Being in this situation what wwould you do????

K is 5 C is 2 .. K spent the morning mouthing off hitting C not letting C play with anything etc not even her own toys !!! Well i kept my cool right up untill she bit Chloe on her hand C was left ewith purple teeth marks . So yep i smacked her ass!!!!! Call me a bad mother ifr you want i dont care ive heard nothing but that in the last 24 hours. Anyway she did it because 'i dont know ' (thats why i smacked her) she doesent like being bullied at school soo why do it to her sister?

Well anyway i am sick and wrong for doing that. So much that i got hit for it and now im oaying the consequences and qwont be able to eat or even drink this christmas. I told him what i thougt of him picked MY  daughter up and went to my friendsa unfortunatly he turnt up and my friend let him in . Stupid stupid thing to do .

He keeps saying how sorry he is and how much he loves me and how he didnt meanto hit me. BUT  the way  i see it once a woman beater always a woman beater. As much as i do love him i dont think i can forgive him forthis one.

Its only 3 days until my operation and i am now feeling as though i hope i dont rewake. I mean what kind of family is th is when i can only discipline C if i disciplie K im wrong. Do you know everytime i tell Kylie off or not allow her to do something i get ' i am telling of you ' ' im telling daddy' .

I dont think i can just carry on with this relationship as though nothing has happened i think after my op im going to have to make some choices . Sorry i just hgad to get this out

My 2 front teeth. !!!!!!!!!!! Anything else gonna go wrong ???? Yep come monday i will have no front teeth. They are coming OUT !!!! I have to go dentist I was going to go today but i would have had to go over to newton abbot at like 3pm but there was a wait of at least 2 hours. So that was that im waiting for my dentist to open on monday.

I would take a pic but you would be sick believe me.my left front tooth is hanging on by a tiny bit of tooth, my right one has  the nerve hanging out and there is about a quarter of a tooth left. Then my next tooth is also hanging on by a tiny bit of tooth.I wont go into it right now what happened,

So here I am sucking pasta in the back of my mouth to be able to eat . Sipping coke with a straw leading to the back of my mouth.

Also i got a cold all of a suddeni can barely breathe . I  really need to get rid of it though . I have 3 days 12 hours and 40 minutes to kick it out or at least get it to a point where the dont notice i have a cold. Went into town today grabbed myself 4 new pairs of knickers and a packet of girly socks ready for my operation on wednesday. I might ask for them to keep me in overnight i could do with the space.

Well this year i shall be asking santa for some teeth this year xxx

when you have a front tooth out and another 2 wobbly urgh im starving but cant eat anything i hate soup xxx

I have totally had it ive had a bad bad bad bad day. My day has gone from bad to worse.

Fisrst off to start with this morning.i went to the bank to get some money to get some bitd in the shop. There was extra money in there but it didnt add up to anything. Only thing i could think of was it being from barrys work. But ut wasnt enough to be that. Thwen the post came and thewew was his wage slip. Guess what ??? they underpaid him.

Of course me being me and having permission to talk to them about his wages.I rang up ranting. Anyways the guy i needed to talk to wasnt there i said ok i will ring back in 1 hour. SAure enough i did. I explained the situationhe went through the system and said his sick note was recieved late so he will get the rest of his wages..

That sent me off on one i said oh ok so because his boss never gave you his sick note 1 day late you decided to withhold half his wage untill after christmas . He says no we are paying him early for christmas he will be paid on the 22nd..I told him there was no way £200 is going to get my family through the next 3 weeks simple as that . So he starts giivng me his apologies etc and i wasnt settling for that and demanded he gets a cheque . He said he would speakto Annie when she comes back nextt week ansd i have to ring him again on tuesday and there should be a cheque ready to be picked up.

Anyways after all this i was feling crap so i went to see my friend anne she was also upset so we had a rant together. I felt much better after for it.

I came home and started on the housework shoved the tunes up to get me in the mood. and got started. . Literally 5 mins into it, knock on the door.I went to the door. Looked through the spy hole it was the housing manager . GREAT!!!! I opened the door with a look of not again on my face. I said 'I have just turnt it on i swear im just doing my housework' . she said thats fine i didnt come for that. I have a form i want to fill in with you. So i let her in.

It was for support or something .. But the questions she was asking had me on edge . I mean one of the questions was ' Are you coping with your children'??

Another one was ' have the hospital found your baby yet ??? Like if i couldent dont you think i would have took it up with the doctor . I didnt say nothing i bit my tongue. She said she is coming to see Barry next week . I told her straight i said no your not im having my operation wednesday and im not having her knocking on my door waking me up. So now she is going to leave it a few weeks. She said ive had more complaints yawn yawn how origional. . Apparantly   Barrys still playing his electriv guitar loud funny that when his  amp is been broke the last 4 weeks im getting him a new one for christmas.

