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hry,
just thought i let u all know my computer will be coming apart in the morning and i wont be reconnected straight away as bt hav to connect the lines as there is no phone line at sll but i will be back online as soon as i can and i will miss u all loads well anyway i better get on with this packing oh im so knackered i want a proper break lol
luv emz xxxx
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Today a friend told me i hadnt blogged in a while to say when my appointment is at hospital and how my tummy is , so here it is kiwi,
well my appointment isnt for another 2 and a half months yet , which i think is just stupid , i am stll on the morphine and those talets i have got on the 3 2 times a day it totally wipes you out and u get real tired and cant remember alot its really strange , i wouldent say these tabs actually relieve the pain it just makes u forget about it pain has increased the las few days so i think im going to come on ii wish it would hurry up though because i wanna get this stuff all packed and i have dont a good quarter of it on my own which my stomach really isnt liking the dr is so say still looking into what this blood in the floor of my womb is cos my big question is whats underneath the pool of blood? cos to me i dont think its my bowels i suffered ibs i know its not that , annd i know all this pain isnt for nothing
well thats all for now
goood night
luv emz xxx |
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 this is me waiting to go to bed im so bored arry is on the sofa asleep and 1.40am and chloe is awake and has been since midnight and i really want to go bed jus so bored ive even resorted to do the housework i jus wanna go bed but chloe will shout at me if i do im just so tired i just wanna go bed and if barry thinks he is taking her to the christening he is so wrong there is no way she is travelling 300 miles in the morning wheather his mum has met chloe or not she wants to see her that bad she knows where she lives she will be at home where she belongs oh i swear my eyes r about to shut well i better go chloe is now throwing a paddy argh great fun
hope your all having a good day
luv emz xx |
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omg this house is driving me nuts the flat check went well not as much work to be done as thought i dont have to clean the carpets yay its being tken as wear and tear as cos our carpets are creme and u can see black bits where the carpet is worn in the hallway , lounge and by doors in bedrooms so all i actually have to do isa good clean up and barry has to touch up the hallway living room and totally repaint bedrooms oh and turn door bell on so thats great
as of the packing its jus getting nowhere i have heaps still to do thats without the attic and thats jam packed we are supposed to be travelling 300 miles tomoz for the christening of our nephew but with the girls r poorly today kylies sore throat has brought on a temp so barry will b calling his sister after work and telling her they ill and i dont want my niece and nephew to get sick so he will have to go by himself , and lucky me gets to escape the mother in law unless she decides to come back with him i hope not she drives me crazy she wont like it as dhe hasnt met chloe yet but tough she sick and i know nikki will understand well i better crack on i have to go get my nephews pressie
hope ur all having a good day
luv emz xxx |
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well today has been a long day starting at 5am when chloe woke up full of a cold and we spent most of the morning snuggld up on the sofa well until i got a phonecall i have a flat check tomorrow and theyare erving me my 28 day notice and tell me what they expect me to do to the property before i leave and final flat check so then i popped her into my bed while i got cracking on the packing in there i packed/threw out the stuff i have been shifting around my room the last few days and now barrys side of the bed is stacked of stuff ive packed and my side of the bed i set up the travel cot for chloe before we knew it it was time to pick up kylie from school and she came out complaining she had a sore throat oh great now ive got 2 sick kids anyway they were pretty good this afternoon considering chloe had a very short nap and managed to eat little dinner kylie didnt want to finnish hers either she wanted to go bed so i got kids off to bed they straight in bath in morning and i started back on the cleaning and there is still so much to do tomorrow but fortoday i have to call it a day and chloe has been up twice so far poor little thing and kylie isnt going to scvhool tomorrow although i will be phoning in as kylie said rae pushed her over at break time so i will be following this up and explain im not happy as this is the 3rd incident from the same child in just over a week oh well moaning over
