I been feeling a bit empotional today . Buti managed to see that councellor yesterday she rang me yesterday morning and said she could squeeze me in for 30 mins at 3.15 . That was a long 30 mins lol. There really wasnt much she could say as she isnt really trained to deal with this sort of stuff though she will try to help in the time between me getting more suitable councelling sorted. She was nice though andshe gave me some numbers where i can get the help i need she gave me both mobile and landline numbers its councelling for woman who have had a pregnancy ended in trauma. Also they will speak to me over the phone in an emergency if i really need to talk . Thing is though its at the hospityal where it is based i told her thati  have already refused an aappointment as i dont want to go there i will go to the hospital for this meeting but that is all . But she said that was ok because in these circumstances i obvioussly wont be comfortable so they will arrange a place to meet up instead like mcdonalds or something. So thats cool and she gave me the number for the mental health team but i think i am going to stay away from that one for now and try this other one.

Obviously with my story being in the papers its on the net too . Seeming that there were so many lies printed i decided to give my pennys worth . After all i did this to get their butts moving and to get heard so it is known to people of  torbay so it encourages others it may have happened to to come forward . Anyway here my comment

Some of above is NOT true . The foetus was white like stated above but also black when i first approached the hospital to make a complaint against the female gynae Dr i was told to speak to the gynae matron who told me i could not make a complaint simply because all i apparantly saw was bbloodclots . I admit there were blood clot in the bottom of the urine sample jar but above these laid my foetus. Thias is how my miscarriage was announced before my eyes was the baby that was minutes before inside my belly only a few days previous (4 days) we had a healthy heartbeat . How cruel. Therefore i had no choice but to take it to the herald hopefully stop this happening to another torbay mother in the meantime. After this i was suddenly able to make a complaint. I was told this dr would be questioned they said they had no idea why she did this to myself and my partner (my father was also present when partner was shown foetus). I demanded a full apology & explanation also for this crazy woman to NEVER again work with another woman either miscarrying or suspected miscarriage. I think she has issues and does not deserve this position . This happened on 6.5.08 now being 30.5.08 i still have NO APOLOGY, NO EXPLANATION & NO hearing of this woman being even spoken to on this matter . I lost the foetus on the comode i used the comode just as my partner was leaving i felt something much bigger than a clot i grabbed my partners hand when it was brought bk to me i knew for sure what it was. She called them 'the groceries' she wanted to examine me and i refused to let her near me until my partner was present she had done enough at the time i was holding the sample that contained my foetus . I told them tuesday they have until todays post for my explanation and apology if they fail to do this i will mach there myself and recieve it !!!!! Also i havent had a follow up with the gynae dr in question although when i went to the hospital for my scan she was in the early preg unit she had the cheek to say hello and asked if i was ok ? I totally ignored her juststarred . They seem to think if they ignore me long enough i will go awasy maybe they should get a reality check and realise i wont . I wll NEVER again be treated in torbay hospital no matter the circumstances it was bhad enough i had had a miscarriage without being shown the proof only now i also demand to know what thius womaan did with my foetus as she never once mentioned the foetus in the medical notes. I will stand for my angel in heavem there was existance and they will admit it . All involved in this should be v ashamed ecspecially the gynae dr i will never forgive her for this . Heres hoping this doesent happen to anyone else i cant get the images of wat i saw out my head and i would hate to hear someone else has been through this its disgusting... Emily Fairchild, Torbay
 

   

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Comments 1 to 3 of 3 function checkForm(){ var err = new Array(); userName = document.storyComments.userName.value; locationName = document.storyComments.locationName.value; commentDesc = document.storyComments.commentDesc.value; commentDescLen = document.storyComments.commentDesc.value.length; if(isWhitespace(userName)){ err[err.length] = "Name can't be blank."; } if(isWhitespace(locationName)){ err[err.length] = "Location can't be blank."; } email = document.storyComments.email; if(isWhitespace(email.value)){ err[err.length] = "Email address can't be blank."; } else if(!checkEmail(email)){ err[err.length] = "Email address must be valid (like foo@bar.com)."; } if(isWhitespace(commentDesc)){ err[err.length] = "Comment can't be blank."; } if (commentDescLen > 4000){ err[err.length] = "Comment can't be greater than 4000 characters."; } //Added for Pound Sign problem re = /£/g; str = commentDesc; newstr = str.replace(re, "£"); newstr = replace(newstr, 'n', ' '); document.storyComments.hdnCommentDesc.value=newstr; var msg = "Kindly correct the following problems before submitting the comment n"; if(err.length > 0) { for (i=0; i [p]Sorry i had to delete the other comments obviously they dont know i am blogging this so its not fair .

But i will tell u one of them had a rough time before she was even seen and the other was someone telling me its disgusting and that i should take it to the BBC if i feel able.

Tonight i put the pups on the net on preloved pets and my friend has put an advert in her shop window so hopefully they will go soon.

Barry says i have to go drs on monday moany bugger that he is lol . He is getting sexually frustrated i think lol . No seriously i am still bleeding its been nearly a month now i know they said i couldent have unprotected sex for 4 weeks but this is taking the mickey . Funny thing is i seem to be getting fat although im not eating and my abdomen is swallen but i really dont see the point cos i aint going back to the hospital .

Luv Emz xxx

 

Alittle over a week ago i sent both my cousins on facebook a joint message see im lazy to ask if any of them had any idea how my mother found out i had a miscarriage anyway i ended up asking how my uncle gary was after they both replied . ( i lived with him when i was 16) . She said that he was good and that he wasnt on facebook well i turnt it on last night and i had a friend suggestion from my cousin for my ncle i just went and checked and heis now my friend  YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY  .

Sorry bit excited

My mind is melting ! When i read my stry in the paper this morning i was at first glad it was fnally out but as i read on and i got to the hospitals part well i nearly choked on the BS . Seriously where do they get off ??? They make me sick !! I got really mad and got straight on the phone to the hospital and got put through to the patient advice and liason sevices officer bummer it was too early so i left a message on the answer phone and basically said i demanded to know why they have got lies printted oiin my story and i wanted an explanatuion asap.