She left here at like 2.50 i had already arrangedto drop Chloe at Annes while i picked up Kylie from school . I was just crossing the road with Kylie. There she was again. She said Emily can i have a word. I  said what now i just seen you 20 minutes ago. You arnt going to believe what she had the cheek to say to me.

WHERE IS CHLOE ?? IS SHE SAFE ?????

She is annes not that its any buisness of yours why do you wanna go check make sure i havent locked her anywher i was fuming.STILL AM . I m so sick of this crap . She is pushing me over the edge i can see me loosing it with her soon. i really cant take no more

Think i need a drink :(

Luv Emz xxx

How long have i been telling rthe school kylie needs extra support with her reading. Must be at least 3 monmths. Then yesterday out of the blue. there was a note in her home diary for me . it read ' I didnt have time to hear Kylie reading today she needs more support at home '

WTF ???????????????? She dont need suppoert at home she gets plenty of support its them she is nt getting the support from. How bloody cheeky!!!! I came sooo close to keeping her home from school. At least she will be heard reading.

Just the day before i wrotte in her diary we did her book though she wasnt reading the words she was just guessing from the pictures through the whole bbook she just simply wouldent conscentrate.

I have my operation wedneswday i really dont need the added stress at the moment . I am sytressed enough believe me!!! This really as the wrong time to move the girls bk in together but i had no choice chloes room , my room , the bathroom and kitchen are going damp the windows are soaked and have condensataion all over them. So ive put kylies pc  and most of their toys iin there and made it into a play room. In the meantime im waiting for riviera to come look at it.

Lets just say it isnt going too well and its making me a very stressed mummy.

Oh and guess what  6 DAYS 2 HOURS AND 6 MINS TO GO YIPPEEE ITS GETTING CLOSER xxxx

So come yesterday morning my head was a mess over this bleeding. So as i had to see the doctor anyway because Chloe has thing thing under her chin about which looks very much like embitigo (however you spell it) so i rang to make an appointment with the dr and there were no appointments. I told her that i really do need to se e her or at least speak to her. SO she said she would [pphone me lunchtime..

When she rang i told her about chloe and said i think she has embitigo at least thats what it looks like. So ther eits embitigo because i said so LOL . She said she would write her a prescrition for some cream and if its still there tomorroew she is on anti bioyics. FUN.

As for me well i said first of f i need medication so she did that for me . Then i told her im worried about this zoladex thing i had done. I explained i had loads of the symptoms of the side affects. It isnt keeping the pain at bay and im bleeding. So she asured me my body isnt abnormal .Who is she tryiing to kid??? Apparantly its not abnomal to bleeed but its not normal either. OI know that dont make sense to me either.So she also give me some tablets to stop the bleeding.

Anyway i best go i fell asleep at the computer AGAIN and now my friend is here a bit low .

xxx

GRRRRRRRR I am so angry .Ive totally had it with people telling me that i shouldget rid of Buster. He isnt just a bito f rubbish i can put out for the dustbin man. He is MY  dog. He hasnt even been hom e 24 hours yet ive had 2 people telling me i should get rid of him. Well guess what he goes so do i!!!!!!! You  may like everyone else think i am nuts but reeally i dont care. He is my dog and i love him. He is 7 months old. Still only a pupy god sake give the animal a chance!!!!!

When he first saw barry he got scared and ran away from him. Anyway later in the evening Barry shouted at him for something or other cant remember what ow. He ran away barry kept calling and when he went in to get him out he peeed. Yes i do know that is wrong. But i was called to deal with it and IWAS DEALING WEITH IT!!!!! I was punnishing him then barry csame in grabbed him by his furr making him pee even more he was screaming at him . Grabbed him like 3 times and eventually threw him outside.

My opinion is he is waaaaaaaaaay out of order. I would be scareed of him too if he did that to me. WLL anyway he rekons today he is going back to my das and weare going to sell him but i say no . If he goes i go too. Then this morning a friend that was here last night has been giving me ear ache of how i should get rid of him. I put her straight too/!!!!!!! He is going nowhere.

She rekons im putting my dog before my kids but thats bullshit. Like i say Kylie is nearly 6 she still wets the bed etc. Are we going to get rid of her.NNOOOOOOOO. So  why get rid of my pup . Oh yea i remembercos he is scared of someone that keeps shouting at him etc and he is too big?? yeah whatever . He wont be leaving here without me anyway.

My dad will be here soon im sre he will ahv e a say in it too but i dont care he is staying right here GGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!

