Kyulie had a great time camping she absolutly loved it. She didnt sleep much though so she was very tired.When they go back i opened the door to a huge smile on her face . She came running in gave me the most biggest hug ever . She missed mummy. Ahhhhhh.

Unfortunatly it all stopped after about 20 mins. Because she had spent the weekend getting her own way she was being rather spoilt and mean to her little sister. Apparantly she had been stuffing her face all day but that didnt stop her eating her dinnerand a cake after LOL.

Her behaviour got terrible i started to run her a bath she said she didnt want a bath she wanted to gi bed and she would have a bath after brekfast. She is awake but she is lying in bed she says her sister can come in and play but she isstaying in bed she hasnt been asleep yeet LOL .

I asked Barry what time she went to sleep apparantly she went in to lie down at 10pm but she was missing mummy and could not sleep so she sat outsude the tent with Daddy abd Jerry until 11.30 and then she went to sleep and she woke Barry up at 5.30.

Mind you he fighting has started already sisterly love and all that. I missed Kylie so much but it was sooooo nice to spend a couple of day with JUST Chloe. Well thats Kylie up so i guess  better get them some brekfast and start the day.xxx

Why cant people just tell me the correct results ?? God damn . I was about to take my daughter to the beach this afteroon and i recieved a phonecall t was the doctor surgery. To tell me they have a prescription for me to pick up. Confussed i asked what it was for?? She said because my swab tet showed that i have a estragen infection ??WTF??? I came off the phone in absolute floods of tears asi was told it was fine. I rang back to speak to a doctor who said it was thrush . So now i left thinking is it clear or not. I am soooooo fed up with this GGGRRRRR!!!

Anyway me and chloe have had a fun afternoon besides that. We went to the park for an hour as she was quite tired. We were up at 4am, so we are going beach in the morning. Well after lunch. B-arry and kylie are going to be home around diner time. Its really quiet here its ral strange to only have 1 child in the house, im missing her and worrying about her but it is nice .

Ive hurt my arm got too much shopping at the shops and put it all on one arm and it looks as though i have love bites all over my arm and its covered in bruises lol. That will teach me haha.

Anyway im gonna try and chill out a bit now while i can clare has been here all evening well since 5 til 8.30 which was nice as ken was at work. Thing is we cant talkabout certain things in front of our partners as they are best friends lol, so nowits some ME time on Minti of course

Much Love Emzxxx

Well tomorrow Kylie is going to spend the first night in 4 years and a half away from me !!! She is going camping with Daddy. D-ont get me wrong im sure she will have a fantastic time but i would love her to stay home with me so I know she is safe warm . Barry assures me if at any point she wants me or wants tocome home he willl bring her back. She is really excited about it she went bed saying she was going to dream of dartmoor and what animals she is goig to see. She cant wait to see what the campsite is like, She keeps on asking "will there be any kids there you know girls " hehe bless her. They will be leaving tomorrow afternoon around 2pm.

As for me and Chloe well me and barry need a break from each other and no way will i give permissin for chloe to go camping she is far too young. So instead i have to go crem at lunchime then when i get bk from thee we are gong to the beach and she can sit up late with me :) an she is goingto sleep in my bed.  We are going to have a mummy and daughter day :)

Though i dont think i will gert much sleep as i will be worrying about kylie

xxx

Well today is going to be hard. I spoke to my advocatre an it works out i do need that letter from the crematorium stating they have not recieved my remains ? Its going to be so hard.Now i have to finally admit to myselfthey have gone missing . I must be mad to still keep on fighting them why cat any of this be simple? Wouldent it be alot easier to just take them to cort and sue their asses? I wish it was that easy this would have been done with ages ago.

Oh bummer i better go the girls sre fighting again gggrrrr xxx

I hate that bloody neighbour of of mine i swear soon i will have that woman !!!!! I am so upset for a stupid reason ? Yeah ,maybe . I got a letter this morning after viewing my tenancy agreement i am not allowed any pets without written permission therefore i should have got permission for Buster , Podge & Shy. So therefore i have to get Podge & Shy operated on and let them out . For some people that wouldent be a problem but for me it is. Reece who lives next door has a cat that he lets out and you see it outside al the time coming out of the woods with all sorts mice, birds , rabbits . It scares Kylie i cant say i like it and soon it will scare Chloe too. I would harte it if my cats turnt like that when she had a mouse last week that was enough for me . I really dont want to have my cats out . BUT I dont have a choice. I have30 days to get my cats operated on or i havet o get rid of them . Right now i coujld knock that woman out they are MY animals and just cos she lets her cat out i dont want mine out GGGGRRRRR.

Also at what age would you say it is ok for your child to go camping . I agreed to Barry taking Kylie camping in a very good friends garden so if she gets scared or cold she can go inside and sleep. Now aparantly last night when i was busy reading on here i agreed to him taking her camping at a campsite at theweekend . My answer was you are not taking my daughter on no campsite for a few reason i agreed to 1st time camping would be in a friends back garden and this is a campsite yes its safe but what if she gets cold ? What if she cant sleep ? What if she misses me? god she is 5 she is my little baby i wont be able to sleep i will wory about her i have never spent a night away from her in 4 years and i dont really intend on doing so . I know i am over protective with her but i really do think she is too young :( . bUT SHE IS SO EXCITED

Anyway i better stop winging its nearly 1am didnt realise it was so late xxxx

Well well well 8 days to go untill i see my consultant at the hospital. YIPPEE . I just got off the phone to my wonderful doctor she is awesome . She has done me another prescription for some more morphine to tide me over until i go to exeter. Also my swab results are back. Never guess what they came back ........... CLEAR YAYYAY YAY.

So thats me in the clear for infections etc. So why am i hurting so much ?????????????????Well my doctor is 80% sure its the cyst that is causing it. She will be writting to him top tell himso with a bit of luck when i go and see my consultant on the 4th he is going to scan me again and hopefully arrange t get this silly thing out so they can figure out what it is onc and for all.

So now its back to waitng but only 8 DAYS TO GO YAY then it could be all over .......I HOPE!!!!!!!!

Much Love Emz xxxx

Makes a change doesent it. Urine test came back today ............ CLEAR YAY YAY YAY.

Apart from that its rubbish. I have now been put on a stronger pill to take with mefenamic acid. Hopefully this will cut out any more bleeding. I am supposed to have a weeks break monday but my doctor said she doesent want me to have a break. Just keep taking them until i see my consultant in Exeter on the 4th. She said for as long as i bleed im gonna be in more pain like now and she wants to keep the pain down as much as possible.

She felt my tummy again and she said i am still bloating but it could be so much because i am bleeding as well. She also checked my blood preasure which was also fine. Hopefully swabs will be back tomorrow fingers crossed.

Kylie was sick tis morning she went outside to play and came back saying she was sick worked out she had been eating alderberries . She wont eat them again in a hurry LOL .

My neighbour from hell has returned. It hasnt been a fortnight yet surely? DAMN !!! Ah well how long do ya rekon i should give her before pumping the music out haha. It will have to wait til tomorro now the girls are in bed and kylie will get up and tell me off LOL.