In the meantime i rattled my brain for a bit and i wondered if there was the slightest chance that my local MP could possibly help me . So i googled it well if a girl dont try a girl dont know. So anyway i found this website of his with his adress phone number and email address. I was in a right state there was no way i could talk to him on the phone so i decidded to write him an email . I explained what is happening at the moment and so it wasnt too bad for me i gave him a link to my blog 7.5.08 the day after the miscarriage. I explained i am at my wits end and am struggling to keep it together and still with no aplogy at all and no explanation i cant heal and i need to be strong here for the sake of my kids at least . That i didnt know where else to turn and asked if there was any way at all he could help me .

Yesi pretty much begged but i really need this to be over with . I just been in to check my emails and i am very suprised to see i have already had a reply and he was ever so kind.

Dear Ms Fairchild   Thank you for your email dated 28th May regarding your recent treatment at Torbay Hospital.   I cannot imagine how you must be feeling at this time and please accept my sympathies. As you can appreciate I have no medical training or knowledge so it is impossible for me to advise you on the details of your case. What I can do however is write to the Chief Executive of Torbay Hospital Trust, Tony Parr, and ask that your complaint is investigated with the utmost urgency.  Once the hospital has completed the investigation if there are any procedures you think they haven't followed again I will be happy to chase them up.   Please get in touch if you would like me to write to Mr Parr as discussed above. If I can be of assistance in any other way please do not hesitate to contact me.   Yours sincerely   Adrian Sanders

YES SUCCESS!!!! Finally this should definatly get that ball rolling . I managed to speak to the guy at the hospital he called back to have me screaming at him yet again boy i do feel a bit bad about that he is the middle man really . He denies telling the herald that i have been written to with an explanation and a metting offer . Also i yelled at him about the fact i never had a follow up with the dr in question i saw her at my scan in the waiting room i ignored her due to barry holding me down .

He told me the letter is still being worked on it apparantly takes a long time to write an explanaation . He doesent think i am going to like it much but still i will have it. He wont tell me anymore than that regarding the explanation. Basically filled me with a load of rubish.

I have a funny feeling im going to have a fight on my hands here . I want to know what he meant by im not going to like it very much hmmmmm. 

But hopefully i will be able to see a councellor omorrow god dont i need it. Barry didnt read the paper until he got home from work . He had all his ates ringing him at work asking if he knew he was in the paper . He got really mad when he saw it his only words were 'it wouldent be so bad if they didnt lie so much' he had a coffee and has gone to have a man chat with carl. 

My nans going bonkers! I knew she got a paper first thing in the mporning so i rang her this morning and asked if she had got a paper today i told her to read page 6 and  she told me to hang on she got her paper out and found the right page . She said holly shit its you what happened . I told her to read it and i would call her back in 10 mins. I called her back it was engaged finally got through i asked if she read it she said yeah some of it since she has rang 6 times . For those of you that dont know my nan is senile i have told her everything she is a mum to me really she just cant remember . Anyway she is frantic about it she asked me if i wanted her to ring the hospital and have a go at them and i told her there was no use ive shouted at them lots and they are still moving like snails bless her she is so funny . Love her. 

Ok maybe i should shut up now! 

Luv Emz xxx 

Mum's heartache after hospital 'remains' row.

A torquay mother claims she has been left 'heartbroken' after being shown the 'remains' of her miscarried child at torbat hospital.

Emily F................. , 23 , of s.......... ................. R.......... (sorry didnt write these as it contains most of my address) , was 8 weeks pregnant when she miscarried.

Emily and her partner said they were left crying when they saw what appeared to be a small white foetus in a test tube like bottle.

The allegation is curently being investigated by torbay hospital. which says 'is as yet not fully in accordance with the description of events relayed to us through the newspaper'.

Emily , mother to daughter Chloe , aged 2 , and step - daughter Kylie , aged 5 , had her pregnancy confirmed at torbay hospital in April.

She was in so much pain that her partner , Barry ...... , 30 , rushed her to the hospital's accident and emergency department.

Emily said , " I got to the hospital at about 5.30pm but we still hadnt been seen by anyone after an hour. We had to go to the desk and say 'things arereally bad I really need to be examined now ' . I was having such bad pains in my stomach.

"A really nice nurse then took us through and put me in a room so i could have privacy. " They then took me to 'resus' . I got there and that was where it happened. I lost the baby."

Emily said there seemed to be a shift change in staff and a differant doctor treated her.

Emily claimed: " Afterwards she left what was like a urine sample bottle, like a test tube , on the bedside table. She told me i'd had a miscarriage and handed me the bottle saying ' theres your remains ' .

I knew my partner was coming so i wrapped it in tissue - I knew it would upset him. But when he got there the doctor took it from me and unwrapped it and gave it to him. He just started crying."

The hospital have since told Emily a foetus , normally 2.5 centimetres long at 8 weeks, could not be seen in the bottle.

But Emily said: My partner also knows what he saw.

" I was so shocked and so sad. I havent been able to sleep or eat because i just keep thinking about what i saw. I just feel heartbroken."

Complain.

Partner Barry claimed: " They had told me Emily would be in hospital overnight so i left to get her a change of clothes. When i got back Emily was clutching a bottle and was hysterical. The doctor or nurse then unwrapped it , without asking me if i wanted to see it , and showed me 'the remains ' ."

Emily said she had tried to complain through the hospitals Patient Advice Liason Services and was told to speak to the matron of gynaecology.

Emily said: " I did but i dont feel like it's being taken seriously. They told me i coulden't make a complaint because what happened hadn't been written in the doctors notes."

A spokeswoman at Torbay Hospital said: " The matron rang the patient, at the request of our patient advice and liason service , to explain that she was investigating what had happened and firs needed to speak to the doctor when they were next on shift.

"She explained this was because , until she had been able to do that, she only had the notes to go on. We have tried to keep the patient updated with the investigation now the doctor has been spoken to.

" The patient has had a clinical follow - up with the doctor that attended to her in A&E . She is also being offered the opportunity to meet with a senior clinician to go through her concernsin detail as - from its investigations so far- what the hospital understands took place is as yet not fully in accordance with the description of events relayed to us through the newspaper.

" If a woman attends A&E  and appears to be miscarrying , we would normally , if there was time , try to transfer her from A&*E to a gynaecology ward.

" A doctor would attend and would collect and retain what the woman passes during the miscarriage. This is safely kept - not in a test tube but in a special closed , non-see-through container.

" Later , the parents ' wishes would be discussed. A record would be made , and if there is a foetus , this would be photographed so that the parents if they wished, could have a photo to keep. Sadly , this is not possible where the miscarriage takes place in very early pregnancy , before a recognisable foetus has begun to form ."

