My baby is in her big girl bed can you believe that ??? I cant. In my previous blog i mentioned we decided the only way i could possibly get chloe in her bed was to split them up and turn the spare room into chloes room . Well i got straight to it. Come bed time last night her bedroom was ready. I must have been chasing her a good 2 hours all in all. I ended up putting her back in her cot lol.

Though tonight is a totally differant story 3 times i had to tell her to get back into bed . Within 15 mins of me putting her to bed she was out for the count i am so proud of her she is such a good girl i love her so much. YAY she did it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway while i am on Chloe i can finally upload some photos from chloes birthday now that my stupid computer is sort of working lol. Ive not been able to get ionline properly fgor over 2 days something wrong with the connection i dont know too technical for me lol i leave this kinda stufff to barry he rang bt so he now knows what the problem is and he has got my computer working but slow.

Chloe jumping on her trampoline.

Chloe guarding her trampoline its HERS!!!!

Me & my baby

Chloe blowing her candles out.

Chloe taking candles out her cake.

Chloe helping to cut the cake.

Chloe playing her guitar.

Then Chloe got sick and we spent the rest of the night on the sofa oh and cant forget buster is there taking a nap too lol.

Now if this dont work this computer is going out the window.

Luv Emz xxx

I have been so busy today. Chloe has been feeling a little bit better although she still isnt eating or drinking anything except from milk. Her tongue is still very sore . I got on with the house work left kylie with daddy and me & chloe went to get some shopping . I got her soup, yogurts and 8 pints of milk in a bit of hope she would eat it with no luck:(

When i got bk i was reminded i promised Kylie i would take her in town to get a new school dress at the weekend. So of course i couldent let her dow nso town it waas i gave kylie her £12 and chloe had her birthday mney . The girls got hemselfs lots of toys and chloe has got a toilet seat for the big girl toilet daddy is going to fix it on for her :)

While we was in town we came to the decision that we cant get chloe into her own bed while she is sharing with Kylie as Kylie encourage s her to get up and wakes her up and stuff. Therefore the only way to do it is to move Chloe out of kylies bedroom for a while, So we are going to change the spare room into a little bedroom for chloe. get some carpet down and put hewr bed and toys in there so whe nwe got home i started clearing out the spare room ts coming alng nicely now. I didnt sit down until 9pm.

I sat here on minti and fell asleep lol. Barry woke me up when he got in lol. Well it was a long walk barry took me on some mission where he didnt know where he was going. It would have been much quicker my way. Barry isnt allowed to drive at the moment as he has whplash.  I think its going to be an eatly night for me tonight. Im done in.

Chloe still has £16 left so we are going to go and get her a present with it on mondsay before wee go to parents morning so i must text her tomorrow.

Luv Emz xxx

In my own bed too aahhh. 5 whole hours it was lush. You wouldent belive how much better i feel for it. Its nearly 7am here and the kids are still in bed asleep it is just lovely. Oh i hear sound sounds like my little darling is awake and he is not crying :) she is jut calling mummy.

WOW  i have a happy baby ok she may not want a drink or anything to eat at the moment but at least she is happy:) She is playing and is runing  around and asking me to blow up balloons. YIPPEE. I am so glad. She doesent seem to be in any pain.

So now i can i am going to do some housework now that i can. I have to kick Kylies butt as she is saying she is not putting her washing away little does she know if she doesent she isnt getting any sweets :)

I wonder  how long it takes them to get back to fighting lol. Kylie hasa big shck becauselittle sister is bettermummy can now see thather room is a state and oopsie she is going to be tidying it !! Thats of course if she wants to go  to the pet shop. I need to get Buster some more toys that are more  fun for him as it seems he prefers the girls toys to his own . Not that he has got away with chewing any as f yet but beforee he does.

anytway i am going to kick Kylies butt she is getting a bit too mouthy for her own good her attitude stinks at the moment, Right handful kids dont you just l;ove them .

Luv Emz xxx

I shouldent even be awake. Its nearly midnight. Chloe has woke up twice but settled back down again before i got there i think she was just stirrring poor thing. I hope shei s feeling a bit better tomorrow. I hope this means i am going to get some sleep tonight because i sure need it. Just sleeping in my own bed will be heaven i havent slept in it since tuesday.

I had this parent afternoon today it was take a parent to school afternoon. On the letter it said lst time yr 6's were disappointed nobody showed for them to show around. So i got Barry to watch Chloe and i went to this parent afternoon. I was the only parent that came in Kylies class. It was nice Kylie was showing me what she was doing at school and i could addres a few prolems i feel she has.

Chloe's tongue has been so sore she isnt eating anything apart from rusks so if anyone has any melting food ideas please leave a suggestion as so far thats all i can get her to eat. She wont drink anythig apart from milk either , juice / water she just throws sheh as tried juice anad as soon as it touches her togue she ethrows it.

Anyway im going to get off with a bit of hope that tonight  i am going to get some sleep feed the animals and off to bed for me . Night

Luv Emz xxx

I may as well blog. Well i havent really had much of a chance to blog. Due to chloe being ill . Yesterday afternoon she fell poorly and had a tooth come through. Poor little thing has been in agony. As the day and night got on she got worse& worse. First it qwas the tooth then she got nappy rashand by this morning she had a rash at the top of her leg.It looked so much differant and like chicken pox. So i started to panic then come 10 she had thrush in her mouth too.

Chloe had an appointment for the doctors at 10.45 i seen a totally differant doctor. I told himeverything that was wrong with her. He started asking me weird questions like who do u live withg ? do u have any other chiuildren? when did shew last see a health visitore? how old is my step child ? he basically made me feel chloe being ill is my fault.

She is indeed teething i alredy knew that she has thrush in her mouth rom it ttoo and just to top it off she has a really sore bum too not scabby or anything just very rashy i explained to him i was kind of relieved as i thought she had chicken pox and i told him she had been awake since 2am,I saw him wrie on her notes that i was very anxious that chloe was very unwel. So im going to take her to see health visitor tomorrow and see what she hinks of it.

Chloe has been stuck to me allday now. She is asleep on my shouler now. My tummy is killing and my bacxk is sore seems i have got a proper period now and boty is it real painful and real heavy.Chloe really isnt settlibng in her cot which i have put in our roomsom she is sleeping in my bed tonight. She is so porly.

I got an hour and  a half sleep last night. Seems i took a sleping tablet im really tired and after what the doctor said made me feel awful i took chloe home and went to ge t her medicine and i just cried . When i got back i told barry what the dr said he told me not to worry about it they can come and see that i am doing just fine with the girls there is no problem . So tonight it is a case of 3 in the bed and the little one said well yo all know how it goes . Im just glad he has took her to bed while i finnis off here as im aching all over and i need 5 mins break. She has just had 10mls calpol as the doctor ordered so im hoping the quietness means they have gone to sleep or at last chloe

Barry has to go for some physio on his back tomorrow he has to ring the hospital back first thing for a appointment time . I think ive half lost my computer too kylie is addicted to  the cbeebies site i put it on for     her yeasterday and well she has been sat there most of the time . Anyway i better shoot i beter go bed in a min keep my princess cossy.

Luv Emz xxx

 

To all that wished my darling girl a happy birthday and put those lovely piccies in my lounge for her she loves them so much. She is sat here with me right now . Poor little thing is cuddling into me so tight. She isnt very well . She has had a tooth come through nice huh on her second birthday she starts teething BAD . She has never suffered sao much with her teeth. Also she has a bit of nappy rash with it just a little on the bum . Yet she has this little rash on her leg that has started only this afternoon and its totallyy differant to the napy rash its kinda bubbly if that makes sense? I dont know if it is chicken pox but my dad said thgat is what mine looked like when they first started coming out . Also once they had fully came out i was much better only itchy.

