Whyat a bloody day i wish i could jus go to bed and forget all about it it went from bad to worse to even worser . well where do i start i finally got a reply off that bit*h that txt barry the other night she said that i was jus upsetting myself and that about 3 mobths ago he rescued her and 4 other mates and he told her he could get cheap baaccy thats why she had his number then she got drunk saturday number and thought she would say hi at 2 in the morning yeah as if im gonna believe that and believe me she thinks i do and trust me i am giving her hell i am also not talking to barry at all and ive explained i dont want him in my bed tonight he can either stay at a friends or on the sofa because i have a big thing with trust if i dont trust i have this big shutter that cmes down right in front of me i dont believe any of them so for the moment im jus not going to speak to him until i feel i can trust him again because i really dont trust him right now if its so innocent why lye to me in the first place well im no where near finnished with him yet though he had a klucky escape he got a call .

Ive also had a crap time with doc and hospital today and they cant give me an apppointment to see why im in so much pain its the 28th august well yeah that will help wont it so i told them not to bother and that i will just keep on suffering there was only 2 options left call thhe doc and hope he helps or accident and emergency i knew the last 1 was impossible at mo so had to choose the doc he said he would call and say im suffering and its depressing me and try and put it in as an emergency but as there is only 2 weeks til my pre op my chances are low that it will be before original date which is 15th august so basically i have to sit and suffer well sod that i told barry i cant cope with the pain and he agreed and we decided wen he finnishes work im going to go accident and emergency and get the operation done that way as at the moment it seems the easiest way and at least then there is no messing around

well lets just hope tomorrow is a beter day not that it will i have my flat check and i hardily did any housework today as belly was hurting too bad oops oh well i will jus tell them im ill and if they dont like it tough .

luv emz xx

Exactly why do we have a health service if it takes 10 yrs for them to do anything.Do you have to be dying before they help you maybe i should jus cut myself open at least it would be done instead of making appointments for in a months time for something that is happening nowwheres the sence in that i asked to see a differant consultant because it was no good when my pre assesment is on the 15th what good is having that brought forward wen that appointment is after that now im running out of ideas for god sake im in severe pain now not in a months time and i am sick of being told to wait.the drs aint doing nothing either jus really dont see the point in them even being there !!!!!!

Boy todays gonna be a long day i have so much housework to do and i really cant be assed my belly is still hurting as these so say brilliant pain killers dont even work so i called the hospital to talk to the consultant he was in surgery so i had to leave a msg the lady printed my last appointment with consultant and will say i have increased abdominal and back pain and heavily unusual bleeding and see if he thinks i should have my op brought forward hoping that they do give me a little break from being in this house

ah i gotta do so much housework and its really not getting done damn me i am everso naughty

well imm having a bad day so im gonna go before i start rambling and start doing some housework instead

luv emz xx

OMG i really dont know what wrong with my belly but im sat here doubled up in pain in my stomach i woke to a big patch of blood went to the tooilet imnot bleeding but have been this pain is totally unbearble if it carries on i see myself going hospital i dont know what is wrong with me but i kbow i dont like it ouch ouch ouch this really hurts .

ok had my winge

luv emz x

well today seems to have dragged and not really even had chance to get on minti . Well we was supposed to be having a day out today but that never happened so i landed up making a roast boring and kylie was on her playing up game she was being spiteful and talking to me like crap she pulled chloes arm off the floor as she was craeling and dragged her into her playhouse and she also smacked me in the face after this i sent her to her bedroom to think about how horrible and naughty she is being due to her kicking off in time out daddy called her out told her off and that was the end of it well not for me im sick of it its always chloe getting hurt and as kylie was being naughty he decided he was going to take her out with the dog aparantly to the beach 3 and a half hours later they returned dinner burning and she has been to the fun fair and to the play house what a greeat punnishment for being naughty while chloe stays at home playing just goes to show who comes first well i think he having an affair anyway but we will soon find out ay