A patient advice and liason service officer has since written to Emily with an explanation , offering a meeting to discuss anything further .

I will blog my views on this later .

 

I am so very very MAD !!!!!! To say the least im also angry and frustrated . I swear torbay hospital are going under !!! I feel sorry for the patient officers ear . I just went crazy down the phone to him. Aweek ago i was told this matron was writting to me with an apology and explaining everything 1 week on still no letter . Also i stated i will not be haappy after the letter and WILL be having a meeting there are no ifs or buts about it. He thought his letter  was rather reasonable and round about what i said what a load of bollocks.

I screamed at him its been 3 weeks now i dont have as much as an apology. Aweek ago i was promised a letter explaining everyuthing and what that phycho bitch of a dr did with my foetus a week on the stupid woman hasnt even written it. They are taking the complaint from the day it was recieved so now that it makes it my fault they didnt take it . I told him the only reason it isnt in the papaer as of yet is because people are using guns and knifes and setting off bombs. I screamed at him they have till friday at 5pm to get this letter to me then i will visit the hospital myself and find the woman myself and in the meantime i will be finding oout where i stand legally in all this. He seems to think they will get this letter to me asap which i will believe when i see.

So i emailed naomi (reporter) to ask if she yet knew when this story was goig to be published because my mental state is getting bad and i need them to start moving 3 weekss on still no apology . She got straight back to me bless her heart she has been amazing .

Hi Emily,   I'm sorry, I have been really pushing newsdesk to get this in asap (when stories are placed isn't my decision). I was promised it would go in last week and then they said it would be today. I have now been told it will 'definitely' be tomorrow (Wednesday). I'm sorry to have kept you waiting and newsdesk have asked that I send apologies on their behalf.   I hope you're ok, considering the circumstances.   Kind regards   Naomi     

  Thank goodness i am so relieved hopefully things will start moving . I rang citizens advice aswell to see where i stand legally they are sending me some information about what i can do. I may be really low but im not stupid so i rang the drs too see if this councillor can get me in any quicker at all unfortunatly no free appointments fully booked . But she said if i call them on thursday then as i am desperate to see somebody they may be able to squeeze me in somewhere .   Ive just had enough of it all i want it a;ll to end its gone on long enugh . My head is screwed i need to start getting over this but i cant while im still living it. Just so mad angry and frustrated sorry but i needed to get this out and scream just so sick of it all.   Luv Angry Emz xxxx

 

I dont have a clue !! Chloe is 2 next month so i need to start gettingh her some birthday presents . Thing is i havent got a clue what to get her. I was going to gwet her a big play house but kylie has this little barbie playhouse and they hardily play with it. She has buggies , a car , a bike between them they have 6 toy boxes and they are all overflowing . They have their elecronic toys in the cupboard under chloes bed. She has loads of clothes. I am just so out of ideas.

Well Chloe is going in her big bed tonight . Im dreading it we tried last month and she just kept gettingout again and for love or money she wasnt staying there. But Barry rekons she is gettingtoo old for her cot.

Going to book the girls in for their immunisations today kylie is over a year late for her one and chloe is 6 months late so ithink i hhad better get them done. I need to see the dr anyway and get some more sleeping tablets. Also ask her or beg her shall i say to give me something to stop this bleeding its driving me mad now its asif i am having a period when its not its been 3 weeks now ive had enough.

My councelling starts te 5th . It cant come quick enough i feel like im going mad . The last 3 weeks have dragged so much. I have not felt so low in years . But they sleeping tablets are great although i could have done without them last night someone did my eye in ehile i was asleep either barry has attacked me or  one of the cats but i blame barry the cats cant talk lol its pointless blaming them lol.

I told kylie i would take her up the pet shop and we can go to mcdonalds for lunch today as its really miserable out so the parkk is a no no and so is the beach . Kylie likes the rabbit there so she is a bit excited .

Ah well better run have to get some milk and oh bummer pups have escaped argh

Luv Emz xxx

They are driving me insane they were 6 weeks yesterday they are hardly feeding from pepsi now and pepsi is fed up with them. They are cutting her with their teeth and ragging her bigtime. At 3 this morning they were barking at nothing . They keep escaping and they poop like there is no tomorrow. We really need to get rid of them soonim thinking in the next week. it wont be anywhere near as bad with just buster. They have got tothe stage where they need alot of attention and alot of handling.

Heres some pics from last weekend when barry took the girls and pupps over the park.

They love this xmas tree box they often sleep in it lol

Kylie & Jerry playing with pups

I tried taking a pic of buster yesterday but instead he decided to lick the camera lol

Chloe did go to the park aswell but there appears to be no photos of her for some strange reason.

Hope ur all having a great weekend

Luv Emz xx

Not really done much this weekend Barry took the girls down the beach yesterday he wanted me to go too but i wanted some time alone and i stayed and got half sorted with my washing and my bedroom. They came back just beofer dinner .

My friend Leonie came round with her husband and son . We are repairing our friendship bit by bit . We have been seing each other as hour here houre there and since i had the miscarriage she has been fantastic . We are getting on much better now it was nice to have her here. I am a bit worried about her though like me she has always had problems with her periods and all and has been bugging her dr for years for a hysterectomy well wednesday she gets her wish. 7.30am she will be taken into surgery and splat she is not going to be able to do anything for 2 weeks yet she is too excited to think about any of this she just wants them to take the lot . But i know her better than she knows herseklf and i know sheis scared shitless and she wont admit it . She has a fear of needles and has to have magic cream . I will call her tuesday and go see her thursday but inm just really worried about her .

Today again i felt really tired and i had a lovely 2 hour nap . Barry has finally noticed just how bad kylies behaviour has gottin and has stepped up with her a peg or 2 maybe these sleeping tablets were a good thing ? Kylie missed out on her late night tronight because she has been very mouthy and she has been naughtu all day and we agreed if she cant behave in the day she dont get to stay up at night maybe she will learn but we will see.

Barry has gone out to carls after we had a few words about the way he has been and always drinking he hasnt gone 1 day without a drink since the miscarriage and seems i dont drink at all its beginning to annoy me. So hopefully he has gone to have a big think about it.

Anyway my bath is getting cold so im off .