Much Love Emz xxxx

I been looking at this sandwich the last half hour i really ought to eat something . I just feel so sick and i tell you these period pains are awful. When Chloe went for her nap today i laid down on the sofa kylie asked whatt was the matter. I told her i didnt feel very well and she said if i fall asleep she wont wake me up . (bless). I did fall asleep for about 40 mins and rightenough she never woke me up she was still sat at the table colouring.:)

Barry got up about lunchtime boy i wish he hadnt bothered he was in a foul mood and i really wasnt in the mood for it . He was out of order and he knows so . I and he thinks its his tablets they are anti depressans but they are for muscle pain too which is what he takes them for. So i have taken them and hid them and told him there are in the bin. I-i went out and when i came home he was very apologeticbut not enough for me to forgive him . K-ylie said he had been crying.

He took the dogs over to Jerrys to clear his head and have a little think about what he has done. I waited for the emergency docs to ring me back, while sat on MSN chatting to Kell. He started going on about my estrogen being low hence the mid cycle bleed. But to be honest i would rather go and see MY  doctor to be sure as she said last week if i start bleeding go straight back and see her, He prescribed me some mefenamic acid to ry and slow down the bleeding at least.

After that i went to pick  up the prescription they faxed to sainsburys and on the way home wewent to the park for half hour . We had to leave as Chloe fell off the slide scraped her knee and she has a little black eye as she whacked it on the slide during the fall poor lil monkey.

Clare and Ken came over tonight. I gave Ken a bollocking as he told Clare on the quiet not to bring up her pregnancy with me as i havent long lost bubs. I wasnt impressed Clare is my friend. She should be able to speak to me about what she likes yes im hurting but i am also happy for her. It was nice as they usually gang up on me but they couldent as there were 2 of us haha and we got them instead haha.

Much Love Emz xxxx

My god i have been up since 4amand omg the pain it is awful. I have threw up twice already. . Never gess what ? Im bleeding AGAIN . Funny thing is i still have 8 pills before my weeks break so i cant understand whyim bleeding mind you i dont understnd my body at all. I am so peeved isthiscrap ever going to end ? Anyway i am going to go and lie down with chloe she is on the sofa with her ottle you never kniw se might fall sleep xxxx

I am sat here absolutly crapping myself Barry is out apparantly on his way home. I just went ot the toilet well i wwent to and OMG  there in the corner was podge clawing at something. I took a closer look and OMG there it was a tiny little mouse. I crapped myself and ran out . Reece has a cat who is always catching mice so i ran over there i firstly used the toilet i couldent hold it any longer. Matt was there reece was at the garage. I told h im i lockedmy cat in the bathroom with a mouse im too scared to go in there so he said he would get rid of the mouse for me. He came over by now podge had it bythe door it was still alive just about by the look of it. he said the best thing for me to do is to let her kill it as he would feel cruel to kill it and there was no way i was killing it .So i left it for barry.

Well Barry is back and sso am i the mouse is gone not in podges tumy thank god . It was dead by the time barry got here it just had a cut on its back but it was definatly dead . Barry put it in a nappy bag and took it outside EWWW . oF course after scaringme half  to death with it bloody thing xxxx

Well this weekend this palce is being spring cleaned yet again. Last night i noticed the walls are disgusting bloody animals therei s mud all down my walls its from the dogs coming in and shaking everywhere grrr.So once the casual housework is done whuxch i havent even started yet i will get on and scrub all the walls.

Its rather peaceful here Barry is at kens helping him do his car Chloe has just gone dow n for a nap and Kylie well she is sat on the sofa playing with me phone . She likes the operater talkingto her hahaha. Nice and peaceful just how i like it no stress.

Me and Barry are OK now i appoligised for how mad  i got yesterday i dont know what came over me but i was very mean. I was so bad he threatened to tell my doc utoh and looked for the number little did he know where it was haha. But anyway its all sorted now LOL .

I finally got my appointment for the psychology clinic and they have sent me a assessment also i have a appointment for monday 15th september .Barry wasnt too impressed as its at like 9.30am and Barry will be looking after the girls and as most of you know he isnt a early riser . Still quite a while away but its ok as i have my councelling session with Anita on the 3rd.

Anyway i will see what is going on in the world of minti and then i better get on i suppose.

Luv Emz xxx

Another day down i suppose. Had my swab YUK . Really hurt it was a bit TOO warm too . Really got embarrassed she thought i was there for an STI like give me a break i only stopped bleeding 2 weeks ago the only person ive slept with is Barry omg what do they taake me for ?? They offered me GUM leafleets etc . So of course i put her straight and she apoligized like try reading the notes, anyway its done now results should be back wednesday . Sigh more waiting . Im not holding my breath on answers there is no point.

These pain killers are doing the job and im not in pain YAY . Although the morphine is making me feel sick and a bit drunk LOL. But hey saves me getting a bottle haha. Me and Barry have fallen out and he has gone out hopefuully he will ome back in a better mood. He has text me saying he was sorry and he does love me. But im not he is horrible grrrr.

Anyway i rang my Nan today and boy i do worry about her. She is so far away if that makes sense really not on the same level .Its so sad . You could be half way through a conversation and she just hangs up and im left there with a dead tone andi say 'oh bye then ' when i say that who ever is here knows it was my nan . I love her so much alot more than her daughter,

I been trying to get my MSN  going but gee i am having so many problems it turnt off my anti virus and gave me a bloody virus ggrrr. So i put it on on here and it wobnt load and the anti virsu is going mad ggrrr so fryustrating . I really wanna kick it its only barrys im sure he wont mind . xxxx

Well i went to do my urine sample thi morning oh what fun that was . the nurse explained that its being retested because its showed 2 infections but it i abnormal to have them both together. I was dying for a wee al morning but i never went i held it in until ge sample . But could i go nope .

So i had to go back larer when i had done iit . When i had done it i rang up booked a appointment i got in at 11.20 . She said therewas some protein which means im dehydrating slightly maybe. Also some white blood cells so they have been sent to the lab.

B-y all this i was stil non the wiser. my doc wasnt in so i saw the other lady doc . She explained more works out im abnormal. The est showed a urinary infection and wait for it ........... a bowel infection in myurine which aparantly is abnomal

I said this still dont tell me why ive been having orange dischargeso she said as i havent had a swab for a few months its about ttime i had another. So i have to go back for swabs tomorrow.

I also told her i cant keep on with this pain its driving me up the wall. I told her im back in gynae on 4th so untill then she is dosing me up i told her the painkllers arn working so she gave me some ibupbrofen , dihydrocodeine and some morphine. 1 thing is for sure its made me sleepy ive fell asleep twice already writting this . Bed for me soon i think xxx

There was once somebody who was very close to my heart all i will say is her name was Kellie. When she died she was 19 years old. It has been 6 long years but i still think of her all the time.

We were close very close since we were 4 years old well she was 6 (2 yers apart) . When i was sick she would nurse me better when we were little she used tomato ketchup for medicine haha.