oh well im going bye

luv emz x

Jmrmumstheword thanks for everything you have been more of a sister to me than a friend , althouigh u are so far away it seems u are here with me in this veryu room if i ever need to shout and get bngry upset crying its u i  can turn too i can tell you anything and u will just sit there and listen you even think of me when ur hurting yourself and that means the world to me . We have been friends riight from the start we clicked straight away and now i love you to bits i rekon ur the best , i supported u wen u wasnt ur best anbd u did the same for me you always say such kind things to make me smile and often make me cry with your wonderful words ur just the best and i love you so much and wish so much u could be closer only problem is u would never get  rid of me

love you babe xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

llmunchkin, yuou are an amazing woman you are a very special gal , and i know ur always on the end of a mail or blogg i can guarantee in your own sweet way you will go out of your way to make me smile also if you think im wrong in something you would not hide it write it and delete it no u keep it there and say it and i love that also sometimes i drift a little sideways and ytou always talk me back the right way and i respect u for that you also have an amazing sense of humour and guarantee to brighten my day when im feeling low thanks for everything lui you mean the world to me your a fab friend mwa loads of love to you xxx

Janice Povey you are like a mum to me wheather im angry sad or happy you always make me smile i look forward to our conversations we have been good friends for a while , you have not been well as of late but ive been praying things will get better fo you i really do you mean the world to me your such a wonderful caring woman janice and i think you are great i look up to you and i think i always will thanks for everything janice i love you xxxxxx

Finally Lucyryan we have been real good friends since u joined we live quite close together and once kylie has overcome her travel sickness i will find the chance to be able to catch up with you for a coffee and some lunch etc you are a great friend i treasure you your always there for me no matter what im here for you  too wen we first started chatting i knew deep inside you would be a great friend and i was soo right you mean alot to me babe love ya loads mwa xxxxxxxx

thanks all of u and everyone on my friend list cos i luv you all and think you are all great and im glad i have u all here as my friends x

thanks

luv emz xxxx

Chloe can now say dada its took her so long now this morning she finally said it barry will be so happy so now she has 3 words altogether mumma was the first then we got yeah which i think is funny and now dada i wonder what her nxt word is going to be

Bless her little heart i love her so much

luv emz x

Our friend and fellow band member Stephen Hadley went missing on the 20 September 2006. He was Living in Paignton, Devon and had also lived and worked in Totnes. Stevie was last sen in Walsall in the West Midlands
.Please help in our search for our missing friend Stephen Hadley.
Anyone with information regarding the whereabouts of Stevie please contact me.
Many thanks for your support. chris thomas.

THANKS X

Down stairs have been playing loud music since 11pm its now 02.30am and i cant sleep mainly cos of that racket i seriously could go and cut the bit***s speaker cables i just want toi go to bloody sleep

When i sat down here to minti i put chloe for her napp and kylies room was a state and thought we would clean once i got a little minti fix 10 mins later kylie came in and said mummy my bedroom is all tidy come and see she has done everything exept hoover she threw chloe crisp in her bin put her toys and books away made her bed and put her videos away she does not usually do this without making a fuss and kicking off lately so i think she done really well seems i never even asked her to do tidy up timeluv emz x

well i got my swab results back this morning and its negative which is really good at least im  know now that right at the bottom of my stomach i am not carrying this disease which i think is good news and now the only thing we are left with is pid so i basically know whats wrong now now i jus have to wait for op to see how bad it is , which will hopefully be soon i have my pre assessment on the 15 th and i think its usually 9 days after that so now i guess i jus have to wait and see

luv emz x

Ok well ive poured my heart out to my doc i told him everything while he listen i even told him how its making me feel once i finnished he szaid ok you need to calm dowm he said as kylie is only 4 and not yet in full time education she can not do this school thing they usually do to check for adhd autism and he said another word i was so shaken i cant remember what he called it now therefore she is going to get a specialist health visitor that she will have to see to find out if she does have any of these things and the doc thinks its been triggered by her mother which is making me feel real bad right now after all this she could have a serious illness and i tell u im scared shittless sorry for the language there , al those times ive made her speak to her mother on the phone this is ripping me apart what did this girl ever do to deserve any of this she is a innocent little girl thats all . I wish i could do something to make it all better but this just isnt going to go away i just want the little girl i had back .