But all in all she did have a good birthday she enjoyed it as much as her teeth would possibly let her. She did love that guitar oh my her face was a picture. She didnt actually see her trampoline until lunchtime as it had to be made up and believe me it was hard work LOL. When it says it takes2 adults it means 2 adults that know what the hell they are doing . I got it out the box and i was like WTF how does this work then whats with all the tools and screws argh . Why do i never think ofg these things ?? But an hour on it was together and she was happily hmping on it :) She asbsolutly loved it, Her guitar is very noisy but thats ok because it hasa volume button  hehe . Now that is cool. Although choe dont agree.

She blew out her candles by herself and i helped her to cut the cake and she cut herself 2 rather big slices and guess what she ate thee lot little piggy. She wanted the whole lot hehe. When barry gets the lead tomorrow i will upload some photos that we took of her then.

I just hope she settles soon i have been trying to settle her since 6.30 but she just isnt settling at all so far i have had her in bed 8 times and its neasarly 11pm poor litle thing. I cant believe she is 2 already, I cant believe i had her 2 years ago just goes so quick. Its quite sad really. This time 2 years ago i was in hospital feding my gorgeous new baby girl. She was born at 4.18pm weighing 6Ib 13 . What a lovely thought. Now she is so big growing into a little girl:( .

Well im gonna try and put her back to bed.

Luv Emz xxx

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEETHEART I LOVE U SOOOOO MUCH HAVE A FANTASTIC DAY!!!!!!!!!!!

ALL MY LOVE , HUGS & KISSES YOUR MUMMY. XXXXXX

 

OMG i am so drained it has been such a long day. Girls woke me up bright and early at 5am this morning cheers girls. I didnt go to bed until gone 1am i was sat up watching a film that Barry fell asleep to i dont know what it was called but it was brilliant but i sure felt it at 5am this morning i really didnt want to get my butt out of bed .

Kylie kicked off because i refused to make her porridge at 5am my brain just isnt up to cooking at that time of day lol. So we had a 2 hour fight to get her to eat her breakfast . Then wondered why she didnt get any sweets ? Hmm i wonder why that was?LOL

But we did manage to get Kylie into school early for a change we were there before the 2nd gate even opened now that is a first for us . Lately we seem to be late most mornings lol. So it was straight from there into town to get the last of Chloes birthday presents she has loads now and good mummy has wrapped it all ready for when she wakes up tomorrow. I got her this guitar it is just so cool it has flashing lights proper strings music and everything its just wicked heres a little pic for now.cool huh??? Barry loves it!!! I was pretty chuffed with myself ive been struggling to get out so going into town with Chloe did me a bit of good lol.

When we got back home Chloe was totally whacked out . She had filled her belly got so excited seeing all the toys i was picking up little did she know they are for her lol. Then i went off food shopping to et a few bits and pick up barrys prescription which they didnt have AGAIN .

I got Kylie from school and got on wit hthe cleaning which isnt yet done. (a friend turnt up needing a ear and shoulder) even as i sit here writting this i am sat here blowing up balllons . Barry just left chloe a little note on the blackboard for the morning saying Happy 2nd Birthday my Darling Chloe XXXX(so sweet).

Well i suppose i better get this housework done so tomorrow i can spend the day with my darling princess oh and i ahve to make er cake in the morning stupid mummy forgot butter only 3 times LOL .

Luv Emz xxx

 

So i came across this little spider last week sometime. Ususally i run if i see a spider but for some reason i was feeling brave lol. Anyway i quickly threw a glass over it . It was RED.i never saw a red spider before . I made 3 other people look so i knew i wasnt going colour blind lol . In the end i looked up red house spider up found one exactly like the one under the glass and it said it had a mild bite.

Now way was i movingthat glass i asked barry to rid of it but he wont touch it. God where is jerry when i need him? i know on holiday. . Its been there bloody days.  Itsbeen curled up since yesterday aftenoon though. I think i have killed it. How mean is that?

I stuck him under a glass took him hostage and starved him to death.Maybe i should do him a funeral to say sorry? Mean mean me.

Anyway better run busy day today my little princesses big day tomorrow i cant believe she is going to be 2 already. Still got presents to get and a cake to bake and decorate and time is running out.

Luv Emz xxx

I hate Barrys doctor he was rubbish when i saw him earlier in the year and he is still rubbish . What is he thinking. I dont believe it. Barry took the day off to make a doctors appointment. He comes home with a sick note for 7 days . NNNNOOOOOOO. Apparantly according to sick note left shoulder injury and low back pain according to him he has pulled a muscle in his shoulder and lower back and something else too but i cant remember now.

Oh great a week of Barry moaning a week like today kylie acting the way she does at weekends. I  havea funny feeling this is because he wants his boss to sack him. Every night all he says is i dont want to go work tomorrow.

Im really not looking forward to him being off work for a week i really hope his boss gets him in before then . That sounds horrible but that tme when he is at work is the only peace i get . He just constantly wants me to do something for him as well as me doing the housework and playing and dealing with Chloe. Also we arnt really getting on that well at the moment so im glad when he goes to work to have him out of my hair . Stupid doctor.

Anyway i couldent get in at the doctors but a differant doctor rang me after morning surgery and he sorted me a prescription i could pick up straight away. So i might actually get some sleep tonight. .

Kylies behaviour is really driving me up he wall. She doesent listen to a word i say i may as well talk to the wall. I talk to her and she sits ignoring me and her attitude absolutly stinks. I told barry he needs to start hardening up on her because she is turning into a spolt brat she screams to get her own way and when i say scream i mean deafening screaming.

Luv Emz xxx

Oh YAY monday tomorrow god im straight in that doctors tomorrow i feel like crap. I didnt sleep last night i couldent . I just laid there and kept hearing things strange little noises . Iswear someone was playing with the door i woke Barry up and everything made him check it out then he had a go at me for waking him up for nothing OOPS. BBut hey if he wasnt knocking me for taking tablets  would have been asleep hours beforehand anyway .

Ive been cleaning all day every room except the bathroom and spare room he ben deep cleaned, Its either that or sit here crying all day . Thats how i feel. Kylie has been a total brat al weekend i wanted to go and get Chloes presents this weekend but Kylie was playingup so much i refused to go she put me in such a bad mood i didnt want to go out . I am so glad she is back to school tomorrow . It may seem i am being very harsh on her but her behaviour at the moment is absolutly terrible and im sick of changing rules to suit Kylie.

Like this morning it was timeout she simply couldnot stop shouting at me and telling me to get her some sweets and a drink NOW . Tsking toys off Chloe etc . Kylie didnt want time out and sat and screamed so in the endi sent her to her room to do her timeout where she screamed until she woke daddy up who demanded i let her out of time out because he was tired he was tired so that makes it ok for Kylie not to have time out for being naughty . This is exactly why she is so naughty. Like yesterday she wasnt allowed any sweets yet i was told to give them to her to shut her up and i am so sick of it . Im supposed tyo be getting this kind of behaviour from chloe not Kylie for god sake she is 5 years old and she acts like a 2 year old most the time.

Ive been feeling so low maybe its because i have had no tablets swince friday but i really do feel so low. Even my diet is making me want to cry it makes me so mad that i can ony eat certain food without being sick. First off it was curry sauce and chips constant now its mayo , cucumber and tomato sanwiches that is all i eat i go through about 4 packs of tomatos a week and about 4 cucumbers too and countless bread. I hate it. I cook meals for everybody else and just looking at it makes my elly turn upside down,

Tomorrow i hope to get some answers as to where to go from here about this stupid nurse thing. Which reminds me i still have to email my solicitor . I forget absolutly everything at the momnet its doing my head in. Ive even taken to writting shopping lists and i still forget half of whati go for . Justy stupid.

Anyway its Chloes birthday wednesday i cant wait to see her on her trampoline she will LOVE IT !!! I cant believe she is going to be 2 already!! She isnt my baby anymore thats a really scary thought . Na she will always be my baby ! Love her so much !!!

