Well that the latest for me i am such a bad friend why am i a bad friend ?? I am selfish and i dont care!!! I can come on here and talk to all of you everyday that much is true i just cant stay away minti is my lifeline. Yet i cant  email my best friend who doesent speak to me because i walked to the school with Kylies friends mum to me there was no pont if she dont want to talk to me fine.I can also go to Declans mums house but not hers which by the way i dont i take chloe home and have her nap for 10am but i should not allow my daughter to have a nap before her lunch i should go and visit my best friend who doesent want to talk to me after all that is the most important thing in my life! I dont care because i cant be bothered with asking for an explanation yet she is such a brilliant friend she has fed me a load of lies she even has to read my articles and  blogs shows how much she cares about me if im such a bad friend when she isnt even speaking to me dont get me wrong ido love her to bits and she is having an operation soon and i do wish her all the best with iut and stuff BUT she has my address ive been living here 3 and a half months i havent yet seen her knocking on my door and if she was so much of a friend and has been reading this why when my step dad was here and i was inb pieces she wasnt there for me like you all was no but im the one that is the bad friend . I have been thinking of all of this today and i did have a little chat with barry and i dont think our friendship is going to rebuild yes i am stubborn thats me but i have nevber said a bad word about her i love her to bits and i do miss her but i just dont i will ever be able to go back to the way things were before .

Sorry i needed to vent a little ...

Luv Emzxxx

Ahhh 1 day old so very cute with her fluffy hair and chubby little cheeks.

Chloe is 3 months old here at my friends wedding having her 1st horse and cart ride.

I love this photo Kylie & Chloe having a xmas cuddle on chloes 1st xmas.

Chloe waas about 1 month old in this 1 i think she looked so cute sat in that chair i think she looks a bit  tiny.

Me & Chloe the day we returned from the hospital 1 day old(thats why i look rough)

Chloe getting the feel for crawling aabout 10months

Chloe 12 months being so very cheeky found herself a new seat lol.

Me Kylie & Chloe having a girly snuggle.

Chloes 1st smile for grampy about 3 months old.

Chloe about 12 months with grampy .

Chloe 18 months on christmas day taking her baby for a walk .

Kylie and Chloe pulling a cracker on xmas day before i got in the middle and helped them lol.

Luv Emz xxx

 

Ok this isnt really parenting but it is because it is my parent LOL anyhoo my dad has had a thyroid problem for yrs (dont know exactly but has since i found him in 05) it is usually under active and sometimes goes over but mainly under my dad is also over weight he has had a heart attack before because of his weight (10 yrs ago) over the last 6 months ive noticed a BIG differance in him he cant be bothered to do anything even pick up his prescriptions, he isnt looking after himself physically , he isnt getting up until gone 2pm now its got to a point i have people phoning me because they too are worried for his health his flat mate has phoned me shouting the odds i should be taking care of my dad he is not himself and needs help yet im only 22 i dont have a clue what to do ??? Ive tried the you need to pull your socks up you need to get your medication and take it youneed to pay your bills and you need to get a job he really doesent give a damn he cares about nothing and worries about nothing i just dont know what to do ???

Also i forgot to add the dog is so used to sorting herself out she has worked out how to use the cat flap yet she is so fat she keeps getting stuck and he just lets her run about neighbours gardens and wherever she pleases a friend of ours has aslo told him he has to see his grandchildren and as much as he tries he never makes it im just really worried about him sorry guys

Luv Emz xx

Well Kylie is back to school today YAY she has had nearly a week off with this tummy bug then her ear i will be glad to see her back to school yet i will be very careful i dont let my kids speak to strangers although this wasnt an issue until kylie took a sweet and went to run ofgf with a stranger some of you may remeber this incident well this has finally paid off now its beeen brought to parents attention thursday and friday there was a peaodofile in carey park talking and trying to get kids attention which is a 5 min walk from kylies school yet on friday nother peodofile was seen to ask a friends daughter to get in the car her mother had apaprantly asked for him to pick her up luckily my friends daughter has street sense and ran home with her friends where police were called so there u have it 2 peodofiles by kylies school how scary i often wonder the way people look at my children iitkinda freaks me people say i am over protective of my kids i just put them first with this im glad today i have to go througfh this booklet and fill out some forms for kylie to change school i want her in bartion school its like a 2 minute walk from here her present school take like half hour or more sometimes depends if chloe walks and she will hopefully be starting the beginnnig of next term besides chloe is starting nursery in jusdt over a yr it would make sense tp out them up here so much easier too KLylie wasnt too keen on it at first but now nan told her she went to that school wen she was a little girl and had lots of friends and myt friends told her her husband who is the care taker will watch her to make sure she is ok she is now happy to go there and make NEW FRIENDS i said she can still see Jaz and Declan cos they are her buddies so i cant wait until she starts there although i did wonder if i was doing the right thing as she is doing so well where she is she is top of the class wen everyone were getting certificates for 10 phonies she was getting her 20 phonies certificate but ive decided to takre the chance .

Anyway i must shoot get kylie off to school

hope you all have a great day

Luv Emz xxx

What do i love about minti???

Advice - I think there is alot of awesome advice on minti just hit a topic and you can sit all night reading that topic i like to read a topic to suit my mood .