ok im going

emz x

This morning chloe has had another tooth come through yay that is 3 so far this week wow what a brave baby bless her little heart she is a bit groggy but then again who wouldent with 3 teeth comimn through at once .She is growing so fast its jus running past me without me realising .

Well today im off out for the day firstly i have to go to the doctors as im thinking this problem im having with kylie is much deeper after all its always best to be safe than sorry

Then i think im going to go shopping , well kellie died 4 yrs ago today and i still miss her like mad but i guess she has gone and isnt coming back and ill have to accept that usually today upsets me but today im not going to let it im not going to think of the reasons she gone but the reasons i loved and still do love her

well everybody have a good day x

Now ive totally had enough of my child being bullied , it has now come to the point that i have just put my daughters toys in our bedroom so that kylie does not break them today she has broken 3 of chloes toys and not letting chloe play with her own toys im totally sick of it im really beginning to hate having her around me , ive now told barry he sorts her out or i leave after all she is my daughter and i have to think of her before anything if he cant do that he cant have me why should i keep on makinbg excuses i never brought her up to be a bully , i never brought her up to be selfish , i never brought her up to be rude and i certainly never brought her up to lye and to smack .grrrrrrrr

Kylies friend for school was suppossed to be coming for lunch tomorrow but hell is that happening i dont feel i should do anything for her right now why should i ! Alll i get is ignored and spoke to like crap well im not putting up with it anymore . Barry has got it into his head i dont want him  but thats not the case i told him straight it was not him its jjus im sick of being round a child like this ive already done parenting classes on behaviour and not even that has worked .

well i guess i better stop m,oaning as my daughters grinding her teeth at me so i gonna go play with her she always puts a smile upon my face .

Oh 1 last thing i managed to get some anti - biotics off my consultant today to hopefully kill some of this infection and disease and maybe i wont be in so much pain yay

luv emz x

This weekend has been both a good and bad weekend this weekend from friday kylie has discovered an attitude problem lol cant we tell she going big school i guess kids will be kids and also a bit spiteful to chloe which i was not happy with and have had words with her about how she should treat her sister and how she wants her sister to treat her and she hasnt been too bad kids have their moments of pushing it though lol , friday i also called the hospital to find out when my appointment for my pre op assesment was to find out it had not even been booked yet i can tell u i felt sorry for her after as i did get angry and shouted im in agony and im just left here with no appointment to find out why even with my anger she was ever so kind and explained things so i could understand properly if only gynecology were so nice lol so wen i found out it wont be until about september i was fuming and even though im in agony withoout dr ranjitt (surgeon/gynecoligist)  saying i really need this op who did my last op so i knew he would help me and listen so she ordered me to call gyne and arrange an appointment with dr ranjitt to see if he thinks my op should be seen as an emergency but i cant get an appointment until 3 days before my pre op assesment and my op should be 9 days after my assesment about bloody time

Yesterday my sister in law had a baby boy , she is thinkin of callin him olie as her daughter grace likes the name oliver i think that soo sweet bless .We are hoping to go and see him next weekend yay i cant wait .