But like all teenagers we grow up have our boyfriends etc. When she was 14 she met this guy his name was Darren. Things became serious (he was much older) she would stay there etc. One day shew came out with the fact she had been smoking pot. Not really a big deal . Onky it didnt stop there . Kelie was out with Darren more and more she started drinking too . Kellie was changing fast. One day Kellie was covered in bruises i asked her what happened . She told me she was in trouble .

We took a walk just the 2 of us. -First shocker was i have been smoking heroin with Darren, ok so how does that explain the bruises???She went on to tell me the last few nights Darren had been sending her ut on the streets . Prostituting her. This guy tried robbing her . I couldent believe it.

As muchas i could i tried to split them up so i could have my Kellie back. I begged her to stop but all she would say is i cant. She failed at school. I would go out and meet her covered in blood totally off her head. But this nasty road continued she started njectingthings got much worse she had a £500 a day habit. (hard to kick ) . Luckily when she was 18 she was sent to prison this is what she really needed she had 6 months for prostitution also theft as she had some stolen items on her at the time.

She wrote to me and told me she was clean. I was sopleased for her . She was being mediacated of course but she wasnt on heroin anymore it was sucha relief . I thought finally when Kellie comes home she will be back to normal. i was so excited for her home coming.

-First few nights we chilled had girly times remembered old times hugged and hugged and hugged . She went into town with a few friends. That was the last time i saw her ALIVE . She was 19 years old , She never came back. A few days later 2am police came. Have we seen -Kellie (i had reported her missing already) i told them no still nothing . Kellies mother is in the car would you like to come and have a look at a body that we unfortunatly think could nbe Kellie.

I grabbed my keys and straight out he door. When i saw the body i had to run out and be siick . It kinda looked like her but it wass a mess you really couldet tell. The only way we actually realised it was her was by her tatoos. It was definartly her i screamed NNNOOOOOO!!!!.

She was drunk and gott found by the wrong people. She was dragged th4rough the train station only john left those toilets that night kellie remained there. Needle stuck in her foot. Works out her heart stopped as soon as she was injected it was pure heroin. That needle was meant to kill her . He told police he had 65% of the hit but thats impossible he is still alive, it was planned. It ripped me apart .

Just let this be a warning to us all as parents this could haoppen to any of our children if we allow it too. Please dont allow it .I know i wont .

R.I.P. Kellie i will always remember . love and miss you . xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Still dont know if i have an infection or not . The receptionist said my doctor wants a retest as it was on the border line or something so im still none the wiser i really am fed up with this . So i have a appointment with my doc tomorrow morning but i dont see how its going to be any differantas im on anti biotics and have been for 5 days now grr . Thing was she said it had a note on from my doc saying she wanted a reteest as they thin i have a slight water infection but not sure. ?? I dont knw i guess i will have to wait AND SEE .

Barrys in the dog house . He took Kylie out so me and chloe could both  have a nap and he brought her home at 4 pm and she looked as though she hadseen a ghost . She said she felt sick within half hou she said she wanted her dinner and wanted to go to bed. -I asked what she had eaten she said crisps at clare & Ken and daddy and jerry took her to pik blackberries and raspberries. I asked who washed them to hear "the rain did mummy" . Grrr. I rang him and assked what she had eaten and when he mentioned the blackberries i asked if he washed them firstt he said no. I said well thankjs now she is ill . Wants her diner and wants to go to bed no bath. he says he is sorry but i warned him hen he gave the girls apples off a tree. She has now been told when she picks them she isnt to eat them until mummy has washed them properly .

This morning i went shopping when i left the dhop i had 6 bags . I went to get some gas as we were out came hoome immediatly unpacked it i just looked confussed i had some shopping missing it was only kids sweets for the week i called in both shops btut no nobody seen it just disappeared . See things have a habit ogf dissappearing on me.

Me and barry watched this film last night . It was called the unrested best film ive atched in a while well since saw 4 . We were up until 4am but i had a little nap with chloe earlier . Which was lovely and me and chloe went park after we got up. We had such a great time i love spending time with her she makes me smile just looking at her:)

Better go sort kylie out apparsntly she doesent love me anymore AGAIN kids just need them dont we ? LOL xxx

Am i going crazy ???????? I am beginning to wonder??

My housing officers came today about the complaint i told her about the visit from the police etc . Never guess what it ws over ??? My dogs and cats. I told her straight if she wants to kick me out just get on with it as there is no way im getting rid of my cats and dogs i love them far too much to do that.

She said thats the last thing they want to do is kick us out . She asked if i liked living here again i told her the way it was i said no . She asked why??? and i said because of my neighbour from hell. and it slipped out she knows we are having a hard time yet she is constantly on my back she has even offered to look after my kids like no way . She speaks badly about me to the neighbours . Apart from tht i just dont like her . We got chatting if you ask winnie she will tell you i am a total chatterbox once i get started i dont shut up .

Anyhoo she rekons we should be on more money than we are as he is now on sat sick pay he gets £90 a week at the most plus what i get for the girlys . Because of the way i am at the moment and trying to deal wth everything else i was near on in tears with them here it was hard to talk silly me got all emotional.

She was nice though and she has now got me a key worker to help me sort out all this paperwork i have about 6 forms here i need to fill out but i just keep looking at them stupid really . I feellike im going crazy .

This whole cyst thing is really getting to me too . I-ve always found it hard to concieve . Before my miracle (chloe) came along we were trying 30 LONG months i was only 1 month away from starting IVF and i found out i was pregnant. I alays wanted 2 of my own and so we started trying again right away it took nearly2 years before i fell pregnant unfortunatly we lost it amd now this. They dont even know what it is . My gynae has NEVER sen anything like it . I am scared so very scared that i wont fall again well naturally anyway i feel me taking this folic acid isa total waste of time.

Dont get me wrong i love Kylie & Chloe very very much but i do really really want another . I dont like all this waiting i want to know what this thing is :(

Ooops i went off track there i best stop now plus Chloe has just came out of her room for milky and she wants a biscuit she ishaving a growth spurt i think she is eating so much bless her xxx

Well moon is going home today :( . Jerry rang yesterday to say he had just arrived home and he would be here for moon shortly i told hi to get some much deserved sllep and he can pick her up today. Although its been hard work with 3 dogs 2 being pups tyhat still have accidents it has been fun too. It gave pepsi a break too as buster has been playing with his sister. Its weird though as Buster is now double the size of moon he is going to be a BIG dog he sleeps under our bed but isnt going to fit under there much longer LOL.

After making a few calls yesterday i got my november hospital appointment is now in for 4th september as i explained A&E is really not oing to be pleasant for me. M-y gyae is on leave til 3rd but he can see me on the 4th (luckily on my file he wrote he is happy to see me if im having probs) so im going to try my best to hold out until them.

Yesterday i started loosing this strange discharge (orange ) yes the discharge on the pill question was me . But i called my doctor just to check all was ok. She is not all that worried about the orange but if it has not stopped by weds / thurs i have to go back and see her . Also if it turns brown or period like i should go straight back to see her.