Friends - I have met some awesome friends on minti some that i value more than my friends offline i have also met a couple of members in person my friends here on minti ar very special to me.

Lounge - I love it when my friends pop into my lounge and leave a picture or maybe leave a few lines just to say hello or good day its always nice to know your friends care.

Blog - I love to blog i find it hard to talk about thingsa that ae bothering me i tend to write it down instead i used to keep a diary i use my blog the same i also like to read back on them to see the things i deal with kind of makes me feelbetter when im feeling down.

Groups - I like going on group tours too i go trhrough the grouip and its nice to see that other parents have the same intersets as you .

So all in all i absolutly LOVE MINTI sometimes i wonder whast i would do without it thanks minti i love you what a awesome community to be a part of

Luv Emz xxx

 

Well it has been a bit of a busy weekend here . Unless your name is Barry of course then you can do as you pleaase at the weekend he is suppossed to spend time with the girls but he seems to think he can do as he pleases. The whole point in him getting this monday to friday job was because he was working 4 days a week he could get a all anytime in that 4 days and he would have to go so he really didnt have muc time for the girls but even now he has this 8 - 5 monday to friday job he still doesent spend time with the girls it is really beginning to annoy me he just thinks he ca go galavanting with his mates we have a car that needs fixing he cant be assed to go and hunt down the bit for his car so he is going to borrow a friends instead its been broken since wednesday , he promised my nan he would go and see her over the weekend while he is off work , he promised me he would have the girls yesterday afternoon so i could go and see my nan without chloe dont youch that Kylie stop running , but it seems his friends are more important.All week while he was at work i had 2 sick kids i had Kylie off school because they had a tummy bug yet i had to also deal with my nan her bills etc still need paying jane and mary are at work im the only one left able to do it i spet the whole day yesterday cleaning because Barrys friend was coming to stay last night dont get me wrong my kids aew pretty well behaved and all that but it would be nice to have a breaki mean i have Chloe stuck to my leg arm or somehow near me 24/7 i love her more than anything but i really need a break no wonder she is a mummys girl she is always with me or me and kylie he is just really annoying me yesterday he went out at 7am he was out all day in bits the kids saw him for about an hour he was home for when his friend arrived last night so he got to spend a hour or so with kylie but chloe missed her nap and wanted to go to bed so he saw her for about 10 mins he has planned this massiv walk with his friend today so that will be no kids they will get too tired and refuse to walk he has already been up moaning and telling us to shut up him and his friend are sleeping so ive told him to shut up not very nicely they are playing thats all oh and xhloe banged her head so she had a few tears i was hoping he would have the girls later so i can get in Sues little crazy head as she has been drinking alot as after finding out her foster son is smoking cannabis at school he is also going round with older girls he is supposed to be grounded but it wa s his mates birthday friday so heh ad to be home at 10pm he never returned and hasnt been home since its now sunday she is worried sick and hitting the bottle but yet his friends are more important than mine that need me . Im sorry to have to put this here but he is really annoying me i feel like a single parent i have to do everything by myself and deal with everything by myself i had to get thisoff my chest because ive already shouted at him today and his friend is ere so i have to be a good girl just want a break but thats too much to ask

anyway i hope your all having a great weeknend

Luv Emz xxx

 

A Down Under Special Day… 

Happy Australia day to those of you way down under,
Nice to happen when it is warm and summery it is,
Hope my calendar is right or I did make a big blunder,
Just thought it nice to send to all we know down there,
A big happy hug to celebrate their special day, bet though they wonder…?
How do they know in the frozen north?
That Australia day is kinda like our fourth,
We celebrate with barbecues and fireworks,
Having off from work that day is a definite perk…
So I just wanted to send along greetings and say,
Happy Australia Day to my friends down under,
I do send you a virtual rose bouquet,
And hope that you have a wonderfully happy day…

Luv Emz xxx  

Well yesterday i ended up at the surgery Kylie doesent like have her ears cleaned out whenever i do her ears is always a struggle so like usual i had her pinned to the sofa so tbhat so i thought she couldent try and pull it out while im trying to clean it but i was so wrong she did manage to get er hand on the cotton bud which was actually in her ear she grabbed it and really gave it a pull the ear budwas bent in halfand her ear was bleeding im not really one for blood i explained to her it was bleeding and ineeded to clean it to see where it is coming from and weather i need to take her to the hospital trying to stay as calm as possiblei managed to cleanall the blood outside the ear drum it was still bleeding not much but it was bleeding so i grabbed the kids and keys and ran over to the drs they were so nice and she could see the nurse straight away she put this light in her ear and once again cleaned the blood and she said she was very lucky she hasnt burst her eardrum but on the entry of her ear drum she has a cut only a small one and she just needs to leave it alone and it will be fine just a little sore while healing . She keeps on playing with it and making it bleed and so far ive cleaned it 5 times lol so ive decided to keep her off school today so i can keep an eye on it because i dont want her to go amd get it infected so i said she can just start again feeling better on monday and today she could come to nans with me and come home after lunch so she is happy with that and it makes it a little easier for me instead of rushing around everywhere trying to get back in time to pick her up again . Barry left for work in a mood too because he is tired oh what a shame thats what he gets for coming home from work and go galavanting with his mates until like 10pm to then have to cook his own dinner because i wasnt hungry and just wanted to go to bed oh dar what a shame .