Cant wait to see my puppy . I am missing him sooooooo much!!!!  I havent seen him in over a week now and i want him back sooooo bad!!! I know its for the best cosi really cant train him at the moment with my stomach the way it is. So i had to let someone else do it. BUT  i am going totry to persuade Barry to let me take him home!!!! I just miss him far too much!!!

Im just waiting for Barry to get his act together!!then we can go YAY . Saying that im not even dressed. We had to go shop this morning and we got soaked so i got back into my PJ's when i got home. Still gotta do the housework too but i just want to see Buster . I miss my mornig hugs . Kids are missing him too and asking when he is coming home?

Kylie has got a strop on. She is moody cos she has discovered its sunday which means she is back to school tomorrow so its back to early ngihts and no more lazy days for a while. Also at the moment she has a right attitude and is really pudhing her luck. How she hasnt had a smack this weekend i dont know because she is reaching the point of getting one . Just to sort her attittude out 

Found Chloe in my bed again at 5am this morning little monkey keeps on creeping in. So we feell asleep again on the sofa and didnt wake up untill 8.30 

I feel really sick today been sick a few times too most proberly the doughnuts i ate . I had 12 inn the end but they were REAL YUMMO. .

AHHHH MY BABY BOY I MISS HIM SOOOOO MUCH!!!!! XXXXX

Well i have spent the whole day pretty much sulking !!!! My body has managed to dissapoint me once again!!!! When i agreed to have this zoladex . My gynae told me i would benefit as i would hae no periods and it will help with the pain and stop the endomentromosis dead!!!

Yesteday i started getting side affects and i researched this morning and they are side affects to the zoladex. Thing is everything i read it tells me zoladex stops periods and can take up to 6 months for your period to return unless it forces your body through the menopause.That wont happen to me though cos im only 23 . But if thats right why the hell am i bleeding????? I know i know my body is a moron, and has it in for me. Also i foound this out 

If you are a woman receiving therapy with Zoladex 10.8, barrier methods of contraception such as the condom or diaphragm (cap) should be used. Oral forms of contraception (the "Pill") should not be taken when receiving Zoladex 10.8. If you become pregnant while receiving Zoladex 10.8, tell your doctor immediately.

Like thanks for the warning. Nobody told me that!!! He told me to stop the pill but he didnt say i need to udse other contraception. He just said something about it also being hormone . So i've been having unprotected sex thinking it was protected. What would have they done if i had fell pregnant ? made me abort? i wouldent put it past the NHS..

So now im sat herre munching on chocolate doughnuts. Well there is only 1 left and im debating weather to eatt it now or later. Only eaten 11 so far all to myself . YUMMO. I woke up this morning and when i realized i was bleeding i was so disappointed with my body i just cried.

1 week 3 days 3 hours and 20 mins and hopefully this nightmare will be over ,

Luv a stressed Emz xxx

I cant stand spots they are horrible. I dont usually suffer with acne (thank goodness) . Obviously i got the odd 1 or 2 but nothing major, Now the last few days ive felt all yukky . Been sick a few times . My face well its covered in spots i have a good 15 . Not including the onesi can feel under my skin . ARGH. I been using clensing wipes on them hoping they go away but no luck as of yret.

My boobs hurt too they are SSOOOOOO tender and rock solid !!!!!! No matter whati do they hurt so much. I thought a hot bath would help but NO!!!! Oh and they are absolutly HUGE . My back is sore too i have a hot water bottle on it at the moment and that is helping ,

Thhen just for dessert to top it off im FAT . I know what your all thinking how could i say that im tiny but seriously i am!!!!! Its not jjust my tummy. Its my arms legs and nexk too :( . I feel awful .

Not to mention the sweats and shivers LOL but im guessing its all to do with the side effects of the zoladex .But its really annoying.Ecspecially the spots GGRRR.

Anyway here are some pics i took of Chloe today!!!

Isnt she  so CHEEKY i could just eat her up only i would miss her too much!!!

Here Chloe is pretending she is a dog. That over her shoulder is pepsi's collar and she was barking at me LMAO.

OOPS do excuse that bum sticking out. Such a little flasher .She loves to empty out her wardrobe and hide in it LOL . Such a little monkey!!!

Oh dear very shocked little face there . She was very suprised i found her but how could i have missed her LMAO.

Scary huh ? I have a monster under the duvet and it kept on roaring at me !!!! Funny thing!!

The monster rea=veals herself . Not so scary now LOL .

I love this picture she looks like butter wouldent melt in her mouth, i do lovem y little lady so very much xxxx

Im beginning to wonder if the teachers at Kylies school are totally stupid. Kylie has been strugggling with hewr reading as many of you know. Well after she came home in tears becauyse she was being calledgoofy and this little girl L had taken her keywords off her.