Chloe is doingreally well with her brekkie today usually the only brekkie i can get her to eat is toast but this morning i got them some weetos and she is absolutly loving them . She is on her 3rd bowl now the little piggy. xxx

WOOHOO !!! Neighbour from hell that is YES she has gone on holiday for 2 whole weeks oh those 2 weeks  will be a pleasure . I can play my music as loud as i like . Argue as much as i want . Withoutt some nosie old bagf reporting me and moaning about me.

Went drs kind of pointless really may as well of just dropped the sample off the results should be in the next 2 - 3 days . Though she is thinking i do have an infection as my sample had white blood cells which usually means a infection so we will see. I also rang the hospital as my appointment at gynae isnt until november and i really cant waitt hat long and i told the lady on the phone of the problems i have been having and she said it really would be best to go up to A&E . Because they are in exeter and i am in torquay she told me to say i was in exeter visiting that way they have to treat me , so if things arnt better by morning i shall be doing that.

Anyay i best run my best mate and hubby is going to be here soon and this place is a mess so i best get started. hope your all having a great day xxx

Done so much cleaning this weekend. I  have those people coming tuesday about the complaint made against me lol. We finally finnished the living room yesterday and today i have done chloes room including scrubbing carpet. The bathroom got a good bleaching . I did most of the kitchen(still a few bits to do) and Barry scrubbed the hallway carpet lol. This place has not been so clean since well since everything happened.

Back to the doctors tomorrow find out if this is a infection or this cyst or whatever it is? playing up. If i dont have an infection she is t6hinking of sending me back to gynae. I guess i will have to wait and see i just want it gone. I got another appointment with the gynae for 6th nov but i wont be waiting that long i cant stick this another day let alone til november. I shall be calling him tomorrow also i hav something i need to ask him for my own piece of mind apart from gettting this stupid thing out.

Barry took the girls out for a walk with the dogs while i cooked dinner as i was dishing up i senthe girls come out munching on apples. Kylie had spotted a apple tree so they grabbed a coupe of apples each wasnt impressed he just let them eat them though a bird could have pooped on them or anything YUK .

Barry is out at the mometn so i am getting some peace and some time to think ive been veryy hormonal and kinda upset things just dont make sense but between me and Barry we decided its best to get a letter from the crematorium to say they did not recieve or cremate my remains as this is what i was told happened.

I have not been sleeping well last few days i made a desicion afer alot of thinking what the councellor there was something she said that stuck in my head " To stamp on your fears you need to face them" sleeping tablets stop me doing that by taking them iam blocking it out as i still have the nightmares but i can not remember all of them im ot shuting my eyes because i dont want to keep eeing what happened but by doing this i am not facing it. It hasnt been easy ive found myself talking to barry about it and i dont talk to him about things close to my heart men just dont understand . But t will get easier and i will deal with it its just going to take time xxx

Notes from local resolution meeting 14 August 2008.

Present:

Emily F - complainant

Karen M - Matron.

Voirrey F - ICAS advocate.

A&E

Voirrey F. outlined the complaint regarding A&E.Emily F . had told the reception worker when she arrived that she was miscarrying. She was asked to take a seat and waited one hour and had to return to reception to ask for urgent assistance.

Karen M . answered that it is normal practice to book in with reception place and A&E was very busy. The gynae team took a long time ad so the resident A&E doctor was called.

Viorrey F . asked weather reception did not prioritise  certain cases such as miscarriage..

Karen M . agreed the wait was unacceptable and appoligised for this. Karen M has since spoken to reception staff and instructed them if a patient says that they are having a miscarriage , the reception MUST inform the nurse straight away that they are there.

Voirrey F. asked if this was now formalised as procedure

Karen M . replied that it was and would be a part of management of -A&E . Kare nM. aslo stated that plans are underway to provide a room in mccallum ward for women who are miscarrying which will provide a better environment and access to specialist doctors and nurses.

ACTION :Karen to confirm completion of plan to provide room in mccullum ward.

IMPROOVEMENTS AGREED: procedures in A&E reception.

Karen M. confirmed that the doctor who treated Emily was a gynae registrar. The doctor had been with the hospital 1 week.

The registar has denied saying "its only a miscarriage" when questioned.Karen M. agreed that this is not something that a nurse or doctor should say and she would hope that this would not be said to a patient .

Viorrey . stated that the registrars performancehad been so poor with regard to the specimen jar there was little confidence that the registrars performance had not also poor regarding this  issue also.

Emily F . was adamant this was said to her.

Viorrey F . suggested that there are two differant accounts of thisand it is not possible therefore to resolve this issue. Karen.M. agreedthatit is not possible to resolve this.

Specimen Jar .

The registrar has stated that she did ive the jar to Emily because she did not know where else to put it. She acknowledged that this was a mistake and it has been made clear to the registrar that if she did not know what to do with the jar she should have found someone to keep the jar and its contents safe.

Karen suggested that the registrar was very distressed by the mistake she made but viorrey stated that this was not the concern of Emily. Karen gave a unconditional apology on behalf of the trust.

The nurse specialist for early pregnancy has gone to the maternity ward and the childrens ward to provide training and this issue has formed part of the training. Dr Ranjit  has also brought this up at the doctors meeting.

Viorrey F . explained Emily has been traumatised by this incident and consideredand that the mistake made by the registrar was a serious mistake and should have been taken very seriously by the trust management.

Karen M . confirmed that the trust is unable to discipline a member of staff for a first mistake unless the mistake is serious enough to warrent a formal warning.She confirmed dr ranjit had spoken to the registrar during a poor performance interview (named a coouncelling session under the trusts disciplinary procedure) . The incident is recorded on the registrars personell file. Karen confirmed that the trust have taken this on board  and will ensure that it never happens again to another woman.

Emily F. remains unsatisfied that the level of response from the trust towards the registrar was appropiate given the nature of this mistake made.

IMROVEMENTS: training for staff to raise awareness of this procedure.

The remains of the foetus.

Viorrey F asked how large the foetus would have been and karen replied it would have been the size of a thumb nail. The placenta would have looked as prescribed by Emilys partner.

Viorrey F. stated that that when Emily arrived at A&E she had not been clotting only bleeding.Emily is sure that the first time she passed anything significant was when she was on the comode.

The notes state that "the products passed at 19.14 whilst on toilet".

The laboratory report states that foetal parts were not present in the sample. It was agreed it was not known what happened to the foetus.

Voirrey stated that this was the most regrettable and that this is particularly distressing for Emily.

Karen M confirmed that the remains of the foetus/placenta would have been sent to the laboratory then kept for a month then a short religious service would have been performed and then the remains would have been sent for cremation. Karen confirmed this always happened

After the meeting i followed this up to be told that they have never recieved my remains.

Complaint.

Voirrey f . stated that the complaints process had not appeared to be helpful when Emily was making her complaint and that this has contributed to Emilys distress.

Emily confirmed that she had been put through to karen by PALS and that karen told Emily that she could not make a complaint.

Karen stated that she did not remember the phonecall and doesent have any notes about the phonecall.

Karen agreed to speak to cheryl about the initial log of the verbal complaint.