Anyway i best go get my little lady dressed and orgainised

Hope you all have a great day

Luv Emz xxx

RAMDOMLY ASKED QUESTIONS?

1. What do people usually call you? Emz, Emmie , Emily(sometimes), Fat ass.
2. Do you have freckles? no
3. Have you ever been to another country? Yes malta and spain
4. Do you feel comfortable dancing in public? Yes you have to drag me away.
5. Have you ever kissed a mirror? No
6. Do you still talk to your bestfriend from when you were 14? No
7. Can you skateboard? No
8. Do you own an iPod? no they break easily
9. What was your favorite tv show as a kid? Postman pat
10. Do you still have feelings for an ex? hmmm maybe ?sometimes lol

11. Would you rather bungee jump or sky dive? Sky dive
12. Who is the hottest celebrity?  Hmm Tom Cruise
13. Who was the last person to call you? My Nan
14. Do you like to text message? Yes
15. What kind of music do you listen to? mainly R&B

16. Did the movie Titanic make you cry? No
17. Have you ever punched someone? yes
18. Has anyone ever punched you? yes
19. Have you ever been dumped? Yes
20. Big dogs, small dogs, or cats? Big dog and cats
21. How many cars have you owned? for myself none

22. Do you call your bestfriend everyday? No
23. What do you live in? a house
24. Have you ever gotten drunk? drunk no legless yes

25. Have you ever stolen anything? Yes i used to steal chocolate out th cupboards hehehe
26. Who do you think about the most? my kids
27. What is your most prized possesion? My Daughter
28. Do you like to watch tv? yes
29. When is the last time you went to the movies? about 6 months ago lol

30. Do you wear glasses or contacts? Neither
31. What country would you most like to visit? Sydney
32. Do you think anyone could ever really be satisfied? yes
33. Are you religious? No
34. Do you live with your parents? NO WAY left hiome at 14
35. Would you like to live to be 110 years old? No way
36. Have you ever approached someone of the oppisite sex? yes
37. Do you kiss on the first date? Depends
38. What hair color do you like most on the oppisite sex? Dark
39. When is the last time you took a shower or bath? yesterday
40. Have you ever been to a concert? yes a few
41. Do you talk to your parents? to my dad just about
42. How many siblings do you have? 1 sister i dont see 1 step sister who is dead
43. Do you like to have your picture taken?I no
44. Do you have more girl friends or guy friends? guys
45. Have you ever played in the rain? yes
46. Ever seen a tornado? No
47. How many meals do you eat a day?Hmm at the mo pushing for 1
48. Who do you most resemble in your family? nobody
49. What kind of accent do you have? Devonian
50. How long have you known your bestfriend? 4 years

Haha that was fun!!!!!

Luv Emz xx

Urgh this house really sucks at the moment everone is sick well exept baz he is the lucky 1. The rest of us have a tummy bug eww we have been sofa bound today and i think it will stay that way lol cartoons are on i have kylie wih her quilt on 1 sofa who is now asleep (i think) me and chloe have been wrapped up in my quilt on this sofa she is snuggled right into me and theyboth have a temp ive arranged  for Jerry to go and cut my nans bush in front of her window Jerry knows she is lonely so he will stop a few hours to pass the time for her and ive rang nan and told her i will go over tonight when the kids go to bed because we are still sick and she offered me some hernappies LOL so i dont have no accidents in bed bless her she says i can have a whole box as she has more coming today she is too proud to admit she needs them lol. But things are looking up on the landlord front he came yesterday to take all the measurements yesterday and all the work in kitchen annd batthroom will be done in 8 weeks wow im impressed in 6 weeks time all electric water and gas will be turnt off so i said she can come and stay here for the 2 weeks i think she will enjoy the kids company too. Well i best dash try and get some shut eye try and sleep some of this bug off .

Have a greatr day

Luv Emz xx

PS Mary i havent forgot you i am still thinking and worrying about you i will call u later when im feeling more human xxxxxxxxx

Well at the moment we all have tummy bugs well exept from Barry he seems to be the lucky one so far yesterday when we arrived at Nans Kylie started to complain of bellyache i thought it was just a stitch but later shewas still complaining of bellyache then woke up twice in the night with sore belly and both times went toilet i woke up being sick this morning and both girls were really grumpy and smelly too lol so Kylie stayed home today and we had a day at home Kylie spent half the day laid upon the sofa watching dvds luckily they dont have the sickness side just the bellyache and diarea chloe has already been awake once with a smelly bum i just hope they are feeling a little better when they wake in the morning lol they are both really clingy wen they are ill too so i got hardly any housework done today either

anyway i must go and cook dinner before it starts burning lol

Have a great Day

Luv Emz xx

I have been tagged by Natelz and  cassaustin 

Here are the rules for this tag.

1. Link to the person that tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
4. Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
5. Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.

Are you ready? I know you just can't wait to know 6 random quirky things about .

