Well its been a usual weekend here all goes by what everyonewants but me . Ive spent half the day in bed today . I went to have a timeout and fell asleep , Barryhad somehow came and took my jacket off and undone my button to stop my belly cramping i must have been knackered !!!

I am really annoyed  i havent yet been able to go and see my nan. Grrrr . I wanted to go yesterday after Barry finnished work but he never got home until gone 3 so i could not make an appoinment it was too late!!! So i said ok i will go tomorrow he can have the girls i dont want them there they will run wild . But he had to get up at 9.30 starting fantastic . So i still havent seen my nan im really peeved !!

Just to cheer me up a friend of ours that came round wassat here telling me i should start thinking about things i want to ask  her and stuff . My big question is does she know she is going???? Is that why she agreed to stay in a nursing home temporarily?? I just dont know what tothink. I cant ask nobody really because nobody talks to me apart from Janewho only talks to me to get at me!! Rub things in my face! Im not very good at guessing.

Anyway pepsis getting really fat she lies completly in the way you ask her to moves dshe moves a couple of paces and lies back down. I have been trying to get her to lie i her room but she is still spennding alot of time lying on our bed bless her. You can really see the pups moving now im getting really excited . My friend Anne said when she goes into labour i can go and get her ecause she would love to see . And idont want to be here on my own when she is having the pups so thats good .

Im back to see the doctor tomorrow cos ive been having really bad pelvic pain the morphine isnt really touching it . Its just makes you feel numb if that makes ssense.

Ive decided i have a devil child!! Seiously Kylie just doesent learn . Either that or she simply doesntknow how to behave . She is a nightmare i really am getting so sick of it . I really do hope this is just a stage she is going through and it will end soon. Kids dont u just love em !!!

Hope yuou have all had a great weekend

Luv Emz xxx

Im totally exhausted !! Overnight pepsi has yet again grown loads so i decided i had better clear out the spare room , so i thought as soon as kylies at school and the shopping is done and chloes in bed i will crack on with it . Gety to the school and cos kylie was sick yesterday she had to be off 48 hours great !!!

Anyway this morning barry gave me my phone back because i brought him a new one yesterday and when i put my sim card back in i had a message from my auntie jane . Asking if i knew nan was going into a nursing home tuesday meaning tuesday just gone !!  Its only for a couple of weeks but the way she has beeen lately im worried they wont let her back out!! So i text her saying she had told me she was going to stay in a hotel . ??? But works out she kept calling it a hotel . How could i have been so stupid i never thought !! I have to ring them tomorrow and book a visit .

The spare room is all dne now and is rready for pepsi to have her pups we just need to put some wood up and some blankets and beds down . I cant wait!!!

Kylie has a imaginary friend her name is Germ. She was telling me all about her this afternoon. She stays under Kylies bed and she comes in and comes in through the patio door. She doesent live near us she lives with her 3 friends in another country. 2 boys 1 girl . It really creeped me out she even said she has brown hair . Bit weird.

Anyway i will stop rambling rubbish now lmao.

Hope your all having a great week .

Luv Emz xxx

So much to do such little time . Seems my day today is going to be non stop . Ive had this horrible cold for the past 5 days and it is looking  like kylie has caught it she has just striolled out of bed coughing . She is white as a sheet and has a temp so looks like she is going to be tagging along with me today . I need to go into town to get kylie a new uniform and Chloe really badly needs some reins i had 2 pairs for kylie but i cant find them anywhere . I went through all kylie and chloes old clothes the weekend because i was sorting all the stuff too small for chloe for my friend who has a daughter 18 mnthsyounger thsn chloe but  still no reins so i will have to get some more im sure they will turn up once i buy some more lol.

I have to be back though before lunch because i haveto go to the doctors again today .Yesterday the doctor i saw rang me she has the results from my blood test. (quick 3 days) so she wants me to have a retest today oh what fun.

As u can see i havent been arrested i rangf them tues morn as soon as i had dropped kylie at school . I already had a warrant out for my arrest how unfair is that . I got an earbashing about owing them £20 omg how pathetic is that??? a warrent for my arrest without bail for being £20 in arrears on a fine howvery stupid . Anyway i have to pay them £25 tomorrow i offered half of the fine but shewasnt interested i just want the fine gone so annoying .

Pepsi is bloody HUGE  i swear she is about to give birth but iit isnt timeyet and the room is nowherenear ready for the pups . She is spending alot of time in her bed so i think she is getting ready . You can see  things moving now its getting really exciting i just hope she doesent go into labour when it is just me here because i will beringing jerry and hope he getshere quick cos i havent got a clue what to do . They have told me to just get the kids out the way and let her get on with it but i think i would prefer it if someone was here we will see

I hope you are all having a great week

Luv Emz xxx

Well i have been drs it didnt go too smoothly to start i nearly killed the receptionist lmao. She told me your a temp patient ?? So i say yes she got me to explain why i have an appointment and she starts going on how it is the law to see your registered dr unless its an absolute emergency so i explained but it is i really need to see a dre and i refuse to see my own i was about to blow and the other receptionist took her round the back and she came back with my email faffled around with the computer and made us appointments for us to regster properly . Silly woman didnt know what snhe was talking about!!!