hope your all having a good day
luv emz xxx |
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u can delete a whole page of messages at once i had 6 pages thought it would take forever but i clicked on the top box and they all ticked its wicked it only took 2 mins ok i already know im sad hehehehehehe
hope ur all having a good day
luv emz xxx |
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well me and chloe had a rough night last nightso this morning she never woke me up til 7 so then i was ruhing kylie to get ready for school , on the way home doc rang and he has my report from op back and he is going to investigate it to find out what this blood is and why they left it there? as he dont understand what it is or why its there , came home and done some housework and a little more packing went to pick up kylie and went to see the manager at this new house rooms are massive so definatly moving now i get the keys on monday so all is good there and fits in with going to swindon for my nephews christening in time to start moving and kylie starts school FULLTIME mondayt too so next week will be a busy week well i best get back to my packing
hope your all having a good day
luv emz xxx |
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well last night was a very intresting night with kylie and chloe sharing a room not that it was east getting the cot in there , but this morning they are so tired haha , serves them right and kylie woke up wet after drinknig chloes juice so i explained to her it was because she drank chloes drink which upset her so i hope she doesent drink it tonight , kylie is also expecting sympathy for her being tired but she isnt getting it im just laughing at her hehe thats wat she gets for playing with chloe half the night , i think this has opened a new door for thhem though this morning they are runnig round after each other althoughthey are having their sisterly moments it seems their relationship has gone quite a bit further i think its sweet , i rekon tonight they will be out for the count they are so tired . and chloe is being really funny she cracking me up bless her , kylie is bugging me to make some pastries too then ive got to wash all the clothes under where chloes cot was all her clothes from 0-12 months which i am now going to wash and take to the childrens charity shop tomorrow and pack up what i can should be fun well i guess i best do these pastries
hope ur all having a good day
luv emz xxx |
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yay , chloe is ion kylies room and guess what they are both fast asleep and its only 8.15pm i am so impressed i was expecting to be back and forth all night but it was ok kylie kept calling me telling me chloe isnt lying down ut they soon settled , i was just trying it out for when we moved so barry put the cot in kylies room for me and if it didnt work he was going to put the cot back in our room tomorrow but it was so easy im so proud of them and im so glad to have my own bedroom back and i can actually have a bath and not worry about waking chloe up and i have the baby monitor in there so i can hear everything they do hehe kylie doesent know that as ive had problems with her drinknig chloes bottles and when we move we are also getting chloe a toddler bed i know she is only 14 months but she has beeen trying to climb out of her cot lol
hope you have all had a good day
luv emz xxxx |
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and asked again and again , how im recovering from the ops , so here it is , i never got much rest since friday(op day)so the wound only stopped bleeeding yesterday last night i saw dr monday who prescribed me a differant very good painkiller which i am going through upping the dose until i take 3 in morning 3 at night but they are real good , last night i decided to take off the dressing it has been sore but tonight i have upped my dose to 2 at night today im fat i look 6 months pregnant and the affected area of my stomach is black but it dont hurt much thanks to these tabs but im ok i always am 
hope you all have a great day
and the person that asked thank you  you know who u are
luv emz xxx |
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so this period that was over 9 months late was that in my head too oh this makes me so mad i have this website with a password where i can make my appointment so now its more waiting omg here we go again what did i say was gonna happen grr , i returned home to a letter rom homefinder i was exited before i even opened it theyu only writer to you with good news as puffy as my face was from sobbing i was smiling i opened it guess what ???????????????????????????????????