Well i had it out with the teacher it seems as though the goofy thing has been dealt with BUT  yesterday she came homewith only 3 keywords. 3 keywords she doesent know when she had 20 something no0w only having 3 is a big change. Its really annoyed me because she was just getting confident with the ketwords she had.

So because my child is bullied she also has to suffer even more without any keywords?? So im left wondering why i bother sending my child to school.? I thought it was for an education but she doesent seem to be getting one from where im standing.!! At least at home she wouldent be bullied and she would keep all of her keywords. But then i would have the attendance officers on my case i just cant win.

GGRRR to them

YAY  cant wait my operation is just 2 weeks away now and counting. I am counting down the days. Seems pretty silly but this has been a long time coming. I cant wait for thiis bugger of a cyst to escappe my body. It gave me so m8uch pain i will be glad to see the back ofit. Im excited about getting better . 2 more weeks to the day and it will all be over then i will only have to deal with the consequences.

Got all my extra books etc for my extra round LOL. They rekon the area has a potential of £168  but im not going to go by that as for the round i already have they said its potential was £250 max yet the smallest order ive ever had is £300 . So today i will go and find myself some new customers . As well as d oing a few deliveries . Should be fun.

Kylies being bullied at school again. SIGH. So im under a piggy promise i will speak to her teacher this morning and sort it out. Last 2 days Kylie hasnt had her keywords and last night when i asked where they were she goes 'OH LOUISE '  apparantly louise has taken them off her and has them in her school bag. Also she is being teased about her teeth calling her goofy. So againim left wit a child that dont want to go to school. So im gonna have to chew her teachers ear off AGAIN.

Anyway i better go i have to get Kylie lunch and stuff done she has PE  today and i havfe no idea where her PE kit is LOL . xxx

YAY  i got some good new s for a change . My sales leader from avon rang me tonight, first off she congratulated me for my sales. She was looking at my last order and couldent believe her eyes.. She said if i keep it up i will be in presidents club before her , YIPPEE .

Not only that though she has a new terroritory for me . It will be in Barrys name but i will do it and accept the deliverirees etc its just i will be using another account, but she said i would be better off to just use barrys to get enough to keep that one up and running and when i order but the rest on mine because it will give me way more sales and i will get in presidents club much quicker. YAY .

She is goin to come over tomorrow evening. with a box of C18 and C1  books for me to get me started on that one . She isnt going to keep coming over this time round as its pretty much pointless as i already know what im doing its just starting another account lol.

So thats me happy because there is more extra monrey just before christmas just fantastic. At this rate avon will be paying for xmas YAY and maybe i can get that camera i want for christmas after all its £350 so we were umming and arring about it but now i can definatly afford to have it YAY  so excited , Looks like im gonna have a busy week !!!

Will keep my mind occupied waiting for this op so that s good too anyway i should go to bed lol i been aslleep on the sofa again. Naughty me . Night all xxxx

Crazy stupid thoughts!!! I hate them so much. I hate the thought of not being able to have any more kids after this operation. I know i should just be thinking of getting better but i cant help but worry after i wont be able to concieve. . It shouldent be like this im 23 this world is tooo cruel.

Im also worried about Buster little bugger has got his mummy all worried and wanting him home   my dad has a cat flap in his kitchen well it is now a dog hole. . Yep he has chewed the god damn thing!!!! That dog is unreal !!! He hasnt pooped or even peed but he chews a masive hole in the back door big enough for him to get out of !!!. So now im sat here worryi ng my butt off wondering if he will get out during the night and not come back. I want him home but Barry says its too late to go and get him now. . ARGH I WANT MY PUPPY !!!!! I just want a hug and a nice big kiss i am missing him so much . I give up i cant do it no more i need him home .

Barry has to pick my nan up tomorrow . She rang me tonight and said she has been at home on her own for days . I asked if she wanted to come over for lunch or something . She was like see what the weather is like . So i told her no matter the weather i will get barry to come and pick her up . I do hate her being in that flat on her own she should be here with me and my girls. . I love my nanny she makes my heartmelt.

Then once the kids are in bed Barry said he would go and see the damage Buster has done to the cat flap and hopefully bring he home where he belongs.

Chloe has been on her potty all day today i was even brave enough to put big girl knickers on her she did really well. 2 accidents ALL day woo. Hopefully she will continue to do as well .She is loving the excitement of using her potty at the moment .Such a clever girl.