Anyway guess what she actually listened to me!!! I forgot to write everything down beforehand but i got most of it out i was in the 45 mins .

I told her about the blood tests explained they were up and how iwas lied to about it to begin with . I tried to explain as much as i could about the tests that i had done and that  i think i have PID again. So she was going to phone the hospital to chase up the blood test to see exactly what was tested and exactly what made the test up . She should have that by the end of the week.

I told her that when i did finally come on my period it wasnt anything like a period it was just pretty much like theend of a period but the pain has stayed . So she wants me to do  pregnancy  test even though i know im not pregnanti did 5 tests . But if anything strange has happened its more than likely to show there .

I told her aboutthe sickness and me not eating and the IBS and the weightloss she says with all these things going on there is no way this is stress there are too many symptoms and seems there is nobody that knows my insides and my condition better than Dr Ranjit ( surgeon/gynecoligist) so she has referred me back to him to see what he thinks of it all.

She has put in a request for my notes from the old drs and put a note on it as urgent so they should be at the new drs in a couple of weeks instead of 6 weeks. She also said that if i am still in so much pain on thursday/friday then i should go back  to see her .

After my appointment i felt so much better because she has actually listened to me and is going to do something about itat last. See its not too hard for someone to just sit down and listen . So i just have to wait now.

Luv Emz xxx

Well Kylie is backk to school today thank god. She has really been a handfull the weekend it really is getting a joke . .Im so fed up with it . That childreally does know how to wind me up. She hasnt eaten a meal for about a week and her behaviour is just dsgusting. Sounds a bit mean but i cant wait until she is at school and out of my face. I usually havealot of patience with kylie but its slowly running out. Roll on summer she is going to my SIL's for a week . I really cant wait at first i was like no its not fair because chloe wont have anyone to play with . But now its a definate yes i really dont know how much ore i can take of it .  I told her Jerry was picking her up from school and she doesent like it but if she thinks i am dropping my appointment to pick her up sher is so wrong.

Its my appointment with this new dr this afternoon. Im kind of scared . With it being a totally new Dr im going to have to go through everything with him/her . As im not even registered there yet just need somebody to listen to me and help me . They will have no notes . So i think i might write it all down to save my brain doing overtime. Jerry popped in yesterday and he said he would watch chloe for me and pick up Kylie from school to save me going to get her drop her home and go again just easier on me and he would like to aswell he gets on really well with my kids . When he turns up they scream yay jerry . Its kind of nice when iits been a stresssful day because it totally takes the weight off me and he lays with them constantly and he is one of those guys you can talk to about almost anything .

But the deal is he has the girls i go to the courts this morning  . Well i aint that brave at 5pm i have a warrant being released for my IMMEDIATE arrest OOPS . Yes that means being imprisioned . Sorry but i havent been in a cell since i was 17 and i dont intend in going in another . Omg im admmitting to being a criminal its not as bad as it sounds honestly . All i did was get caught wityh no tv licence and forgot to pay the fine and couldent the last 2 weeks and this is how it has resulted pretty stupid really . But unless they agree to hold off until the 28th im runnig sorry im a chicken i refuse to get arrested . I have a fear of hsndcuffs so if they try to pull any on me i will go nuts . Anyway im going to ring them and see what they say its not as if i haavent already asked them to take it direct debit because ive offered to pay it on barrys card twice and twice they gave me payment slips . I think i may be in a spot of trouble the letter sounds kinda serious OOPS . Now surely they cant handcuff me with my daughter present hmmm i will try that one on the courts  . OOPSIE.

Chloe has hit her terrible 2's amd has spent the weekend getting payback for all thew times her sister has hurt her and has been beating her up  Then Kylie retaliates . Dont u just love kids so pleasureable lmao. Ive decided Chloe has Daddys temper that sure doesent come from me, Wow that girl can throw one and they are getting more frequent . She not my baby anymore she is a cheeky madam now . Its gone so fast i realised how much after i found a footprint we got done when she was 8 weekds oldyesterday it is so tiny . Now she is so big . Boo hoo i want my baby back its not fair. I want her to be tiny again . But she is just getting bigger and bigger she is growing up far too fast its scary .

Hope u all had a lovely easter

Luv Emz xxx

Well after all the cleaning and scrubbing yesterday i am absolutly knackered. They didnt get here untill gone 4 and i had only finnished 10 mins before she arrived. I wont be doing any housework today i ache all over. I am relieved to be informed via kylie daddy is taking her obver the stables to see our pony and then going to pick me some flowers . So hopefully he will take chloe too and i can go to bed for a bit because i am so tired i didnt sleep too well .