ACTION: Karen M. to speak to PALS about initial log of the complaint.

Notes taken by Voirrey F 14/08/08.

Oh my this place is a mess. Yesterday we totally changed the living room round and dont get me wrong it looks much better and there is so much more floor spacebut omg there is stuff absolutly everywhere i even have  mountain of stuff on one of the kitchen sides LOL.

Why are secretarys so useless? my gynaes secratary is so useless ive been waiting for her to call me back since thursday and i lft antoher message yesterday but still no call back grrr, So in the end yesterday i went to see my doctor again and i tol her trhis pain is crazy i cant take no more of it. So she examined me the right side of my abdomen is really sensitive to touch. I jumped everytime she touchedd there. she did my blood preasure and temp blood preassure was fine and i had a temp.She wanted me to do a urine sample but i could not go so she wants me to do it monday to check for infection and in the meanyime she has given me some more anti biotics . (im going to be a walking pharmacy soon) . She is hoping this is going to bring down the pain. If there is no infection and or the pain hasnt gone she may be sending me back to exeter as obviously i cant keep on being in this pain.

Barry got a bit umm i mean alot drunk last night and he sat here trying to upset our neighbours shouting about anti social behaviour . He was going a good hour before i managed to peruade him to shut up . Speaking of barry i am not talking to him he sauid a few things yesterday that were way below the belt and really upset me including my parenting ggrrrr how dare he.

Today i really have to sort this place out riviera housing are coming tuesday and it looks like a bombs hit the place . My friend anne said the most they will proberly do is give me a warning.

Chloes speech is coming on absoluly fantastic she is saying so much now you can pretty much understand everything she says. She calls everybody by their names even regular visitors she really is coming along well.

Kyl;ie well im on the verge of killing her she is drivuing me crazy and these holidays are only halfway over lol . Its like i have 2 2 year olds. I cant stand her constant winging . xxx

Thats the big question .So the meeting didnt go as i had hoped for it to go. As most of the issues are being swept under the carpets and because we have differant opinions on them it is left as being marked as unresolveable. So my baby has just disappeared how is a mystery but it has . Simple as that although stupid stupid me ha to have a second opinion on that ( i went to the crematrium) .

The gynae doctor that is all of a sudden a registrar anyway thats besides the point the reason she didnt know corect provcedure is because she had only recently started there and she has now been tld bythe matron in future you must look for somebody who can tell her where to put it as long as it isnt the patients hands .She now knows where the pots are to put specimens in (sorry i dont like using the name products just not ver nice) she is very upset ??? therefore this means she will never do this again.

As a punnishment for the way she treated menot only givinfg me my baby or remains whatever and saying to me " Its ok its only a miscarriage " she recievd a councelling session??

The reason i was left so long in triage is becaise thre were no beds on mccallum ward which is a women ward . This is because of the construction work that was done in the A&E department at the time which led to people being sent there with any women problem what so ever leaving no room for women suffering miscarriaqge.

B-y  the time they took me in as i went to the desk and said i really needed help by which time i couldent beexaminedas it was too latethere was too much blood when i arrived it was only likeea period but at this point i was loosing pints. I was in resuss by the latest of 6 and according to medical records i lost specimen at 7.45pm as sooon AS i lost the specimen she gave me it showed it to my partner checked me out etc it was 10pm and they took me off to the ward ibarely spoke a word the whole timei was discharged at 12.15 am no scan. I was told if i was worried to go back and i would need a scan in 2 weeks and i needed to do a preg test in 1-2 weeks . 2 days later they wanted me in for a scan.

There was a BIG disagreement about me being told this was my baby now all of a sudden it doesent exsist they told me anything that got taken to lab went to torquay crematorium but i wasnt told about this but later when i went to crematorium to see what happened to y baby they have never recieved it. I was a meesss.

She asked why i wasnt  alowed to complain as i was told by karen that i only lost clots . Apparantly she usually records important phone calls but she didnt record this one but there is now investigation as to if their calls are recorded in any way.

Now its up to me where we go from here. Ive been told to wait for the notes which she is doing today and take a look at my options. The gynae letter i got yesterday goes in my favour because it states h thinks this cyst is related to pregnabncy and there was a cyst in early pregnancy and as he says "this cyst is the most bizarre cyst i have eveer seen" this should have been picked up yert it hadnt so i can complain about this . Also i can still fight the fact she said rtoo me its ok its only a miscarriage i have proof as barry and my dad were there they need to write this on paper but then i canuse them as evidence ,

So i will await my letter of what happened today and make my decison i asked barry what he thinks i should d ??? his answer was go for it i knwo you have it inyou to do this !! but i will have a long thinkk about it when i haveit all in front of me xxxx

Im really scared but i have to remember i aam doing this for ME to get MY answers . I have all my paperwork in order and ready tro go. Lets just hope luck is onn my side today i have to keep calm and keep doing my tequnique my councellor taught me and hold myself together. I wa s reading through it all last night and i couldent help think thi is going to be so hard. But if that woman pays for what she put me through then it is worth it . OMG this si so god damn scary .

Anyway i have had moon (pepsi pup) here since tuesday we have he for a week well jerry is working away . It has been quite fun really pepsi is enjoying the break from playing ewith busteter and bustr is loving playing with his sister . Its weird she has hardly grown since she went to him 2 mnths ago buster ias nearly twice the size of her . Buster is just a giant haha like his Daddy.

Well anyway i must get ready going to be a long morning LOL xxxx

Remmeber a few weeks ago i logged that my neighbour reported me and barry to the police for aguing . Well of corse it wasnt that bad and none of us were arrested i was told to take a short walk  . Well today i got a letter through from riviera housing they want to comeand visit on tuesday RE a complaint regarding anto social behaviour oooh suprise same i got reported to the police for .Thing is i know who is doing this and i just want to kick her ass , serioudly hse is beginnning to do my heaad in . As it is kylie walks past her house telling chloe to ssshhhhh else the polce man will come and take her away she cracks me up she has such a wicked personality she says what i think half the time .

Ah yeah i have some kinda idea what this cyst is after researching it a bit (stupid thing to do) but this is the letter he sent me a copy of that hwe also sent my doctor.

Dear dr P .

Thank you for asking me to see Emily. I am sorry yo hear about her miscarriage and she certainly came to the clinic quiteupset. As the consultation went on i hope we were able to form a very constructive relationship. Scan shows the most bizarre cyst i have ever seen . There is some solid content in the middle with a halo of fluid around it and i did have some suspision that this might be ann ovarian ectopic, although i went on to do a pregnancy test which was negative.. I think the nit has to be ablood clot related to a cyst in pregnancy , or perhaps a dermoid and the only other possibility  is an endometrioma. The patient is desperate to be pregnant and i have sugested that she starts folic acid in the short term , but i wonder if u could give her a short term script for the pill , any 30 microgram pill will be fine . I- hope it will stop her bleeding and enable the cyst to resolve. I will scan her again in 2 months time , but amhappy to see her earlier if there are problems

Mr N C

Ive got all my paperwork ready for this meeting in the morning im so nervos i have butterflies in my stomach god i cant wait til this is over with hopefully this is going to be the last time i have to go up there . xxx

Im shaking im nervous god damn it im scared, my advocater came back frm her holidays today to a letter from the hospitals trust. We got the meeting! THURSDAY omfg 11am . She is going to book the room for 10.30 so we can go through a few things make sure everything is written down hat i want to know what im not happy with etc.

