Hi All

Thanks for all your messages of good luck it means alot. Ive been in hospital a week, they thought I was getting an infection. Still pregnant and Ive hit 30 weeks! Unfortunately my cervix has softened so Im in hospital on complete bed rest hoping that contractions dont start. My phone next to my bed had internet but its awful to use. I miss Ruby... she doesnt understand leaving me in here, she comes to visit so happy and leaves crying mournfully. I hate it, I think Im having separation anxiety. Cos Ruby was so premmie I have been so protective of her and have never really left her before... its driving me nuts. Thanks for your support everyone, its getting a bit lonely in here,

Love Em xx

So its been an awful week. On tuesday night I felt exhausted, I sat down and whoosh... waters came out, about a mug full. Enough for me to panic. We went straight to the hospital, they confirmed I had leaked my waters. I was kept it, told the next 24 hours was crucial to prevent the onset on labour. I was 27 weeks.... So I got given steroid injections to mature the babies lungs, and super strength antibiotics to stave off infection. I got released yesterday on bed rest. I couldnt sleep at the hospital was getting so stressed out.... and I missed my baby. Ruby has never been away from me before... I missed her so much, shes coping well but its traumatic. Basically Im back in hosp for daily checks to see how things are going. Prognosis... well its likely Im going to have an early baby and it just depends how long I hold on for now. Last night I got a couple of contractions but they were an hour apart and appear to have gone overnight... Im just praying they dont come back... Im 28 weeks now. Its too early. I know that great advances have been made but its still too early. Ruby was five weeks early.... with placental abruption. I dont think my body likes pregnancy very much. Im just glad for every 24 hours that passes. Although I really feel like its going to happen soon. Can only pray...

Well my consultant gave me a scare last week.. the infection I had is caused by a bacteria that can also cause early labour... so Im having to keep being retested to see if I need more antibiotics. The doctor scared me by saying he thought i had a 25% chance of premature labour. Im under instructions to take it easy and no more long journeys (haha no more trips to the inlaws!). So Im kinda worried but trying to stay calm, its also hard to take it easy with a potty training toddler! So my nesting instinct has started... ie I shouted at John on sunday if he didnt put Ruby's toddler bed up and sort out her room I was going to move back in with my parents! And Ruby's bed is up! Its lovely a white sleigh bed and she loves it. Ive managed to get her to fall asleep in it for three nights running! Quite an achievement as shes only ever fallen asleep on me up till now! Although she isnt going to sleep till 9pm and Im having to lie next to her till she goes to sleep.. but shes been sleeping till 7.30.. she always used to wake up at 5!

Have been researching real nappies, have decided I like the look of wonderoos, they look great. Am dying to buy a big set but need to wait till bubby is born as I dont know the sex, might just get a unisex starter pack then I can add to it. Im also starting to buy stuff we need for the new baby, which isnt a huge amount, unless its a boy when it'll need a whole wardrobe! Thank god John got paid for a photography job this week so we managed to put the money aside to buy stuff. Am buying it all online to try and take the stress out of going shopping. All Im doing is shuffling one street to my mum and dads and taking ruby to a few toddler groups a week. Have abandoned all cleaning.. what a nice doctor to tell John he should do the hoovering.. what a shame he didnt mention the ironing...

Hope everyone is well x

Well we've just got back from our holiday yesterday.. and I was hoping to report a relaxing happy week... but NO... it wasn't to be. We went to my in laws caravan in longleat wiltshire, in the grounds of a lovely stately home and safari park. But within half and hour of arriving ruby threw up... and well got gastric flu... she just threw up etc for three days solid, on the third day i got really concerned she wasnt drinking enough so we took her to the doctor. And she was admitted with dehyration and had to go on a drip. When I get her out I say to John lets go home early.. but he says no lets just give it one more day... cue him getting gastric flu and is unable to drive for another 5 days. Meanwhile we cant leave the caravan which is tiny and built for people at least half a foot shorter than me. I got bad back ache cos Ruby wanted to sleep with me in a tiny single bunk... then to top it all off on the last awful day I started getting stabbing stomach and back pains... kidney infection....ARGH now Im on superstrong antibiotics. So a disaster to say the least. Im never stepping foot in a caravan again.. So now after looking after Ruby and John through their sickness I get to be looking after myself through nasty infection as John goes back to work today. Holidays... never work out good for us!

