Look what i found .

OMG i dont believe it CHLOE GOES PEE PEE ON THE POTTY!!!!!!!! Not just once but all day. She is such a clever girl she is doing so well beginning of theweek she started sleeping in her own big bed now she is becoming dry in the day WOOHOO. She is growing up tooooo fast. Where did my little baby go. Now i have a clever toddler who loves to get into mischief. That girl hasnt a clue how much i love her.

Went for the MRI scan yesterday . Cant really remember much ut i remember it was huge Lee told them i was petrified so they said i could go in feet first it was like a little train going through a tunnel they i stopped ad that was it . I  took 10mls of morphine and 4 tomazapams but when i realised i couldent even move my hands i freaked i dont like to be tied down i like being free. first theey scanned for 5 mins then another 10 and then 15 i tell you fornothing it was the longest half hour ever .

-Went out to do my avon last noght and oh boy i could barely stand i think i did about 3 houses . I was totally wasted. Come home fell asleep at minti . Barry carried me to bed cos i wouldent wake up then i woke up at 1am cos chloe had got up i  insisted it was 5am ad was gonna get up with chloe then when barry told me it was 1amm i put hher back to bed hahahaha. Barry said i must of overdosed OOPSIE wasnt intentional. Then i got up with the girls at 5am . So much for a lie in on half term lol.

The lady at ththe MRI  said i wont know nothing for 2-3 weeeks but my gynae willknow by today i tried ringng his secretary but cant get hold of him . But i am sure we have an appointment on 2nd november must check rthat out.

I slept for a few hours this afternoon too i just felt so rubbish i needed to get my eyes shut for a bit .

Anyway i will ssshhh now .

I was only going to blog that chloe is ppeing on the potty yay yaya yay never mind . xxxx

Oh welll i have to leave here in about an hour and a half. My best friend Lee is coming with me. She wont be allowed in the room with me though because of the radio waves. Im still absolutly petrified. But i spoke to my doc about me getting knocked out and she said she doesent want me totally sedatedbecause they might make me wait longer before my op . Instead im ging to just be out o it, i have some tomazepam i had my first one last night i have to have another before i leave and another when i get to the hospital.If i have a panic attack they can even hear me breathing and will stop the scan. I just hope it works. My heart is racing soooooooooooo fast.

Kylie is on one this morningshe knows im going hospital so now its made herask me questions like. Why did my baby go to heaven in the hospital??? when are we going to have another baby ?? But i cant answer to when because i dont know myself i cant even start to try untl ive got rid of this cyst !!!! :(

ANYWAY i better go and get ready god i cant even wear makeup i better leave my jewlerry here too sigh cant i just stay here and someone else go for me ??? xxxx

BRRRRR I am froze to the bone. The clocks went back yesterday and already t feels like winter. Me and Chloe are sat here wrapped up in the spare duvet. I darent get out in feart of getting even more cold. I really want a cuppa but im far too cold.

My room is finnished well there are a few bits on the floor but that wont take long .Busy today. i need to do all the housewirk i never done when i was getting the bedrooms sorted. Believe me when i say its messy. Also ive got to go doctors im outta morpphine i had the last of it last night. So this morning all i have is cocodomal and ibupbrofen, and they dont barely touch it. Also i am going to ask if i cant get knocked out or sedated for this MRI im a chicken i know but i am so scared i would rather be asleep.

Need to get my shopping done today and pay bills etc dont really want to buti t has to be done i suppose really dont want to but has to be done.

Oh my Chloe has really really cold hands she has them up my top playing with my back and her hands are bloody freezen.

We are going to a pink party on 2nd november (raising money for breast cancer awareness) they are dooing hair braiding head massages and all so kylie is looking forward to getting her hair braided. xxx

I have been so busy trying to keep my mind occupied. The other night kylir got a mew wardrobe so i changed her room around.It looks so much better now. I cant get her out of her room she loves it so  much. I evwen went as far as washing all washable toys. After that was done i went on to chloes heers was nowhere nearas bad i just needed toput a few toys away hoover and put her wardrobe i there. She got a new one too wil have to get used to it as m used to chloes clothes being in my room. Next was my room which by the way is nowhere near done. Our bed was nxt to the window and pepsi and buster keep climbing on the window and pulling my curtains down.Also Chloe keeps on climbing up there.Now the bed half is done its just the other half.