I cant  believe how much Grace looks like Kylie seriously its hard to tell them apart . I could of used the fact Kylie has got a sore under her lip where she keeps biting it with the cold weather and everything but guess what Grace has exactly the same. Apart from the face Graces hair is a tad darker than kylies so shoicking. Ollie is 8 months now i did try to keep him he is so cute and chloe adores him so he would have been fine well not really he would have missed mummys boobies . Lmao. Kylie ,chloe amd grace ate so much yesterday i dont know where they put it all between them they ateabout 40 vaul au vaunts , half a tub of sweets 12 packs of crisps chocolate and crisps .Naughty auntie emz . Grace doesent usually eat stuff llike this but seemss auntie nicky left kylie LOTS of smarties which make her crazy child from hell i thought why not hahahhahaha. Well i dont see them that often so when i do they have to be treated .Grace wanted to take home one of my kitties . Nicky was fascinated by chloes skin yes she is mad . She loves her skin colour and she is identical to Barry she has my eye colour but thats it . We call her daddy loook alike .Before they left i tried kidnapping Ollie i swear he is so cute i could keep him . I dont mind having a boy then its just the name thing i have a problem with .

But today i am just going to relax i think  because tomorrow my kids are going to go mental . They have so much choclate and sweets its crazy . Hmmm i think i am going to imigrate sounds much quieter lmao.

I hope you all have a lovely easter .

Luv Emz xxx

 

I  shouldent be here really , i should be scrubbing the floors and carrying on with the cleaningbut i am really tired. Ive only had 4 hours sleep i was up cleaning until gone 2.Barrys sister is coming down today i have so much cleaning left to do it will take me at least half a day.

Pepsi added me some more work bless her .While i was getting kylie she had peeed all over the sofsa.She has been leaking bits the last 5 or so days. I think the pups are on her bladder .There is no doubting weather she is pregnant now her belly is huge .I am beginning to getexcited i cant wait to see how many pups she has.

Kylie has only been up for 5 mins and already she is starting.if she is like this wen barrys sister arrives i will be going bk to bed and i need to get the kids easter eggs.I cant really be bothered im so tired and i feel sick i just want to go to bed .

Ah well suppose i better get then some brekkie lol

hope u all have a lovely easter

Luv Emz xx

Well after i realised i had totally missed my doctors appointment to get our registration finalised so i can see a dr that  is prepared to actuallylisten to me . I called the drs but unfortunatly i was still in idiot mode so all i got was a phone screamiing in my ear . Thanks cathbusymum for letting me know it was the fax machine . So anyway i ended out writting them a little email and amazing enough i got one back . WOW im shocked if that was my old drs i would not get a reply .

I still have to wait for a new appointment oh sod it i will save my hands .

i wrote

Hi
>
> I have been trying to call the surgery this morning
> but I am just getting a screaming noise and then it
> goes dead so I hope this is just as good . Myself
> and my children were booked in to see the nurse to
> complete our registrations etc. Our appointment was
> for 11.20 am but as I have had a lot on my mind
> being messed around with tests via old doctor. I
> thought the 17th was tomorrow . The thing is I have
> been messed around so much with my current doctor I
> now refuse to see them . I have been waiting over a
> week hoping I would be seeing a doctor . My blood
> test shows indication of a infection or abnormality
> I think (99% sure ) pelvic inflammatory disease . I
> am not eating only small things like chocolate I
> crave for even the smell of anything else makes me
> heave I really need to see a doctor that is willing
> to listen to me . I'm in agony and have been since I
> came on my very late period (7 weeks late) 2 weeks
> ago which I don't think was a period I cant fall
> pregnant either all im being told is this is stress
> which I don't believe the only reason I am stressed
> is because of this I just want to be able to look
> after my children without being in agony and taking
> morphine which I am going to run out of soon .
> Thanks in advance
>
> Yours Sincerely
>
> Emily Fairchild

Manager replied

Dear Emily

I am sorry to hear that you have experienced problems contacting us this morning. We have been extremely busy however we have not received any other complaints regarding the phone system today so far.

It sounds as though you would benefit from an appointment with a GP to talk things through. Unfortunately we are very busy due to the Easter holiday weekend (closed Friday/Monday) but we have made an appointment for you with Dr A Ronneberger on Tuesday 25th March at 2.50pm. Obviously if you need to see a Doctor more urgently than this you will need to consult with your current GP who has full access to your medical records and history.

Although we have made a Drs appointment for you, you will still need to re-book registration appointments for yourself and also your children but we can organise this whilst you are here on Tuesday.

I hope that this is convenient for you.

Yours sincerely

Lisa Cooper
Office Manager

There tthat was easy on my hands hehe . Ok sounds like finally somebody is going to listen to me . I  understand they cant get me in over easter i have enough pain relief to last me until then and im not even registered yet i am very impressed . I will ask Jerry if he can watch the girls while i go for my appointment so i can speak to him/her properly without any disruptions . I need to make sure i tell them everything because i really need to know what the actual problem is . By then i think they will be able to redo the blood test and see if its still abnormal.

Kylie is beginning to drive me insane . I cant stick the constant lies, gobbing off ,whineing and attention seeking  . It really is a joke. Sticker chart hasnt made no differancewhat soever . She has hardly any stickers on her sticker charts . For example on the behaviour one chloe has 42 stickers . Kylie has 7 there iss a big differance andchloe is having her terrible 2's but it feels like its Kylie with terrible 2's , taking things away doesent work , time out doesent work , no  treats doesent work, Talking things through doesent work , shouting at her doesent work . I really am stuffed for ideas.