40  hours notice to get myself straight pull my head together at least this time im not going to  be alone she is meeting me outside at 10.25 . I cant believe im so scared but i need to remember this time they cant buly me and i must remember the tequnique my councellor taught me .

Last few days i have been having awful pains in my stomach its driving me nuts and imdebating on phoning dr colley back and telling him to just rescan me i cant take no more i want this thing out of me and i want it out now . I havent bled for a week now yippee so surely they can see if it still has blood or whatever it is . I just want this thing out of me . I mean they say a cyst is got to be 5cm to be seen as harmful at my scan it was 3cm by 4cm . God sake just get it out grrr . We will see how i go tomorrow if no better i will ring him.

Well im gonna go get n the bath and try and calm down and relax for a bit. xxx

I dont like to talk about my feelings very much as i dont like them very much. I have alot of anger and hurt inside of me . Some that is years old and some that is only months old. So here goes,,

I HATE my mother HATE is a very sstrong word to use unless you mean it in the bottom of your  heart and it has took me 4 years to be able to say that . She has caused e alot of pain fair enough i have caused her pain too . I used to run away on a daily basis she would have police looking for me every night . She drummed so hard into my headi wasnt to touch drugs or it would be the end! So becasuse i knew she never wanted me to touch drugs i smoked cannabis not something im proud of but its the truth. In the end i even sold cannabis well til my step father found it and tipped fuel on it and lit it.

But  did all this for a reason . My mum was a alcoholic so was my step father thy still are. If me or my sister did wrong it could be as simple as hiding a bit of dinner we would get a hiding with the belt buckle end, over the years it got worse and worse they turnt to kicks punches right down to videoed sexual abuse as i got older and understood whati was doing was wrong he bribed us into it . I was scared of him he was an animal .

I told my mum about all this many time one night i ran away the police and my mother asked why do u keep doing this ???? and i told her i said well tongiht my reason is that this morning your lovely husband offered me 50 ciggerettes for a BJ i was petrified and didnt want to go home . She stood and called me a attention seeking liar, he would never do such a thing.

So i adventually got put into care as i obviously didnt want to be there. After a few weeks of staying with my foster parents liz and john i started visiting me and my step father started to get along a bit better FOR A WHILE . I had told liz how i love cats as she had one and that i was never allowed one as my step dad hates cats. She went out that day and brought me a cat it was beautiful i was over the moon a week or so later i let it slip after she scratched me (cat lover skip next few lines) i popped to see my mother after work to walk through the garage to drip drip it was blood coming from the roof. I looked up and screamed my lungs out there was my cat hanging when i was calm enough to questionturnt out he went downmy foster parents and stole my cat out the conservertry.Took it home hung it and battered it i was absolutly heartbroken,

When i was 16 mum took me out of care and i went home the abuse starterd again it went on until i was 18 when me and barry and kylie obviously went to a BBQ at my mothrers i stayed at his place that night as soon as we got to his he said to me out straight . Has he / is he hurting you ??? I aked what he meant hesaid u know what i mean sexually etc . Straight away i said NO he called me a liar he could tell that ight i told him everything that was the last time i saw him i stayed with barry i went to the police the next day . my mother disowned me and my sister isnt allowed to talk to me he was arrested and released on bail there wasnt enough evidence as my sis didnt give evidence . So we moved here to devon to find my daddy who took me in and took care of uswhen we needed it most xxx

Oh so grumpy . The kids are driving me up the wall constantly fighting , arguing and kylie attitude absolutly stinks. Kylie's pc is going in her bedroom today even though i dont agree with her having her own pc let alone internet iin her bedroom. Barry has some dvd on the computer loud enough the minti members in aussie can proberly hear it LOL. Chloe is knackered and wont go to bed . My stomach hurts badly i am tired ot that i can go to bed because barry is going to fix someones car . I just want to scream ive had enough ofall this crap . grrr

OMG its meant to be summer and all it has done for days now is RAIN grrr rain is so depressing . I want some sunshine. J-ust a few days that it doesent rain would be nice !! I hate the rain it sucks you cant do anything i missed my hour ME time today as there was no way i was going out in that rain it was chucking it down buckets.

Been watching Chloe with her eye today . When i went to see the doctor yesterday i booked Chloe in too as on Thursday she developed this weird kinda rash around her left eye . I know kids get rashes all the tie but this one was diifferant the spots were real dark which worried me. Anyway she looked her over and she has burst a couple of blood vessels in her eye from rubbing it . She said to just bathe it and watch her and make sure she dont kreep itching it and if itsstill there monday shewill giveher something for it.

Barrys gone out think he has had enough of me haha. I gave him my opinion on Kylie having internet in her bedroom and he didnt like what i had to say. It makes me so mad. She is 5 years old she does not need internet in her bedroom. I mean what 5 year old needs their own pc let alone internet connection grr. Men are so stupid sometimes,

Well imback on the pill:( argh im dreading this i et such bad periods o the pill. Dr said to me not to have unprotected sex for a few days while they start woking as if i would fall pregnant anyway .grr, everyday taking this god damn thing is going to be so annoying i just want this stupid thing out of me . I can see me going bk for my scan before the 8 weeks are up im fed up with it aready lol . I have no patience . xxxx

I dont know what it is with my kids today but they are beng so lazy . Chloe has only had 1 nap in 3 days :) . She jst hasnt been tired and there is no point puttingher down if she isnt tired. . I was up at 6am expecting kylie and chloe to wake but no not until 7am finally i heard mummy , mummy , mummy . Chloe woke up and she wanted a drink she sat here next to me wt her cuddly drinking her juice then she wanted brekkie so i made her some brekkie she has eaten it and at 8am sh went off to wake up her sister who BTW  isnt budging , Its now 8.40 am and she says she isnt getting up yet as she is TIRED !!!! As soon as she said this she ran to her bedroom . kylie is in bed and chloe is trying to wake her up playing in her room hehehe.

Im not tired i am so full of energy i slept so muchlast night i decided that my hour to ME would be spent napping on the sofa i laid down at 7.24 and set my alarm for 8.30 but me didnt hear it barry had gone out apparantly he woke me up and told me . I woke him when him and one of his mates came n at midnight. He had gone and got me some coke while i was asleep :) so i had aglass of cke and went to bed .

Ah well i guess i better get some housework done got lots of washing to do i found my keys and guess what ive lost my gas card now grrr . Im sure it was in the meter im sure that little madam has somehow got her little hands in there and hidden it somewhere must find it xxx

Well i have a rough idea what is wrong and it isnt PCOS and it isnt endo.

