As some people may have heard or gathered recently i havent been all that well and i had a few tests and now have some meds to help me get back to normal.  There are many weird side effects to them and i have been fortunate enough to not experience any of the scary ones.  (Praise God).

This one night, last week, i started getting this pain in my arms.  E was already asleep on the sofa- she has hardly left my side at all except for pre-school for the past while, although she is more and more reassured daily. 

So this pain makes me start to cry.  Immediately she is awake coming to give me cuddles, i stopped crying - well i mean, with a child you have to right?  So she refused and stayed with me. As soon as I was able I said time to go to bed now,and she made my bed ready for both of us. I had no choice,she as not going to leave me alone. As soon as I lay down I started to cry again,and I couldnt stop.  I called my brother thinking he would likely be awake.  Talking to him calmed me and i was ok for a while.  E went to sleep and I even got some sleep too. 

But half an hour later I was again awake, uncontrollable ache in my arms.  I decided to go have a bath,see if that would help.  I got off the bed and E was standing up,asleep,bleary eyed,then looking at me asking....no demanding...where I was going to.  I explained that I thought a bath might help.  I got her permission and went off to have my bath,she came and watched from the bedroom doorway as i ran the bath and got in, once she saw i was feeling the benefit of the bath she went back to bed (and to sleep).  

I got out of my bath feeling heaps better and able to sleep -and the pain returned before i was even dried off.  So I headed to bed asap and tried to get relaxed and sleeping again.  I found lying in same position as in bath helped, but without the water pressure the pain remained. I seriously considered sleeping in the bath as i tossed and turned trying to get comfy without disturbing E.

Eventually I decided to go to the sofa, and i tried calling anyone overseas I had a phone number for who i thought was not working - no answers anywhere, so i called my brother again and he was just home, so we talked for a while, but he had work the next day, so at 2am he went to get some sleep.  Thankfully chatting had relaxed me and i got sleep for a while too.  At about 3am I woke again crying and tossing every which way. 

In walks my guardian angel in the form of my darling E.  Why are you here mummy?  You should be asleep in the bed.  We went back tot he bed, cuz she was gonna sleep leaning against the sofa so that she would be near me. 

We went back to bed and i slept on and off for the rest of the night, every time i moved she woke up and checked on me, gave me a kiss and toldme that everything was gonna be ok. Little sweetie.  Thankfully we did both sleep well all things considered and were able to do the next day what we had planned.  I know I am lucky to have a daughter who cares so much about me and still even last night was checking up on me cuz i wasnt in bed at 11pmwhen i said i would be - she came looking for me.  Then went back to her own bed.  And to an extent I am glad that she is young. I hope that this helps shape her personality, but that she does not retain these memories from the past few months, but that instead she will have many other happy memories of our family. 

The next day someone showed me a verse in the bible about bones being crushed and that was the most accurate description i could come across for what pain i had had.  I could feel every particle of each bone floating inside my arms, it was the weirdest most horrid sensation i have ever experienced and i hated it intensely.  I hope noone ever suffers that. Joint pain i have handled, as also muscle pain, but bone particles, it is surreal.

It has taken me about 2 hours to write this blog, so I hope that it makes sense.  I just wanted to share what an amazing daughter I have been blessed with and how she cared for me so well without me even asking her to. In fact more often than not I was telling her to leave me alone, forget about me, i was ok with tears streaming down my face and she should get sleep!!!

Peace
EF.x