1. Im independent. Ive always been an indeprendant girl i rely on noone not even Barry have done since the age of 14

2. Im addicted to coke. I absolutly love coke i drink nothing but unless i run out of course i did try to give it up andfailed now i accept im a addict lol.

3. I love horses. I go horse riding and have done since i wasabout 12 i absolutly love them andhave recently got the girls a pony which is secretly for me lol

4. Im a daddys girl. I have always been a daddys girl even though i grew up without him ive always been a daddys girl even though ive only really known him 4 years he is the only parent i can honestly say i love. 

5. Im a step parent I have brought up my step daughter for nearly 4 years now i have since had a daughter and love them both the same no matter whos belly they came from.

I dont really cry.  Im not really much of a cryer upset or not i dont cry i tend to hide it until im alone and nobody can see or hear i was always told tears are a sign of weakness .

Im tagging WinnierooPooh , sara-ayrria08 ,Marglr , Janice Povey , MummytoDakota , and ShyFairy.

Luv Emz xxx

Oh my i am so excited my nan my nan will be coming home in like 2 and a half hours i cant wait to see her face when she opens that door me and kylie went to see her last night she was so happy and she said the most  beautiful thing about my little lady i just had to give her a big kiss she had this photograph my mother gave her saturday (it was my niece) i just said oh my she is identicile to chloe at least i cant say she isnt beautiful i showed kylie i told her it was her cousin my sisters baby she said no its chloe mum hehe jane thought it was weird being sarcastic then my nan just puts the soxk in her mouth to shut her up she said yours isbetter thou!?! why nan chloe is aways got a smile and happy and loving but micheala (my niece) is always crying and hardly smiles or laughs chloe is just beautiful i told her i thought that was so sweet and i loved her and gave her a big kiss at east she recognises her for what she is so anyway she is home soon everything is ready she has her doc coing this afternoon for a chat he is lovely. I will be meeting Jane at nans at 10 ready for wwhen nan gets home she was counting the hours last night hehehe she said this morning she would quick eat her brekfast and then get dressed and wash and i will sit and wait to go  home bless her i bet she is sat there in her coat ready to go uppose i better scoot and get miss kylie ready for school lol

hope u all have a great day

Luv Emz xxx

Well after my relaxing day off its time to face the world again but really i cant be bothered Jane did text me last night to ask how nan was and that she had finnishedsorting the house for nan tomorrow yay nans home tomorrow but nywayt i turnt my phone off and she doesent have my home number there is no apology i dont ever hear her say are you ok no that doesent matter she obviously never went to see nan she just wants to stay out of my way what she did was evil she never considered my feeling at all once again she thought of herself and my mother im not sure if she knows the real reason for all this conflict going on but she pushes me 1 more time i'll let all see what really happened family look at me as if im dirt and im sick of it. I didnt do wrong i would be holding my arms up if i did but i never they were in the wrong yet they are these wonderful perfect people yeah right why cant anyone see where im looking from? Why doesent les tell jane?  He knows for god sake yet he is watching them destroy me this makes me so angry i moved here over 200 miles from my friends to escape this mess and move 3 and half years later and its back oh my maybe i should have another day off im sorry i didnt mean to have this blog end out like this i think i will just turn my computer off this was supposed to be a positive blog so i'll do ne of those later if i can really sorry i will shut up about this now i promise

Luv Emz xx

After yesterdays nasty suprise ive decided im going to tell Dad when he gets up im taking a day off and he can take my place for the dayas knowing that ccreep was behind my house icould not sleep. So today im staying home i have alot of housework that is calling me just as soon as i manage to get mmy butt up im going to call my friend sue in a bit and see if she wants to come and relax with me as she is stressed too and could do with some girl time after the latest discovery  her fosterson is smoking cannabis and selling his stuff to buy it and is lying and he so say doesent know why so i think she could do with some time away from it and let carl deal with him. The girls have been really good today im so proud of them ecspecially kylie as her behaviour has been really bad lately but she woke up todauy and said im going to be a good girl today mummy and bless her she has so i may get amber and jade to come over for a play later which will benice as i will get to catch up with debbie too as i missed her yesterday anyway i must dash i havent washedbarrys uniform yet and he needs it in the morning so i guess i better start moving my big fat butt LOL 

Hope u all have a great day

Luv Emz xxx

 

Oh my i am so glad today is over i neeed my bed and a stiff drink im so stressed and tired. Kids have been running riot all day driving me crazy but thats my own fault. Barry woke up in a fowl oneso i spent most of the day ignoring him took a bath to chill out a bit then i went to lie down and fell asleep by the time i woke up it was time to get ready to go see nan so luckily i arranged for barry to take girls to our friends bryan and debbies as they also have 2 girls 2 yrs and 7 yrs so our kids get on brilliant and i went hospital with my Dad as i had a feeling my mother was going to show her mug anyway me and dad walked up to see nan he showed me the same way so i cant get lost again . Nan was sat in the chair which wasa brilliant sign we did our rounds down to the doors andback and enjoyed my visit with nan as jane text while i was there asking how nan was and that she was coming in the eve 10 mins later suprise suprise jane is here and oh the sight that follows her oh please give me a break jane knewi was there she text me whats wrong with warning me but i wasnt going to let it ruin my visit with nan i escaped to the toilet as bob was so say at janes alone so i sneaked in the toilet text him and said that she was in the hospital bobs in torquay so say at janes alone not to let kids out of sight i dont think im going o sleep too well though knowing he is just behind my house it gives me the creeps ive decided im going to take a day off tomorrow i had a gut instinct this was going to happen i have a really bad headache and feel sick my friend vikki has been here half the night after she returned home from work to a smashed up lap top which at the moment is dead on my table she isnt impressed to say the least well now im off to bed to try and sleep