But im hoping on a nap at somepoint today i am sooo tired ive been trying to grab a afternoon nap for the last 4 days.I keep falling asleep at the computer at night.i will slep a few hrs then e wide awake again .

Ive got my MRI scan on wednesday not looking forward to it to say the least. I know im gonna freak being trapped in there is going to do my head in i dont like being closed into small spaces. I just know im gonna have a panic attack and you have to stay deadly still . But still i have no choice i have to have it done.

Anyway best get these kids some brekfast xxxx

OMG  i can believe it. Little miss Chloe Elissa.Never guess wht shedone???????

She slept in her BED not cot not matress and guess what she stayed there. Well she came out of her room about midnight i changed her bum got her a bottle i put her back in her bed she took her bottle . She talked to herself for about 30 mins and went back to sleep.

Then she got up at 6.30 such a clever girl.

Goodbye cot YIPPEE its coming down this morning . xx

Well i got my early night. I soooo needed it. Ive been so stressed out with everything with the hospital , parentts evening , school diso to prepare foor. Yesterday was cool though had quite a good day despite the constant arguing.

Yesterday was kylies school disco woohoo. The kids looked oh so scary and so cool. Kylie has a new best friend and they dressed up exactly the same they were both pumpkin fairies. They were hugging so tight adfter the disco i had to literally pull them apart spo did the other mother little monkeys. She lookewd so cool and i put make up on her to barrys disappoinntment but still ive brough her up now for over 4 years if i wanna put make up on her i will. She looked a million dollars.

Chloe has a puumpkin fairy outfit too and barry painted her face lol . She looked soooo funny .

Parents evening was ok. After my last visit to the school and chat to the headteacher. The headteacher asked that Kylie was closely watched . This was done and im very pleased with the outcome. For the last week or so Kylie has had 1 - 2 - 1 support. This is making her much more confident. Her teacher feel this support will help her to catch up . She says she is actually doing reception work with her at the moment .

Everything is ioi cant do it so they are reminding her she can try . They think it will be benificial if sdhe is assessed after xmas when she is nnearly 6 but she definatly is having learning difficulties.

Now the bullying thing is also fallinbg into place and things are making sense; last few weeks there have been many of tears between both kylie and jessicca. Both kylie and jessicca want to play with elissa and they are fighting over her. Theres this little love triangle going on between them but they are trying to get them too all play together. Chloes mum who i get on with told little chloe that jessicca had told kylie she wasnt allowed to play with her, Her reply was kyl;ie can play with me whenever she likes she is my friend and if she wants to play with me she can. I thought that was really sweet.

Anyway i just chhecked myt avon order and oh my i hada  big shock to find i have 13 boxes coming oh bummer and its going to be here soon so i better go and get dressed lol. Oh bummer this is going to take forever to sort out ,

Luv Emz xxxx

Grrrr to Netgear grr grr grr . Last night i was sat here typing away quite chilled and nxt i have a black screen saying netgear blocked site ggrrr and i could not get it unblocked. I tried time after time.Stupid thing woouldent work barry has sorted it mow though thank god i was throwing a major hissy fitbecause i have been missing minti . Really annoyed me.a whole 24 hours no minti can you believe that??? Barry read this info page i somehow got up dont know how. Today i have visitetd www.minti.com over 4000 times today . !!!

Anyway im here now thats what counts. Really tired been needing a nap the ;ast 2 days but havent managed one yet sigh. Maybe tomorrow i will get a lovely coupleof hours nap and it will be a nicer sleep as i changed the beding tonight and its sooooooo snuggly and warm. Shall be having an early night tonight.

In the night Chloe somehow got out of her cot opened her bedroom door  i presume she went to the kitchen first and cracked an egg on the floor and ate a tomato or hid it somewhere. Went through to the living room grabbed daddy's fleece which by the way is her comfot she sleepswith one of barrys fleeces has for a year now nearly anyway hers was in the wash soaked and by the ti me my alarm ent of at 7 her door was open and i turnt the light on a bit (we have dimmer spotlights) and there she was snoozing away on the sofa by my computer. Cheeky lil monkey have to watch that.