Today we went out for the day first we went to the arcade and barry put kids on child rides while i spent a fiver in the 2p machines sssshhhh hehe im so naughty then we went to rainbow funhouse which was great i had so much fun haha as you can gather i am the biggest kid of all chloe especially loved the slide that goeas into thousands of balls and she kept sinking haha bless kylies favourite was the death slide rather her than me i hurt myself on it once never been near since so barry takes her on there lmao

well where shall we go next weekend hhmmm i wonder im sure i will think of somewhere !

luv emz xx

Kylie has been a terror  today in fact me and chloe have visited the balcony 4 times already because if i hadnt i would have got so angry and proberly smack her i was about to burst out alot of steam since the time she opened her eyes she has been kicking off . It took her over 2 and a half hours to eat her brekfast then tipped it on her sister therefore i sent her to her room for time out her kicking off lasted over an hour , then i did chloes lunch so she could go for her nap and she kicked off at that so i explained to her she wasnt allowed hers just yet as she has just finnished brekfast welll that was another episode i put chloe to bed even though she never got a nap aas kylie was still kicking off about an hour later i did kylie lunch in this time she jammed a toy in her video player therefore i got really angry told her to sit down right awayand to eat up her lunch i left her on her bed screaming i dont want it i want a yogurt , i said no yogurts are for good girls that behave and eat their mealsand your not doing any of those so ur not having a yogurt picked up chloe and went out on the balcony to calm down i came back in a few mins later put chloe in the living room with kylie still kicking off and after what she did tothe video player i figured if i took away her video player it would not bother her as its now broken so i took her tv which i know she will miss as she wont be able to watch any programmes on tv at bedtime so instead she would of had to listen to a story on her stereo but not now as she has now broken that too ggggrrrrrrrrrrrrr i am sooooo stressed

ok feel a tiny bit better now not much though lol.

emz x

Like i said above i have a new nephew he was born 0603 this morning we never knew what nikki (sis in law) was having and neither did she im glad she had a boy as thats what she wanted he weighed 6Ib 4oz dont know what they are going to call him though proberly something weird lmao.x

HI EVERYONE I THOUGHT I BEST LET U ALL KNOW ALL THESE NEW POP UPS ARE HOLDING VIRUSES AND MY OTHER COMPUTER HAS BLOCKED ME FROM MINTI

THANKS X

Hello everyone , as a few of you know i had to have a smear last week , well yesterday i got the results and it turns out i have 2 infections and a disease going on somewhere which my consultant thinks are in the pelvis and tubes so now i kinda wish i hadnt been told the results , she said there was no point in giving me anti - biotics as the chances are it will just make the pain worse lol so i guess i will just have to wait and see what happens when they finally get their butts into gear and send my appointment and i have my lap and finally get some real answers .

thanks x

Today ive recieved kyliwes school report and there are a few parts that i am a little worried about her teacher was telling me she was doing well but reading this i think she is struggling in some of the things mentioned maybe i want too much out of her or maybe something is on her mind well here it is and let me know what you think am i over reacting or not ????

Kylie has settled well into the nursery and has developed good relationships with nursery staff . She is happy to play alone but also enjoys the company of other children and will try to initiate play by sharing her ideas and toys. Kylie chooses what she wants to do independantly and can concentrate for extended periods of time on self - chosen activities . She willingly joins in adult led activities but sometimes needs support to maintain her attention . Kylie can take care of her own needs but readily asks an adult when she needs help . She always asks for her snack when she first arrives .

Kylie is happy to start conversations with others and expresses herself using simple , well-structured sentences . She does speak very quietly and it is sometimes difficult to hear what she is saying . Kylie listens with increasing attention and can join in with repeated parts of a story in a small group. She shows interest in the pictures in books and enjoys playing with props related to a familiar story . Kylie can recognise some everyday sounds in the envroment. She knows that writing conveys meaning and can recognise the first letter of her name.

Kylie joins in singing number rhymes and songs. She will attempt to count and can order some numbers correctly , though not consistently . Kylie recognises a group of 2 without counting them and can compare two groups of objects , saying when they have the same number. For example , when playing a counting game of bears kylies says to ben i have the same number as you ben . Kylie uses the word big and little to describe size differances. She can match colours and shapes in gamres and when completing simple jigsaws.