Luv Emz xx

Is an apology so much to bloody ask for ??? Monday i was told thois stupid matron was supposeed to write to me with this reply. Today i got a letter it was from trhe hospital i got all excited thinking it was her reply i know its sad. But i have been waiting so long and i just want it all over. So anyway heres the letter i will delete names obviously

Dear Ms ---------------

I am writing following your recent phone conversations with the trusts patient services manager, Mr F-- H-----. I am aware of your complaint about the care you recieved in the accident and emergency department at torbay hospital on 6 may 2008 and was extremely sorry to hear that you had a miscarriage at that time. I have also seena copy of the letter , dated 15 may 2008, which you delivered to the hospital over the weekend.

I would like to confirm that you agreed with Mr H---- that the most helpful way for us to deal with your complaint is for the matron of gynaecology service K----- M---------, to write to you with a full rewsponse to your complaint. She will do this as quickly as possible. If after you have considered her letter, you feel that face to face meeting with senior staff would be helpful, this will be arranged. If you would like any support during this process, our PALS officer, C----- B---------, will be happy to provide what ever help or advice she can. She can be contacted on ------------------.

I am very sorry that you feel the trust has not responded as quickly as it should have to your complaint and i hope that mrs m---------'s letter will provide you with a satisfactory response. .

I have enclosed a copy of our patient information lleaflet "we want to know what you think???" which i hope will be helpful.

Yours sincerely

Ms S C---------

Acting chief executive.

Very clever isnt it ???? I did speak to Mr H---- on the phone on monday and i did agree that a full response to my complaint would be only a START to a way forward to how this matter should be dealt with. The way the letteris put out at the first sighting looked ok then when i read it to barry i realised it a load oif crap and they are covering their asses . They seem to think i get a letter thats it over with no i dont think so . They dont have a clue what im going through i will never get hospital treatment again because of this and if they think they are getting away tyhat lighty they are seriously wrong. I cant eat i cant sleep unless i take sleeping tablets i have nightmares and little images in my head and all this is because of this stupid woman . I am really geting mad at it all now . At this rate i will have my scans and nbotes before an apology. Not that my notes are going to tell me much because the stupid woman never wrote them all grrrrrr.     

Just to top ity all off i log on here and i cant send minti mail aghain ggggrrrrrrrr yet again my send buttton has disappeared   

Ok calm calm calm calm . Ha i know something good did happen today though chloe had her first visit with her new health visitor this afternoon. She was lovely and so understanding. She said its been a year coming up since i last saw a health visitor woopsie. I said i thought after 12 months she didnt need weighing etc. Since she has beena healthy baby . She was suprised to hear i have never had any concerns for chloes health . She hasnever been to hospital since she was born and only on occassions seen a dr. As they see me as a 1st time mum they expect me to worry every time she hasa temp so i had to explain that ive had kylie from 13 months.

She asked a few questions about both my mother and kylies mother. I exzplained we havent seen nikki since late may 2007 amd kylie doesent wish to speak to or seeher. As some of you know nikki has played alot of games with kylies head and ive spent the the  last year going through hell to sort her out. I told hjer Kylie still now at least oncea week she will bring up the fact her mother put her in a cold bath obviously she wanted to know more so i told her she came down with a load of friends expecting us to let them all stay her staying in kylies bedroom . She took kylie out for 1 hour came back and downed 2 cans of beer totally ignored kylie all day put her in a cold bath twice . I had to stop i said i could go on buti  would be here all day . Then she asked what about your mother ??? Is she around ?? I just looked at her and gave a sharp NO  . She just looked at me . So i said ok my mother disowned me i told her to make her choice and she made it. She chose a rapist her choice her lose. She got the gist very quickly and dropped it.

She was very pleased with chloes weight and behaviour etc she was being so cheeky she was undoing her shoes between eating her lunch and playing and watching tv . I  had just changed chloes smelly bum so she never had any trousers on and she commented she looked very healthy and happy.

But she said i looked really tired and worn down and looked as though i was about to burst into tears . So i told her what happened and that im not sleeping or eating well and she was very understanding .

Unlike barry and kenny they are annoying me Barry is off telling all his mates im not eating and im down and crap and they both decided to sit here and tell how crap i look and withdrawn and tired i am and how i am so skinny . I just dont want to hear it whats the point in eating stuff i know i am only going to bring back up . Later he will say he was only joking but he isnt and it really annoys me cos i cant help it its just the way i feel at the moment and its going to take time i just wish he would understand that.

  Hoe cool is that ???

Sorry i will shut up now sorry its been so long i gotr carried away LOL

Luv aEmz xx

She is amazing. I love her so much sometimes i dont know what i would do without her. She just makes me sooo happy. She is my yesterday, today , tomorrow and forever she is my everything.

So beautiful love her millions. XXXXX

Luv Emz xxx

OMG i am so tired . I think i had better give the sleeping tableet a miss tonight. I feel awful i feel asleep after putiing chloe to bed at about 10.30 and i woke up about an hour ago and chloe was happily playing in her cot. i promised myself i would get this housework done today as i have chloes healthvisitor coming which i have been putting off the last 2 weeks and if she turns up to a mess she is going to wonder what the hell is going on lol.

I really have to get on with things but my eyes are just closing and i cant go to sleep now . Hopefully by the time the kids arei n bed i will feel more awake but i dont think tonight will be an early one the ammount i have slept since monday . God i feel like i was legless before i went to sleep .

Anyway sitting here isnt getting anything done and i at least want to get the hoover round before wwe go get kylie . Chloe walks to the school now without her reins. She is doing really well although she scraped her knee a few times yesterday . Anyhoo must do housework .

Luv Emz xxx

Oh my its so quiet on here tonight . Im so bored . Im not using faacebook at the moment since i dont know exactly who is looking at it . Seems news is travelling very fast and straight to my mother so me is staying away. My mother has somehow found out i had a miscarriage and is once again using my nan to get info only she has forgotton.

Rang that patient officer guy today i got bored of waiting he wasnbt there so i left him a message to call me back as i wasnt happy its been 2 weeks since the incident still i dont even have a bloody apology. He called back about an hour later and i asked if he had spoke to the matron? He had and she says she is willing to reply to my complaint . Now i am getting mad this woman has STILL not even been pulled on this matter . Also i want the cow to apoloigize to my face i dont want not sucking up letter . So now i just have to await this reply argh this is really doing my head in now . I know what they are trying to avoid. Telling me where the hell my foetus went to ??? Also a face to face apology . He said i can have a meeting with her igf i have any questions after fo they seriously think i am going to just drop this??? I will see what this letter says and then im gonna go mad.

