returning calls and when questioned she will say she called but i was out when i had been in all day , I told her this isnt something that i havent been waiting long for its been 10 weeks 4 weeks ive waited for a letter when i told her what happened she was disgusted took my name and nu mber and told me to take a seat for a min to se if karen answers the buzz she did she was in a meeting and said she would call me after it should be over by noon, She guaranteed me she was going to call. 

I got out of there at 10.40 am 20 mins before Kylies sports day ended . I couldent miss it she was expecting me there i had to go. I got there 7 minsbefore the end and i got to see her do the last 2 races you should have seen her face when she saw me she was showing all her friends i was there LOL . She was over the moon, at the end i told her i was sorry i couldent come earlier but i had to go up the hospital. She gave me a big hug and a kiss so i think i am forgiven . 

Kylie & Jessica. 

 

Chloe helping Kylie onto the right team LOL. Hehe because they are in her class she thought she had to stand with them but Kylie was on Chloe team so she came and got her.

Kylie and john they spent most of the time together.

WOO HOO i believe kylies team came 1st in this one good on them.

kylie taking a trip to umm the floor LOL .

No laughing i was hot and im no good at faking to smile. LOL. But i was proud of her and she had to know it !!

I came home called the doctor and she fitted me in this afternoon. I put the phone down and it rang again. It was Karen Macmahon. I will be damned she knowshow to return a call and in a matter of like and hour and a half i am very impressed she is improoving. Sorry you will have to excuse my saracasm but theyannoy me somuch. She said today ive recieved a letter that the phychologist has sent you offering you an appointment for an assessment with a clinical phychologist. . I said well i havent recieved one but i have now. I knew what she was trying to do so i said anyway what happened to this letter you were meant to be sending me a month ago ??????? She said she wanted this referral first as getting my head straight is the most important thing. Cut a long arguement short the letter asnt even been written yet , She is apparantly going to have it typed signed and to me by the end of the week. That i will believe when i see it.. She said its going to be alot like my last letter of rubbish and that most things were disagreed on.

The thing is dr ranjits secretary sat in the meeting only because shhe would be drafting my letter i wwas meant to recieve 4 weeks ago . So why exactly was she there? Karen kept going on about how me seeing a phychologist is the most important thing at the moment but i did tell her that if it is anythnig like the last letter and its all going to be us disagreeing i will be taking it even further . She told me if i do i will have no more contact fromher  not that she contacts me nowanyway.

Got kylie dropped her home and went to my appointment . She asked how i was doing and my reply was not good. She said she wrote a letter to the councellor telling her to fix me some appoiuntments so i told her i have an appointment 27th and 7th august and ive also got a referral from the hospital for a phycologist . I told her i am still bleeding with bad period pains and that i had my scan today and all they can see is liquid which will be blood which means i still have a fair bit to come :*( . So she got me to go and have a blood test to check my thyroid , iron and such like because ive been bleeding for 10 weeks now . We chatted about how my diet is getting to me so she prescribed me a differant anti sickness to see if that does the trick . Im just so fed up wheres my hole ??? LOL.

Sorry this is so long but i am so angry upset and frustrated i want to SCREAM !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Luv Emz xxx