I normally quite enjoy having an evening to myself, on those nights when Warren and Michael have dinner with Warren's parents. Perhaps it's because this is the second night in a row (normally it's only once a fortnight) that I'm feeling really lonely. Perhaps it's because I watched the Muppet Show with Peter Sellers while I was eating dinner, and thought about all those wonderful talents who are no longer with us (Peter Sellers, Jim Henson, Jerry Juhl). Perhaps it's because Kermit sang "Being Green".

Or perhaps it's because Michael turns 6 tomorrow. He's growing up and is going to need me less, which is both good and bad. And of course it's also 6 years since Grandma died. I still don't know how to reconcile two of the most momentous events in my life both happening on the same day - and of course, being alone, I find myself thinking a lot about Grandma. She would have been so happy to have a great-grandchild, and I hope that she's somewhere knowing that I'm thinking about her, and watching the next generation growing up. And now I've gone from a little melancholy to tearful.

So I guess it's time to focus on tomorrow. Michael's present is wrapped (and so is Z's since the party is tomorrow) and hidden in Warren's wardrobe. The party is all organised, I picked up the drinks on Friday and I think J was buying the chips and collecting the cake today, in readiness for tomorrow. Let's hope the kids have a good time. I think they will - certainly Michael and Z will because they love bowling.

I wrapped Michael's Chanukah present last night too, since it's only a week away and I don't have that much spare time now that it's school holidays. I thought I would get so much done yesterday while Michael was with Warren's parents for the day, but I'm still adjusting to my new routine with work and fitting in chores around it. So by the time I'd done the shopping, had some lunch, put on some dishes (when the dishwasher was full enough), I was completely shattered and ended up having an afternoon nap! So much for phoning Medicare and Centrelink! So much for dealing with the wet washing!

As much as it's a strangely hard adjustment - harder than I'd have expected, since I'm only working 3 hours a day - it feels really good to be working again. When we stopped trying for another baby, I got really depressed - as if doing IVF wasn't depressing enough - and started to feel that nothing I did mattered. Did it really matter if I did the laundry or if Warren did? Did it really matter if I took Michael to school or if Warren did? Did it really matter if I organised dinner or not? Even though logic tells me that those things are important to keeping our family functioning smoothly, it got harder and harder to get out of bed in the morning. Now I have a new purpose and it's something I can't lean on Warren for. It also helps that it's a new position and I'm the first person to do it, and especially that it's in an aged care facility. Even though I have basically no patient contact, I know that what I do helps the nurses, physios and occupational therapists do their jobs, and that's a really uplifting feeling. And it doesn't hurt that some of my old work clothes are too big these days!

That was all a bit long and rambling. I guess I shouldn't blog with the TV on. I'm not really watching it or even particularly interested in what's on, but every so often it grabs my attention and I lose my train of thought.

So goodnight Grandma. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. I hope you're out there somewhere, toasting your great-grandson's sixth birthday with a hearty "L'Chaim" (To Life).

Hello to those of my friends who wondered where I disappeared to this week.

I have been settling into work and it was actually a good thing to work 3 of the 4 days until 1:00 instead of 5 days until 12:00. Gave me a chance to keep a train of thought going a little longer with so much new stuff to take in. I think I'm ready for next week's challenges when I'll take over mail and banking duties. I just hope R who will be training me is patient.

Meanwhile, my cold is still lingering and Warren was home Wednesday to Friday, sneezing and coughing. Of course he hogged the computer. So I had a quick look at Minti a couple of mornings while he and MIchael were in the shower, but didn't have time for much.

Yesterday we had to pull ourselves together to go shopping. The bother of it is that we couldn't get half of what we went for and will probably have to go shopping again today - we'll try a different shopping centre this time.

We got a birthday present for Z - important since he and Michael are having their party in a week. And we got water pistols so Michael can take one to the day camp he's going on in January (there's a day when they're asking for this). We also got a magnetic reward chart which hopefully will help us get to the point of getting Michael out of night nappies and going to the loo in the night when he needs to. Also putting on his own clothes, putting sunscreen on without a fuss and a few other things we're thinking about.

Warren and I spent about 3/4 hour working out which days to ask which of our parents to look after Michael during the holidays. Thankfully they've all agreed to everything, so I don't have to worry about childcare during the holidays. He only has two days of school to go. I can't believe my baby is finishing pre-primary! I'm going to miss his teacher and teaching assistant.

I hope Warren and Michael are back from visiting Warren's parents soon. I'm craving a Wendy's citrus sensation smoothie!

Why is it that I can do my day at work and only feel a bit off, but by the time I've eaten my lunch at home (remember, I only work mornings), I feel like crap and just get worse and worse from there?

Work was good, though. I learnt some stuff that I'm going to be doing a lot of (although I've no doubt I'll need help next time it comes up), and I found some documents to print labels for the files I've been making up. I got my own desk today too, so I feel a bit more like I belong, which is nice.

I'm a bit nervous about Thursday (not working tomorrow) as my direct supervisor is going to be out until 11:00, and she is going to let me answer the phone. I don't have a problem with answering phones as such, but I would have preferred to do it under supervision for a little while so I could ask for help until I find my feet. Nothing like being thrown in at the deep end!

Michael's out of the shower, so it's time for me to go be a part of bedtime.

I am now officially a working woman! I did my first three-hour shift at the aged care facility and discovered that I will be working mainly in the transitional care section (for people who are having rehab and then hopefully going home). So far, apart from another tour and meeting a bunch of people whose names I forgot (thankfully most wear name badges), I was put to the job of making up some new files ready for new admissions, which included photocopying. Not the most stimulating activity, but actually it was a good thing.

The Man Upstairs (or whatever term tickles your fancy) is once again having a laugh at my expense. I have a cold, which I came down with yesterday. So it was a good thing that I didn't have to do much that required deep thought today!

Of course, yesterday we went to a couple of community fairs and I really, really wanted to go home. But I didn't want to be a party pooper and also didn't want to miss out on quality family time.

Tonight I have filled out all my employment forms, and a questionnaire on the mandatory reporting of abuse against facility residents (after reading the explanatory document), and am all ready to go in tomorrow morning. I just hope I don't lose my voice or develop a bad fever or a bad cough.

I am supposed to be doing four hours tomorrow, Thursday and Friday so I can have Wednesday off to do my final stint of parent help at Michael's school (there's no parent help from Year 1 onwards, although I might be asked to help with reading or something). As Michael's birthday will be during the school holidays, the class is having a little celebration on Wednesday, so of course I have to be there. It's also the time of year for final parent-teacher interviews, so that's scheduled for Wednesday too.

After work and lunch, I did some grocery shopping. Only filled two bags (one cooler bag and one regular green bag) but it still cost over $80. Then again, there were a few luxury items in there!

What with being sick and the nerves of starting a new job, and then the shopping, I am absolutely zonked. And I can't go to bed yet because Warren is at a meeting at school to discuss the anti-bullying policy. I'm worried that my ears will block up like they did last night and I won't hear Michael if he calls out to me. Warren's always the one more likely to hear, even without me having blocked ears. So I'll just have to wait until he gets home. Then I think it might be time for some ice cream.