Straighht after i rang nichole (reporter) and asked her how it was going with my story and great news there she has finnished its ready to be published its just unfortunate that there are so many people at the moment jumping in the sea and pulling guns on people . They want it as close to the front as possible so they need to get articvles about these things the police are requesting first so hopefully by the end of the week things will have calmed down and it will be put in YAY . Im hoping then the hospityal actually move their asses. I told nicole thati still havent even got an apology so she said she will get it out as quick as possible. Ij ust need all this over with i need tostart moving on, I am so fed up with it all .

Chloe isnt very well so far she has been up twice she had a temp and was rea;lly croaky and miserable poor baby i feel so sorry for her. Not only is she covered in exzema she has a cold coming too. So not fair.

Anyhoo im off for a bit eastenders is on in a minutte .

Luv Emz xxx

Well yesterday me and chloe went to the doctors works out chloes rashes are exzema like i thought it was. Poor little thing is so sore it everywhere. She took another look at my side and said because its the muscle under my ribs its often quite painful but it should be better in about 2 weeks. She gave me some sleeping tablets too which are fantastic i had more sleep llast night than in the last 2 weeks it was lovely.

Guess what matron never rang me.But i did get a call from thepatient manager to say he has recieved my complaint and his phone number name etc . If i need to talk to anyone about it instead of ringing that stupid matron and this guy said if he isnt around if i leave a message he will call me back the same day. Great stuff.

My nan rang yesterday asking when i had a miscarriage i told her i did tell you it was 2 weeks ago. But it really baffled me cos if she has forgot about me telling her . Whohas told her ?? She said auntie jane told her but i dont speak to her so how would she know ? I sent her a text asking how she knew . ?? OMG my mother told her ??????????? wtf iis with that crazy stuff how the hell?? It was seen on my facebook account . I am so mad i sent my sister a message on facebook to pass on i didnt get a very nice reply claws came out a bit but still i expected it just pissed i moved here for a reason to get away from them it none of their bloody buisness. I just want them to leave me alone .

I need to ring the hospital today to book Barry a ultrasound scan . He has had this lump for about 6 months now that he has been taking anti biotics for the last 6 months but it isnt going down at all . So they think he might have a tuma there but if it is it will be easily removed or hwatever it is but we will see .

Anyway must run gotta get these kids ready and get kylie off to school.

Luv Emz xxx

OMG  - We have been playing with the puppies tonight and we noticed 1 of them has got 6 toes . How bloody weird is that???? At first i thought it was my imagination but no both jerry and barry checked itt definatly has 6 toes. I cant believe it its well strange. We were saying only minutes before how there are no problems with any of the pups they are all healthy then i noticed the 6 toes. Never seen a dog with 6 toes before. Anyway im going bed my head is beginning to spin dr gave me some sleeping tablets today and they sedate me for 4-5 hours so im gonna make sure i get all the sleep they allow me . YES i might actuallly sleep tonight . God i cant get over that 6 toed pup so so so so weird.

Night

Luv Emz xxxx

Whats happened to my princess girl??? OMG she has trashed my kitchen bigtime . She thought it would be a good idea to get my butter out and spread it everywhere it was all on her and all on the floor and iits still on the cupboards the doors the oven the washing machine its bloody everywhere she has covered my kitchen in 1kg of buter argh . NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO. Dont you just love kids???

I forget most of you are the other side of the worlds lmao.Well guess what finally i have got rid of my written complaint . I got annoyed with waiting and seems i had to to go to the hospital to see the dr anyway i thought i may as well try. I asked the dr omn my way out who i was best off giving a written complaint to his answer was good question but it was worth asking. Anyway i dashed over to the main entrance and asked the guy at bthe desk he said i need to take it to the P.A.L.S. office today i explained i am having trouble with them reguarding the complaint he said well i dont know who else you can give it to. But i wasnt giving up that easy . I asked if the manager of the hospital was about he said he could buzz the on call hospital manager that would be fine i said . See it pays toask. He said he was freeto see me so i took a seat. He sat next to me i asked him to PLEASE PLEASE take my complaint he saw it said written complaint re miscarriage at the top. He asked if i could give him a few details as to what the complaint was about . I asked if there was anywhere more private we could talk. He found a office that weas free. I explained what happened and that i wasnt believed until the herald was infoprmed . He said he would take the complaint into the P.A.L.S. office and make sure it is read in his prescence .

Fantastic . I explained to him they keep saying they are going to call me from like 6days ago now but i dont recieve the calls and that it makes me feel they are ignoring me in hope i will go away ands i told him i will keep going untill the end i saw what is still supposed to be inside me growing i promised him i know what i saw and for that reason i will fight them. He assured me they arnt ignoring me and dont expect me to just go away. So hopefully now it will start moving a bit faster.

Back to drs today will be ringing them when they open chloe has a rash which looks a bit like exzema it started coming out saturday and come last night it was all down her side then i got her up today it on the top of her back and top of her legs poor little thing is covereed. Also i want him to look at my side i know yesterday the dr upo the hosp said i pulled a muscle but i hit it again last night i sat here and slept last night coss i couldent lie down and get in bed . Now this morning there is a massive bruise there its agony i can hardly move

Im meant to be getting a call for this meeting with the matron and clinical director today but i wont hold my breathe lol anyhoo i better get kylies lunch done YAY back to school today. She has drove me crazy this weekend.

Luv Emz xxx

BOOHOO I am sulking i hurt. I think i have a chest infection i was going to see the dr friday but i was waiting for the hospital to phone. But now its terrible . I can barely sleep i just cough and cough. Yesterday every time i coughed my whole stomach killed  still does then yesterday after noon my side started hurting underneath my ribs at first it only hurt inside. But from last ight it hurts on the outside too i think i have pulled a muscle or something . Ive been trying to take my top off the last 20 mins and i cant :( . I think i will ring the emergency drs today see if i can get an appointment cos its driving me nuts. Also last night when i got Chloe out the bath on the way out i hurt my shoulder so that hurts too.

I would ask Barry for a massage but that would mean being nice so i will give that one a miss. He said some hurtful stuff yesterday what was way below the belt . I spent most of theday in bed yesterday and proberbly do the same today.