Ooooh guess what last nigh i got a new tumble dryer YAY im loving it goodbye to drying washng on the  radiators . Ive done all our bedling today . All exept Chloes as i changed hers last night when she had an exploded nappy LOL . Besides tomorrow i am taking the cot away altogether if she can get out of it i dont see the point in her being in it.

ANYHOO  my dinner is cooked so i better go eat that . xxx

Well at least i am .LOL. Here I am sat here wrapped up in my duvet and my glass of coke , central heating is on and here I am shaking because im still cold. Its been raining all day its so yukky out there, so glad im in here.Every 30seconds or so you hear a big splash of water its sending shivers down my spine.

My stmach has been huting real low today but Mr Colley and his secretary are back tomorrow so they will have a not very happy me on the end of thephone. Theysay not to discuss this with mydoctor so they best sort this out tomorrow . The pains are so low its right down n my crutch and believe me that hurts lots .

I spoke to my doctor today though as I needed morer morphine and anti depressants. She asked how I was getting on with my anti depressants as its now been 6 months since i was diagnosed with PTSD . S-o i told her things only seem to be getting worse and that I am spending more and more time crying again. I could be here laughing with Anne the next thing im in tears.My panic attacks well i am getting them morre and more. So she has put it up to 2 a day. She has only prescribed me 28 though and wants me to go back and see her in 2 weeks for a check up and chat.

Also i had this woman come round today to help me sort out my billls and she wanyts to make sure im getting what we should b as barry is on the sick at the moment with his back basically anything i need help with.I did have a question for her but by the time it came to it i had forgotton so wen i remember i have to ring her lol.

I was meant to see the phychologist today but Barry wasnt home in time to take chloe.So i had to cancel it. I could have took her but if i did i would not be able to go round the back as its all stairs .The only way would be to go through the hospital which ,means walking past gynae and if i see the registrar well lets not even go there.

Anywau im off all have a great week xxx

So glad yesterday is over i was so emotional but i kept myself busy with cleaning and avon. Made my order last nightnaughty naught me spent £40 i obviously got myself some bits andi gott he girls a warming bear each. I got my niece a hat a scarf it was so cute it was irrisistable and i  got the girls one too hahahha. I did loads of cleaning Ann came over in the afternoon and straight away as soon as she walked in she said it looks amazing you should see my kitchen. :). The walls are green again the cupboards are green again . Ive ascrubbed the floor deep cleaned every side . Today is for the windows .

So its more cleaning today it hhas to be finished then its hallway , then bathroom , lounge , my bedroom , chloes then kylies. I hada bit of a pop at barry last night . As when i go hospital jerry takes me in his car as barry wont in case someone from his work seeshim. Also wen i was in hospital in torbay he came to see me once a day. Friday carl got rushed into hospital so of course barry was straight there by his side. Which is fair enoughbut he has been there all weekend an ds pent hardly any time with the girls. Ive really needed a nsp cos im so tired  but i cant as i havethe girls and he hasnt been here. So i had a little pop that when im in hospital he acame to see me once a day and he wont even take me to exeter unless im nasty about it.

But carl is coming home some point today . He has 2 gool stones (however you spell it) he doubled up in pain at work went to newton hospital and they put him in a ambulance to torbay. His car is still at work. But when he gets out i will be saying i told you so . Cruel arnt i ? You see he drinks black coffee but he only has a tiny bit like quarter of a cup. with like 2 sugrs and a heaped dessert spoon of coffee and i keep telling him he is gonna make himself ill and guess what its his coffe that has caused these gool stones.

Ive done well with the avon again this campaign there are 1 day left of this campaign i got 3 definate orders to pick up today and what i have on the computer works out at £364 in orders so not bad at all.

Anyway i better gget on with the cleaning it wont get done while im sat here at the computer LOL .

xxxx

Weekend is ere YAY . Kylie has the grumps i am short tempered today and she is pushing and pushing. I swear allare out to annoy metoday. chloe refuses to eat kylie she is just sat there crying sreaming whineing trying to wake dady up like every weekend. While we were all in bed Buster has chewed a load of rubbish out the bin and it he had it all oveer the lounge and along with it he chewed chloe princess book that lights up and sings she loved that book.