It is beginning to put a strain on mine and Barrys relationship.  Seems all we seem to argue about is Kylie and im sick of it. Weekends i just want to go to bed or him to take her out its got to a  point i dont want to be around him and kylie at the same time because all we do is argue over kylies behaviour and then once we arnt talking to each other she is fine. Barry doesent see this happen im just always made to look the one in the wrong . Sometimes i wonder if im the child . I really dont know how much more i can take of it . If Chloe was behaving this way i would be kicking her ass into shape . Ok thats enough moaning .

I have been so naughty today i was supposed to do some spring cleaning in here today ready for Barrys sister coming on fridaybut by the time i did my housework alone i felt so exhausted minti seemed the best option lol.

Hope your all having a great week .

Luv Emz xxx

 

How bloody  stupid am i ? I am sucxh an idiot !! I thought  it was the 17th on thursday coming .  . Nobody told me it was yesterday  . Im really bloody peeved at myself now ! Oh bummer im going to have to ring them tomorrow ive been waiting for that appointment for over 2 weeks .  I dont want to wait another 2 weeks . I NEED to see a decent dr . I refuse to see the drs at m current drs because they are a waste of space and now ive bloody missed this one   . Im such an idiot and look i can proove im an idiot  see im a total idiot lol

Luv Emz xxxx

 

 Yesterday Kylie came out of school with a grump on she would not tell me why . Well until i was cooking dinner . She said Jessicca had smacked her . I asked if she had told the teaccher and she hadnt when i asked for an explanation for not telling the teacher i got i ont know . Then this morning i got i have tummy achei cant go to school i knew this was rubbish so i told her tummy ache or not your going to school . Thats when the beans spilled but yesterday Jessicca slapped me in the face . So i again asked if she told the teacher she again said no this time she knew why she didnt tell the teacher . She said she wasnt allowdto tell the teacher Jessica would not let her and she made Kylie lye on top of her .

So this morning i pulled the teacher and told her where and when this happened she was shocked . Such behaviour had occured iin her classroom very sneakily behnid the book case . Before i left her teacher assured me she would keep a close eyue on both girls and we have both told her if anybody does anything nasty or something she doesent like she must tell the teacher no matter what .

Im hoping it is going to be sorted by the time i go and pick her up . Kylies teacher said she will also write a letter to her parents informing them of of what happened . I felt so  mean leaving Kylie this morning knowing she was scared but i cant keep her homne because she is being bullied . But we will see i have to get her soon .

Luv Emz xxx

  

I had a phonecall earlier from Barrys sister she is coming on friday which is great and i can get my gorgeous nephew and niece a massive egg instead of sending them money. I dont see them very often about 3-4 times a year sometimes more so when i do i make the most of it so today i thought well i have let the housework go a bit . I had to go and pick up my prscription so i got that done came back and got started . So far ai have done the normsal housework which was alot cos all weekend i have just been so miserable i didnt want to do it i think i did dishes only lol . I sorted out my bedroom too which took me over 3 hours and i found stuff i hadnt even unpacked including my photo of chloe and my friends baby not long after they were born my friend sent it in this lovely frame for xmas 06 i was over the moon it hadnt broke so now i have it back up by my computer where it belongs

I tried speaking to the dr again this morning because i dont really takig the morphine with the kids and all that  it makes me really tired. I fall asleep here lmao. But really there is no way of being civil so now i refuse to speak to them i will just wait until thursday and speak to my new dr because they are just really annoying me.

I regret deeply setting barry up a facebook account he is addicted utoh and guess  what he only has 4 friends and 1 of them we dont even know who they are lmao. so every 2 mins i have Barry saying race me race me , play this play that find me this find me that how do u do this???? Barry did click of how my cousin was my cousin and he never reacted how i thought he would at all. In fact he cant wait to meet him . I cant believe ive got him addicted to one of thesite i use thing is i cant race im no good haha. He wins all the  time amd im a bad looser thats why i prefer mind games so much more relaxing i think so anyway .

Barry is on a hyp tonight and has gone off to see his old and new work buddy haha yesterday carl got laid off with a weeks pay . This morning Barry text me to text sue to get to carl to ring his boss . Guess what he starts tomorrow . Barry would usuually be pissed off if he lost his truck and was given a differant one but seems carl is using his truck he doesent mind. You see they are lovers hahahahahaha .

It was lovely seeing Nan yesterday but she was alot more crazier than usual . She is so funny . She made me think though she is very lonely the only people that bother with her is me and my auntie . She couldent stay still it was like having another child in the house at one point thegirls were in the living room nan wasmissing i found her in the girls room playing with toys . She spent alot of time with Kylie they were building a house nan was holding kylie was building . I think she has gone a bit senile Barry was talking to kev his friend about cars and she went right up into his face andstarted going on about a bed that had wood under holding it up . I gather she was speaking of her boyfriend it sounds like something he would do . She couldent remember who . Bless her . I have to ring her tomoorow to check she has got rid of the nappies she refuses to wear them but this guy keeps dropping them off and nobody is listening to her if they arnt gone then i will send barry to collect them and dump them outside the surgery . Barry is going to pick her up again next weekend she will be over the moon because Barrys sister will be here she likes her she says she is beautiful . (which is true ) .