Anyway night all xxx

this is sickening

http://www.thisissouthdevon.co.uk/news/Ex-teacher-jailed-child-porn/article-476478-detail/article.html

I hate feeling so tired. Maybe i will get a nap today maybe i wont?? I wanted a nap yesterday but barry decided he has to get his priorities and said no because he wanted to go fix a friends computer . He knows im annoyed with him about it so with a bit of luck he will let me have a little nap .

Chloe was up at 4.30 but only for a nappy change. Kylie on the other hand kylie wet the bed 3 times last night . 10 mns after going bed around 9pm then again at 5.30am. The first time i asked her why she never got up and went toile and her reply was because i didnt want to go to the toilet !!!!! I went crazy at her she is nearly 6 years old she should be way over this .

She seems to be going backwards rather than forwards and its really getting to me . There are little thing i am trying to stop chloe doing and kylie copying them doesent help . When i tell her off for it i get but chloe did i ggrrr. Like im trying to stop her

Argh i need sleep imratty oh and hormonal . xxx

HOW CUTE IS THIS ??????????

WE do we think its sooooo cool and very cute LOL . THANKYOU JAYDEE they absolutly love it they think its so cool they are on your computer all the way in austrailia .

Its just over 2 weeks untill my operation now .YIPPEE .Cant wait to be pain free. Hospital rang yesterday and took my height and weight etc as long as i am well after i can go home after 2 hours on the ward. Which is great cos i dont want to stayi n i wont be able to sleep. So hopefully after i will be ok . I just want to be in my own bed at home with my kids.

Did my avon in the end yesterday took all day to sort it out and iwas a box missing grrr but it doesent really matter as mosdt of it was nmine except a toiletries bag which i dont need to deliver til tuesday and the other one is a customer that i always get on well eith and she didnt have the money til today so she said i could just come back tueesday which is ideal as i get my delivery that dayby the lastest and the rest of it is mine. Mainnly xmas presents.

I am more orgainised for christmas this year than last but i have done it all online naughty naughty . But i havent really felt up to goingf into town. Cant believe its only 40 days tiil christmas .

Well Buster is still at my dads :( im missing him so much but apparantly he has been a good boy . Only a week and a halfd until he comes home but i an missing him so much already.

I want to get this place sorted out ready gfor christmas before i have my operation so there isant oo much to do after so im gonna get started the weekend ,. As i dont need to go and do my avon until tuesday . With a bit of luck Barry will take the girls out for a biit today sooo i can scrub kylies bedroom floor oh what fun lol . Anyways i best get started.

Be back on my tea break lol hope all is having a good weekend ? xxx

YAY well it wasnt really YAY  . I hada migraine so i watched eastenders at 10pm and got off to bed i never even made barry any dinner and i dont think i had any dinner either . Im justglad i managed an early night; I dont think Chloe woke up in the night . But she was in our bed at 5,30 this morning which wasny yoo bad really . I feel much better for  it this morning.though im still tired.

Chloe is doing really well with her p[[otty training for the last 4 days before brekfast she jhas took her nappyyóff and done a poe and a wee in her potty . She does have accidents but to be honest its not very many. Im really plkeased with her.

Kylie has non schpool uniform day today . kylie keeps telling me she needs £50 but she actually neds 50p for non uniform some pennies to fill up the pudsey bear and 25p to buy a cookie from the c anteen for children in need but nowhere near £50 bless her.

My avon should be here in a bit cant wait got the girls loads of pressiesand some bits for myself too. So shall be busy this morning . Ive never had this much before its going to take forever tto sort out. Anyway i better go i feel sick not feeling too bright today .

Hope u all have a great day xxxx

My  Busty baby sleeping

My Pepsi girl

Shy my kitty she is so beautiful.

Lylie and Chloe with their pictures they did for me the weekend

You see i only just noticed chloe was putting on a dvd the cheeky monkey hehe. Kylie is such a poser

My little madam being oh so cheeky as per usual she is too cute .

Me and my friend anne as you can see pepsi absaolutly adores her

My dogs playing.

The girls practicing their keywords

Just wanted to share xxxx

Good news first !!!!

Never guess who rang tgoday ??? The hospital i had just woke up from my nap and wasnt quite with it. She said im jim clarkes secretary . Did you know jim had a request tto do you operation in desperate need . ?? Yes of course . She says well jim clarke can do it on 3rd december . YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY . I just have to waitr for some one to ring me back and ask a few questions more i dpont need another assessment as ive seen my gynae regular since my last one. I am allowed a light brekfast before 6am ready to go to theatre at 12pm . Doies this mean i will be pain free this christmas.?? Or maybe i will loose my ovary for christmas?? Only time will tell and i just have to trus them. !! It may be day surgery but its still a ? as to weather i will have to stay iin hospital overnight. She is going to find out for me.Ha i best warn my dad .