18th october is here AGAIN sucks suckssucks . Though it s hard to believe its been 10 years since the gang rape attack but it still hurts so much . So many ba d memories for today. Cant get which part of it was a game. They were menat to to be my mates . I had been on holiday with them many of times slept in th same room a them andthey go anddo such a cruel thing.It still dont makesense so many years on.

Anyway this afternoon i have to go and get the last of the avon books later and Anne said she would watch the girls for me as Carl is in hospital so barry is going to see  him i cant go as  he is in torbay and of all places an A&E ward.Today i thought i would crack on with some spring cleaning to occupy my mind kitchen is first i think .

All have a good day xxx

Had a letter this morning from hospital isnt it funny that they do this to me when they are on leave istnti it? Anyways got a MRI on 29th october . Over a week away. Which i dont even want but am not allowed to refuse. They say Mr Colley referred you for it for a reason you cant make a choice of what you do and do not want done. SO I HAVE TO DO THIS NO MATTER WHAT. Also i cant wait till the 29th october im so sick of all this waiting in a minute im going to be addicted to morphine if im not already. 6 months this has been going on now they say this scan might stop the need for the operation and they can get a diagnosis.

Whats the point really?? God sake how many times do they want to look at it they know its a cyst and they know im in agony . They know i dont care about the risks , they know i want it gone , they know i want a baby , they know i dot want an MRI and tthey know im petrified of hospitals. I wont be able to do it i will have panic attacks and if they think they are getting me in that scan sorry but no i cant do it .

I manaaged to speak to someone and she said she would talk to the guy who mr colley referred me to and see what he say and try and get me an earllier MRI what i dont want anyway. Plus ive already spoken to them. They have no earlier appointments as a woman has to do it and there re all fully booked until then . I did ask why it had to be a woman bu apparantly thats just the way they do it . Bit strange really a male can do a internal scan but not a MRI where is the sense in that. ??

GRRR Imm peeved now oh well looks like im gonna remain in pain at least till next year fun

Tonight Kylie went to bed rahter excited . Tomorrow she has to go to school dressed as her favourite character . Well she has 2 favourites so it was a big choice for herher favourites are stephanie from lazy town and she got both outfits for her birthday so i said she had til after school to decide . She wants to be Fifi. I was getting her outfit ready before i went avon and she said to me " tomorrow my name will be Fifi

Me - Yes it will be cool wont it?

Kylie - So what you going to call me when you wake me up.

Me - Well i will say good morning Kylie time for brekfast

Kylie - No you will call me Fifi or iwont answer you .

Me - Ok sorry i forgot you was being fifi for the day LOL

She is so funny sometimes cracks me up xxx

I am still here in my little corner just been feeling rather low and you guys didnt need to listen to my stupid thoiuughts. But i am going yto ask my doctor to change my anti depressants or something because really they are pointless i still feel the way i did 6 months ago if not worse. Ive  spent the last 3 days messed up in my feelings . Think my body is making myself grieve i dont know maybe its the gang rape anniversary coming up the anniversary is saturday . It will be 10 years since the attack .

I have so much going round in my head right now . LIfe is so cruel . I cant believe im even taking the pill i agreed to 2 months not 5 months for god sake 9i cant do anohter 3 months on the pill . We need to start trying again . I want a full brother or sister for my little Chloe is that so muxh to ask. Then last night my heart shattered.

I have this friend her name is Anne. She tells me everything vise versa . At least i thuoght she did. Then last night she spilled a whole lot of beans . What i found out totally broke my heart. Anne is a mum to me an dshe hass a very special place in my heart those of you that dont know me and my mother well we are enemies. SHE IS  married to an abuser and she chose him over me. ANYWAY last night she told me about this guy she has been seeing please bear in mind this very special friendis 62 years old  and drawing her pension.

So anyway she ha been seeing this guy the last 6 months or so sheh as been absolutly besotted with him. Although he is married that alone is wrong i know and ive given her my opinions on this . Our friend Catthy hates him and i could never undrstand why. You could ask nne and she will tell you she loves this guy to bits and cherishes the ground he walks on.