hope ur all having a great day

Luv Emz xx

Ah well im in the dog hous with auntie Jane again oh what a suprise i should have more respect for that thing that brought me into the world with her misery anyone would think i did something really bad na not really could have said something 10 times worse too bad to put here. All i did was say nan wanted to know if 'annie' wouldd be visiting to this i was told i should have more respect for my mom she brought me into this big world yeah so what . What does that mean? sounds abbout right doesent it respect her for giving me a childhood of hell yesh i really see why i should respect her. I think not yes she gave birth to me but thats it .Gee i give up if i call her every name under the sun im wrong yet if i call her 'annie' im still wrong can i call her anything without being wrong? i dunno i just give up famillies i hate them.

Nans feeling happier than yesterday although i kinda turnt into a nurse helping the lovely lady on nans ward anyway i soorted through nans flowers and took away all the dead ones so my flowers arnt being poisioned anymore she is all set for her blood test tomorrow too see if this infection has gone the good news is if the infection is still thereslightly she can still go home YAY Monday i have tog o to let the guy in to set the phone up to have her alarm activated to it and nan is so exited about going home she is already worrying weather she has horlicks or not so i have to get her some before tuesday as i threw the last lot away as it went out of date 5 years ago.So roll om tuesday i cant wait .

Hope you all have a great weekend

Luv Emzxxx

AAnother load of rubbish. Gee why cant anything be straight forward?? Well looks like Nan is going to be going home on tuesday . Nan wasnt too well yesterday i managed t o get the whole of about 20 sentences the whole time i was there . Shee didnt want her daily wander to steal magazines from the rest room naughty girl . She hadnt really been up at all. She is bored lonely depressed confussed and on edge . So im feeling rather angry right now ve slept on it but i still feel the same. I think it was a bad choice tyo move her its really put her the floor. She discreetly letr me know that i should expect that thing that calls herself a mother absolutly wonderful i cant wait. Anyone have a gun i promise to give it back but yet after nan forgot we dont get along anymorenot even sure if i was to see them again if i could hold myself back.

Dad called last night and said he was coming to see nan today so maybe i wll go with him today take her some mags and get him to keep her happy over the weekend and i will just stay home somehow im not suprised nobody has even bothered to tell me she was coming

anywayt i have to go before kylie is late for school nothing new but still

have a great day

Luv Emzxx

 

Oh well another day Kylie is back to school today she had the day off yesterdayu as on tuesday she came home with every strand of her hair was riddled with headlice and i just could not clear them by morning really annoys me as its a daily thing lately .

Nan has moved as Nan is hopefully coming home monday they want to put her with patients that are also wantinng to go home and they are all pretty much like Nan and she is actually happier there so their plan worked although she keeps on worrying as to wha the committee guy(that owns the house) is going to say to her when she goes home as he was having a go at me and jane formoving things about he thought we were throwing stuff out ive told her social services will sort it out dont worry about it but the poor thing is bless ger but i cheered her up when i told her i got lost for 2 hours yeah she found that hilarious when i reached her like a drowned rat 2 and a half hours of trying to look for hospital (never caught bus beforre) i should have asked jerry to take me lol never again ami getting a bus.

Today i have to catch up on the washing and housework but ive really been slacking since Nans been in hospital so it could do with a bit of a spring clean i did the girls room the other ay so that is still pretty much in place so thats 1 less job oh so much fun i hate cleaning but it really has to be done lol

Oh and due to me getting lost and all i had to get a  bottle of coke buut i did do well hehehehe

Hope u all have a great day

Luv Emz xxxx

Well im really impressed with my nans home visit today although there are a few things to get before nan comes home she has passed her home visit she is safe yay well not just yet but will be she has 3 housing options it was totally her choice which one she took

1. Return home church guy(who owns house) will redo bathroom and kitchen replumbing etc , outside bars , carpet relaid on stairs for when she is strong enough to face them and  stay until she is incapable.

2. Nursing home from church guy

3. Stay where she is temperorarily while she is waiting on councillist (short term) get a ground floor flat like before she moved in with her boyfriend (now passed) but only there will be wardens available who will also have keys to her flat and if there is ever a problem all she has to do is picck up the phone and press a belll which alerts them that she needs help so she can still do her shopping and visit family .

She chose choice 3 which i am very happy about as i think it is the best option for her in the long run as as sad as it is its time we all admitted its nans last days . She will also be getting this thing that gos around her neck and if she falls she presses the button and it will send help straight to her just in case she cant make it to he phone .

Also i did fail to tell her the nurse told me she will not be coming home on thursday as she still has this water infection hhhhmmmm this bugger doesent seem to want to go away so nan will have to have yet another test in 3 days time so hopefully she will be home monday we will just have to wait and see and yes winnie nans got some pants now hehe thanks.