Anyway for now these dishes need doing and i need to try and get this top off somehow LOL

Luv Emz xxx

Chloe cuddling buster i think its so cute !

Isnt that adoreable Buter snuggled up to his sister aww.

My Baby isnt such a baby no more she is so into drawing now she loves it and she actually keeps it on the paper too bless her.

Ah Chloe does love Buster i think she is happy with my choice . My little princess sticks by me no matter what bless her !

Luv Emz xxx

Ok so the hospital are beginning to get to me. come yesterday morning i still hadbnt heard from the matron who BTW was supposed to call me 4 days ago now to arrange a meeting for my apology still ive heard nothing . 2 days ago the executive of the hospital were supposed to call me back To help me with my complaint . I just want it all over . Late yesterday i managed to speak to the lady from P.A.L.S i spoke to in the beginning. Guess what this gyne dr that should have been pulled 4 days ago still hasnt. Now she is being pulled monday . I am really getting pissed off nobody can tell me nothing.

I recieved these emails :

Our Patient Advice and Liaison Officer will be trying to contact you today, to offer you the opportunity to meet with the matron and the clinical director.

 Thank you so much iappreciate your reply and help . Yes i did speak to the matron on a few occasions yet she was supposed to get back to me yesterday. I just want to know whats happened as at the moment there is no recognition for it as there are no notes about it . At first the matron did nt believe me it wasnt until i informed the herald i was believed unfortunatly hence the outcome . Again thanks so much for forwarding the email i hope things now get sorted 
 

Glad that my replies have been of some help.  I’m told that the matron has tried a number of times to reach you by phone since you last spoke to her. Hopefully you’ll have heard from our PALS officer by now. 

 

Im sorry but that is lies i have been home apart from taking my step daughter to school and my phone has not rang. Your replies have been fantastic ive had more use out of what you have told me than anyone so far. Thanks so much i appreciate it. I heard from P.A.L.S today i think i spoke to the person that put me in touch with the matron.She said to expect a call mondayby which time it will be a week and 6 days after the incident . Thanks again.

I just feel like i am wasting my time . I cant find out who i need to address my complaint too as nobody will tell me . The herald are currently working on the article and i dontr even have an apology and by the sounds of it im nowhere near it. At this rate i will have my medical records before an apology. They seem to be really dragging it out and i just want it all over. Ive spoke to so many people yet all i get told is i will ring you back and the call never arrives. Im just so pissed off and angry with it all.

Luv Emz xxx

Well things are really moving now . I got a bit mad that that matron never phoned me i waited untill lunchtime and then got on the phone i rang the hosputal this time i never asked for P.A.L.S. instead i chose to explain to the person on the other end of the phone whats been going on 1 day not allowed to complain the next i am . I told her she was meant to call me last night after she spoke to the nurse in question yet i am still waiting. She was suprised at that and said nobody can stop you from complaining i told her whatthe matron had said and she said ok hang on a moment and i will put you through to the executive i think she said of the hospital they will be able to help you further. I told her what had happeneed i am now waiting for her to ring me back she wasnt too imressed it took the papers for me to be ableto complain. She advised me i should contact the miscarriage assosiation as at the time i was very upseet . Also as you can proberly guess seems my foetus has not been put in my notes or anything i want to know what happened to it so i wanted to ask if i had that right also i explained how upset and hurt i am. Also how the nurse has made me feel so angry and the hospital not helping me much. Theey were fantastic help here i will copy paste the message its nothing i havent told you guys.

Thank you for contacting The Miscarriage Association. I was very sorry to hear that you sadly suffered a miscarriage recently and can appreciate what a difficult time this is for you. I do hope our organisation can help provide you with any support and information you need.   It was sad to hear about the lack of information you have been given about your foetus and it's understandable that you feel angry about this.   The hospital will have routine procedures for what happens to miscarried babies or foetuses and they should be able to tell you what that is and what has happened in your case. If you can't get this information from the ward or a bereavement officer, why not try the hospital chaplain?   Hospitals should be responsible to dispose of the remains in a sensitive way and they really should be talking through with you, how this is done if this is the case. It is possible that if you are making an official complaint and also talking to the media that this might make them a bit more cautious in talking to you and it may have been passed on to the hospital trust (which you could always write to). This however shouldn't really make a difference in you finding out the information, which you are entitled to do.   I do hope you can find something out soon and if we can help in any other way, do contact us here at anytime.   Best wishes   Lisa at The M.A.   She lead me into the right direction i googled torbay hospital trust . Isaid aboutthe complaint and me wanting to know whats happened to the foetus silly me pressed the wrong button and sent it to the wrong person yet i still got a reply it went to a website  

Your message has arrived via our website and I have forwarded it to the hospital’s manager for women’s services.  I know that she is aware that the matron spoke to you earlier this week.  I very much hope that she can help you – I know she will do everything possible.  We are very sorry indeed that you have had such an upsetting time.

I didnt personally get this email until after 5 so i guess the manager will get back to me tomorrow at least i hope,

As for the herald they called last night to make sure much hasnt changed before my story gets published which should be early next week. The reporter i have been doing this with is at a funeral today but she will be calling Barry tomorrow to ask him a few questions basically the same as me just from his point of view. So really they are moving faster .

Afterall ive been waiting 2 days just for a meeting time for that witch to apoligise to me. I wonder if she even got pulled??? But still i should find out tomorrow . I will not be taken as a fool and they can ignore as much as they like i wont go away until i have it sorted i will be their worst nghtmare lol.

Also i got called into Kylies school today when i got the call they said it was reguarding her behaviour but unfortunatly it doesent stop there . Kylie is sppending alot of time out on the naughty chair lately . The behaviour reason i was called in was because she was being rude to the dinnerlady. They are supposed to line up quietly to wait fortheir lunch no talking til hey are sat down well Kylie would not shut up . She was told to stop talking 5 times and each time she said NO !!! For this she was put on the timeout chair apparantly sahe is like this quite alot. I asked if she was a bully because of the way she is with chloe lately she said she is kind to everyone just wont do as she is told . I explained to her i was going to speak to her because i get it at home too i shown her what Kylie did tp Chloes head yesterday when she tipped her out the buggy she was amazed . The other problem is more to do with her learnming she is struggling at school i think its her concentration its just that the teacher says to the whole class go find something to do everybody will find something yet Kylie will just stand there . She cant make up her mind for herself thbe teacher has to give her a few things to choose from and if there is more than 2 she gets confussed . But they said they would inform me if this got worse or ifother problems in this area develop so we will see what happems

Luv Emz xxx

I want to scream. Im seriously thinking of moving out for a while with Chloe of course. Im sick of the arguements im sick of kylies behaviour and im getting sick of the pups too.