The last few days she has doppe hints that she wasnt happy you know. Asking if i thought she was being used ? If i thought he would ever leave his wife etc. But last night she shocked me we were talking about things with anne i talk deeply anne does the same; She told me she has been lending him money. Doesent sound too bad but over the time its adding up 300 here 2000 there 80 over there you get my point he is robbing her blind he says he needs it for bills , food to put on the table the otheer day she gave him 80 apparantly to keep his phone on . Anyway she gave me the ammounts i added it up and he owes her over 13000 . Seh has told him she needs smoe money bk for food etc as she was totally skint but he wouldent give her a penny . This makes me so mad she is very close to my heart and i wont see her being played for a fool. Ive told her i know she loves him she does she is truely and madly in love but she has tro end it !!!!! She is going to invite him over and tell him she nees her money back little will he know she isnt the only one there i will be there too only i will hide in her bedroom and give him the suprise of his life.

I mean this guy made her pay 300 for a 2 days away in a caravan with him on the moores .

Anyway i will ssshhh now and go and see what everyone else has been up to

Much Love Emz xxxx

Kylie was a big girl this morning we were running late as i couldent find Chloe's shoe we had 1 but couldent fimd the other adventually found it at like 8.45 left us 5 mins to get it on chloesfoot and to the school. We got throgh the gates and her teacher was about to shut the doors so i said ok i need you to be a big and brave girl and run up to your teacher she gave us a kiss and ran odff to her teacher .She was so pleased with herslf .

Went drs as ive beenhaving htis pain in my foot. bang in themiddle of my foot it kills wen i stand oni t walking is a nightmare. My foot is swollen apparantly its something to do with a muscle so i hav to go and have some physio on it. Also she said sshe tried ringing mr colley firday but nver got to talk to him but she wrote him a letter saying she was told by him i needed this operation MRI scan or not and i am still in agony. She is hoping as am i that this week things are gonna get moving. I told her ive just had a period but she insists i go back on the pill tocut the pain back a bit.So theres another 3 months stuck on the pill. Not eing able to even try for a baby. Its nevergonna happen iustgotta face it .

Tried to have a nap but pretty much as soon as i went t sleep Barry came and woke me up and said hospital was on the phone. Not the rightoe thoughitwas healthcare commissons abut my cmplaint wet thro it all and he is now ging to gather ll the info from the trust but he explained he cant tell them they haveto sack or discipline the registrar he can only tell them they should rething the discipline for this , so we will see.

-I saw kylie teacher and she says kylie is doig alot of reaing with her hpingit will help er  catch up she now has a fairy stickerchart for eading at hoe everytime she reads a book she gets a sta on the day amd wen she gets 5 stars in a ow she gets a suprise out her teachers goodie bag and if that dont work we will try something else . But her maths teacher hassaid she is doing fantastic there . She did say though which i was shocked at that kylies teacher was pleased that kylie is getting the support at home and that i have made such an interest in her difficulties as many parents arnt bothered about it.

Anyway i better go see Chloe she has just woke up poor hing is teething xxx

Dont you just love melted chocolate mmmmmmmmm yummo . Has to be cadburys though so lush!!!! Ive been a tad eotional this weekend so i decided tonight i would treat myself to a bar of melted chocolate. It can be a bit sickly someties but its oh so nice. Anyone want some??? Have to be quick though it will be gone else !!!! Hahaha.

Kids have been so miserable today. Chloe is teething and Kylie well she has come don with a cold. If Kylie is no better tomorrow she will be staying home i a just gonna see what she is lik in the morning.

Me well im tired its not even 7.3- and i wanna go bed. But there is still dinner to cook and floors to wash so the chaance of that is slim. Barry isnt too happy with me he has blisters over his hand i spilt his coffee OOPS  totally his falt though he went to grab the cup and OOPS  xxx

Well things are ok wth the school we are working it out. I spoke to Kylies teacher yesterday and myself the headmistress the teacher Kylie and Myself are eeting after school on monday. They are going to be showing e what they are doing with Kylie in school.Her teacher was suprised when i told her that again kylie refused to read her book i had to read it first. She repeated after each sentence. For yesterday though i brought heer these keywords the are only 2,3&4 word letters they are for reception children but she finds the difficult but at least she will do it and she tris to make up sentences.