Anyway i better go so i can do some minti before the facebook addict returns lol . I hope he gets nbored soon . lol

Luv Emz xxx

Well im not so miserable today lol. My nan took me out of iti think . She called me last night rather late while me barry and our friend  jerry was playing monopoly on the computer . She wanted me to go down there it kind of freaked me  she doesent ask me to go  in the evening unless something is wrong . I told her i really couldent Barry had been drinking and my kids were in bed .So i said i would  go andsee her tomorrow meaning today and that i would call her t o let her know what time but instead i think i will get Barry to go and pick her up and bring her over for lunch or sommething .

Kylie still has her stupid head on . She has already refused to eat brekfast and is currently telling blatent lies . This wingeing really does drive me up the wall . I hope Barry takes the kids out today he was going to take them out yesterday but it was bucketing it down qith rain and he went to see Carl as he lost his job and was upset .

Kyulie is back to school tomorrow YIPPEE she had thursday and friday off  school because she had sickness and diareoa although she wasnt very sick . But because she had the diareoa she had to stay home. It will be so nice tomorrow when she is back at school i will be so gladf when the weekend is over . This whineing kills me from the time i got up this morning all i have heard is kylie moaning and whineing .

Well i suppose i better get some housework done before barry gets up andi sned him to  pick up my nan .

Hope you all havea relaxing sunday

Luv Emz xxx

OMG is it at all possible for a nearly 5yr old to still be having terrible 2's??? I sure think so Kylie is driving me up the wall . All morning all she has donw is winge and mouth off. Apparantly according to Kylie because she is a big girl she can do what she wants and she doesent have to have time out. Hahaha so she rekons.

Well she is currently in timeout ive had enough she was even like it round the shop and to be honest the last i dont have to have time out im a big girl did it for me. She is sat on the sofa or shall i say slumped on the sofa throwing a wobbly . She wants to tidy up her bedroom i think not i think its time for timeout.

Chloe is currently going through her terrible 2's and is throwing paddys here and there i have more problems with Kylie than i do chloe it feels like chloe is the 5 year old.

I absolutly dread weekends simply because she is like this. When barry gets up it gets worse. Her timeout is over and ive just put Chloe down for her nap and sat Kylie down with a puzzle ive had in my cupboard for ages and she has never done it before its only been the last 6 months she has been able to actually sit down with apuzzle before she would just get frustrated . So fingers crossed she is going to calm down a little .

I hate it when i am constantly telling her off . But if i dont do it she would be a total brat !! LOL

Luv Emz xxx

Friday night and im bored as hell. Im getting so fed up with being stuck at home not that im not usually but even going to the shops is a struggle with the buggy and all  . I have to take the bugy with me to carry the shopping .

I have finally stopped bleeding but what do u know the pain has stayed. Fantastic. I feel so low and weak . I am trying so hard with the kids but im so exhausted . Kylie is making it so hard for me . Seriously you would think  Kylie was the  20 month old and chloe the 5 yrs old . Im not even joking ask Winnie she heard wat she was like this morning!! I swear she does it on purpose . She knows i havent been well and to be on best behaviour but it just seems she is on worst behaviour but hey she has had lessons from Daddy . She sure knows how to wind me up.

We usually find somewhere on the net to go on the weekends but again this week i will not be able to go . I just dont feel like it . I just want to spend the weekend in bed that would suit me down to the ground but i doubt i will get that. The only person in this house who gets some proper sleep is barry .

Im just so tired of feeling like this i havent been myself at all . Yes i know i am a parent all these things  come with it BUT  imnot a single parent which is what i feel like . I do everything i do the washing , i do the cooking , i do the housework all of it , i let the dog out , i feed the animals , i run aroundafter barry and the kids day and night , i go to the shops , i pay the bills and i look after the children 24/7 . What do i get in return ??? his wage at the end of the month whichhe has back by the end of the month anyway cos he spends that much and shouted and told to shut up and kylie has gotto the point she will do nothing i say when daddy is about . His words to her tonight were im the boss not mummy u do as i say . Now what does that tell Kylie i havve told him by saying this he is telling her not to listen to me yet hedoesent see it . I dont know maybe i should just go to bed lol but i am  not tired im just sooo bored LOL   

Hope you all have a great weekend

Luv Emz xxx

 

OMG i am such an idiot !!!!! Me and Barry was arguing because he keeps going through every single site im a member of . I didnt have all that much to hide but its enough for me . For the last 3 weeks i have been in touch withmy cousin via facebook . Now i know i should have told him bvut i was a bit worried what he would say as its my step dads nephew . I thought he may think im letting my guard down im not at all ive always loved my cousin . He , his sister and his dad came on holiday with us to spain i was only around 8 at the time but i sat next to him on the plane and slept on his tumy all through the hls i called him pillow and cos of these purple sunglasses he brought me he nicknamed me cool dude they have been our names ever since . Last time i saw him his son was 4 yrs old his name is Owen . Owen has downs syndrome and also was born with 3 holes in his heart atrue heartbreaker . Well the champion is still going strong  and now has 2 beautiful sisters the  youngest also has downs syndrome .  They are meant to be coming to visit in september . But the big problem is Barry annoyed me so much by going through everything i do online i have deleted everything  Ive cancelled my facebook , other blogs and other forums i only now have msn and minti  . I dont have my cousins email address either so i got so mad with myself and upset i had to tell him about it all . Im also a tiny bit peeved as i also have a firend on  there who is in the army they have just arrived in afganastan  and ive deleted everything i havent notified any friends or anything its just all gone . I feel really sad i think im going to take a bath and relax my mind a bit .