im moving yay yay yay , im a successful Well today has been both a good day and also a bad day if that makes sense ? Well i got up at 6.30 so i was ready and properly awake to get kylie up at 7 and me and chloe snuggled on the sofa at 7 i opened the door and let chloe wake kylie while i fixed their brekkie after brekie i got chloe dressed and ready and kylie got her uniform on exept her tie and socks which i put on for her i had already platted her hair up the night before so that wasnt a problem and we was actually out the door for 8am wow 1st day of term and on time i need a reward hehe , while i was on my way to the school i attempted calling the drs finally on y way back i finally got through , i said i needed an appointment with dr steinforth she said all appointments are fully booked and read offf all the other drs names i said no ur not hearing me right I NEED AN APPOINTMENT WITH DR STEINFORTH THIS MORNING she then explained he was fully booked i had to see someone else well as u all know im fed up with them thinknig they can choose who and when i see the dr , i said ok listen to me for god sake shut up , there was silence wow , i went on to say i had an operation on friday that went titts up i am in agony and i have been waiting all weekend to see DR STEINFORTH and offered me 1 at 6pm me being me this wasnt good enough i said that is hours away its only 9am im in agony now so she said hang on , she came back funny enough she has a appointment with DR STEINFORTH at 11am , yes i was rude in fact i was very rude but i got my appointment with MY dr  , barryu decided he was coming too so i left chloe with my dad , i told him outside the surgery it was up to him if he came in but i was going to be telling the truth to the dr ,exactly how i feel at the moment but he decided he was coming anyway the receptionist seemed to give me funny looksbarry asked wat her prob was i told him it was probeerly cos my appointment was made and they said if its not a medical emergency her job is on the line the waiting room was full so i spotted a chair outside steinforths room so we sat there , finally we got called in , so i explained everything my report from the ops were not there which made things a bit complicated to find out about this blood but he has said once its back hewill call me and explain whats going on there and also anyhing else it shows , he was shocked himself he said i thought it ewas going to come back with eithr pid/cpid or endo but yuet we have nothing , i told him ther pain is real bad i cant eat and look after my kids properly i also said the morphine is not touching it aand neither are any of the other meds im taking he gave me the choice of what to try next so this is our plan nnow not that its a good onee but we cant al get what we want , he gave me an appointment for me to go to the gastroenterology clinic (bowel clinic) tests will be run op if nessesary which im not sure i could go through with if all fails there i need to go to the chronic pain clinic , yeaah chronic pain clinic sounds like a place they will find out why you have chronicpain ? well i did anyway well no its quite the oppisite this is a place for people LIKE ME who have a chronic pain usually same area as mine or surrounding area but there actually is no reason for them to be in pain at all where they give u this drug and drugs like what i have been given today its called pregabalin which i have read up on and it is used for peripheral and central neuropathic pain , epilepsy and generalised anxiety disorder , my doctor said it is a good drug for pain thought they couldent give me more than morphine ? Although he said when i first start raking it i will feel more like a 82 yr old thaan a 22 yr old in the mind and it treats pai n that morphine and the tabs im on doesnt dont get me wrong i do still have to take what i already am just these aswell , he wasnt goinbg to give me anymore pain relief but i was in such a state with all the pain i been in i made the doc cry can u believe that and he agreed to give me these tabs but i do have to paly by the rules he has given me instructions and he wrote it so i gain a tab in the day and at night every 3 days until im taking 3 twice a day , so basically its all in my head , well he wont say that but thats what they are saying after all we all know u cant have a pain for no reason , but he told me rthe truth , he also does not think this is a bowel problem but checking wouldent hurt , and he explained vewry carefully in my frame of mind that i need to prepare myself not to get a answer for my pain , so i been here thinknig bidder hehehe , i called the area manager immediatly to orginize to see the size of the bedrooms , at the moment it is actually being decorated painted carpet etc , and we can go and measure up on monday he did say friday it will be ready but barry wants to see he is a big kid , well the bedrooms are large and there is a cupboard big enough to make into another bedroom which we are going to use as a music room / play room not sure yet as im sick of seeing guitars everywhere as he has 8 of them and with amps and pedals wires and stuff it gets in the way , so yay we are moving hopefully next week yay yay can u tell im exited , thewn at 12 i went to pick kylie up from school and get my medication we went home and we have had a very stressful afternoon but now kids are in bed and its me time
hope you all had a good day and not as hecticv as mine
luv emz xxx |
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Like i said im moving out ive had enough of living here with all the stress driving me mad , ive had enough of arguing , ive had enough of having to do everything , and im sick of being treated like dirt , since friday my house has been a state because i havent been able to do it , so today i forced myself to do my housework and washing exept the hoovering while barry went to his friends to get his car as he went out to another friends wedding party and i was not well enough to go which he returned 5 hrs later yaah im sure it dont take that long , then when he came back kylie was gobbing off and talking ro me like crap i told her off and boy didnt i know it i was the wrong one the one to be shouted at and daddy gave the dont worry kylie you have school tomorrow go in the bath i had ran 20 mins previous she refused to get in she was screaming and shouting and woke up chloe so i got her out and of course she started screaming more barry came in and oh what do ya know im wrong again , just sick of it all , i told barry he` has to get up and take kylie to school tomorrow and he moaned that its his last whole day off so what wen do i get a day off ? wen im dead? anyway i better go before barrys and dads dinner burns i have to do kylies school stuff too
luv emz xxxx
hope u all had a better day than me |
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Iam so annoyed ive beeen meant to look up the answers i got from lap and fix them together with something so i could get this sorted but its just not happened not that i should have to find them anyway im not the bloody doctor but they so useless they dont care its not them its not their kids suffering im jsut so fed up with it all , all i want is this pain to go away i just want to know what is wrong i dont want loads of referrals to be treated like a guinea pig i just want to be me again is that too much to ask ? anybody want to take over cos i give up ?