Kylie is inquisitive and reaadily observes and manipulates objects and materials to find out more about them . She can make simple comments about whaat is seen and what is happening. Kylie shows interested in toys that can be controlled and particalary enjoys exploring the programmable bug . She knows how to switch it on and off and is learning the functions of differant buttons. Kylie talks freely about her family and important edvents of her own life , including past and present.

Kylie does not often choose to take part in physical play activities outdoors . With encouragement , she is gaining confidence in using large play equipment and moves with increasingly control and coordination. Kylie shows a good awareness of her own and others space, and moves around with care. She understands that equipment  and tools have to be used safely . Kylie spends time ha ndling a variety of small materials and tools . She can make drawing and painting marks with increasing control, and can cut with scissors.

Kylie enjoys art activities and happily experiments with a range of materials and equipment. Sshe recognises colours and enjoys exploring differant textures. Kylie joins in singing favourite songs and rhymmes , and shows interest in musical instruments . She can join in ring games and dancing. Kylies favourite activity is role play and she loves pretending to be mum looking after her baby chloe .

Kylie is quiet, inquisitive and friendly child . Though she has not developed a particular friendship , she has tried hard to build relationships with others and involve them in her play . We wish her wel in reception class.

thanks

Today we had a lovely day out to the pony centre oon the outskirts of dartmoor it was such a good day i had soo much fun i became a kid again lmao. First off we went to find all the amnimals first we saw the ponys , donkeys and goats n the grooming centre there was a pony there awww it was so cute only 8 weeks old and was just a little bit bigger than my dog chloe loved it too she sat there laughing at it , kylie also had the choice to groom the donkey or a pony but she didnt want too and then she started chasing and scaring the goats so we made a quick exit , then we saw the big horses and omg they were beautiful and i was naughty and fed 1 of them polos as ur not supposed to there you are not allowed to give any of the animals any food or treats but she became my best friend i went back to see her 3 times and ended up getting a keyring of her in the shop there then we went up to see the small animal like birds , rats , ginea pigs rabbits peacocks and chickens which kylie wasnt really intrested in , oh and we saw a skunk there too which barry wanted to take home ewww then we took kylie to have a ride on a pony i was gutted as you could only ride up to 9 yrs and i think its a bit obvious im older than 9 dont mean i didnt try it but they wont take my weight and move at the same time as they areonly small ponies then my favourite the soft play area wow i was the first with my shoes off and up to the top i was shouting kylie and my friend vikki in after all there were no signs with an age limit so i thought well if i can get through the gaps i can play  i was going down the slide crawling through the adventure jumping in balls and running wild boy i had so much fun i think the kid kinda come out in me oops . Oh and to top it all off i discovered chloe has a new tooth yippee thats 9 now yay bless her little heart love her sooo much

luv emz x

 

I was jut about to go to bed well up untill this bloody fire engine turnt up as it appears kids have set our wheelie bins on fire and as the engine was underneath kylies bedroom it has woke her up and have had her wanting to go and see and they keep reversing and it talks and its so loud and flashing lights gone midnight great lol well hopefully after this cuppa i can go bed lol .

night x

I had such a lovely weekend this weekend, barry was off work so saturday we took the kids to dartmoor as i love dartmoor ecspecially the dartmoor ponies they are beautiful , we had a lovely picnic , we then took a short walk and seen the horses , cows and sheep they are all running free which i love they can go anywhere they want as long asthey re on they moores , just before we left there we went to see the chickens they were all so lovey and so differant . On the way home kylie was sick as barry thought it would be ok to travel without giving her another sickness tablet which i knew she needed but he insisted it was 1 for the whole journey so we stopped off at asda and he ran in and grabbed the girls an outfit for each of the girls , the n sunday i went out with my friend vicki shopping for a few hours which was also very nice and i was kids free just a shame its monday but hey never mind

well i better go as i have housework to do and hopefully my washing machine man will be here soon and eill make it all better and i can get my washing done .................. well i can wish cant i lol

emz x

i dnt know when my shield gained a lovely new stripe , ii just noticed and now i got exited sad i know yay yay yay mwah thank you minti you made my day .