Luv Emz xxx

Wow im so proud of myself ive gone 24 hours without ANY coke how good is that . Ok so im finding it really hard and im really want to have just 1 can but i also know it really has to stop because im just frinknig too much of it and this tea really isnt much cop nothing like coke and ive been drinknig it constantly trying to get up the caffine lol but yippee ive gone over 24 hours without any coke i am so proud of myself hehehe

Luv Emz xxx

Well first of all i have to apoligise for my blog yesterday i guess i let things build up a little too far and i feel much better now and slept like a baby.

Anyway today is a big day for my nan ive spoke to her on the phone and she is so exited but very nervous soicial services will be doing a home visit this moorning at 9.30am ive told her not to worry myself and jane have tidied up and moved furniture around bed is dowqn stairs and i reminded her to ask them to give her a new hand rail outside as i cleaned it but its a little loose she will have to return to the hospital after her home visit this visit is just basically to see if she can still deal with everyday things make a cup of tea flush the toilet get arond you know jjust everyday stuff then they can decide weather she is going to be safe or not.

I am pretty worried as to what they are going to do as i know how much she really wants too be home although it looks like im gonna have alot of extrsaa washing as meand jane haveagreed to do half each but seems nan has definatly gone incompatant (however you spell it) and to be honest they dont seem to be doing anything about it i told the nurse last night i had told nan to stay on the chair as the bed was wetand was already in her nightie (she not ashamed barerys family after all haha) i asked what tyhey were going to do about it they said they were going to get a water test this morning as her water infection has been clear for 6 days now it cant possibly be the water infection causing her to wet said when she goes home they will send her home with pads yes thats ok for a minute but its not really dealing with it and things are really going to start to smell its just sad to see i just keep my fingers crossedall is going to be fine .

The house is beggining to come together too and i will soon be ready to start decorating yippee cant wait until it is finnished and finally it will be home but at the moment i really need to start working out what i want in my bedroom cos im totally clueless anyway i could stay here all day but i must shjoot and get kylie ready and off to school.YIPPEEshe is driving me nuts this mornning lol kids anyone want an extra 1 ?lol

have a great day

Luv Emz xx

  

Why has he wormed his way back into my head back into my thoughts back into my dreams why wont he leave me alone? I want to forget my years of pain but how can i when he is back to haunt me? 1st proper night sleep and i dream about him why oh why? Im sure i got over this before i told myself i would not let him back in else what have the last 3 and a half years been for?Was it not enough to loose everything i had at 18 ?? Dores he have to punnish me more i dont know where i ever went wrong clueless?? For years i longed for my dad i even tried to contact him but for this i was punnished i want allowed out of my room for ovver a week i only wanted my dad what is so wrong with that? In this time i was constantly abused my punnhment . I should never have brouht the creep into our family home and i would still have my mum today . Is that what i was brought into this world for/??? to be abused? raped beaten and forced to watch it on the tv screen then thrown 10 ciggerettes here you go theres your payment ..... Nice way to treat your child .Why am i letting this back into my head why am i letting him in there i promised myself i would never do that yet i have what  a good damn fool . I dont reemember the last time my mum said she loved me yet i can remember her saying goodbye believing in him never in me is bruisres not enough?? is it my fault the taprees were wiped yweah he is cle ver 1 step ahead of me thats for sure .I dont remember what it feels like to be loved by a parent all i remember is the hurt why cant i remmeber the good times?? My daughter met her Nan for the 1st time last week she looked at her if she was dirt she is an innocent child she doesnet know her yet all this hurt they have caused me i feel to blame why?? im not to blame why wont hery go away i dont want them even in my thoughts i just want it all to go away i cant takke no more i just want ME bac again

sorry for writting this but i had to get some of this out before i get on with my day

SORRY

Luv Emz xxx

  

I am totally exhausted Kylie decided to shout the  house down at 4.15 this morning hmm not funny Chloe didnt settle back down until 7am so i managed to get another hourssleep so iended out getting a total of 3 hours sleep butthats ok everybody else got to have a decent night sleep lol. Kylie is going theough a stage of i dontwant my brekfast yet 2 mins later she does we spend at least an hour waiting for kylie to eat brekfast lol. Idiot got up in a misery as usual we are not talking at the moment ive even taken off my enggagement ring ive had enough of his crap and he knows it too dont mess with emotional woman likely to explode but still he deserved all he got .