hope u are all ok
luv emz x |
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i was very emotional this morning but have improoved through the day kylie spent the afternoon at my dads and me and chloe had a nap chloe got up and played with daddy while i slept some more i got up about 4 so i could spend some time with chloe before she went to bed and we st on the sofa and had a hug then i decided to cook chloes dinner and made her spring rolls and chips while dad was cooking curry at his house with kylie after dinner chloe was very tired so daddy put her in the bath and into bed my dad called while chloe was in bath and said he was ready to be picked up so barry got chloe out the bath and into bed and went to get them kylie was high as a kite she had ice cream and a can of pepsi  so i gave her her curry and sat her to dinner she had her bath while i went for some air and got some chocolate and i also called maria came home kylie was in bath and said goodnight and tucked her in bed dad then took some piccys of my injured belly scroll down fast if u dont wana see i only show the main cut as other is a bit low 4 on here
my stomach is swollen a bit kylie seems to love the facct mummy has a pink tummy this was the first time i actually seen it properly but im sure it will clear up in no time but it was all for nothing
well thats my day hope you have all had a great day
luv emz xxx |
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ok as u all know i had my operations today and they never went as i planned them too at al in fact i was in shock think i still am a little now i went tobed for a bit earlier but all evening i cant stop i cant eat and i cant sleep with the amount of drugs i have inside me i sould be able to easily but no not me everything has to fuck up , pretty much like everything else that is gone on in my life , but i will be going to the doc 9 on the dot monday morning i will be demanding to see my doctor immediatly they can refuse me i will help myself i nkow where he is they can arrest me if they like i really dont care anymore i want this sorted now
As for the blood somewhere in my stomach something bout my periods leaking yeah ok so why the fuck didnt have a period for 43 weeks magic trick was it yeah im sure it is
As for it being the bowels that is total bullshit i have had no problems with my bowels in well over a year so ow he hell has he worked that out
and hen they are gonna shove me overto chrnic pain what they gnna dthen tell me ts all in my head ogh and after all tat they are sending me back gyno yeh just wat i want a great big circle of crap
im in agony no that an under statement but never mind , anyway its late so im gonna finnish it here for now , edit it tomorrow maybe , its late here and aparantly i have to go bed in a minute lol why i wont sleep and since ive been homw jus to top it all off ive had kylie shouting screaming not doing as told anything she possibly can and barrys had a go too and dad thinks its all good news
sorry guys for the swearing and the venting but i hd to
goodnight
goodmorning yezah im back and with more rage
now if they think for 1 single second im gonna jkeep going all these tests and bollocks for what to still have this pain when they wont even check me for endo when i have told them i want it fucking checked pick it up in the ops yeah thats 100% chance is it? i dont think so ive had enough of this shit ive had enough of this house and as of my family they can fuck off and if the nhs thinks im finnished with them they are so wrong i had anethstic in me yesterday and had a sore throat throat works now boy wont they know it they will get tthe same as the nurse that just caled me and asked how i was my reply was how the fuck do u think i am?????