I hope you re all having a great day .

Luv Emz xxx

Got the last of the tests what do u know no STI's obviiously and everything else normal. I knew that would be the result .So i had a bit of a moan at dr steinforth at one point i even shouted at him naughty me .But this is just getting beyond ridiculous its a bloody joke .Ive took the stupid tablets that were meant to help me eat i have 1 left wheres my appetite ??? Dr Steinforth was kind enouggh to finally explain my results to me .Its only took a week . The reason my blood test is because i have either an infection or an abnormality. So now within a couple of days its changed from me being retested in 2 its now in 4 weeks great longer for this to drag on. In the meantime he is going to refer me to gastro which he was supposed to do 6 months ago. He even admitted that there is a chance that the infection/abnormality could be the PID back . But he isnt going to look into that just yet. So then i went off how nobody is lisetning to me and he claimed he was . So me being me said ok if u are listening to me . Why arnt u listening when i tell u i feel the same i did when i had the PID , my periods like 7 weeks late its really going on and i ahvent yet bled properly its manky im not even going to og into it , my IBS is absolutly stupid, i cant eat anything other than chip butties , ive gone from 9 and a half stone to 8 stone , im in so much pain i admitted i have been taking morphine again to cope with the pain and the kids . Yet im still not beingg listened too .

I just ttally give up i feel like im banging my head against the wall he admits there is a chance the abnormality could be pid and the tests prberly wont pick it up but still he isnt interesteed in investigating he says i cant say that nobody has been listening to me or understanding how im feeling because they have done so much for me . Yes thats true they have it took yrs to find the pid but now they are ignoring it im feeling that they arnt listening .

I cant sit here for 4 weeks nthis pain waiing fr more blod tests to see if it goes down. It will drive me crazy.I just want the whole lot out but they wont do it untill im 30 boo hoo 8 years yet sucks!!!! Im just s pissed off . I o feel bad for geting angry with the dr but im fed   with not being listened to .

Luv Emz xxx

Now what am i supposed to think ?  Things just arnt adding up it doesent make sense . Ok so i got my blood results back . Thyroid showed green which aparantly means normal. Although i didnt know i had a liver disfunction when i last had a lap and that is now clear . No infections nothing nowt naff all . Just like the dr expected . So once again im faced with periods once in a blue moon and no answers what so ever . Unless the smear showssome light but im not holding my breathe on that one . Now for the confussing bit i have to go back for another blood test in 2 weeks ?? but what for ?? If this is clear and she is so addamant its me its not gynecological it is in my head . I just feel like a testing machine . Or does she think there is something up and thats why she wants it  retested ?? See im totally confussed i dont know what to think of it ??

I have to ring bk the  drs secretary this afternoon to find out why she wants it retested because im curious seems it is my body after all . I feel im  not being told the full truth . But the thing is before when i had PID it did NOT  show in blood test or smear it was the lap that discovered it and she wont listen to me telling her i think that is what it is . Its like im doing all this for nothing im half way through my anti sickness and im still not eating properly and still being sick. Ive had enough of it all im to the point i want it all out yes ive got the period i waslooking for for weeks but its not right !! You would think  bearing in mind i havent bled for 11 weeks i would bleed a river but no  imhardly bleeding at all . Yet im in agony im taking morphine and it still isnt doing much . I was going to tell the dr today but now im not sure i can trust her . Just dont know wat else to do why cant they just give me answers ?

All i ask for is a  man that doesent check up on me and a dr that listens obviously too much to ask .

Do excuse the PMT  GGGGRRRRRRRR see my frustration

 Luv Emz xx

BTW have a great week xx

 Chloe is sick   . She has a nasty cold AGAIN and just to top it off she is teething too she has ben up crying this time the last 2 nights she isnt sleeping very well at all although she did sleep until  7.15 today. Ive just put her back to bed i didnt get much time with her today so it was nice to have her up with me while daddys asleep on  the sofa   but i dont like the fact she is up because she is sick   .

On the other hand Kylie is a idiot i swear tonight she was out to amuse me LOL   i am such a mean mum she was jumping about like an idiot landed on daddys foot and went splat   i was crying with laughter i had been asleep all afternoon and that just made my day  the way she fell was just so funny i could not control myself . Then she went in the bath and after a few mins decided she needed a wee she literally jumped out of the bath like a little frog again she went splat  and landed on her bum what an idiot oh i am soo mean   .  But this morning Kylie threw her potty in the bin   she has grown up alot in the  last couple of months and hasnt had an accident snince she has had her new big bed and last night she refused to take her potty to bed because she wanted to be a big girl and wants to go to the bathroom which is excellent as i wanted her to give up the potty a while back  but she refused to go to bed without it .She is such a smart kid and is growing up so quick.

