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Member » golliwog78 » Blog » A mum with depression...how do...

29

May

A mum with depression...how do I break through

Comment Published at 16:23

16:23

4 comments

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	Tags advice behavioural depressed depression family guilt help hospital life medication medicine mother moving mum problem recover recovering therapy
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To cut a long story short, my mum is recovering from severe depression. She had 2 stints in hospital because of it and I am not sure if she will ever fully recover. She is on meds and still sees a Psych, but I am so scared of her falling into that depressive state again.

My family and I are meant to move to QLD by the end of this year, but the guilt of leaving her is really getting to me!!! She lived with me for 8 years and only just moved out at the end of last year...this is the first time I am living alone with my husband since we have been married.

The last couple of weeks have really had me worried...she says she thinks her depression is coming back again. I sometimes feel she is so quick to use her depression as an excuse. I tell her all the time that people have good and bad days, that is normal. But she thinks she know in herself and no one else can understand. I want to be the good daughter and just nod my head, agree and be sympathetic, but I want her to fight harder. Because of her Asian background she is very old fashioned and set in her ways, she says I talk like I know everything...when I am just trying to help.

What do I do? I think the meds are only a bandaid to the problem and that she should have behavioural therapy, but she won't even entertain the idea. She says she doesn't like people forcing her to do things...but what will happen when I am away. I have a sister, but she is planning on travelling too...this GUILT IS DRIVING ME CRAZY, but I want to live my own life too. I need to feel ok...but how do I do that? Any advice would really help...Thanks guys :0)

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Comments

	May 29th \| Tadexpress

Re: A mum with depression...how do I break through

Go and the sooner the better, you mum wont stand on her own two feet until she has to, you are not responsible for your mother she is and only she is....you have done enough you cant make her fight it that has to come from within and until she realises that she will have difficulty controlling the black dog.

Its not easy living with depression and whilst cognitive therapy is helpful it may be to much for her to deal with at the moment, depression affects people differently which is why it is so difficult to manage BUT that is an issue for her and her Dr. Be patient with her as depression can be so overwhelming simply getting out of bed is an issue thats not to say you cant make suggestions, make them let her think about them and make her decision.

I have lived with Bipolar for many, many years I have tried not to burden my family with it but as I get older the fight gets harder and now I am watching my daughter go through the same thing....its sinister and heartbreaking. My daughter never knew what it was like for me until she walked in my shoes I wouldnt wish that on my worst enemy so be patient with your mum she's handling it as best as she can....AND she will continue to do so even after you have moved.

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	June 29th \| golliwog78

Re: A mum with depression...how do I break through

Thankyou so much for your comments and advice. I know I will go eventually, but just wish I didn't feel like I was walking out on her. I guess that's natural. I know she has already found a lot of strength in herself, I just hope...like you...she keeps up the fight.

I have a friend with bipolar who refuses to take her meds sometimes and I really see her struggle to maintain her mood swings... it is so great to hear of someone who is still fighting the fight and trying to be so independent. It sounds like your daughter is very lucky to have a mum like you, although the bipolar may be an obstacle at times it also gives you the experience and knowledge to be able to help others. Although you may never wish this upon anyone else, things happen for a reason and I believe you can do a lot of good in the world by being who you are.

Thanks again, Jackie

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	May 29th \| llmunchkin

Re: A mum with depression...how do I break through

Wow, I can empathise with your concern, however this is her battle. To know you are there is one thing, but to take advantage of you and your husband is another. Is there any other family support that will be here for her when you go? Have you had an opportunity to talk to her professional carers about some sort of compromise or program that can be put in place? Is it possible that she could move to her own place in QLD? It is cheaper to live up there isn't it - like maybe she could have a granny flat or somewhere near you?

It is emotional blackmail, and whether or not your mum is doing it on purpose, I am sure it weighs heavily on your heart and mind. I hope that you can all come to an agreeable compromise, and I think that she is very worried about the future too. Best of luck getting it sorted out, and let us know if you do find any helpful avenues to sort it, so that the next person in the same situation can benefit too.

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	June 29th \| golliwog78

Re: A mum with depression...how do I break through

Thankyou and sorry it has taken so long for me to reply, I don't know how to set up an email alert yet.

As for your questions...no one else in the family will help, I reached out for them when she was in hospital the first time...they all have their own lives and families...well that was their excuse. I will take your advice though about setting things up for when I do leave. I want someone to check in on her every now and then, and she is still seeing her Psych every month. Her original plan was to move to QLD with us, but now refuses...saying she is happy here and it's too much bother.

IT IS EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL.. and although it is NOT on purpose, she continues to break my heart on a regular basis. Now she is trying to convince me not to leave, saying who will help me with the kids (not that she does) and when I am sick, who will look after me. I do have a husband, but then how will he work. I just take it as it comes and try not to let her get to me, she will never understand...she says she is just being realistic. But all she know how to do is be my nagging Mother and not look at me as now my own person: a Mother, friend and grown adult.

I know I will find happiness, but I guess someone will always try to stand in the way. I just hope it all works out...I am scared she will use the I"M SICK again card...and try and make me come back home.

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