at the moment i jus wish i could go to sleep and not wake up til its all over , and if the doctor on monday dont see this as an emergency else i think he wil need emergency assistance im jus so fed up with it all
why should i have to wait anymore i think ive waited far long enough
well ive got to go again cos i gotta sort this dump thats meant to be a flat whilethe kids go riot at each other and barry and my dad sleep after all they had such a tough day yesterday oh well no rest for the wicked
catch u all later
lui i email u later
luv emz xxx
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Hey , well i thought i better blog let u all know im still alive , operation is over so heres how it went
tubes, left tube has repaired itself after last op and is doing very well right tube also fine
ovaries in fine health
in fact all is ok in that department
hear that im in absolute agony still and i have NO answers so i feel hurt emotional and tired there was pictures he shown me there was blood there which means bSICALLY WEN I HAVE A PERIOD sorry never noticed caps the blood leaks and stays in my abdomen i have to see the doc nxt week to send me to a bowel specialist and if i have no luck then i wil then have to see a chronic pain specialist so now im stuck with this crap great new ay
so i still have my 3% fertility i suppose that is something
hope u have all had a better day than me
luv emz xxxx
ps thanks for all my wishes pictures and messages xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx |
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THANKS for being there for me through all of this u all mean the world to me, well tomorrow is the big day answers woo hoo unless of course any one wants to take my place hehe sorry guys only joking this is my space hehe , im not feeling so nervous at the moment but thats proberly cos ive been talking to huey the last hour , im a bit annoyed our friend jerry has gone to my dads to suprise him by picking him up he was meant to be here today anyway the dog was there the back door was also open but no dad very strange unless he popped to shops i hope he is ok  , anyway back to my thankyous hehe
i ecspecially want to thank LUI for her wonderful chat in her wicked accent this afternoon and her lovely pics and emails you have been great your the best u know you are and you always know how to make me smile even wen i dont want to and i will be waiting for my lift dont be late hehe only joking but i tell u wat u wish for me to keep it ok u know wat that means love ya
and lonely 28 (fi) you have also been amazing with me through this a true friend also and also thank you for my wonderful emails and u even got exited with me through the countdown oh i am silly but i also want you to wish for me to keep it you also have an amazing shine and thats why i love ya ok ur wicked mwa
mum(janice povey) u have guided me through this u already know this but others dont so i will say it again i dont have a mum i disowned her but i found my true mum rigght inside of you and u have been like a mum to me and i can even talk to you like a daughter would to her mum and alll your support has just been totally amazing
mariamum you have been there for me since we met and you have been great u say ur going to misss me tomorrow but im telling ya your be ok ya never know i mite actually make it to the computer tomorrow night once ive had a good nap thanks for being there so much weather it be here phoone or text i thank you for it all and also my pictures .
But i love you all it would take forever to go through all of you so all of your friendships mean the world to m e and your pictures all your wonderful comment messages all of it thank you while i have been ill you have all been great and i really really really appreciate it so thank you
i will misss u all even if i am wacko hehe and i will let u all know how it went as soon as i get back home if im not up to it personally i will get barry to writet in my blog
luv emz xxxxxx
HAVE FUN
11 hrs to go by the way hehe |
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yay chloe had her 1st haircut yesterday as her hair was in her eyes and she was eating it so now she has a fringe i think she looks dead cute and she sat real still too which i was shocked about
luv emz xx |
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The past few days ive been asking myself why did i bother to even attempt to find my dad , i waited 13 yrs for what? a 1 sided relationship ? Really did i do all this to only get hurt because really he just like my mother just dont care about anyone but theirselfs , maybe they were well suited , wht love and support did he give me in the 3 yrs ive known him i will tell you NONE and do you know why because he is selfish , another thing that annoys me is why make promises if u cant keep them and u know what else since ive been ill he hasnt seen me once and he knows too he was jus down the road the last 3 days but no he could not pop in could he no he would rather walk to my nanas 3 miles down the road but did he pop in any of these days to see if i was ok or even jus 4 a cuppa NO why cos he dont care thats why so why really do i bother i dont think i will anymore ive had it with him
sorry had to get that out
luv emz xxxx