Luv Emz xxx

Roll on monday ! Oh what a day. I didnt go into town. Its been raining all day and ive had the most awful toothache. The whole left side of my face is killing even my head . I hate toothache.

Kylie has had one of her attitude heads on today . I swear she was out to wind me up . What ever i asked her to do all i got was 'NO'. To be honest i am totally sick of it, Apparantly its her birthday wednesday she is going to have one hell of a shock .

I went to get my prescription as i had the last of my tablets last night but the pharmacy was shut oh disaster . Barry said he was going to go to boots to get it for me . But in the meantime we got into an arguement and he accused me of being like Kylies mother !!! I got really mad how bloody dare he and i ended up ripping it up . Stupid of me i know but stilli cant turn back the clock . For those of you that dont know Kylies mother took an overdose when she was 7 months pregnant and went for a walk for over 24 hours kylie was very lucky to survive. He was putting me down about being on anti depressants so i flipped and ripped it up .

Its going to be a sleepless weeekend but still nobodys fault but my own i am such an idiot,

Chloe is still sick its her last day of her anti biotics tomorrow and she doesent really seem much better . But at least she is sleeping at night. If she isnt better by monmday i am going to take her back to the doctors . She s so clingy its killing my back she is getting so heavy. But she only clings to me daddy isnt good enough . Barry says she hates him. LOL.

Buster is 10 weeks tomorrow he is getting so big now . He is so good he doesent poo in the house at night he goes on the paper in the spare room . He sleeps on our bed next to me and as of yet he hasnt chewed a thing . He has his own bed on the floor but he likes to lie next to me , He follows me everywhere bless him i love him so much .

Luv Emz xxx

Bummer im in the dog house again . Ah well im annoyed. Its Chloe's birthday on wednesday and it may as well not be. See this is where we cross wires,

Kylies birthday was last month i mentioned buying chloe a little something and he said no they both have their own birthday and only the birthday girl gets birthday presents. So i agreed to this .

Her birthday came she opened her pressies in he morning went to school came home and we had a party for her . I got her an easel as well as her barbie car her barbies and dressingup stuff paints , beads , gluing stuff you know mainly stuff chloe cant play with because it wasnt her birthday.

Now Chloe's birthday is coming i was going to get her a dora the explorer trampoline it sang and everything. But i was told no because it was only aged up to 3 yearsof age . I was told because Kylie wont be able to go on it without breaking it so i wasntr allowed to get it. So i had to get her this pink one that was for aged 3 years and over. Chloe is only 2 so i dont even know if she is going to reach the bar but i had to get one that Kylie can play on.

I have to go and get her the rest tomorrow but i dont know what to get cos if kylie cant play with it i proberly wont be allowed to buy it . Also tomorrow i am apparantly giving Kylie £10 to buy herself some toys that she can open on Chloe's birthday.

Kylie is at school on Chloe's birthday and barry is at work so im meant to make the cake in the day and once kylie finnishes school do thema party . Now Barry starts mentioning parcel parcel so i said yeah why not you can work it so Kylie winss o she dont feel left out,

Now im a  B*%^ch . Hmm ican just tell the weekend is here maybe i should buy nothing else for Chloe maybe that will be right but i doubt it!! Good job he has gone out hopefully he will stay out the rest of the night . Chloe has been throwing up all afternoon i just want some peace .

Happy Weekends.

Luv Emz xxx

It drives me up the wall ecspecially seems i have loads of housework to do and a sick kid. I need to move everything out of busters way because i dont want to shut him in the bathroom everytime i go out through fear he will chew my house to bits LOL . So its time for a spring clean ive made the girls beds up chloe is going in  her cot when she is better . Kylie can sort out her toys the weekend and i will help her. ive done all the laundry so now i can wash the base of the sofa i washed the rest of it the other day and my bedding curtainss etc

So my bedroom is first i think thern the bathroom kitchen maybe the other way round though . Whoops chloe is just woke up screaming i better go i so wish sshe would get better :( its her birthday in 5 days. ::)

So after the meeting i spent alot of time thinking and then on weds i recieved a letter from my MP .

Dear Ms Fairchild.

I have now recieved a copy of the letter you recieved  from the acting chief executive of south devon healthcare trust, MsChilds, reguarding your complaint about the treatment you recieved when you atteneded A&E suffering a miscarriage.

It does seem to be a comprehensive response and i note that the trust acknowledges that a mistake was made in leaving the specimen jar with you in your room. I also note that the trust will discuss that procedure at its next training session and team meeting. The trust is also planning to have a designated room for women whoare suffering miscarriages to try rto improove privacy for women going through this traumatic experience.

I feel that the trust has dealt with your complaint according to procedure, however if there are any further points you would liketo take up with me please do contact me.

If i can be to any assistance in any other way , please do not hesitate top get in touch .

Yours Sincerely

Adrian Sanders MP .

Of course there are further pointsi would liketo talk to him about so i sent him an email

Dear Mr Sanders ,   Thank you for your letter dated 16/06/08 after this letter was recieved there were a few things not been answered at all also i had a problem with some of the stuff written in the letter. Now as you have a copy of this letter you will know thatin this letter its states ' It is recorded in your notes that you were bleding very heavily and passed blood and clots when you went to use the toilet. The docotor that examined the products you had passed did put them in a glass jar and bring them back into the room that you were in. This is not normal practice. This was because she was unsure about the procedure to follow when a miscarriage happens in A&E and did not know where else  in the department the jar could have beeen left safely. This point has been discussed in details with the doctor who has acknowledged the distress this would have caused you andthat to show you the jar was inappropiate and insensitive . She is very sorry about this and has asked that i convey her sincere apologies to you about this. '   Im not sure you are going to like what i am going to say but i am going to say it anyway .  Ok so this woman is a gynaecological doctor now would you not expect a gynaecologist who deals with this stuff every day to know what procedure to follow when a woman is having a miscarriage in the A&E Department . Also if this is the case why didnt she ask somebody what she was to do with it??? Also right at the beginning of this the day after i approached the herald express when i spoke to the matron she told me that i would have a face to face apology from the doctor i argued this point at the meeting which i shouldent have proceeded with as the  advocate wasnt able to make it and was told they are apologising on her behalf because she is upset but i dont know that she is truly sorry through them apologising on her behalf and i was promised an apology face to face . I asked why it is so much to ask for an apology from her i wondered wwhy it was too much to ask of them. He (Dr Ranjit ) the nwent on to tell me how upset that she was and that she didnt want to go to work and wanted to get a transfer and its hard t get gynaecologists to work . Well she should be upset  am suffering with PTSD for what she done to me i cant sleep or even get through the day without tablets she is carrying on with her life and to take the specimen from me and give it to my partner and was pointing bits out to him little did anybody know before our relationship began he had a son that died at birth what do you think her showing him this did to him ????? Yet she is upset so she doesent have to apologise ? If they cant find enough gynaecologists thats not my problem its theirs.so she dont need to apologise she hasnt been punished in any way im sorry but you would think at least a warning would be given . Also in my letter i also mentioned that this doctor tried reassuring me by saying ' Its ok its only a miscarriage' i brought this up in the meeting and was called a liar i told him to call my father or my partner who were both present at the time this happened i was then told that my partner or father wasnt present and that he was outside mostof the time which also rubbish the only time my partner left the building was to get me a change of clothes as he was told i would be kept in over night. I got really angry i cant really remember much but i had a panic attack and had to leavethe room for a minute and he ended the meeting karen mcmahon said it was doing more damage than good when i returned that was when he started claiming i was mad and sad he is contacting my doctor. I will be contacting ICAS tyo ask for thier advice on what to do as i dont know what else to do .   Yours sincerely   Ms E Fairchild   towhich i recieved this reply   Dear Ms Fairchild    Thank you for your email dated 18th June regarding the response you received from Torbay Care Trust.   I am sorry you feel that your concerns have not been addressed by the Trust. I do suggest you contact ICAS as they will have the most up to date information available.   I would also suggest that you have a look at the Healthcare Commission website if you wish to take your complaint to the next level as this is the organisation to do it through. http://www.healthcarecommission.org.uk/aboutus/complaints/complaintsaboutthenhs.cfm    If I can be of further assistance, please do not hesitate to contact me.   Yours sincerely   Adrian Sanders
So today i will be emailng those and also my solicitor to update her.I WILL get an apology from this woman .   Luv Emz xxx

 

Ok so as most of you know i had my meeting at the hospital on monday. I didnt blog about it because i was really upset by the way it ended up. So now i have had time to cool down and im not feeling so bad about it as i know my doctor isnt mad with me.