I havent really  done much today Barry  was uip at about  10 and i was back in  bed by 12 i was feeling really groggy ands my bellly was really hurting . So i took some morphine and got off to bed   . I was woke up by Chloe giving me a cuddle such a little sweetie what a lovely good morning how could i  not wake up in a good mood? We went for a cuddle on the sofa then i realised it was gone 6pm OMG i had slept for like 6 hours how did that happen?   . I wonder what Barry has done wrong to allow me to sleep for so long.

So i did the girls some dinner and got Chloe off to bed she was so tired and so grumpy full of tantrums. Once she was off i had my turn and kylie threw a wobbly because daddy kept hiding her sweets instead of telling her what they said MEN. She also thought i was in her bath so i had to explain to her its the weekend she could stay up a while yet so im having my bath.LOL.

Im going over to sues tomorrow i dont really feel like going far but sue makes me laugh and she will cheer me up .

Hope your all havng a great weekend .

Luv Emz xxx

OUCH , OUCH , OUCH . I must have been totally deluded thinking i wanted a period i dont want it after all the fuss i  made ! Yes ive finally found my period but OMG the pain im in absolute agony so much im going to have some morphine when the kids go to bed i was getting ready to go get Kylie i had sudden real bad pains in my stomach. Its weird though . But this is confussing me if this is stress causing me not to bleed how comes when im more stressed i have a period??? I mean i cant just be 7 weeks late oon my period for nothing right?? I kind of hope that these tests  show something to give me some kind ofanswer cos i cant do this everytiime im du a period itseems its going bk to the way it was before i       had chloe but i will ring and see if my results are in so i guess i will just have to wait til then.

Anyway im gonna go run chloe a bath so i can have some morphine for my stupid stomach.

Luv Emz xxx

Well i had my blood test  and smear and they bloody hurt me LOL. No really wasnt that bad but it was very uncomfortable.. You see i dont haveany veins that you can actually see on my arms so it is guess work so she actually stabbed me 3 times before she got enough   blood . I checked with the nurse that it would  show up if i have got PID in the blood test and apparantly she  is checking everything . I should get the results for the bloood tomorrow and ssmear the day after so i guess i will have to wait and see now .

 Kylie has finnished her 1st week at her new school and she absolutly loves it!! Yesterday Kylies teacher was sick so shecould not come in so on the way home from the doctors  she insisted on picking some daffodiles for her teacher which she took into school for her today. 

Chloe is growing  up so fast. she has been walking to the school with me instead of taking the buggy and she has allready scuffed her new trainers i got her the weekend . i cant find her reins anywhere so it looks like im going to have to get her some more.

well i  best  run i havve to get chloe ready for  her walk to get her big sistr althjough at the moment she is rolling around on the floor trying to copy boogie beebies the little  nutter .

Hope u all have a great day

Luv Emz xxx

 

I really  should not bother going to the Dr maybe i should start diagnosing myself?!?  Ok so i told everything yes winnie including the weight loss and the weird eating thing but the answer to it all is pretty simple ITS STRESS yes im depressed thats why im not ovulating . Thats why my body hasnt let me be a woman most of woman hood . Thats why im throwing my guts up every/most mornings. Thats why i cant eat. Thats whyi have no appetite besides jaffa cakes coke and chip butties. Thats why im loosing weight(fast).

But even though it has nothing what so ever to do with my tubes , PID  or anything gynecological tomorrow i have to go and see the nurse for a blood test and a smear test oh im bouncing with excitement. Now if its nothing to do with my stomach in any way shape or form why do they want a smear test??? The blood test is because i demmanded it im hoping it will pick up PID if i have it as thats something that really scares me i know how dangerous it can be to your body. I then have to go back a see the dr 5 days after the smear . She also gave me a prescription for some tablets i have to take 3 times a day which i have to take for 7 days and they are magic apparantly i will stop being sixck and start eating but we will see.

Now ok so im stressed out hmm yeahh ok i am but thats cos i dont know what the hell is wrong wiith my body and normal family  stress. Imnot depressed either ive been depressed before i know what depression is ! The only  thing that is making me depressed right now is me not being told the truth im sorry but stress does not stop  your body from bleeding and make so many changes . I knew before io went they would not listen to  me !!!!

Im sorry but this is bullshit im sick of being told crap is  it so much to ask to be normal  ??  i mean  a normal woman ?? and just bleed once a month ovulate  fall  pregnant if u want to im sick of being told its not a  problem ! Ive  yeet  got to tell  Barry that until my periods reappear god knows when  there wont be a chance in hell of having any more kids which is gonna hit him like a rock so that will be fantastic.Cant wait

Ah well i have to run  fire alarm is screaming hope your all having a better day than me

Luv Emz xxx

Well all the plalava with Kylies mother is over and so  far the texts have stopped i spoke to my health visitor and she saidi did the right thing it will be a while before the court hearing so in the meantime i have been adviced if she comes near us im to ring the police and have her removed it also goes in my favour i have told her that i was advised not to allow her near Kylie unsupervised so all is good there.