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Yes im counting down in hrs now lol , well im am beginning to get bloody scared and pissed off with a family member too which really dont help matters anyhow i am ok just had enough now but we all have those days dont we? I have painkillers coming out of my ears the last 4 days or so the pain has gt much worse and frm below my ribs to my lower abdomen back and stmach is agony and morphine really aint doing much even though they have increased the dose i find it hard even to get up its driving me nuts they HAVE to do something if all they do is pull my pelvis out of my tubes i will be annoyed i was even saying to barry jus this morning there has to be something serioously wrong for all this pain all of a sudden and the council are giving me a hard time too and keep on stopping and suspending our housing benifit which will mean i will have to pay £179 a week instead of £125 yeah as if i can afford that i know barry is well paid but not that well why cant they just leave em alone at least untill this is over oh well never mind life goes on
ok ivehad winge hehehe
hope your all having a good day
luv emz xxxx |
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Well today i got y first bump on the head and mumma panicked and ended up calling the doctor and i made her a bit worried wheni wanted to nap and mumma sat near by watching me but i was very tired because ihave had such a busy day runnigaround playing with my balls and sister we did some colouring too i also played with the lid to the bum creamand i managed to get it off and i ate some of the cream it was so yummy i tried getting it back all morning but mumma was watching very carefully hey look mumma took this while i was sleeping too this will be printed out and put in as 1st bump in my pretty book
here, i think i was very tired and when i woke up i was a whole lot happier for my mumma although i did have my moments now my mumma has got my milk and im off to get tucked into bed
good-night my friends
lots of love Chloe xxxxx
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What the hell is the point of having a dr if u cant even speak to him or even somebody u like or is any good and all ive been told is double up the morphine dose and given me another bottle to pick up just as i thought keep taking the pain relief so now i give up on the whole lot i can hardly move and all they can say it up the painkiller i dont want painkiller i want this pain to go away and never come back
eww chloe has just ate nappy rash cream
hope your all having a good day
luv emzxx |
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 ok im having a really shit day there is no hiding that im about to hit something but affraid it will break kylie behaviour today has just been stupd and ive totally had enough of it i wont go into it cos im still angry but it has resulted in me calling my dad in tears and i asked him if i could stay at his housse on friday untill im well enough to come home and he said yes so that is good barry dont like it but tough maybe he should treat me like his partner instead of treating kylie that way
My stomach is also killing i can hardly get up today but i did manage to get my housework ive had bad pains going on in my right side of my stomach top to bottom top being my ribs bottom being lower abdomen ive had 3 doses of morphine today aswell and still it is killing and i cant have any more til tonight hope u all had a better day
luv emz xxxxx |
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Ok now im really pissed off as of lately i leave chloes buggy at the bottom of the stairs untill barry gets home and he carries it up due to my stomach anyhow i carried chloe down the stairs t put her in the buggy ready to go and get some shopping anyhow the buggy wasnt there grr so this made me scratch my head where has that gone i checked in the housein case barry hda brought it up no buggy so i asked a friend that lives a few doors away but nothing grr so i rang barry thinknig he would be cross at me but too he was puzzled he said that as his friend came this morning and he said that the pushchair was there this morning although he said it had a raincover though my raincover is in the bedroom so maybe it was maybe it wasnt who knows lol.I did think someone did this on purpose out of spite but if it was there this morning it could not have been what happened to it i dont know but i do know whoever took it is pathetic and childish that was my daughters way of getting around and now we cant go out i cant eveen take her to the park now because i can not carry her for long because of my stomach now i have to walkher to the shop although i dont feel well so now until i get a new buggy she once again is left without 1 i expect ur all sat there thinking its just a buggy but its not the way it is for me this is the 12nd time she has been without a buggy funny enough both strollers back in march she lost her first buggy due to a hit and run we were crossing a road with a blind spot and a car was speeding and hit the buggy i managed to save her from being hit by lifting the buggy but this is how the buggy was affected
im not sure u can see that properly but the bars at the back were bent some quite bad and the front of the buggy was caved in
anyhow back tot his buggy i am so anoyed this will be the 2nd buggy ive had to buy her because they have been taken away from her
well im going to give my baby a big hug now
luv emz xxx |
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Well i havent really blogged for a couple of days so here goes .
Well i have been ok not really had much of a chance oto get on here been doing more sleeping and being lazy more than anything else lol as barry has been off work but he goes back to work tomorrow i came on my period yesterday too so those pains have jus made my stomach a whole lot worse lol but hey never mind i think im gonna get some washing and housework done to take my mind off the pain after all i only have another 6 days of this crap so soon its pretty scary
anyhow im off to start togett thimgs done hope everyone is having a wonderful day
luv emz xxxx |
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