I got her some new books keyword ones again and we have a deal . Its aged 2-4 but its a start as the books she has are too hard for her to read and she isnt interested in baby books. So tonight i have made her a new sticker chart. Ecspecially for kylies reading everytime she reads a book she will get a sticker and once it has 19 stickers she will get a sticker and obviously as she iprooves she will need oere and more stickers i just hope it works along with whatever is decided on monday.

Kylie is all excited htat Jack and crystal are coming to play tomorrow they used to live 2 doors away and jack has just stARTED NURSERY AT KYLIES SCHOOL .So she wanted hoim to coe and play.

Went out doing y avon today i needed the break mmy poor little chloe is teething poor thng . She has a sore butt with it too and her urine is so stromg. She is so clingy she just wants mummy. Anyways i did pretty well i have no books left and nearly £200 n orders . Also ive orddered about £30 worth

Anyways i off to bed while chloe is sleep xxx

OMG im gonna loose it soon . These people are driving me insane. Irang the hospital bright and early at 9.30 she says oooooo i have just had a messsage from Mr Colley for you. I said oh yeah funny that what did he say?? He says i have to have a  MRI scan she is going to request it and i havet o phone next week to book it . So i just have to wait some more because both Mr Colley and Mr Clarke both want me to have a MRI before they put me under anathetic and get the knifes out gggrrrr.

There are risks they are taking by putting me under anathetic and by doing the operation . So i told her i dont care . F the risks i dont give a toss . Anything is better than this pain and she rekons i will after but i know i wont . There is nothing i can say or do to make them do it ive told her i dontt want the MRI  i just want it taken out its been 6 months i been in agony and i am not waiting anyore .

She said  couldring my gp in the mean time or go to A&E and sit there another whole day to get absolutly nowhere . So i told her to basically go to hell I will just drink morphine till i am out of pain.

Spoke to the drs they are going to chase it yet again but my dr isnt in today . But Dr Barton is going to leave some oral morph in reception for me to pick up and mr coley is on leave nxt week so YAY another week in pain how bloodyy exciting . I HATE THE NHS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well i better go i gotta get my orders online and go and get these books done

I am so F-ing angry , frustrated and above all pissed off!!!!!!!! I rang the hospital and opened a big masive huge can of worms. I got put through to r Clarkes secretary for the date and time of my operation. T-o be told Mr Clarke has handed my case back to Mr Colley my notes are on M-r Colleys desk as i type he is on holiday next week so he will be looking at them today . His secretary says i dont need the operation no fp course i dont so ive ranted and ranted at her and all she can say is she is sorry sorry i was told all this was going to come to an end to find out its not . I cant take nomor of this pain but i dont nee this operation. Anyway she has emaiiled him to phone me.

Ive rang my doctor and told her whats happening and im left in agony being told this . She is going to ring him and find out what the hell is going on . im so sick of this looks like i am going to stay on morphine for a while yet . Life sucks well mine does anyway only good thing about it is my daughter !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGH ARGH ARGH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!NOT happy today

Well well well i havent really been doing uch except beeing depressed and doing nmy avon etc. I been thinking about my sister alot and about the abuse october the 18th is coming and not long after that is the date baby angel was supposed to be born so ive been trying to keep myself busy.

Now that shy has come home podge has decidd to hide out its ok she is here . Just hiding betweeny bed and wardrobe at least i knowhere she is . They hacve to go back to have their stitches out on monday they are recovering really well . Pepsi is in season and Buster keeps on trying to give her one -LOL. So hoping she isnt pregnant we are going to get him newted i think.

Going to see the head teacher at Kylies school tomorrow Kylie has given up even trying to read her books she is bringing home . She just guesses and tries to work it out from the picture and they are giving excuses like she must be tired . Which is what i was told today as she would not concentrateon her books at home she is only guessing. She isnt getting the help she needs . She is struggling so much im on the verge of keeping her home because it hurts so muh to see er struggle so much .