So my dad go here at 10.30 he had already got a train tcket so i agreed to meet him at the hospital and Jerry gave me a lift as planned dad wasnt there and we got the 20 mins early . So there we were in the waiting  rrom me shaking jerry there going look nobody has cameo ut that room yet loads are gonig in thye are killing them you wont come out all kinds of stuff to makeme  laugh and take my mind off things a bit. It felt tlike forever waiting .

Finally i was called i chucked a visitor pass at jerry and off i went . The lady took me tothe gynaecologists room. I was petrified and he noticed lol. We went through everything thats been happening . He said ok i tthink another internal scan is the best thing i got all upset that i would have to wait for another scan. But no he said go into that room i will be back in a minute thisnurse will take care o you for a moment . T-he nurse shut the door and she asked what was wrong? i burst into tears and told her i was scared . She thought i was scared i would be preghers oh my i said no its not that i would love the e pregnant its just being here.

So anyway i got past it i got on the couch blanket over legs in the pieces alf way down cos i was too small hahahha. Dr Colley came back he got his scary probe ting and gel (bloody cold gel to) and off exploring he went. First stop was the womb clear , then to the left ovary clear , right ovary boom a fair sized cyst before he measured it he explained thast they are 5cm befor etey see them as a problem . I took a deep breath and said ok . So he measured it one way its 3cm the other side is 4cm . Then he started to look at it closer he printed them off and said he had seen enough he didnt ant to make it any more uncomfortable for me than already. He explained that this cyst is black and white and he which indicates blood and he needed to get a second opinion on it.

I got dressed and was speaking to the nurse she said if i have any questions sdo ask the dr or ask me andi will ask the dr i asked her out right if this is going to make me infertile she asked ifi t was something i was worried about so i told her that it took over 2 years to fall preg with chloe nearly 2 years then i miscarried now this .

We went back to wait for the dr colley hecame back looking rather worried he said i need you to do a pregnancy test i just looked at him confussed . He took a short breakand said this could be very distressing for you to hear butthiis a big possibility i said yeah yeah just tell mme what is it ???? He said you know how sometime women have pregnancies in the tube ? I said yes . He said well thisis something simular a pregnancy in the ovary. OMFG my heart was beating so fast i had the worst thoughts going through my head.

So off i go to drink som water to be able to wee 2 cups and i went had to wait 10 mns fr the results . They were the most longest 10 mins ever i was so relieved when they came back negative. So 4 gynae's have looked at the scans and they think the black is dry blood so somehow blood has got into the cyst.

He said h knows alot has happened but right now he needs me to trust him. H said i maybe feeling why me? why is all this happening to me. ? but it happens to people like e beause they know they are strong enough to take it. It works out the nurse told him about the etting pregnant thing so we now have a deal i trust him and help him and he will help me.

He wants me to go on the pill for only 8 weeks as well as folic acid and in 8 weeks he wants another look at the cyst he wants the pill to give me some actual periodsand see if it leaks into the cyst before he can decide the next step and he promises after its all over he will help me get pregnant . xxxx

That health visitoris crazy . I went to the clinic yesterday and there was a guy health cisitor there i told her i was told she NEEDED weighing although i dont think she is as im happy with her growth both height and weight . hE Started getting the scales out and i told him thing is she is scared of the scales. But he was great with it and he weighed her in my arms so she didnt get scared:) Then he weighed me i was 53.9 ive put on 9 in just over a week LOL. After that chloe decided to jump on for herself haha typical. Anyway in Kgs she weighs 12.8 kg . She is actually way OVER average i did ask if she then overweight but he said no she is just big for her age she is the size of a nearly 3 year old so they arnt worried about her AT ALL.

I m so tired i fell asleep at the computer last nght and kylie woke me up at 6am gggrrrr she was up and down til nearly 11pm last night .

My dad said he is going to be here att 10.30 so i really should get some housework done ut im going to look round minti first im sure my dad will understand hehe he knows how addicted i am to minti haha xxxx

My new counillor is great she knos what she is talking about for sure. She deals with all the anxietyside of it all . To cut a long story short she has given me this technique to do everytime i can feel a panic attack coming on she doesent want me to leave it untl im struggling to breath but dhe wnts me to do it when i get hot and start to feel my heart beating faster than usual and it will make it go away . She says there is no way she can possibly stop the they will stop on their own when i am ready but in order for them to stop i need to face them, and i need to face my fears .

As for my nightmares well it seems that i ahve some kind of patern going on it skips through bits and it gets stuck at thwe bit i cant get my head around. The thing that is hurting the most. My dreams start in the same place where i was sat in A&E then its the gynaecologsrts sn goes straight in then it goes to where i went up to the desk and demanded i was saw i go to the room  . Then it skips therough to when i went into resuss that whole process i always dream . then it skips right through to leaving the hospital i even remember al the beautiful pinings in the corridoors its like im living it night after night to the point i hate going to bed because i know its going to happen again and i wqake up and the dream usually ends sat at home starring and rocking if i get to the end of my dream before waking up.

She thinks this is because im not gettingo ut how i feel about what happened and wht i believe . She wants me to take 30 mins a day to think and if i feel able write about my feelings because imlocking it away it is stuck there in my head and when i slep my body is trying to throw it out . She thinks the more i do this slowly it will stop.

Ive also got to take an hour a day for ME !!! To just be on my own OUTSIDE be it a walk round the block across the fields whatever . When i know its going to be quiet and time by time i can g further .and in a few months i may even be able to go soewhere  a bit busy and with doing this and all the councelling and all tihings should sart to get better . She said to the extent i have been traumatised it will take a long time for me to get better (a few years) but i will get there in the end.

Just tomorrow to face now omg i am absolutly petrified im not going to be sleeping tonight . My dad is coming over in the morning he is way more laid back than barry and he understads i need to do this on my own jerry is giving us a lift so while i m in with the gynaecologist he can wait in the car with jerry lol. But god im so scared . Now i have to remembeer what the councellor said CALM !!! RELAX!!!POSSITIVE THOUGHTS!!!! xxxxx

Well the next couple of days are going to be busy. F-riday the health visitor rang me o remind me chloe needs to still be weighed sigh..... it kind of annoyed me really i have tried weighing chloe twice i the last month and she is absolutly petrified. Imnt worried about herweight she is rather chunky and eats vry well when i took her baby clinic they said she looked very healthy and happy so whats the problem??? After that she started asking about my councelling sking if it was helping etc as if i cant take care of my daughter ? asif she is my everything she is keeping me together. Besides its nopne of their buisness. My child is happy healthy and very forward .

Then i also have to go councelling this afternoon with this new councellor bit worried about it as when i saw someone else before she told me i need to forgive the doctor to get better and move forward even if i dont mean it i have to say it and im just not ready for that i dont think i ever will be able to forgive her.She is sickand twisted .

Also i need to try and find my keys i havent a clue where they are STILL . I cant remember for the life ofme where i put them . Stupid me .

Chloe is all of a sudden refusing to wear nappies at all littlemonkey so i have been chasing her  roound with the potty all morning lol. She is such a monkey at the moment. We have been trying to keep them seperated a few hours a day as they are forever fighting. Chloe has learnt to smack back and she keeps on smcking kylie vice versa .