The last weeek has been such a struggler and now my fuse is blowing . Since i been out of hospital all i have had is stress. Bearing in mind i didnt get home until 11.30pm Barry promised me he would get up at 6 with the kids for me come morning i had to get up to the kids because KAylie was in our room and he wouldent wake upso i had to get up . Igot the kids some brekkie went back to try and wake barry but nothing i went to get some milk to make a cuppa seems he wasnt getting up like he promised he would. All of a sudden there was a big smell . Pepsi obviouskly didnt get let out the night before and she had poed all over the kennel and pups . Imanaged to finally wake barry up . Guess who cleaned the poop me as usual. It made him heave so i had to do it yet i was throwingup doing it. TQhen of course i hgad to clean all the pups.

Kylies behaviour is ridiculous  She is out to cause argumentsand when she gets success she finds it hilarious. Yet barry says its me being a bitch as usual We argue from the time Barry gets up tilhe goes to work in the evening until Kylie goes to bed and the whole weekend im sick of it. I cant breathe withoutr doing something wrong trhis morning it was that Kylie asked me to lift her over the wood we have wood up for the pups so they are trapped. Anyway i lift her over to this barry had just got up and she starts screamihg i asked her why she was screaming and suprise suprise i hurt her . Daddy daddy mummy hurt me she piy me on the wood BULLSHIT. Of course i had why did you hurt Kylie . Issaid for god sake here we go again wheres the mark if i hurt her ???? Funny there is no mark if she got hurt on wood im sorry but there would be a mark. Its like this everydayy its got to a point while Kylie is eatinbg brekfast i have een going to my bedroom becvause if i sit in here she only tries winding me up and causing arguements i cant stand tobe in tyhe same room.

Im having a dilemma with the pups too . God i cant wait until they are homed . Yet it looks like most of them are going to free homes grrrr. The whole point in selling them was so we could get buster gabbed and his balls chopped off but now im going to have to pay for that there are only 2 pups that are actually being sold. I said jerry could have one because he lost his dog , the fathers owner can also have one yet the other night Jerry called and asked if the fathers owner could come see the pups beingi n the evening i thought it would be just her and her oldest daughter so i said of course there were bloody 10 of them most i didnt even know and there was one guy who said to barry ui want that one jerry seems to be giving them away jerry is telling peop;e i am giving them away fantastic. Nowq they are getting clever little thingsno matter how i block the door they can get out and its not just a couple its all bloody 8 . Irang barry for help of what to do but all iget is what do u expect me to do come back from work???? I said fine i will go and buy some woodand sort it myself but no not allowed to dio that either instead i haveto run around likea headless chicken putting them back. he is ok so thats fine Im just sick of it all .

Luv Miserable Emz xxxx

Im knackered . In the UK its been a really hot day . Ive been trying to catch up with the housework and washing and all . What do youknow that bloody phone i nearlycut the cable it was constant ringing . Barry 90% of the time are youok what are you doing grrr. I did end up going to see the doctor i have never seen her before and she was quite nice. My blood pressure is back to normal . She was shocked the hospital discharged me without anti biotics but to be honest im nnot suprised apparantly theyu are supposed to give you anti biotics after a miscarriage because you are prone to infections which is proberly why my stomach is still hurting. She said i should stop bleeding soon oh i can hope but if its not stopped in a week i shoulsd go back. Also she asked if i needed any further help with what has happened so i told her the dr was meant to be sorting it out yesterday . So she wrote on a bit of papaer so the receptionist could make mean appointment with their councillor the soonest they can fit me in is 5th june i know its only a couple of weeks but that will drag. In the meantime she has sent me a refferal for miscarriage councelling . She aslo said it doesent really matter at the moment that i cant eat as long as i keep the fluids up .

Hospital rang not long after i got back i wasnt too polite. She said she wanted to let me know how the complaint is going . Iwas there thinking yesterday you said i could not complain WTF??? I said that is very funny isnt it ?? She played dumb acted asif she didnt know i have gone to the papers. Isaid yesterday younever believed me and you insisted all i saw was blood clots ?????? She said i told you all i could yesterday as i was going on only your notes . Yet she hasnt and wont tell mer what else she now has. Welli know for sure the papers faxed them last night with my information.

So the way things lie with them is miss gyne nurse is on nights hmm i could pay her a visit . No i wont only joking. So anyway she will be pulled into the office tomorrow evening at 9.15 and will be questioned on what she is playing at . She asked if i would like a apology from her in writting or face to face ??? Oh and im a wild one so it has to be face to face i dont think she deserves to get to write the apology i think she should be put in the heat and face what she done. Also i dont think she should work with women who are miscarrying because she has left me horrified if i was to have another miscarriage i wont go to hospital i would rather loose it down the toilet. . Shesaid ok what you have been put through is horrifying its beyond imagineable the images i am having. Funny she couldent do this yesterday . She went on about the notes again all that is in the notes is that i was loosing alot of blood and what i was given . Not 1 mention i had lost the foetus no wonder she was so keen to examine me glad i waited for barry to retuyrn it wouldd have been my word against hers. I didnt even loose clots until i was in hospital and i didnt leave until it was over just looking atthe scans they can tell i am telling the truth. So finally we are getting somewhere she is going to call back tomorrow and arrange a meeting .

Tomorrow i will be calling the hospital  to request my notesi didnt think i could only from my dr but i can request them at hospital too. See it makes me really mad . There is no written proof of my foetus so where the hell is it??????????? Just put in the bin??? My baby gone with the trash asif it means nothing well it measn alot to me . Ok so i was only 8 weeks but ittook 2 years for me to fall pregnant and it was mine still is. The question i want answered they cant tell me only miss gyne nurse can and i will ask her .

Photographer came it was horrible i thought i was going to go blind the flash was so bright . He tookabout 30 pictures why they need so many i will never know . By the end my eyes were sore lol.

Oh and guess what MY MINTI MAIL WORKS i cant believe it it hasnt worked since the big upgrade but at last its working my send button has found its home. Bless . Anyway enough waffling from me i will zip it now.