luv emz x

Chloe has been constipated for the last couple of days the poor little madam, i managed to get her to do a proper poo yesterday but since its been back to rabbit poo , then just to top it all off this afternoon she started to come down with a cold and she has just been up the last half hour just cuddling up and she just sat here with me bless her ,

I was taking kylie to schoool earlier and she was all exited for her sports day she had been banging on about all day , as we got right by the school she saw a few of her friends and started rushing and tripped over the kirb and smacked her forehead straight on the kirb , when i picked her up it was jus a little graze so i thought she might still b ok to participate in sports day , but as we walked through the gates i looked at her head and wow the size of the bump was massive bump so when i got there i got the first aider to take a look , they said she could not join in sports day because of it so i said i would rather if i took her back home with me where i could keep an eye on her myself just in case ya know i would never forgive myself i could not leave her after that she still wanted to stay at school well untill her teacher got a mirror and she saw the big bump and wanted to go home and have some calpol bless her

Well i hope that chloe does not wake uo again as she never slept last night either and that both my little princess and angel are feeling better tomorrow .

emz x

Well this morning first things first  i took chloe to be weighed and she is now weighing  23 Ib 7oz the little monster and whilst i was there i mentioned getting some help with my nan as a few of you know she has not been very well for a whle now ,so anyway my healthvisitor was ever so kind about the matter and she even called social services for me and they are going to come round o talk to me about what i can do for my nan which is great , Then i went on down to the council because this morning i recieved a letter from the housing assoisiation and are threatening to kick me out if i dont pay £547.00 within the next 7 days plus £130 a week rent and thats before i even start on my bills my water bill alone is£45 a week do they think im growing money out of my ears or something i know barry gets a good wage but not that good , and when i arrived at the council this morning they were shut due to a meeting so its back there for me tomnorrow thats after i dropped kylie 4 her school trip to the zoo . I had a call on the way home too from the washing machine people and they aint coming til monday to fix my washing machine yeah thats gonna be fun hand washing for a week as if i dont already have enough to do as it is lol . Now im worried what is going to happen at this appointment with the hospital i guess im fearing both why this is happening to my body and will i need another op cos i dont want anymore ive had enough of being prodded and poked with before i has chloe im also worried they are going to say its normal to be 42 weeks late on ur period when i know full well whatever is going on inside me is far from normal .

well i better go housework to do emz x

Our friend come to our dog  last night i am missing her so much , its so weird without her here no barking when the post came this morning only noises being us , i really want her back as im missing heer so bad already and kylie has noticed she has gone too and wants me to go and get her but i cant as we are expecting the landlord to come and fix my washing machine yay , i feel lost without it oh and if your reading this mags , thanks for letting me use your washing machine yesterday i really appreciate it it helped me loads . Oh this house is so quiet i cant wait til i move then i can have her back home with me where she belngs i know she willl be happy wth jerry but she be happier at home . Now i will be alone while barry at work at night time nobody to protect me i will be so lonely its so not fair i just want my puppy back .

emz x

A friend of ours is coming to pick our dog and she will be going to stay with him until my washing machine has been fixed as it broke down the other day and where i live its no pets  and somebody from the housing assosiation came out to see the machine the other day and my dog came out of the bedroom . Was barking and stuff i told her it was not my dog it belonged to my dad and she said in that case it wont be here on monday will it .

so unfortunatly we have decided she will have to go and stay with our friend until the machine is fixed that would be ok but last time it took themm months to fix it , our friend visit us alot so i will still get to see her on a regular basis but it will not be the same without her at the bottom of my bed .

in an hours time she will be gone and its so sad i feel like crying she is my baby and i love her so much she is my baby it is so not fair now knowing me i will hear many dodgy noises at night when barry is at work , and im alone in the house lol.

well im gonna go because im feeling pretty sad at the moment , because i dont want her to go .

c ya emz x