Neighbour from hell is reporting me aagainwe had this policing thing tonight outside and she was out there making another complaint about me. About my dogs again and i bet by tomorrow they will be on the phone grrr. xxx

The hospital have decided to stop ignoring their  phones YAY . Managed to speak to Mr Colley's secretary . She said this lapscopic guy's secretary isnt in and Mr Colley was with a patient . So she said she would call me back. Mr Colley rang me back and he told me i dont have to have a MRI- scan, Mr Clarke this laproscopic guy has seen ALL of the scans ive had done over the months. He said ive suffered enough.Heis more than happy to do this operation and he will try his darn hardestto keep the ovary in tact . He has told him the only gynae i trust is him and he has promised me i am in safe hands so he has to go careful and talk me through everything.. So in the morning i have to ring his secretary and i will get a date for surgery oh howi cant wait til this silly cyst is gone.

I am so so glad to have shy home. She has had 3 bowls of food since she came home this morning . She is loving the fuss .I am beginning to think its her tatsgot her stitches in a mess i dont think the vet will be tking them out she is darn close

Anyway i suppose i better go bed night xxxx

I quickly wanted to say thank you for all te support you uys gave me in the 2 and a half days my shy has been missing. Kylie just woke me up MUM , MUM MUM MUM MUM . kYLIE WHAT IS IT LOVE WHATS UP ???? All i could hear was meow meow meow meow . I qickly shoved some clothes on kyliewas thee going mum shy is home quick. I opened the front door and in she flew straight to the kitchen for her food bowl. How she knew how to get home i dont know as she has never been out before.

I think she has got into a fight though she must have been in the woods. She has hair missing on her front paw. Her stitches look like they have been pulled.uster has licked her so much i think he is happy she is home.As i type this she is on my lap lapping up the fuss.I am just so happy to have her home. I HAVE MY KITTY BACK , I HAVE MY KITTY BACK. The kids are so happy.

Thank you all for wishing my kitty to come home we have all missed her so much but she is home safe and sound so - THANK YOU XXXX

Why do people you think so much of lie so much!! Im sorry to blog this but i am hurt by this and have been keeping it in all week . So last monday Barrys best friend Kenny who has been like a brother to me for well since i met him when barry and i got together and his girlfriend clare who i did consider a good friend nywa last monday they went to swindon as he ad to havea meeting with social services RE his boys!!! Which was fair enough . Tuesday night we got a text from ken saying he was still in swindon he had a further meeting his boys want to live with him he will ring on thursday . Wednesday wee get a call from some friends of ours who funny enough ken is meant to be lodging with. Ken is moving back to swindon WTF??????? So we text ken to find out if this was true ?? clare text saying they were driving they had been to pick up a few bits and were definatly coming back kenny would ring later to explain well there was no call no more texts nothing .................................... I since found out they actually took all their stuff out of their room and they were not planning on coming back at all . N-ot even planning to say goodbye . Would have been nice . -I also foun dout the the stuff i have been getting together the lat few months for her for when she is 20 weeks pregnant she told me she was desperate for as they were looking for somewhere to live etc she doesent even want if she had said so i could have sold it months ago . Also everything i have told C-lare which was meant to be private she has gone and slagged me off about it as soon as she got home . I should not be cos ken will be happy he has his boys back but i am hurt and annoyred they could have at least aid bye . ARGH !!!!!

Anyways less of that i will start getting all emotional againfeeling very emotional today. Things are just getting to me you know ?! Think its horemones or maybe just the way i am at the moment i dont know to be honest .

I have got my first true period you know after the miscarriage . up unill my consultant put me on the pill they put it down to the miscarriage as it was pretty much constant since i lost the baby . up until 2 and a hlaf months ago when i went on the pill i finnished it 3 weeks ago . I was begiinning to think my body was having a break but no fooling my stupid pathetic body .

STILL no shy im really getting worried about her now ecspecially seems she has just been spaded like the day before she went missing. God i love that cat so much  i just want her home, I can only hope she is safe.

My consultant and the laproscopic guy are both in tomorrow so hopefully i will find out when my operation is and if i need a MRI scan first . I say just tak the stupid thing out before i do it myslf . LOL .

Hope everyone had a great weekend xxx

Come on kitty please comee out come out where ever you are . !!!!!! No more games you are scaring me now.

Im missing my cat . I- still cant find her i have looked absolutly everywhere!!! She is nowhere to be seen . Im hoping she is somewhere sleeping but i have this feeling sombody has let her out and somebody has taken her in.I love my cat i love both my cats and we are all missing her . The girls will be so pset if she has gone. She is so loving she gives me ksses every night and i havent had them the last 2 nights im really really missing her  .I want my kitty back boo hoo i want my kitty.,

Podge is doing fantastic she is sleepin in the tv cabinetshe hasnt got up for her dinner yet but she will eat it when she is ready.