Well now for the rant stop reading now if you dont want to heear a rant because my neighbour from hell is back to her old tricks. I had a visit from the housing manager AGAIN  today . T he music i swear had only been on about 10 mins as i was starrting to do the housework . I was feeling emotional and fancied a it of mariah carey calm me down a bit you know empty the lungs . Its good to have a good sing. Anyway i was told to turn my music down i turnt it right down and i was told to turn it off !!! What a spoil sport huh?

Anyways she has had several complaints bla bla bla . She threatened to get mny animals taken off of me. Apaarantly me and barry having been rowing and slamming doors the last 2 days . Which is absolute rubbish we had a row yesterday morning but thats all. Though last night neighbour from hell reported sonia tothe police for arguing eith her bnoyfriend . My music is too loud ; i should have it as loudas people have their telelvisions. Barry is in trouble tomorrow for his electric guitar so he isnt allowed to play his guitar anymore either. Please tell me what are we allowed to do in our own home ???????

Now we gfeel as though our animals are threatened so ive got barry to take them to Jerrys untill she has come anfd gone tomoorrow. Because i aint taking the chance of them bringing the street wardens anad taking my dogs . She was even making me out to be a bad mother saying stuff like i can chose where to live my kids cant as if they are deprived. M y kids always come first . What they dont realise is if they take my dogs my girls will be totally hweart broken it would tear them apart.

Then she started questioning me because i was holding onto my back as i  was standing talking  to hwer or arguing with her whatever. I told her i thi k she is way out of ordeer and i know who it i s im not stupid. She was asking why i was in so much pain though why is that got anything to do weith it??? also she saids she is going to get that support worker out again,

At the end of the day i am training my dog he is a pup . Yes he has accidents and i clean them up i also wash carpets weekly and ive just pulled up 2 carpets though i think my kids rooms need carpet so they get scrubbed weekly. aWhat more can i do ?????? its not as if i dont clean up. I have 2 young children kylie still has quite alot of accidents in her bed . Chloe is potty training she goes around with no trousers or nappy on at the moment on the potty and she has accidents too on the floors sofas etc but its always washed !!! Do they want me to get rid of my kids too ??????????

You know the thing that annoys me ?? In my part of the street the only people that work are me and barry and sonia and weare the ones constantly getting slammed . Cant even live in our own homes . YES  me and barry argue at the moment but we lost a baby in may which ahs been awful for us and me being ill and not knowing weather we are going to be able to have another baby . We are hurting and need to get it out domehow.

AAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH. Ok maybe is hould stop ranting SORRY  but im really annoyed im gonna miss my doggies tonight xxxx

GRRRR at me !!!!! How could i forget my phychology appointment. I could have sworn it was today but nope it was on the 10th . What a IDIOT I AM. Ah well another few months wont hurt will it?? Lets face it i been going for ouncelling since may in that time ive seen 4 councillors and ive had 5 appointments and got absolutly nowhere. So really  may as well just keep dealing eith it ON MY OWN !!!

I am so so tired today i couldent really sleep last night and i have been up with Chloe since 4.30 as she woke up then and wouldent go back to sleep . Soo not fair. I need  to go and get the girls some shoes but after that i think i will be going back to bed . I just have no energy and feel all sicky . This backache is driving me nuts its agony.

Anyway i best go get the washing on and stuff else i will be asleep and chloe will be into all sorts LOL xxx

But me is in pain and i cant sleep. I have such a backache im laid down writting this amd my styomach is killing too and its only the right side ggrr. But ive had a sleeping tablet and some morphine so i should crash soon.

Mind you Chloe will be up by 5am without a doubt she wakes around 10pm and then again at 5am . I change her bum at night get her some more milk and back to her bed. But at 5am i have no chance she likes to cuddle either in my bed which daddy hates or we snuggle on the sofa.

Ive been feeling really emotionsl today but most of the day me and chloe just chilled on the sofa together snuggled up in a quilt looking aqt photos from when i was little of me and my sister . She is at a point now of whats that whats that and who is that. So it was really good for her.

Also she has been trying to readd , REALLY impressive kylie has keywords little magnets and chloe is trying to read them with help from bug sister of course LOL .

  My avon is going really well my order is over £600 this time so rally pleased with thsat . But i have ordered around £100 wroth of stuff but modtly for christmsd LOl .

Anyway i,beginning to feel really tired now so im going to have a quick look  round and get off to bed

Night all xxx

Well tomorrow in the UK is rememberance day poppy day whatever you want to call it. Ive been avoiding those people with poppies i hate it. You see it just so happens that its my sisters birthday.So i also remember that like how could i forget?