Nan is really upset and emotional today although she said that i can write on my internet thinng there is a puff in her hospital she thinks its hilarious there is thjis nurse a male nurse dressed as a woman including the bra but still it cheered her up she is really worried about this home visit  monday/tuesday as she knows full well they will fail it she has told me they have said that she needs to have both a fridge and freezer that works she doesent have these a washing machine and tumble dryer she only has a washer and its a old one kitchen cupboards arnt safe me and jane will be bringing her bed downstairs just while she is so weak she is going to hav to stay downstairs as she is now having problems with stairs and i dont want her tumbling again she has to have a microwave she doesent have one of them either she also has to have access to the toilet easily during her stay in hospital she has gone incompitant ok i know your all gonna laugh now i found it hard not to my nan had this dear boyfriend ernie she loved him to pieces the only person she has had since grandad unfortunatly he was sick pretty much like nan is now but she did everythingfor him anyway well 1 thing shewasnt to do was the toilet the toilet chain was a piece of string if u pull it it will break flushing toilet is forbidden hmmm ernie would throw a bucket of water down it every night before bed to save on the water bill my nan was in tears trying to tell me bless the toilet upstairs is fine but she isnt going to be able to get up there for a while so she ont have that either she said she didnt know what was going to happen if she failed her home visit and with members of the family thinknig a home is best for her i dont she is really depressed in there and it isnt my nan im seeing my nans usually so bubbly she jsut wants to go home she just wants to go outside walk down the street and im worried she isnt going to get what she wants is it not enough her siet has to consist of pretty much nothing????? Her home was ernies home and its where she wants to be i just wish there was more i could do for her i was going to make her something to cheer her up but all u can buy is fruit and biscuits and to be honest she has been there 10 days now and she is bored of it she is dying for just a bit of cake and custard but no she has to deaal with a bit of ice cream .

Sorry i havent been around minti much the last 2 weeks but with nan in hospital amd kylie at school and also dealing with barry and the kids i just dont seem to have the time and by the time i have done a few things my eyes are hurting because i am so tired and stressed .

Hope your all having a great weekend

Luv Emz xx

I admit it im addicted to coke and i cant stop it! Ive been trying so hard for 5 days now but yet im not right untill ive had a glasss of coke Barry says its only coke dont be so stupid but what he doesent realise is i have a stash that ive been keeping so he think i am just having like half a bottle he brings home from work and really i have a few bottle in the back of the pantry oh i am so bad how can someone be so addicted to coke ? the thing is ive been drinking it like this for some time now it was a craving i had when i was preegnant with chloe (18 months now) ive been drinking so much tea but its not the same as coke oh dear i think i have a problem argh

Coca Cola Addict
Oh yeah she's gotta have it
Coca Cola addict

Coca Cola Addict
Coca Cola Addict
Oh yeh she's gotta habit...

hmmm i think i need help lol i need some coke now though mmm

luv emz

Oh my why cant i seem to pick myself up everything just seems such a mess and i cant get my head around any of it i currently have my kids playing i seperate rooms to stop them fighting i was suppossed to be going to see my nan after school kylie wanted to open her presentt hat arrived as we were leaving this morning idiot here forgot to ge oomething for chloe so she never felt left out so they wee fighting as kylie smacked chloe chloe retalliated so i have spli them up kylie said she wanted to ring her mother and say thank you which is a great differance just hope her head dont get messed up yet again i rang barry and told him she wants him to ring her as the leter stated that he said he isnt going to call her but i told him the choice is his but his daughter wants to say thank you for her present to her mother and if you have the courts on your back dont come crying to me kylie has been screaming at me about her mother takin chloe out i think not she is not coming anywhere near my daughter anyway i have to dash now i just had a call and she has to go for a meeting at the hospital they mite be sending her home tomorrow pm if all tests clear in morning and she is stable they say she seen doc  every other day but nans saying differant hmmmm confussed stressed and now barrys saying he mite not make it bk in time to take me why arnt i suprised more like cos im not talking to him!oh well i best go try sort this rubbish out

hope ur all having a good day

emz xx

Well i had an interesting morniing with Kylie this morning after she made me choke on my tea telling me she came out of my belly???? You what ? Who told you that honey? Jerry told me at the park yesterday  ok well actually you did not come out of mummys belly you came out of your mothers belly. She looked at me all puzzled luckily i was doing brekfast at the time so i quickly said we will chat aafter brekfast gave the girls theeir brekfast and rang barry and told him maybe he could have explained you know better coming from him but he was caught up with work so i agreed to deal with it and sat thinking what do i tell her talk about put on the spot thanks to those that answered my question it seemed her brekfast went down qwuicker than usual so anyway it was time to explain ok you came out of your mothers belly you know how chloe was inside mummys belly and mummy had to go hospital to have her taken out yes and grampy took me to see you and baby chloe in a buggy yes love thats right well that is because i am her mother but because i take care of her too so im also her mummy im your mummy too and i love you both very much you are the same to me unfortunatly your mother is sick and she can not look after you that is why you have mummy but you can always see or speak to your mother whenever you like do you understand ?? shesaid yes so i went with daddy because my mother wasd poorly i said yes thats right hun so where did you come from my mothers belly ok well done we had a quick kiss and a hug and she got ready for school i was suprised at how well she took it she asked me if i was going to tell her teacher so i did and warned hee i told her if she wanted to talk to her teacher about it it is fine and if she felt sad she must talk about it at least this way she doesent have to worry about upsetting me or something you know. Chloe was very miserable and tired when we got back from the school so she had her nap so i called the hospital to check how nan went through the night and she had been up most of the night crying and being sick results from chest xray still not back tests still not back argh i rang again early afternoon and she was sleeping so i decided to do my visit after barry finnished work still no news so i spoke to the nurse once again tests are going to be back tomorrow they think its the anti biotics that are making her so sick but as she only has 1 moreday they want her to finnish them and then they will test t makesure her infection has gone then hopefully we can start finding out whats actually wrong with her i guess we will just have to wait and see what happens tomorrow at least she was happy about staying tonight