I just hope shy is home by morning and i can give her her new collar sniffle sniffle xxx

Cats are recovering well although i dont know where shy is im going to have to find her i havent seen her since yesterday afternoon she ahsnt even been out for her food.Poor kitties. They have to go back soon to get their stitches out.

Fnally got through to mr colleys secretary yesterday . She said mr colley and this other guy are both on holiday gggrrr . Mr colley as only just had a bloody holiday . Anyway they are both back on monday . She knows this other guy has got my notes so se guesses i have been discussed but i know no more than tha i have to ait til monday when they get bk she says if im that bad i should goA&E and i told her i am not travelling 25 miles to sit in A&E all day for nothing to be done. Im just really fed upwith it ive had enough of this crap.

Tody i need to sort this place outits got such a mess again its silly and i need to sort out kylies room we are getting her a new wardrobe her one has seen better days lol

Anyway i better go everyone have a good day xx

Thats all that bloody consultants secretarys phone ever does. Im really getting annoyed with it now i would go up there if it wasnt so far away.I will pop soon. Im going to see my doctor tomorrow. Maybe they will have better luck.

My cats are home . They are fine they have cost me a bomb it was £6 jus for a couple of pouches of food while their tummies are sensitive.thats without the operaion lol. But still its worth it as they can go out now. Podge is laid on the sofa asleep and shy is in  my bed asleep they have been wanting attention all night and of course iw as more htan willing imissed them so much. Suprisingly the dogs seem to be protecting them.

I get my delievery tomorrow cant wait to get my bits that i ordered plus i got 2 bonuses then today i had a letter from avon and somoene in the area somewhere is interested in avon and thye wat me to add her into my rounds i have to call her tomorrow .

I shall be having a word with kylies teacher tomorrow kylie is really struggling with her reading . Tonight she was in tars and she couldent take it that the book was simply way out of her leaugue she said she is really struggling and she did we stopped haf way though. Its not fair . Everyday its harder and harder books and she is really beginning to struggle.The school have sent her for a eye check at the hospital but its not that she cant see she simply cant do it.

Anyways i better go bed xxx

My poor cats . They are sooo hungry they keep on meowing at me. Poor shy hid out all day yesterday and seems their food had to be taken out by 6 she missed out. Poor kitty. I- have to take them them to the vets between 9.30-10.30 and leaving them there all day is just going to be heartbreaking. I hope they let me stay with them until they are asleep  hate the thought of them thinking im just leaving them there. I jst hope they will be ok and they heal quickly.

Yesterday i tried ringing my consultants secretary all day yesterday but couldent get hold of her for the life of me. I wonder what was decided i hope i dont need that MRI. Im getting really really fat I look 6 months pregnant all my friends are noticing its stupid and its rock hard too . I think it is related to this cyst.

anyway i better go i gotta get the kids orgainised get kylie to school and take my oor lil kitty to the vets.

Hope u alll have a great day xxx

I was going to get my cats newted 3 weeks ago but i wanted Jerry to watch buster for a few days while the cats heals cos he dont leave them alone.At the time Jerry waas going on a festival (he works n festivals) so he saidi f i put it on hold until he got back he would watch buster as when he goes on his festivals i look after moon and she pees absolutly everywhere she drives me nuts bt that dont stop m having her, now yesterday i text jerry after i booked them in for their operations as because arry has ben on the sick for 3 months we were skint earlier in the month . I asked if he could have him a few ays on thursday as theyhave their operations then . I wauted all day for a response for him but sure he would have him seem i look after moon a week at a time an he said he would . But last night he text me saying buster would be fine with the cats .

I know it is something really stupid but its really annoyed me it was just the other day jerry had to go out for the day and he left moon here. Well no more we have always said swing some roundabouts butit wont be anymore as much as i love her i am not looking after her . This is the first time ever ive asked him to look after him ive looked after moon many a times a week at a time.

I sswear if he hurts any of hose cats im blaming Jerry as he said they would be fine. Im peeved. GGRRR.