She always believed that the minute silence wasnt for those that died in the war on the 11th day of the 11th month. It was for HER because it was the day she was born!!!!! She used to really embarrass me we would be out having lunch or whatever and the minute silence started and she ould sit the courtesying she would even go as far as thanking people they would look at her ad if she was crazy.

Its times like now i really hate and blame my step dad for splittingm y family apart. I really miss her . Barry doesent get why i am so upset he says its only a birthday. But before everything we were closer than close we weven worked together when i left school for a while . O n or birthdays we would spend the day together go into town and go for lunch .

She did get on my nerves , wew ould fight like cat and dog she even gave me a black eye once no matter what she did i always loved her. SShe was still my sister and my best firend . But now its been 4 years i have spent without her . Well i just hope she has a nice birthday and  has  the special day she deserves .

xxx

My god why cant i stay in bed until my alarm goes off . I didnt get to bed until 2 then at around 4.15am i discovered or shall i say Barry discovered miss chloe elissa playing next to me . Soi got her some milkand grabbed the duvet and got on the sofa with her but did she go to sleep ?? NO . Urgh so so unfair . I just want a decent night sleep.

Kylie has got really mouthy all of a sudden i dont know where it came from but boy she is one argumentive child. Everything isan arguement.All ive asked her to d is get dressed and she has spent the last 10 minutes mouthing off telling me why she dont have to get dressed.

Buster has been much better not perfect he still poops sometimes and he still chews stuff too. But my dad has agreed to look after him for a week . Bit of luck he wiill come back a new dog . Wishful thinking i know.But either way it will give me a break.

I have so much housework to do today i reallly haventdone much this weekend rreally havent been feeling up to housework so i really must catch up on that.

Anyway i beetter go kick kylies buttshe is still not getting dressed ggrrr. Mondays suck

Everyone have a good day xxx

I hadmy zoladex needle. Man it really hurt. I hope i dont need another in january. My doctor had never done it before so she got the nurseto do it. She watched she said to me she was glad it was me and not her because it was awful. It isnt like an ordinary injection. it was a needle atthe end right enough there was a  eedle in the end but there was this thing inside which is now in my tummy. Its real uncomfortable but apparantly it disburses this stuff.

Apparantly not only does this stuff give me pain relief But it also brings down the swellig in my ovaries and fallopian tubes . Which is reat for me because that means i will loose some of this weight i have put on YAY .

But oh my i kept laying on the area last night and its really uncomfortable. I have a huge bruise there coming from under he plaster. About the size of a tennis ball. I asked if i have to still take he morphine too .As i want to try and stop taking it As i feel the need to take it alot . She said i can take it if needed but i should be ok with just the zoladex.So i should be able to slowly come off the morphine -YAY . Anyway i better go ellectrics about to go and i need to go shop before t doees xxx

Yes i know i know shocking isnt it ? Looks like i under estimated the MRI scanner. I take my words back its not a heap of useless crap. In fact its rather good. It was good enough to give me a diagnosis. This cyst happens to have endomentromosis in it. So there you have it i have endomentromosis in my right ovary.Then just to add into the mixture. I have been having alot of my periods in my right ovary and my right fallopian tube is got blood stck in it.

Apparantly the MRI  was for diagnosis as mr clarke told mr colley it would be best as he cant see how a cyst so small could change my life so much . Well now they see. So i am allowed my operation and i will have both problems sorted out at the same time. Hence all the pain.

Now thing is he could book me in for him to do it tomorrow BUT i could also come home with more work done thats needed. There are 2 good consultants that are better at laprascopics he prefers mr clarke to do it but eiother way it will be january . I know i know its ages away but i heard with my own ears thats the earliest i can get in and thayts saying im desperate for this .

BUT i have to stop taking the pill i have to have this injection. Its called zoladex . Its usually given to men with prostate cancer it can be given monthly or every 3  months . So i have to have the 3 month one. That will keep me going over xmas. So now there will be no trying for no baby for a while yet he says when im better when he cant answer. To be honest i dont think it is going to happen at all.

Apparantly this zoladex injection bring on the menopause but he said just go with the side affects and apparantly it stopd endomentromosis dead, in the meantime if im like dying like yesterday LOL then im to ring him .

I was up there ages my appointment was 3.10 and i didnt get out until 4.20 we were waiting 40 mins for my appoinyttment as he was chasing up my MRI  report he had the scans just no report so in the end he took it over the phone LOL .

Ive only just got back about half hour ago as afterwards i went to my aunts as my dad said there was some stuff there for the girls . She got the girls a advent calender each . It was really nice to see her i havent seen her for a few monthhs but we missed the bus i blame my dad though he took too long to drink his tea . It was soooooo cold.

Anyways i will ssshhhhhhh now .. ......