Tomorrow well im in exeter. I am absolutly petrified. Barry offered to get a babysitter and come with me. But ive told him i need to do this on my own its my fear and i need to face it on my own. xxx

So first thing i had my appointment at CAB it went rather well i was late which he wasnt suprised by justsuprised i turnt up and didntt forget hehe. I haveto go back to see him in september until then i have to pay £5 a week council tax . He said i need to call tax credits as he is now on SSP  at work theyu should be paying me full amount for the girlys . So all was good there . He is so nice he knows what happens and understandsthat i am finding thing difficult at the mo .

Then was for the councelling well i got really upset :( . I told her whats been going on since i last saw her. She thinks that i should talk more about the baby i lost . She believes me that it was a foetus i was given NOT afterbirth she rekons they are covering their backsides. She has explained no part of it was actually my fault at all. Although i still believe it is. The thing is it took over 2 years to fall pregnant with chloe . Ayear and a half ith baby angel now with everything with all this bleeding they cysts what if i dont get that chance again ? Then all i am lft with is a memory of specimen jar containing the most precious thing ever . I dont kno none of it makes sense maybe i will sleep on it and talk about it tomorrow its just so hard.

She also thinks the situation with my mum and sister still has a very sensitive situation which she also thnks i should talk about as i wont unless i am asked. Anyway i see this other councellor on wednesday and i have many sessions set up with her as well as waiting for my appointment with the phychologist.

Then i came home tidied up and tried to find my keys but could i find them could i heck better try and find them tomorrow i wish i could remember what i did with them, im such an idiot.

I got board earlier and igott the measiring tape out and i am now 5"1 tall and from spine to spine im nearly half my height go figure ? Se its driving me mad . Oh well only 3 moresleeps til gynaeappointment lol .

God i am rambling again i will SSSSHHHHH now hehe xxxx

My belly has got too big ut oh i have just put on 3 pairs of jeans that have only hjust came out thwe wash they have just dried and a pair from my wardrobe and guess they dont fit i cant do them p for the life of me i tried lying down jumping up and down rolling on the floor trying to get them on its just not having it . So now im stuck with wearing maternity jeans how depressing . Im not bloody pregnant grrr roll on thursday anyway better run i gotta wake barry up got anappointment t get to .

xxxx

We have decided after 1 week of them together most of the time. Chloe has turnt into a right little devil the last few days. Shehas been very meanto her sister she has been pushing , and smacking her . Not letting Kylie play in her bdroom or near her trampoline . She has been thrwing bigtime tanties and her fav word at the moment is 'NO'.

Kylie on the other hand we have decided is a Brat . OMG she has been so selfish and nasty . Chloe isnt allowed to play with anything unless she has given it to her and then once she strats playing with it Kylie takes it away again. Every night til gone 10pm she is in and out of her room for something or other. She doesent like ANYTHING whatever you make her u get 'i dont like it / i dont want it ' . She smacks chloe on the sly . You give her a treat she will then throw a paddy cos is not good enough she wants something differant. I could go on really i could .

She also went to bed telling me she isnt my best friend anymore andshe does not like me because i said she could phone Ruth and nobody was home. Kids dont you just love them lol.

I managed to go back to bed for an hour the plan was 2 hours but i had a bit of a nightmare and didnt want to go back to sleep. Today i realised as i was about to leave the house ummm i lost my keys i remember taking them off of Chloe yesterday before she lost them and i thought i put them on the kitchen side but i cant find them for the life of me . Lucky barry came home just before shops shut so i cojuld quickly catch the shop i ot to the till as they were loocking up good timing or what.

I madem y kitty lookalll pretty earlier hehe she is  really really fluffy her  fur id really long i gave her this little parting it looked so cool amd got a bit caerried away and gave her little pony tails all roundhehe she looked so funny barry took them all out though the boring git i wanted to ee howlongi t would take her to get them out hehehehehehemeanie arnt i ?

Busy day tomorrow tfirst thing i need to go into town as i have anappointment at 9.30 . Barry is going to watch the girls . Dont have a heartattack i dont know whats got into him the last fewdays we had a big bg row i came close to leaving him since he has been so nice he has even greed to pick my dad up on wednesday as he is stayinghere because i havent spoke aboutthis much but its my hospital appointment thursday and he is coming with me as i dont know exeter very well and we are going to visit some of our family and make a day of it and hopefully by the end of it i will hopefully know weather this is polycystic ovary syndrome or endo and hopefully they will be able to answer my questions too .

Ok no more rambling im meant to be putting barrys dinner on but i got side tracked again oops

Luv Emz xxx

I know because chloe decided at 4.30 it was time to get up. I tried giving her her bottle but nope she just wanted to get up . She is sat here watching citv and looking at her book sunggling her snuggler with her drink stashed down the side i tried to go top it up but ope i got told 'NO its mine' those teerrible 2's are creeping in LOL.

I am so tired i didnt sleep too well last night . Kept having bad dreams so i spent most of the bightjust laid there so i think when barry gets up i will be going back to bed and hopefully get a few hours sleep as i am absolutly exhausted a bit of sleep right now would bejust great.

I was going to sosrt my bedroom and other bits of cleaning but at he momen i dont have the energy. I have xouncelling tomorrow in fact i hav 2 essions hisweek with differant people lol.

Anywy im gonna get a quilt and see if my little princess wants to snuggle up for abit hopefully i wont fall asleep or she will be off to wake kylie up lol. xxxx

The girls didnt wake up until 7.30 this morning and im still knackered. The last few days it has been throwing it down buckets one minutethen it is sunny the next. I want the proper summer weather back this sucks . Kylie wantas to go to te beach but we cant until the waether cheers up a bit at least .

So yesterday Barry took the dogs out for a nice walk with Jerry and moon but becase the weather was so miserable and they were going some of the way in the car abd there wasnt room for both girls they stayed home with mme and daddy and jerry promised them they would take them for a walk today and will try and pick some blackberries and raspberries. So while he was out of the way isorted through all the kids toys all kylies toys were in chloes room vice versa abd some needed throwing away as they were brokenit took absolute hours but its done now and all i have to do is clean kylies carpet which i have to do today.

So today i will be getting the living room kitchen and bathroom done and if i get time i will sort throufgh our stuff in our room too. I took a chicken out yesterday it is defrosted now i will put it in the oven i am making chicken pasta salad for dinner not that i will be eating it but still everyone else will enjoy it.

Well i suppose i better get to it xxx

He just gets worse . Barry rang meabout 20 mns ago to go outside there is a beautiful stray so out i go true enough there is a beautiful brown doberman out there runnig around looking at my dogs and cats in the window but kept running away from us he is very nervous. Adventually he prized him in with food LOL . So we could trap him in and take a look at his name tag. Poor thing was petrified of barry so i gave him a good bit of fuss and his name moesha and it ahd his phone number so we rang them up and asked if they lost their dog. It works out he keeps escaping and barry has taken him back now the guy is just feeding uis twins and meeting him on the way . He is crazy he cant go anywhere xxx