Ok so the people that were supposed to be attending the meeting was myself , an advocate so they couldent gang up on me , Dr Ranjit & Karen (Matron)

I was expecting the advocate to be there waiting for me WRONG , WRONG , WRONG . Karen explained to me that my advocate could nt make the meeting oh bummer . So it was ME , Dr Ranjit , Karen and Dr Ranjits secretary (to write the letter reguarding meeting) .

My appointment was for 3pm the meeting actually started 3.05pm Karen asked me what i am not happy about my reply was all of it!!! It isnt an explanation really is it?? I accept the fact that they were busy ad there was no beds in gynae but i dop have a big issue with the fact she gave me back the remains of my baby in a specimen jar and i dont think that the reason i was given 'This was because she was unsure about the procedire to follow when a miscarriage happens in A&E and did not know anywhweere else in the department to leave the jar safely. ' this isnt acceotable this woman is a gynaecological doctor therefore she deals with miscarriages on a daily basis ? If she was unsure what she should have done with it she could have asked somebody instead of giving it to me . It is common sense not to give the parents . Then i get told the nurse gave it to you and for that she is deeply sorry you gave it to your partner after that ity was taken away. He is right aabout one thing it was taken away after barry saw it. I did kick off a bit i shouted rather loud thats a load of BU$%S*IT . When my partner returned i had it in my hand when i heard him i wrapped it in tissue and hid it under my arm SHE took it off me SHE gave it to him SHE was telling him all about my foetus!!!!! Dont believe me ask my partner ask my father!!

His excuse was why not he obviously wanted to see it or asked about it i said he asked why i was likei was that is all!!! He saiud why shouldent he see it ?? why would i wanyt him too ?? it was his baby too !!! Apparantly parentsoften like to see photographs etc . Well this wasnt a photograph this was the real thing same as whayt i canty get out of my head everyday from the time i wake up till the time i go to bed we didnt want to see it we didnt ask to see it.

I told them i want a face to face apology and i turned to Karen and said like YOU promised me on the phone. She argued this point i said yes you did!!!!! Well i have to believe that she is really sorry because they say so she doesent have to apologise because they do it for her . My point is in that case i dont know she is sorry therefore i cant findi t in myself to accept the apology, (this will make you laugh) The doctor is very very sorry for what she done now that she nows how you feel about this she is very very upset . SHES UPSET ?????????? How the hell do u think i feel does she have PTSD for something i done to her ????  Does she take medication to stop me sitting crying all day ? Does she take medicationto be able to go to sleep without remembering going to sleep? (it gets better) it took Dr Ranjit to beg her to come back to work she will never again give another mother their foetus if they wish to see it or not after what it done to me. and she asked for a transfer WOOPY DOO!!!!!!

Thisis where he started its hard to find gynaecoloigists to work and thats my problem because exactly why???

My patience was running out , He said shedid 1 thing  wrong i cant expect him tto sack her i said no she did 2 things wrong . She also tried comforting me by saying 'Its ok its only a miscarriage . (for the record this was said beforei  lost the foetus on the toilet ) He said no she never !!! Yes she did right ring my fatyher ring my partner right here on that phone go on . He refused your partner wasnt there he was outside most of the time !!! Umm i think NOT the only time he left my side was to get me some clothes cos he was told i had to stay overnight because of the blood loss bereing such high volume . Both my father and partner were there . I said or even better get her and ask her . He said he had and she never . Istarted shouting things about that day and i ended up having a panic attack and everything was a blur until  ii left the room i said i needed a minute and ran out . I waa in the corridor a few mins later karen got me a cold drink and she said to me this meeting is doing me more damage than good. (apparantly Dr Ranjit stopped the meeting )

When i returned and Karen also Dr Ranjit asked if i have had any councelling since this happened ? I said yes i saw my doctor a few days later asked for councelling i saw the dr councellor and they couldent help me they put me on to cool recovery i had 1 session and she told me i should come here and tell you i forgive her whicvh i dont !! So now he has come up with the fact i am mad and he is written to my doctor to tell her about my behaviour in the meeting and his opinion of my mental state . I was meant to see the doctoe today but i forgot ,

I am now waiting fora letter to find out what they rekon was said in the meeting and they think it is over they areso so wrong but i will blog about that another time.

Vent over ,

Luv Emz xxx

OMG - Earlier Barry rang me from work . First thing he said to me was dont panic he sounded really scared. Isaid ok whats happened ??? Next i hear I have had an accident in my truck . WHAT??????????????

Its ok he isnt hurt . BUT his truck is a mess . He was in the fast lane and had just over took a car. Next thing he knew his truck had been blown sideways . He managed to get the truck to the lay by . Luckily his work mate was a few vehicles behind him and saw he was having problems and pulled in his back right inner tyre blew and it has blown out the whole back end of his truck . Barry tried to call his boss but he couldent get hold of him so jim followed barry back to the yard doing a steady 30 all the way LOL.

He is so god damn lucky . Alot of people could have been hurt if not worse.

Guess what ? The only puppy in this house now is BUSTER !! The rest are gone YAY . No more puppies locked up Buster is absolutly loving it as today i let them run free because there was only 2 of them. Buster is by my feet sleeping. We are going to the pet shop tomorrow to buy him some puppy stuff :)

Luv Emz xxx

Its bliss ive only got 1 more p up which hopefully will be going today and thats it they are sold of course apart from Buster . The lady that came yesterday wanted Buster haha but he is sooo not for sale LOL. If the woman doesent turn up today there is someone elsethat is after one aswell so hopefully he should definatly go today yippee .

I am really tired i spent most of the night up with Chloe last ngiht . She could not sleep through coughing the poor thing so we ended up sleeping in the living room i couldent sleep but she did and i kept her up n meso it was easier on her chest. I just hopr these anti biotics kick in soon because at the moment she just seems to be getting worse. She isall crook .Poor hing i feel so sorry for her.

She is full of kisses though she keeps going to her room and back coming for kisses love her . Suppose i better do kylies lunch for school LOL. I am just so tired i have no energy,

Luv Emz xxx

At least i hope so these pups are really selling fast today .See something can go right. I think we have got rid of them all . Alady came at dinner time and took a boy which only leaves me 2 to sell. Then just after she left this other lady that emailed me yesterday called and she is coming to see them at 7 and she wants another boy that is the last boy which will leave me with one girl which i have a lady coming to see tomorrow. Good huh that means they are all gone so fingers crossed i will have my house back tomorrow yippee i cant wait i am so sick of cleaning up afterthem all. Plus when they are all gone i can keep Buster out here all the time and he can have far more attention cos i dont have other puppies that need attention too. 1 less thing on my plate .

I spoke to the Doctor  and i have to go and see her on thursday  and thenm it will be decided what is going to happen from here. She still isnt all that happy that i am still getting these pains although she is happier that i have finally stopped bleeding. Also she wants to talk to me about what happened yesterday in the meeting .

I took Chloe to the doctors this morning too and it turns out she has a chest infection . Poor little love . So she has some anti biotics to kill that. Also he gave me some anti septic cream for her face. So hopefully she will be better soon.