Luv Emz xxxx

While i was doubled p on the floor this morning my darling daughter decided she would rob me!!! She stole £50 off the table ripped £10 and ate £20 . Very expensive sweet if you ask me. Guess what ??? its now void to use it you need at least 2 numbers and 2 letters and chloe ate those . Dont you just love kids ??

Well im here just about. Been so ill today!!! My stomach is killing the only way i can explain these pains is contractions and im not exagerating. I cant stp being sick either its making my throat sore. It sucks. My consultant was meant to ring me this afternoon but guess what he didnt. So tomorrow he will have a very firey annoyed emz to deal with.

Im going to try and eat some dinner as i havent eaten today. Im cooking some bolognaise. Barry took kylie to a firework display tonight she had a great time though she wanted to come home as she was really tired. She came out of school in a foul mood. Barry icked her up and he said her teacher said that kylie has been worried about me all day after this morning think i scared her a bit. Bless her.

Luv Emz xxxx

So far i have spent today in pain boohoo. Not gonna believe this . Im getting contractions!!!!!!! Figure that one out ????????? I dont get it !!!!!I been puking all morning too dont know what to do if it gets worse i will be going hospital . Blog more later have to lie down xxx

What a waste of time. My doctor has a week off oh damn it. Was meant to have a check up so that was that off the list LOL.

First off was little lady with her ears.She gave me a bit of a bollocking for cleaning out her ears . But with thick wax in them whsat else am i to do let her sufer?? Anyway she got her light out and 1 of them was raqther waxed up so she gave me this spray to spray in her ears for 5 days and if its no better i have to take her back.

I got my anti depressantsand most of my painkillers she gave me the wrong ibupbrofen she gave me the normal ones i have the stronger ones. The last letter they have got from the hospital was saying i was still having my operation he just wanted an MRI  scan first to bring down the risks bla bla bla.She is going to follow up my MRI  results tomorrow and ring me with them . Seems my consultant never rang me as promised.

xxx

My dogreally isnt learning dont get me wrog i love him to bits.BUT he doesent listen. He chews , he poops in my house GGGRRRRR . He is plcid as they come though he is fantastic with the kids he even lets chloe sit onhis back . I fully trust him with the girls.  But the chewing and pooping is driving me nuts. Everytime he poops i have to scrub the floor . Im constanly replacing the girls barbies etc ecause he chews them.You take him for  a run come back then he poops in the hallway yesterday barry took him over the fields he came back and pooped i put him outside for over an hour.

I have been insisting we get rid of him. He needs to be on a farm if youask me. He is only a coly pup but he is huge double the size of his mum.I-ts not fair on the kids either. But Barry thinks he will learn if we give him time. Bt he is 7 months old now .

GRRRR I just wish he would behave himself. He has a month to proove himself . xxxx

Yep i finally have to admit it she has another horrible trait from her daddy :( She seems to have glue ear. She gets soooo much wax in her ears like every day its terrible. Im going to take her to the doctors tomorrow see what shew thinks . I have to go doctors anyway. I need more pain relief im in agony AGAIN. Cyst is rreally playing up not being very nce to me. Also need to see her t o check im ok after having my anti depressant dose put up. Im kinda hoping she gets grommits put in because lees son had these problems with his ears . I just feel like im constantly cleaning heresrs then a few hours later its back agsain. Poor baby girl.

Kind of dreading tomorrow it will be my mothers birthday .It shouldent bother me really it dont bother her. But i do . Not really sure why because i hate her. But it still hurts. She is meant to be my mum she put me on this world but we love to hate each other.

Anyway  i better go i have a friend over .

Luv Emz xxx

Well i took Kylie trickle treating last night for the 1st time. She absolutly loved it . She got mountains of sweets. Just took her round a few streets after i done my avon on the way to sainsburys to get some shopping. She was a pumpkin fairy again LOL . I put some make up on her too she looked so cool.

Today we are going down the acorn centre they have this fun day going on  foir the kids its orgainised by surestart . So we said we would take the girls. Chloe dont really know what is going on yet. Kylie on the other hand is really excited.Kylie is going to get her hair braided so is chloe if she will sit still. Shoulkd be fun.

Finally got hold of my gynaeds secretary . She apparantly emailed mr colley who apparantly iss on leave AGAIN but he is back on monday and should ring me. Or at least someone on his behalf . He may tell me how my MRI went but then again he might say i have to wait until thursday when he sees me. She said that he wasnt sure weather i was going to go through with the MRI  so thats why she emailed him .  So i guess i will just have to wait for them,

Anyway these girly wirlys need a bath before we head off Chloe is 1st so best go get her bath run.

Luv Emz xxxx