Oh i forgot but Chloe is talking too she is saying so much at the moment her favourite word seems to be puppies its so cute i could just eat her. WHOOPS puppy in the hpouse ahh better get it out before it poops everywhere they are outside until night now they love it .Ok im really shutting up now .

Luv Emz xxxx

What a waste of time that was. Apparantly i never saw the foetus and neither did Barry because i miscarried on tthe toilet of course means ididnt see it WRONG. I told her i 100% saw it and so did my partner and i dont think this should be happening because i cant get it out my head i cant eat or sleep because of it. If i never saw it how can i describe it . As much as she was making excuses for the nurse she rekons i saw clots that is what was in the bottle . What a load of crap. So i kept my cool though it was hardbut i managed it . I said well i will be writting a written complaint she said it would go straight to her and she will basically discard it so i said fine answer to the papers and put the phone down BTW punishment for the nurse who has made thingsmuch more painful for us is to be told i am upset that i saw my foetus whixch shelater said was blood clots .

Im sorry but yes i am upset and i am heartbroekn and not seeing things properly BUT i dont mistake a foetus with a blood clot. Admitadly therewere blood clots in the bottom of the urine sample but it also contained the remains of our unborn baby and it wasnt only me she shown she showed barry when he arrived too . I know this is sick but a blood clot is not black and white and it was cured up like the way baby curls in your tummy so yesi  know it was definatly the foetus they can denie it all they like i wont back down.

So i rang the herald express our local newspaper and asked how i could go about them publishing a article for me ?? They put me through to the editor so i asked him he asked what it was about so i told him that ihad had a miscarriage tuesday and to have it confirmed the foetus was put on the table and i was then given it . He said he is more than happy to do it for me and he would get the reporter to ring me back. She did she was lovely she asked a few upsetting questions about what it looked like and how i felt etc. The time it happened what department etc i also told her about the nightmares and wanting to know what happened to it after at the end of it all she could say was omg how terribleim soo sorry i told you she was lovely lol . She said she will haveto throw the information  igave her to the hospital so they know i am serious and its a matter of waiting their reply but i have already spoke to them and all they arewilling to do is tell heri am upset but lets see if they still denie me seeing the foetus. Then once she hears backshe is going to get back to me. Also they have arranged for the photographers to come and take photos tomorrow at 6.30pm . Didnt really want it to come to this because i dont really want it to be local news but i will not be made a joke of and i wont be told a foetus is a bloodclot they can cover their asses as much as they like i know what i saw and barry knows what he saw so we will see.

Luv Emz xx

Please tell me someone has some sort of potion for me to change Kylies behaviour ??? Ah well you can wish. Roll on school time i know i will have to face everyone but seriously to get  her out of my hair . She is driving me crazy all weekend i have done everything to suit her just because i cant handle the wingeing at the moment. She wont do a thing i say . I think she recieved a attitude problerm for her birthday . She asks for a certain thingf for brekfast /lunch / dinner i willl make it and all you get is i dontwant that . I give up .

Not sure how i am going to get through today i thought i would be fine but just thinking of going up the school and facing everyone . I took her on friday but i left it til like 9.30 when nobody wouyld be there. I cant take herin late everyday.

There is this woman that wants to buy a pup and she wants to pay so much a week she knocked the door yesterday with some sausages asking to see the pups . I told her not now also u will have to see my  partnerabout the pups im not dealing with them i dont need the stress and practically slammed the door in her face. I hope she wasnt offended but she did see barry at the park.

Go back to see the dr today he will be pleased i have listened and thought about what he said friday and i did ring the hospital. But i dont think he will be too pleased to hear im still bitter but i am trying.

I need to speak to him though because i am feeling really weak i cant keep food down except toast. My stomach and back kill and im only sleeping an hour here hour there i am so tired just fall asleep and then i wake up feeling sick with everything even myself for what happened .

Luv Emz xxx

Honestly from the bottom of my heart cant thank you guys enough for the support you have given us. it was all just such a shock didnt expect it all until i started bleeding of course.

I had the scan yesterday it was horrible . We were waiting nearly an hour to go in and one of the women in there was like 15 weeks pregnant i just wanted to get it over with and get out of there. Bumped into that nasty nurse i chose to ignore her though . Barry said i was rude as she was only trying to be kind but why should i talk to someone whos throat i want to rip out.

When they adventually called me in the scan went well i couldent look at the screen its just not right but Barry said there is definatly nothing left. .The nurse called me in almost straight away she gave me some information on how i should be feeling. She advised we dont start trying again until i have had a period the lining was thick but she said its because all is still fresh and i am still bleeding . She was disgusted with the fact i saw the miscarriage and adviced meto tell my doctor i wasnt happy with the way i was treated . She let me go out the emergency door so i didnt have to walk through early pregnancy again when i came out everyone in ante natal was starring at me ity was horrible .

I went to see the doctor today i asked about councelling and told him the thoughts and visions i am having and all . He seems to think i need to loose my anger towards the nurse otherwise its going to prolong the pain. He says it is going to take time to heal and he thinks i am too bitter at the momenthesays decking the nurse isnt a good idea . What a shame. He thinks there is somewhere in paignton which is about 5 miles from here i can get some councelling its ecspecially for women who are angry after miscarriage. He wants me to go see him again monday so he can see how i am getting on .

I also told him i keep on going dizzy when i get up and stuff so he took my blood pressure and it was low so he think i could be aneamic because i did loose alot of blood and still am bleeding and i am not eating or sleeping much at the moment so he sent me for a blood test right away .

But he did give me the number for this place in the hospital called P.A.L.S they deal with people after a miscarriage . He said if i complain to them they will get it dealt with for me, I rang and said my dr had given me the numberer and i was ringing because i wasnt happy with the way i was treated whilst having a miscarriage. I told her that my miscarriage was announced with the feotus that i had minutes before lost down the comode she was disgusted and told me this should not have happened. She said she was going to call the matron of the unit and get back to me . Which she did rather quickly she said the matron was gathering up my notes and identifying the nurse in question and will be sopeaking to her regarding her behaviour.

The matron of the unit should be calling me monday to discuss what usually happens in these circumstances because of course this woman stupidity has made things only much worse for me to overcome. Then aparantly she will want o meet me face to face so we will see but i will be making sure sheis dealt with . Seems she not only did it once but twice sheis in a spot of trouble .

Luv Emz xxx