Luv Emz xxx

I didnt sleep too well again last night i was up at silly hours with Chloe She did resettle quite quickly ut once im awake im awake. I feel so tired and miserable. Im still really annoyed about the meeting yesterday and about the advocate not coming. I have this funny feeling the girls are going to come out in chicken pox they have been sick for like a week now.It takes 10 - 24 days for the spots to come out i just hope it isnt.

Chlooe is going doctors today she is just so poorly poor thing. She has a good half hour then she burns right  up and is bad again its horrible as soon as i think she is getting better she hits the deck again:( poor little madam. Also i want to see if i can get some anti septic cream for her grazed face and arm. It looks so sore. Will book her in with another doctor though im avoiding y doctor as Dr R rang her yesterday and spoke to her about rthe way i was at the meeting .

Kylie keeps on wetting the bed she is dry at night and has been for over a year now the last 4 nights she has wet the bed every night its driving me mad. Might be cos shge has been ill i just hope she is dry tonight .

Anyway i better get Kylie to school

Luv Emz xxx

Well Kylies better thats the best bit of my day. So i didn,t know exactly where this cool recovery was so i got Kylie to school and went to look for this place i didnt have to be there until 11 so i had plenty of time. I found it straight away so i was like an hour and 10 mins early . Chloe seemed happy in her buggy so we went down to argos to pick up her trampoline . God i wish i never it was huge i couldent fit it on the back of the buggy it was really heavy and walking up a hill with a buggy and a bag that had to be lifted wasnt easy. By the time i got back to cool recovery it was 45 mins before my appointment and convieniently enough their was this little garden thing up the roadd a bit so we went there to let chloe have a run around and the poor thing went flying grazed all her face it looks terrible cut her lip and grazed her arm so enough was enough we took her into cool recovery and got her cleaned up.

I had no idea where to go so i stopped this girl she said have you come forparents morning .? No i have a appointment for but i need to clean my daughter up she has fallen over . She found out who was seeingme and took me out the back to get her cleaned up where she was having parents morning it was just her and her little girl so i got talking to her and told her the reason i was there and she watched Chloe while i hyad my councelliing.

Whixh by the way was rubbish . She basically told me i  need to forgive this doctor and accept she made a mistake and i just cant its not that easy i wish it was . She didnt understand where i was coming from at all. I cant forgive her how can i forgive someone who hasnt even apologised for their wrong doing ?? I just cant do it. How do you forgive somebody that took the most precious thing from a woman and shoved it in their face? I told her straight there is no way i was going to walk in that hospital forgiving her for everything done and forget about it its not that easy .

So what do i get home to ?? An hour on the computer ?? Make a phone call gotta be joking i walk through the door to 4 puppies jumping up me OMFG how they got out i dont know poop everywhere well o knot everywhere but therewere 4 lots of poop and 2 wee's . Not only that they chewed one of chloes toys the crutch out of a pair of my knickers i was fuming . I clean all their mess put chloe to bed make a cuppa annd sit down to put the computer on . No internet hmm thats weird suddenly it hit mme no they havent they bloody have they chewed the bloody cable GRRR itried fixing it bit no luck i just chopped the chewed bit of and stuck the right cables ogether and taped it up but it never worked. But Barry has obviously sorted it now. Those pups seriously have to go.

At half 2 i took Chloe to my friend and got off to the hospital . Didnt go well first 10 mins were fine we discussed the operation he did on me (one attending the meeting is my gynecologist and he has operated on me twice ) . The advocate couldent make the meeting which i found out when i got there oh great. . Anyway it was just me V matron of gyne and Dr R also Dr R's secretary sitting in taking notesfor the letter i will so say recieve after the end of the meeting to say what happened in the meeting . Well things got a tad heated i was called a liar apparantly she never said 'its ok its only a miscarriage' Just like it was me that gave barry the urine specimen yeah like i would. Anyway that lead to me having a panic attack and had to leave for a few minutes not long after the meeting was getting nowhere Dr R nearly got a broken nose i lost my temper .

The outcome of it is i am mental I have serious stress issues . He asked me if i have had any councellinmg and i basically told him i have seen 2  councellors and i have got nowhere so now hhe has taken my doctors name and is calling her to speak to her about my mental health . Great just what i need .

Then i came back to get the kids and Chloe was sick and burning a temperature again so yeah ive had a brilliant day now where the  hell is that hole for me to hide in ??

 

I am done in im so drained. I cant go to bed i have butterflies in my tummy!! Im really nervous about seeing this new councillor tomorrow and this meeting at the hospital. What if i get upst after the councelling and loose my temper in the meeting?? What if i havea panic attack OMG . Just walking back in the hospital is going to be so hard alone . I know im going to have the advocate there if i cant handle it but im so bloody scared its unreal im shaking just thinking about it.

The girls have been sick all day even Kylie had a nap today chloe slept most of the day on me and kylie sat as close to me as she could get. they have a nasty cold. I think Kylie is over the worst of it but if she is no better i will have no choice but to take her with me councelling aswell . I wont send her to school sick its just not right so i will see what sheis like tomorrow . My friend said if she is still poorly she will have her too while i hav this meeting . I just hope they are both better tomorow cos today they have just drained me so much and chloe would not let me put her down. I took her nappy off went to get another and she was asleep and she weeed all over the sofa so ive had to strip the sofas off cos for some reason the other one was wet too ive scrubbed the cushions and the base and the covers are now drying.

When the kids went bed i had to go to bed too i had a massive migraine i couldent open my eyes it was agony so i laid on my bed kylie came in to say good niht andi told her to tell daddy to wake me in an hour i had a migraine and needed to go to sleep and he woke me up at 8 and then i got all the housework done.So i wont have much housework to do tomorrowwell apart from washing these sofas argh stupid me i should have done it when she was asleep but she was sleeping and i didnt want to wake her up :(

God i have to be up in 5 and a half hours what am i still doing up seriously this is silly i took my sleeping tablet like an hour ago im still not tired LOL .

Luv Emz xxx

Yesterday all afternoon Kylie was trying to go to sleep she says she has a sore throat i was hoping she was going to be a bit better this morning but no she wont get up she says she is sick. LOL. I did her an early dinner and got her off  to bed. I was hoping she would feel better today but no she just called me in her room and she said her throat is really really hurting and she doesent want any brekkie. I told her she really should have some brekkie and that if she doesent eat she will take ages to get better so mummy won and she will have some brekie when she finally gets up.

Chloe woke up in the night screaming poor thingand this morning she is soo rough .  She is really clingy too . She is sat next to me and wont budge. She is eating a chocie biscuit she is scraping the cream out the middle and eating them slowly LOL . I did ask if they were nice cos she is really enjoying theem but she says no lol . Either everything is no or everything is yes LOL.

We still didnt get Chloes trampoline lol my stupid brain so we will get it today if we have ime if not i will get it tomorrow when i go councelling. My stomach is still killing when i woke up i was in absolute agony it seems when i wake up im in crap loads of pain.Barry culd not even cuddle me in bed i am that sensitive it hurts even to touch.So if i have time i will see the dr tomorrow .i got my councelling in the morning and meeting in the afternoon . My friend Anne is going to watch chloe and pick kylie up from school for me im really scared its a real scary thought going through it all its going to be so upsetting. But i guess its ideal i see my councillor before may boost my confidence a bit .

Anyway i better go its gone 8 and i ppromised myself i would be off here by 8 ii need to get this place sorted ive been spring cleaning the bedrooms so its quite messy and i have this woman coming to hopefully buy the last bitch puppy YAY then i will only have 2 boys left and if the           epeople that emailed me want 1 then thats all of them gone that would be cool.

Happy fathers day to all daddies hope you have a fantastic  day with your children,

Luv Emz xxx

Love him so much . Really my love for him is just growing and growing so fast the more time i soend with him the more preccious he is to me. Well my buddy buster is 9 weeks tomorrow and today he had his 1st jab. Admitadly i didnt take him i couldent i made Barry do it i do the kids he does the animals its only fair. Anyway he was so very brave not even a whimper He got him some worming powder too so we are doing that . I took him outside for a wee over the field for the 1st time he was so good.