So off to see my consultant again this afternoon, Im now nearly 26 weeks pregnant.. and boy do I feel like an elephant. Ive told John Im not leaving london now till after the baby is born!

Were off on holiday today! Going to my inlaws caravan which theyve left in longleat, wilts for us. Going to take Ruby to the safari park and visit her big brother in bristol. So I wont be around for a week, hope everyone is ol, Em xx

So we had a lovely wedding anniversary we had a beautiful three course meal in the garden, John gave me a lovely handbag.. it was nice. Bless him he's not normally romantic.. he described me as his 'thunderbolt'... As in when we met a thunderbolt hit and that was it!

We've been working hard on our garden, its the first house we've had a nice garden to play with. The back now looks like a wooded glade, with the apple trees in blossom, the lawn is mowed and the patio clean. We went and got some nice plants yesterday and planted them! All that fresh air yesterday though and I was asleep at 8pm! Im hoping it doesnt rain today so we can enjoy it. Hope everyone is having a lovely bank holiday Em x

I went to see my consultant yesterday, its the first time I have seen him.. he was great, very helpful, very understanding. I told him what happened with Ruby's birth and how I was ignored and told I had streching pains (actually a placental abruption) until it was very severe. He promised me this would not happen again, and if I had so much as a twinge they'd bring me in right away. Consultant was concerned about my continuing vision problems and has referred me to an eye specialist.. I hope the appointment doesnt take too long to come. He is going to see me weekly from now on to keep an eye on things. Cant believe Im 23 weeks now, over halfway there!

Its our 1st wedding anniversary tomorrow and Im hoping for a lovely day!

So today Im off to the hospital to see the consultant about plans for my pregnancy. Ive been doing alot of research into the condition of placental abruption (Ruby was born early due to this).. and my care last time left alot to be desired. I had pains, a hard stomach, felt terrible and I kept being told it was normal 'strectching pains'... anyway Im going to talk to the consultant about this plus my health concerns for this pregnancy. Ive got the blurred vision, have put on alot of weight, my hands and ankles are swelling.. they checked me a few weeks back for hypertension and diabetes but they came back clear. John is acrtually coming to the appointment with me.. after Ive nagged him for 3 weeks... although Im guessing he'll spend the eintire way there and back complaining about it. Ever since the film stuff has happened, he's viewing the new baby so negatively. Its now become something Ive planned, not both of us... and its terrible timing for him... I dunno Im losing faith in him I think. Its our wedding anniversary on friday, Im hoping he pulls somthing out of the bag.

Hi guys, Im sorry I havent been online for so long, so much stuff seems to be going on, what with Johns film stuff, him never being around, Im really tired. Plus Ive been getting really bad blurred vision, visual migranes the doctors think, so its made it hard looking at the computer.

Im so proud of ruby, three weeks ago she declared no more nappies!!! So we are still having a few accidents each day but shes doing great, she took me by surprise actually, but Im so proud of my little princess cant believe how grown up she is.

Wow ok I need to go explore what people have been up to, and see these new added features!

Hope everyone is well,

Em x

ARGH! Men... why did I marry an artist??? Cos I love him.... news.... John is finally getting to make the film he has been writing and rewriting for 8 years. They have a big investor in and theyre going into preproduction. Guess what the projected time frame for starting shooting is?? AUGUST/SEPT. When is our baby due??? AUGUST 28TH. How long will he be away???? 2 MONTHS. In the north of england. Too far for me to take a newborn and a Ruby to visit. I did alot of crying at my mother yesterday. Today Im just really really pissed off. Plus Im gonna have to have another csection.... I need his help here. But the film is the dream that has been going from before I met him. ARGH!!!!!

Ok enough ranting, I hope your all having a better weekend, Em x