hope you have all had a good day

Luv Emz xxx

Well its another busy day here lol. I really do need to get my butt into gear thi house is a complete mess yesterday was a bit much lol and i really need to do some washing too kylie had an accident the night before last and i still havent had chance to get it in the machine yet lol . Barry wants me to go up to the stables with him but really i dont want to so we will see i would rather stay at home and go and see my nan at visiting times but ya never know i may go the horse hasnt been riden since it has arrived so i might just have to do that depends if i have time cos i wanna go see nan before i do anything else lol and i want to try and get there before anyone else to save the stress and arguements

hope u all have a great day

emz

Ijust wanted to quickly apoligise for my blogs todayu and i have deleted the lastr one i should not have wrote what i did but i was angry and upset nan is ok and she will be staying in hospital for at least another week yet she has had a cold recently which was actually an infection which interferred with her balence which makes sense to why she called me at xmas laughing she had fallewn out of bed where she had fallen she damaged her shoulder (shattered) she has lumps and bumps over her head so she has had x rays and tests and stuff im keeping my fingers crossed everything is going to be ok she says she didnt fall right right little cracker that one i told her i was sorry i never knew she was there but it didnt suprise her but i showed her i loved hr and let her have some peace as she had the vicor and as many of you know im not very welll liked by family including the fact nan was feeling worried i could see it in her face cos the twats of the century were there (mother and bob) how i never killed them i will never know now i can see why itsa all my fault my mother is twisting peoples minds and spoke to me like she never knew me i nearly smacked her in the gob but i didnt want to get nan covered in blood she was frail and tired next timeill wrap the chair round her head if it wasnt for my daughter being present who she gave a dirty look (jealousy) and nan being sick but despite their nastiness i am going to go and see her tomorrow i just hope she can get better ive just lost 1 nan i dont want to loose another

luv emz xx

Yippee Kylie is back to school today and i seriously cant wait she is driving me crazy it will be nice seeing her return to school although it has been nice not having to do the school run i cant wait til it is time for the school run lol and chjloe loves it when kylie is at scool she .oves the time to herself no interfeering and my friend sue rang me too so im gonna go snd have a cupps with her as she is bored and lonely her kids are back today aswell and then its back here to sort this house although the house is slowly coming along there is still a fair bit to be done lol its taking forever this house hasnt had so much attention since we moved in lol i managed to get Barry a drs appointment for the end of the month the rest is up to him i cant do no more than that

hope u all have a great day

luv emz xx

Well usually on new years ve we get someone to look after the kids but instead this year we decided we was going to have a quiet one and invited a few friends over for a buffet and a drink so silly me ended up baking all day lol between watching the bits that were cooking and housework i was on the go right up untill people started turning up we had a great evening well i did dont know about anyone else lol i had my friend sue to keep me entertained she has just moved and she has these cutains i tell you tey are beautiful(NOT) and she has to have these curtains up in her new house so thats where she began with how she is going to burn them when she gets somewhere perm and that they are to be used as rags ok it dont seem that funny but she had me in tears t was uncontrolable and she just carried on and on and the more little jokes she was popping the more i was drinking the more i was getting drunkk such a bad infuence on me we were all having asuch a great time we even missed the new year only by 4 mins but we missed it  how bad is that???  We were trying to work out how sue got so many holes in her tights from such a cute kitty lol and who was having thwe biggest glass and how come all our drinks were evapourating LOL. At midnight i was also thinking of a very special friend whos father was lying unconcious and her new year was spoiled i love ya honey im thinking of you all.

At about 1.30 am my neighbour saw we were styill up and poppped in for a drink and also  brought us another bottle of champagne everyone finally left about 3am i was totally hammered i thought i have 1 more quiet drink and get of to bed lol hmm wishful thinking silly me how diid i forget the yearly grieving i got tucked up into bed barry was on the phone to his dad he came to bed he was fine 10 mins later he is n tears i was thinking no please i need sleep im done in but no this was just the start oh my he was realy upset really i was drunk i didnt know what to do .

Before Kylie was born him and Kylies mother had a boy but because of her alcohol problem unfortunatly he was born with downs syndrome he was born at 24 weeks the weight of 2 bags of sugar the poor little man never had a hope in hell they were told they doubted he would make it to a week old i found out last night she decided to have everything they had pumping in him keeping him alive turnt off she finalized his death he died 1  hour old yet he could have made it he could have pulled through and still he hasnt let go this conversation got somewhat stupid maybe it was wrong of me but ive told him he needs t get help he needs councelling he wants us to have another baby yes he told me this a year ago but now its got so much stranger he is aiming for a boy he wants to call it kyle the name of his dead son now he seemsto think this baby would be our baby in kyles soul im sorry i find that very disturbing and wrong and i now will be going back on the pill ive told him he needs to let go but he says he dont want to ive told him he needs help he says he dont want to i just dont know what to do about it just really frusting but he only feels like this new years eve and it seems to be getting worse i honestly thought he let go when e scattered his ashes  but obviously i as wrong what else is he hiding from me makes me supicious lol .

I f