He stays in here now most of the time. Its obvious he is my dog if the girls are about he will lie under my computer table or if not he will be on my lap on the sofa next to me or on the floor by the sofa as close to me as he can get.

All in all i have 4 puppies left here. WOW only half the litter left and we have a lady coming with a lab tomorrow her lab is 6 months so she wants a play mate for him and they will be pretty much the same size fully grown. So then there will only be 2 left to sell YAY and BTW we are NEVER breeding again and believe me dont do it far too much hard work.

Podge (my kitty) is happy though shy (myother kitty) is not very playful she is more a womans cat she loves attention lol. But now she has a play mate the last half hour Buster and Podge have been chasing each otheraround he keeps coming ack to me panting LOL.

I love my puppy XXX

Luv Emz xxx

Well i actually got some sleep last night . I couldent get an appointment at the doctors it was friday and they were packed full. So instead i had a telephone consultation instead. I told her that i had stopped bleeding now i am getting really bad stomach pains. With no bleeding she finds it weird i have this pain. I told her i took some ibupbufen which is easing it a little but its really painful. She told me to keep taking ibupufedn to control it and if it gets any worse i have to go back to see her. She is hoping the scan will show somthing.

Talking of the scan i did end up bookingit yesterday she said yuou were supposed to book this on tuesday we sent your gp a letter this morning telling them you hadnt rang . So i said to her that its because i am scared says i have nothing to be affraid of . Yeah right who is she trying to kid. Anyway my appointment is 14th july a bloody month away

I finally got my health records back and my scan pictures just in time i got my meeting at the hospital on monday . Im quite scared about it really. . Thing is i dont have a clue i went through it all last night and none of it makes any sense to me. Also they messed up with my scans i asked for my last 2 scans and i got 2 copies of the second one gggrrrr. So i will have to write to them again for the other one can that hospital get anything right??

We were supposed to go and get CAhloes trampoline yeesterday but we didnt have time because we had some guy come to buy a puppy so we had to blitz the place and by the time they had gone it was time to pick Kylie up so i went and got kylie and he went to get my perscription for me. so weare going to go and get it today . I cant wait ti she opens it she will go crazy.

Luv Emz xxx

I dont know what is wrong with me this morning but gee im in agony.. Ive woke up with the most awful pains right in the bottom of my stomach . God i dont know what thexse pains are for but i want them to go away NOW ouch it really hurts:( . We are supposed to be going to newton market and get chloes trampoline today but with these pains i aint going no further than the school .

I hardly slept a wink everytime i went to sleep i got woke up by a nightmare it is my own stupid fault though. I thought there was 3 sleeping tablets left in the packetwork out i was wrong and there wasnt any left at all OOPS.Will have to get the dr to do me a prescription this morning .

Its lovely and quiet here Barry and Kylie are still in  bed . Of course im here typing away and Chloe is in her highchair eating her brekkie. I found out why Kylie was so ill it was the heat ggrrr . Kylies new teacher has put things from the classroom outside and they were out there most of the day and Kylie didnt have her hat on grr so she was exposed to the sun all day with no sun cream or a hat on that day i went to an appointment i was only out a n hour and i burnt silly teacher i cant wait til miss mealey comes baack.

Oh guiess what i have stopped bleeding again so hopefully this is it .LOL . Apparantly i really do need to have this scan so i suppose i will book that today . Ive just been on the phone to my friend Lee she is about to have a hysterectomy i realy hope she is going to be ok por thing so scared deep down . They will let her home this afternoon late afternoon sometime but she ssaid she would ring me when she gets hiome and let me know how it went . Fingers crossed it will go well but i know she is gonna be in agony.

Luv Emz xxx

Well Just about lol . I just cant sleep . Kylie is better and went back to school this morning . She went to school with a fly in her ear she gave me attitude all morning wouldent do a thing she was told and even squared up to me that did it for me so she was told if her behaviour hadnt changed  by the time i pick her up she will be grounded. When she came out of school she apologized lucky for her .

I gotta go back and see the doctor tomorrow while im there im going to ask her if this scan is a must . Even if the scan does show anything remaining then they are just going to let me bleed it out anyway and i really am petrified i did try so hard to book it yesterday but i just couldent . I rang them and i just ended up asking them what time Barrys scan was today . But i guess i will just have to wait until tomorrow and see what she says.

Chloe has been really grouchy today :( i guess its because of her jab yesterday . She has been really cuddly too I knew she was feeling crap she never ate her brekkie or her lunch and when daddy cuddled her she just screamed for mummy poor little princess, But im sure she will be fine tomorrow at least i hope so,

Luv Emz xx

Its been a real long day today at least it feels like it im knackered i could just crash out i didnt go bed until 1 am and gone last night then Kylie woke up at 2.45 saying she had wet the bed she hadnt she was just really really sweaty so much her sheet was wet i got her in the living room and all of a sudden mum need to be sick.  Before we knew it it was in her mouth no time to run to the toilet i got her to sit on the edge of the sofa with her head etween her legs throwing up. She was up again at 5 not being sick thank goda bit more colour in the face and still rather groggy. Come 10 she was running round just typical.

I cancelled my appointment with the councellor which put me in a bit of a bad mood seems she was all of a sudden fine. Bummer. I cancelled Kylies jab and Jerry said he would watch the girls while i went citizens advice .

Jerry was late which made me late for my appointment he got here 15 mins before i had to e there its over 40 mins away from here i was 20 mins late boy wasnt he cross with me . I nearly burst into tears i was tired and stressed and didnt need to be growled at for being late i cant leave the kids at home on their own. Most of it went pretty well apart from a littlke disagreement we did this questionaire and he asked if i was disabled i said no because as far as im concerned im not yet he rekons i am because i have PTSD well my arguement with that is that PTSD is a mental illness not a disability . Ah well i was pissed off he upset me and it fired back at him i had to take it out on someone .

I got home Jerry had made the girls lunch , what a relief . Though i noticed Kylie was sat with a bag of crisp and a roll she had eaten most of the crisp and none of the roll .She hasnt eaten for 24 hours by this time so i was pretty mad i needed her to eat food not crap . So big mean mummy took the crisp away and made her eat the roll if ashe is well enough to eat crisp she is well enough to eat the roll in the end she threw it at the dog . Bugger.

Later i took Chloe for her MMR  hmm seems mummy has been rather bad . It seems Chloe is a year overdue on her jabs  they wanted to do them alll today which would have been 3 lots . I decided that was tooo much for my munchkin to have in 1 go . She only had the HIB today and she has to go back in 4 weeks for the amonia and MMR . Poor little love. But she was ever so brave i am so proud of her she was good as gold she sato n me and had it done she was there saying whats that ? whats that? She tried moving her leg but i had hold of it but she never even cried what a brave girl she is .

Luv Emz xxx

Maybe thegirls wont be having their injections tomorrow after all . When i picked Kylie up from school she was white as a sheet . She said the sun was hurting her eyes she did have PE today and it was hot so i gathered it was too much sun and she had a headache. After we got in she mentioned Jessicca was back at school today and she has chicken pox. Since she was home she just sat on the sofa atching cartoons lying down . She said she wanted some dinner and wanted her bath tomorrow she wanted noodles for dinner so i cooked those and i think she had a few spoon fulls and stupidly left it on the floor by the time she returned from the toilet the dog had eaten her dinner . God damn dog. So then i started to amke her a pit noodlle and she didnt want that so i made her a cucumber roll she had a bite out of that and said she didnt want it. Also she only had a bit out of the top of her drink the rest is still on the side she was given it after school.

She was dcalling me earlier i went in andshe had threw up everywhere its in her hairand everything i gave her a cup of milk she hada sip and refused to drink anymore i just went in to check on her and she hsnt been sick again and hopefully she will sleep through til morning now. I gave her chloes quilt and my pillow (she got sick over hers) but if she wakes up again i wiill put her in my bed with barry . Ive got a funny feeling she is going to come out in chicken pox because she has all the right symptoms but i kinda hope not .