Im not happy with the Drs after i built up the courage to make an appointment at the Drs i couldent because they somehow messed it up and im  only half registered and wont be properly registered untill 17th march grr by then i will be over 8 weeks late on my period i wanted an apppointment yesterday but cos i obviously cant wait until 17th to see a Dr so  Barry said im best to see my old Dr or at  least send him an email or something so i will ring them today and see if i can send him an email only because i find it really embarrassing to tell a male Dr . But if not i guess iwill have to go and see him anyway but i really dont want to.

Kylie also started her new school yesterday she loves it ! As soon as we got to her class she was giving me a kiss goodbye i thought she was going to be really shy but no she was gone. Off to play . I was worried about her all day but when we went to pick her up she came out beaming she was absolutly full of it.  She already has a best friend lol. Also one of her classmates lives just at the end of our road she found that hilarious . The teacher was really pleased with her she very quickly made friends and she said she is very polite , works hard and likes to help her friends . So all is good tere too

anyhoo have to run get the kids ready hope ylou all have a great day ,

Luv Emz xxx

Ok im feeling  really mad so if this ends out to be an essay i appoligise now because i am starting at the start because i will also be printing this off  for my health visitor ok so this afternoon i recieveda text message from Kylies mother it started nice however right now it is rather heated so heated i refuse to delete any messages to recieve any  more as i will go up there and paste the floor with her and im not in any way violent so yes im  pissed off!!!

Kylies mother:

Hows my daughter ?

Me : She is good  she starts her new school tomorrow!

Kylies mother :

Thats brilliant love her to bits .

Me: Yes of course you do.

Kylie's mother :I luv her so much give her all my luv and kisses and hugs and i'll try and come and see her soon

Me: Like i told you before u will see her when she wants to see you!

Kylies mother: im only being nice emily trying to be a mum u cant make Kylie make that kind of decision on her own  at that age  u r messing with her head that is cruel just cos you aint a good mum how would you feel if your baby gottaken away from  you. like my mum  is charlene

Me : (*by this point about to smash my  phone) Pissed again are we nikki ? Wake up to the real world if   you are trying so hard when are you trying ? The only person that fucks with her head is you you text when u feel  like it visit once a yr  no  wonder she isnt interested you only want to see her when you want a holiday   besides my health visitor said  no unsupervised contact and before u go calling  me a shit mum you want to take a good look at yourself!!

My  message inbox is currently FULL because i refuse to delete anyto recieve her junk and when i do delete some and i do recieve them theywill also be going to the health   visitor after all summer is coming this is what she does here in the UK its mothers day so obviously telling me im acrap mother  gives her a buzz how  pathetic!! Im sorry but  if anybody  sucks as a mum its her ! Did i take an overdose 7 months pregnant? Am i such a risk to  my children she isnt allowed them ? Do i put my children in cold baths? Do i  get drunk while i have my child with me? Do i  not contact my  children? Do i make my children say they love  me ? Do i visitmy children when i fancy a free holiday?

I'll tell you no i dont but yet kylies mother has done all this to Kylie and i had to fix her up again to make her to bright strong clever girl she is today. Kylie doesent even wish to speak to her mother let alone be in the same room as her she remembers her mother  putting her in  cold baths on her last visit she also remembers that her mother didnt take care of her very well . She is such a good mum  i sit here with a broken hearted child  for months after she sees her because she then discards her like she is nobody no phonecalls no txt not a peep not even 30p for a stamp and write a letter .

The woman makes me sick how dare she call me a bad mother i have 2 children 1 naturally both i love dearly and would fight the world for if anyone wants to get to  my kids they kill me first !! She has 5 children they have all been taken off of her because she is unfit to be a full time parent (serious mental issues) so bad that she almost killed one of them(kylie) .

Ok im going to stop here for now because im getting angry and its late i need to stat calming down deep deep breaths . LOL .

Sorry guys but i needed to blog this i do feel a little bit better now .

Luv Emz xxx

 

Well seems its mothers day i may as well blog before i go out lol. I need to get out of this bloody house its driving me crazy . Im feeling grouchy , Barry kept me awake most of the night his excuse is i became mike tyson me thinks not . He stole all the quilt and shouting at me   so ive been awake  since 4am freezen cold snuggled up with one of Chloes blankies . The girls were up til gone 9 last night so i thought they would have a lie in unfortunatly i was wrong and they were up by  6.15 . Kylie has been on one since she got up  im  glad she is about to go shop  with Daddy she isout to wind me up today she isaboutto find herself in time out . I refused to open my card and presents until Barry  got up so he got up aabout   9.15 i   got the most beautiful  card it was in a box and everything  so sweet  and kylie wrote in it lol it really wwas lovely . I got a heart magnet which is stuck to my computer desk that reads To a very special  mother you gave me life i give you  my love forever i nearly cried when i opened it andi got a mum necklace with  diamonds in it . We aare goning to  Dartmoor when Chloe wakes up i need to get out of this house carl andf sueare coming too  wewill be leaving  men in chargee of kids seems its mothers  day. Barry has called his mum and wished her happymothers day and i will text Kylies mother later when i get home .

Ok ii have to go and sort miss attituude problem out  (please  excuse the blood (haha only joking i promise not to  kill her today tomorrow maybe hehehe ) and im being moaned at to get ready to go

Hope all UK mummys  have an awesome day with your children 

Everyone have a great day

Luv Emz xxx