So i am going to have to cancel the girls jabs and my councelling . I have to go citizens advice too but Barry made me phone Jerry to watch thegirls while i go to that appointment. I didnt really want to leave her you know just in case or at least she came with me but no not allowed.

Just hope she is feeling better by the morning :(

Why cant it just do what is meant to do urgh. I am really getting fed up with this i stop bleeding have 1 day where i dont have to worry weather i have blood seeping throug my trousers etc. To wakw up the next morning to have everything go back to the way it was. Not only wont my stupid body not let me have a pregnancy but it wont let me stop bleeding either. I just want this to stop i cant take no more of this i didnt want ot go to this scan i started to gedt excited thinking there was a chancei didnt have to go because it finally stopped .

This is really beginning to get me down . i just want my body back to normal . God why does my body hate me so much?? Surely the doctor can stop this now it obviously isnt going to stop naturally ive really had aenough of it my heads about to explode.

Girls are having their jabs tomorrow too Chloe is having her MMR and Kylie is having her pre - school . Im a bit worried about it i know Chloe has never been ill just very cuddly and doesent leave mummy . But Kylie i dont know . ??? . I have never took Kylie for her jab before i havent hid it from her she knows she is having it tomorrow after school i took her with me for my blood test so show her she has nohing to worry about and i told her if it makes her feel better i will get the nursde to jab me obviously with nothing in it just so she feels better abbout it, But its not just getting it done thatis worrying me its how she is going to be afterwards. She hasnt had a needle since she was 12 months she never had the MMR barry refused it?? . What am i going to do if they both turn ill ?? but i am going to dose them both up with calpol before they go and i told barry i want to keep her home from school wednesday as i want to make sure she isnt going to become ill and if chloe is asleep it will be a nightmare so i will tell them today she is having her jab tomorrow and she wont be in wednesday.

Well my tablets are beginning to kick in but everyone keeps taking the mick out of me cos i forget everything lol.  I just forget lol but they are helping a bit. We took buster for his first walk today i threw a bit of a wobbly in the car and told barry to take me home . Barry was sat there saying how good he was not to throw up first time in the car next thing you know im covered in puke my leg was sopping and barry found it bloody hilarious i waas fumming.

So back home it was get changed kylie screaming all the way cos she wanted to pick flowers i was so peeved All barry could say was i told you so gggrrrrrrr.

We brought him a lead and collar this morning and we had him on t but with a lead the bugger would not move yet as soon  aas you took the lead off she was a goner.but for his first time he did pretty well.

Im hoping the doctor is going to say i dont have to have this scan now cos ive stopped bleeding but i am not sure i will have to ring her because it was because i had bled so long and tests were normal so we will see.

Anyway im being bugged to go bed before i fall asleep at the computer barry only went bed half hour ago lol

 

OMG - It was only this morning barry was moaning that we still have 5 pups to get rid of . Now tomorrow we have this guy coming at 2 another lady called and she is coming in the morning . Then not so long ago spooks owner daisie called and gave me this number for her sis who lives near by and she wants a girl soo iff all these follow through i only have another 2 to sell YAY. Also when i spoke to daisie she said that the pup she took for oilie he never wanted so she ended up keepingher i knew she would she loved her from the time she set eyes on her she is so much like sppook so im really happy about that because i will still get to see her lots and she is with her daddy .

Anyway i better jump in this bath before it gets cold lol.

Luv Emz xx

Gee Kylie only went back toschool wednesday was such as short week for her . Long  one for me lol.

Well i saw the councellor yesterday she gave me a few numbers she advised i rang. 1 in town whih i did ring and i have an appointment tuesday . The other one is based at Torbay Hospital so im umming and arring about that 1 although she did say they might do it over the phone or meet up else where . But she cant guarantee and they dont have a chance in hell of getting me uup there. She said usually with someone in my situation she would advise to go to A&E but she doesent think that is a very good idea at the moment. I ddo think i told her a bit too much though i wasnt thinking before i was talking and it all just came blurting out i dont know where it came from and i didnt even know i felt the way i do about some of it .

I have to see the doctor today kinda worried about it really i got my blood results back yesterday and they came back normal and my smear has come back today and that is noral too so im bk to not knowing why the hell i am still bleeding its driving me mad. I havent a clue when my scan will be i just hope they give me something to stop this its craziness . Also i have to speak to her about PTSD because i was diagnosed with that yesterday too.

Just as i got in the door from the coucillor yesterday the phone was ringing it was the matron i nearly fainted it only took her 2 days.But i got my pennys worth in for what its worth. Although it was me that ended up in ttears lol .I was on the phone fror an hour arguing with her over that silly explanation the best she could come up with was 'the doctor in question is very upset' my reply was good so she should be but that doesent mean she shouldent apologize to my face. Anyway i got my meeting booked for 16th june should be quite interesting actually seems its my gyneacologist that has done all my operations and sorted my tubes out just beforei fell pregnant wit h chloe also he was the gynaecologist who came in A&E when i was miscarrying in reception he took his son through for a sore arm only a few mins after arriving . Im hoping i will have my notes by then. I will have someone with me to take down all that is said so its not their word against mine and because im having trouble coping with whats happened anyway . I might forget like i forgot to advertise ALLL the pups DER .

When i got back from picking Kylie up that solicitor had sent me 3 emails with a direct number to call her on having read all the information i had given her and with the links i provided as i  needed to see where i stand . It just so happens she can help me. For the next 3 - 4 months i have to keep her up to date of whats going on with the hospital , councelling , my mental state etc and in 3 months she can start working on doing a claim as she seems to think i have a very good chance. She emailed me a load of  links where i can get advice on this sort of stuff on .

Ah well better do these pups and this housework etc. Then  wont have much to do the weekend this guy from cornwall is coming to get a puppy on sunday and i suppose i should have it tidy in case anyone says they want to view straight away.

Luv Emz xxx

Well first those who have been sending me messages sorry i have replied to your messages i would only my minti mail still isnt working so that is why i havent yet replied.

So i got my explanation well if thats what they want to call it . Well i obviously wasnt happy with it ans immediuatly rang Karen McMohan for this meeting. Then that night i emailed the MP he was great i asked if i should take somebody you know for evidence of whats being said as it will be my word against theirs and that scares me . So he said i could seek support from an advocacy group. These are organisations that can provide support when i feel i may not be able to cope or take in the information being told to me.its help and advice for those wishing to complain about the NHS . So i wil call those when i get back from councelling he urge that i did he thinks they may sit this meeting with me . Also ihe urges me to really read and download things from the miscarriage assosiation to help me   start dealing with it.

Also yesterday i sent my solicitor a email explaining the situation and that i need toknow where i stand       legallywith it and he got straight back to me he said they didnt specialise in medical negligence cases but he said i definatly do need to get legal advice from a firm that does .So he put me onto a guy in exeter that does and i have sent him an email i am just waiting to hear back from him.

My blood test results were back yesterday and they were normal . So im not aneamic and im not pregnant hello i already know that no need to keep telling me. Hopefully the swab will be back today but that is the one i am worried about . There are checking my hormone levels and will hopefully rule out if this is indeed a period or if i am still bleeding from the miscarriage. Butr i see the councellor at 10.30 so i will hopefully pick them up when i have finnished there .

Puppys are going YAY the first 2 girls left the weekend 1 went over to spooks (the father) owners on saturday it was a birthday present for her friend and sunday Jerry came and got his. Some guy from Cornwall was meant to come last night to view the bitches but after i spent half the day cleaning he could not make it and is coming the weekend now but we sent him a load of photos of their faces so i think he is interesting i had a email from another guy too enquiring about them so hopefully they will all be gone soon but i have only advertised 4 although i have 5 to go thats how stupid i am i forgot asa puppy DER .

Anyway i better go get Kylie ready for school i havent done her lunch yet or even got chloe dressed and we have to be there in 20 mins OOOOPS

dated 3rd june 2008

Dear Ms Fairchild.

I am writing to you in response to your letter dated 15th may 2008 regarding the treatment you recieved at Torbay Hospital on 6th may 2008.

May i first convey my condonlences to you for the loss of your baby. I appreciate that this has been a very distressing and traumatic time for you. I also appreciate that waiting for a response to your letter has been very upsettingfor you and may have contributed to you not being able to come to termswith your loss and grief. I am very sorry it has taken time to speak to all the staff involved . This was complicated by the Doctor who saw you in A&E being on night duty and then being unable , due to an emergency , to keep her origional appointment with Karen McMahon, matron , who led our investigation. The delay was further compounded by the fact Karen McMahon was unavoidably not available , for personal reaasons , to assist with the investigation. Having now completed a full investigationi am in a position to reply to your letter. I have tried to cover the the issues that you have raised in the order that they appear in your letter.

Our records confirm that on the 6th may you came to the Accident and Emergency department and checked in at reception desk and were asked to take a seat.  It is normal practice to ask patients to wait in the waiting room whilst reception informs the nursing staff and medical team that you have arrived. Unfortunatly , you started to bleed more heavily and when you informed recepption of this fact they quite appropiately asked you to gostraight through to the nurses station. The nurse immediately took you to a room where the doctor could see you.

(Gets disturbing from here )

It is Recorded in your notes that you were bleeding very heavily and passed blood and clots when you went to the toilet. The doctor who examined the products you had passed did put them into a glass specimen jar and bring them back into the room you were in . This is not normal practice . This was because she was unsure about the procedure to follow when a miscarriage happens in A&E and did not know where else in the department the jar could have been left safely. This point has been discussed in detail with the doctor who has acknowledged the distress this would have caused you and that to show you the jar was inappropiate and insensitive, She is very sorry about this and has asked that i convey her sincere apologies to you about this.

She did at this point want to examine you to ensure the bleeding was settling and you asked that your partner return first. The doctor left for a short while and when she returned you had explained to your partner what happened and i understand that he had seen the jar.

It is normal practice to take the products away and label them as sensitive specimen. This would be sent to the Laboratory to confirm they are products of conception. They are then kept for one month and following a short religious servicewould go to Torquay Crematorium. This process is normally discussed with the parents. I am very sorry that this did not happen. It has been identified as an area to be highlighted at the doctors training session and the next team meeting.      This will ensure that all staff are reminded of the correct procedure and how important it is to be sensitive to parents who are suffering pregnancy loss.

I can confirm that your sensitive specimen was sent to the histopathology laboratory were they confirmed products of conception. but no foetal parts were identified . When a pregnancy is 7 weeks , as yours was , they foetus is very small. The scan you had on 1st may 2008 showed that it measured 9mm. It is possible that you passed it when your bleeding started . The gestation sac and the placenta and membranes would look as described and this is what you saw in the jar.

We are very aware that the A&E is not the ideal place to examine any woman who is having a miscarriage. Ideally , we would transfer you on arrival to the gynaecology ward where staff are particularly aware of women's need for privacy and sensitivity. Unfortunately , when you were admitted there were no beds availableon the gynaecology ward. We are trying to prevent this experiencehappening to anyone else and plan to make a designated room available on McCallum ward which can be used for women who may be miscarrying.

We do strive to give care of a high standard and are deeply saddened when this does not happen . We appreciate your comments and take all complaints seriously as it is through feedback such as yours that we get a full picture of patients experience and this , in turn , enables us to identify service improvements for the future.

I am very sorry that your miscarriage was such a distressing experience for you and appreciate that we could have helped to make this heartbreaking experience less traumatic for you . Please accept my deepest apologiers. I recognise that this letterr may not answr all your questions and if you want to meet with senior clinical staff to discuss this letter and your care please contact the matron for McCallum ward , Karen McMahon on .....................

As you may be aware your MP, Mr Adrian Sanders , has written to us about your case. I am therefore sending him a copy of this letter .

Sincerely

Acting Chief Executive

Im realllllly reeaaaallllllllyyy angry now got my explanation and already ive rang up screaming once again over a answer machine demanding this meeting urgently . Not 1 mention of her personally appoligising (the dr i mean) , what punnishment she has had, Oh and they are back to saying its clots . Oh also i have gone from being 8 weeks pregnant to 7 weeks too . Barry is going to hit the roof 1 things for sure im going to the solicitor tomorrow. AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH .

Really angry Emz   

I cant take no more . I just want this big mess to end . A month on and where have i got??? I tell you nowhere. I ended up going doctors today and i had to have swabs taken YUK and i have to go back tomorrow afternoon for more blood tests to yet again see if i am aneamic . Also they want to check my hormone level or something . Then they want to get me in for a scan at the hospital . The big question is is this a period or not ?? I have been getting period pains etc but either way somewhere in between i should have stopped bleeding by now.If the scan is all good i obviously wont need a D&C so fingers crossed it will be. Thing is the last month ive had so many blood tests etc its driving me mad it wouldent be as bad if i had a good set of veins it takes at least 3 attempts for themto get anything as soonas a needle touches my arm or whatever the vein breaks down .

As for that bunch of idiots at the hospital well dont even get me started they have untill tomorrow lunchtime for me to either get this explanation thhats been drafting for 2 weeks now or return my messages i left on the answer machine  today . Else i will be going up there im sick of this crap . Today ive left 4 messages for them to ring me back none have been answered and if they think ignorance is the answer they are so wrong .

Argh so peeved so had it i really have

There was me thinking ringing the doctors was going to save me going and seeing a dr and taking the chance of getting told to go to the hospital. Oh how wrong was i. I have to go and see the doctor at 4 so not fair. I do have to go hospital too he wants me to hae a scan . So i told him i refuse to go to torbay hospital they arnt coming anywhere near me. So he is going to arrange it at a differant hospital i might have to travel quite a bit to get there but at least i will be more relaxed.

Apparantly weather this is a period or not which he thinks it could be seems ive had period pain the last few days it is still unusual that i ahve bled a month straight i should have stoped somewhere in between . So he thinks there could still be more . God sake is this ever going to end?

Well looks like Barry is going to get laid off at work YAY.I know its not really a good thing but it isnt a bad thing either. He hates his job he comes home shouting at me and its all because he has had a crap day at work. Also the ppay in this job was meant to be better than endfield and we are much worse off . We worked it out and he will be much beter off even if he was to sign on sounds crazy but its true.

I told him if he does i want to go back to work and he could stay home with the kids i could proberly earn more than he can. He wanted me to go back into hairdressing but it really doesent interest me anymore and the money really isnt there unless i go mobile and i dont drive. But after everything i think it would help me to go back to work., Also it will be good him being SAHD because he can see how much work it is to get this place sorted and the kids, shopping , bills etc. so he is just waiting for his boss to come in to see what he says .

He told him he wanted barry to use his car at work and barry obviously refused he expected him to do his work today using his car and his boss said he cant afford to keep on the petrol but its not up to barry to pay the petrol anywayu i mean why should he pay petrol for working it costs enough for him to get to work as its 7 miles away and he does that 5-6 times a week .

I have to ring the drs today too . I promised Barry i would. It will have been 4 weks tomorrow and im still bleeding its getting  silly now. But i really dpo think its a period now i have had awful period pains all weekend but of course i better make sure. My dad said if i do have to go hospital i should just go newton and not torbay.

Luv Emz xxx

Well yesterday i had Chloe with her nappy off except for naps because she is forever taking her nappy off anyway. Come the afternoon Barry was moaning at me because she kept weeing in her knickers . I told him she is a toddler and is learning to use the so to leave her alone just after she came to me saying potpot i got her on the potty and she shut him right up and she did a number 2 YAY .

sUCH A GOOD GIRL LOVE HER !